Chapter 22

I drove through the night and finally stopped in Las Vegas, partially because I was running low on gas and partially because it was near an airport. I got a hotel room by the airport; I had made the decision I was going to leave the country. I turned on my computer and booked a first class ticket to Ireland for the next evening. I had a few things to take care of like; finding a place to store my car while I was gone. I crawled into the bed with a bottle of whisky and eventually fell sleep after drinking away the pain of the day. I was awoken by my phone ringing; I looked at my phone it was Juice. I hit ignore and put my phone on silence. I couldn't deal with him, I was sure that at point he had realized what he had done. And how wrong he really was. He destroyed us.

I eventually fell back to sleep and awoke when the sun was just starting to rise over the Nevada desert and the Las Vegas Strip. I had a headache from the whisky that filled the emptiness and pain in my heart. I finally pulled myself out of bed and showered. I felt so numb; I didn't want to believe that Juice would have done something like cheat on me. I couldn't believe I had the strength to just walk away, I wondered if it was because I was subconsciously afraid I would take the path my father took, by killing him. My heart was broken and my mind so confused and messed up.

I grabbed my phone to call Trinity but when I looked at it my heart dropped. I had 20 missed calls. All of them but one was from Juice, the one that wasn't was from Happy. I didn't have the heart to listen to the voice messages that accompanied the calls. I decided to send a text to Happy.

I'm alive and safe. I am leaving tonight to go to Dublin. I need space.

~ Let me know when you get there.

Okay. Thanks for checking in Hap.

My day went quickly which was good for me, it helped me keep my mind off of Juice and the slut. I was looking forward to getting to Dublin and putting as much space between me and California as possible. I rented a storage unit for my car, knowing that one day I would return to the US and would want my car. I caught a cab to McCarren International Airport to jump over the pond to Ireland. My flight was expected in Dublin the following day at 6 pm their time. I had an hour layover in Newark, New Jersey so I took advantage of not having to pay for international rates and called Happy. It took him two rings to answer.

"You are not calling to tell me you are already in Ireland, are you?"

"No. I have a layover in Newark, I thought I would call before I was out of the country." I said sadly as I sat on the floor near a window overlooking the tarmac. I pulled my knees up to my chest hoping it would keep me from crumbling into a million pieces while I talked to Happy.

"How many times has he called?" It was like Happy could read my mind.

"Um…counting today? Around 40 times. I can't bring myself to answer the phone." Tears started to flow from my eyes. "He hurt me so badly. It would have been better if he would have just stabbed me in the heart because that wouldn't have hurt as bad as this does." I was on the verge of sobbing.

"Well he got what was coming to him. He won't be able to open his eyes for a few days."

"Did you kick his ass, Happy?" I asked thinking sadly about Juice.

"It wasn't me, it was Chibs. I am pretty sure that he is taking this harder than anyone, well maybe other than you. We had to pull him off Juice, I think he would have killed him."

"And the whore?" I asked quietly. I know Chibs was the one who saw me as broken as I had ever been. At the point when I realized that my life as I knew it was over.

"She was gone before we could do anything about it and Juice won't tell us who it was."I wanted her to pay for what she did.

"It was the petite blonde that was too interested in him. The one that Tig and Bobby tapped a few weeks ago. The one that showed up just before the guys went to jail."

"Stacee?"

"I don't fucking know her name." My voice was full of anger.

"Yeah, I think that is her name. Jax might know. We'll get to the bottom of it, sounds like she was the one who gave Juice the information about us. He's a fucking idiot you know that right? To let you go."

"Thanks, Happy." My flight had just been announced for boarding over the intercom system. "I have to go my flight is boarding. I'll send you a text when I get to Dublin."

"Let me know if you need anything, Kylee. Come back home soon." He sounded somewhat sad on the other line.

"When I come back you'll be the first one to know. Bye, Killer."

"Take care, Ky."

Talking to Happy made me even more upset. How could I just leave them? Juice wasn't the only one that I left behind. I left Tara and Donna as well as Chibs and Happy. They all cared for me as much as I cared for them. Was what I was doing selfish or would it prove to be healing for me? My guess is that I would find out when I got to Dublin. I settled into my seat in the airplane, and sent a text to Donna and Tara.

I love you guys so very much. I am sorry I left without a goodbye but I needed to get away before I ran into Juice. I'm going to miss you and I will let you know when I decide to come back to the US.

At that I turned off my phone and prepared for the long flight to my next chapter in life.

When we touched down in Dublin, I felt slightly better but I knew after a few days the reality of everything would come rushing back to me like a thousand pound truck. But at that point I would take it one day at a time. I took a taxi to City Centre where my hotel was located. They dropped me by River Liffey and I walked the remainder of the three blocks to my hotel. I checked in and left my bags in my room and decided to go out and get a drink. I walked to the Temple Bar area where I stopped at the first pub that had loud music coming from it so I could drowned out my thoughts, they were too loud and I had been alone with them far too long. I downed three pints of beer and maybe a shot or two; my lack of eating food hit me hard. I was semi-tipsy when I walked out of the pub. I was happy that I knew exactly where I was going on my walk back to the hotel. I would have been lost if not. While was wandering slowly back to the hotel my cell phone rang. I didn't think anything about looking at the caller id when I answered it.

"Hello?" I answered with a slight slur.

"Ky?" It was Juice.

I didn't know what to do. I should have hung up on him but I didn't. I also didn't say anything. I stopped and sat on a bench next to the Molly Malone statue. Stupid tart. I thought to myself about the statue. You were probably the reason for many a marriages being destroyed.

"Are you there?" He asked quietly, his voice was oozing with remorse.

I nodded as if he could hear me.

"Ky…I am so sorry. I was a fucking idiot for not believing you but the thought of you with someone other than me, made me crazy and irrational. Can we meet and talk?"

I felt the tears running down my cheeks. I wanted to forgive him but I didn't have in me because every time I pictured him, I saw him with the croweater. I let out a little laugh when he asked if we could meet. "No, we can't meet." Which was the truth but I didn't want to see him.

"Please, just let me come over for a few minutes." He pleaded.

"I'm not in Charming, Juice." His name made my heart drop.

"What? Where are you?" He questioned. Obviously he had not been home.

"I left. I'm not planning on coming back either." I let out a small sob as I sat on the street in Dublin where I had so many happy memories it held before, now I added sad ones.

"Kylee, please I am so sorry. I love you." His voice was pleading and painfully so.

"You should have thought about what you were doing before you fucked that whore. Before you listened to someone who had no clue about anything or wanted to destroy us. If you loved me as much as you say you did you wouldn't have put us in the place. I can't face you right now, I don't know if I will ever be able to again. You killed us. Goodbye, Juice" I said as I hung up on him. I made it back to my hotel before I lost my shit. I sobbed, hard body raking sobs. I was wore out emotionally and physically. I had just said goodbye to the man I would have laid my life down for, the man who saved me from a life that I would have ultimately die from. The man who killed for me. The man who made me happy for almost three years of my life. Which seemed like a life time ago when we walked into each other's lives.

I didn't move from my bed for several days until there was a loud knock at my hotel door. I only got up to use the bathroom and then went back to bed. I glance at the door but didn't get up. Another knock but this time there was a voice that came from the other side of it.

"Kylee, let us in!" It was Trinity and I could only assume that the other was Kerri. I got up and walked to the door, opened it and then got back into bed. Trinity walked over to my bed where I was now under the covers. She touched my face, "Oh love." She said sadly. I looked up at her and started to cry. Kerrianne crawled into bed on the other side of me and hugged me tightly as another round of sobs came over me. I cried myself to sleep and awoke to Trinity's phone ringing.

"Hello?" She answered. "Aye, we just got here….I have never seen her like this before Jax. Not even when she lost the baby….she is safe but she looks like shit…I really hope that you guys beat the shit of out Juice…and that fucking slut he was with."

"Can I talk to him?" I said quietly. Trinity nodded.

"Hold on Jax…" she handed the phone to me.

"Jax?" I said into the phone.

"Fuck Kylee…are you okay?"

"I'm alive. Will you let Tara know that I miss her?"

"Hold on…" I heard him mumbling in background. He must have been home.

"Kylee!" Tara's voice on the other line made my heart jolt.

"Tell me they found her and someone hurt her." I said despondently.

"Actually she had the audacity to show her face at a party and try to put the moves on Juice. I couldn't believe her. I told her to get the fuck out and when she didn't I beat the shit out of her. We actually got it out of her that her and another croweater who wanted Juice too started the rumor about you and Happy. Juice just about lost it. I had never seen him that angry before; I don't know if it was because he was so angry at her or if it was because he finally realized that he ruined everything with you."

"You're a good friend. I am sorry I cannot be that right now. I don't think I have anything to give to anyone else let alone myself. I do have to say I feel selfish for leaving without saying goodbye to you guys."

"You are not a bad friend, Ky. You needed to do what felt right to you, if that was to leave Juice then that is what you needed to do. I don't blame you for leaving. I just hope that you come back soon. I miss you."

"I miss you too. Give Chibs and Happy my love." I said softly as I handed the phone back to Trinity. I wondered if Juice realized how many lives his decisions affected. I went back to sleep after the phone conversation with Tara.

Trinity and Kerrianne didn't let me wallow in my misery very long. They made me shower and get moving again. How can one live with no reasons to live? I would think to myself. It took me more than a few months to get through my initial depression. Kerri and Trinity never left me. They proved that their friendship was the largest blessing in my life. I didn't know what I would do without them during the tough time in my life. When I was "strong" enough I decided it was time to leave Dublin; where instead of staying in a hotel, I had rented a flat after several weeks. I subleased it to a few girls who were going to college and needed a cheaper place to live. I took to the rails at that point. I was alone but it was nice, I felt like a burden to Trinity and Kerrianne even though they insisted I was not. It was time to get out on my own. I traveled throughout Europe, enjoying the Swiss Alps, the tunnels in Paris and the green vineyards in Italy. I ended my travels in Northern Ireland.

I was sitting in Trinity and Maureen's flat one day looking at different flights to and from Belfast and the one that called my name was to Las Vegas. I felt the call to go back stateside. I walked down to the store where I had been helping out. Trinity was bagging up one of the local's groceries.

"I am going to go home." I announced. Trinity stopped what she was doing instantly and turned to look at me. "I am serious."

"Do you think that, that is a good idea?" She asked me.

"Trin, it's been a year. I'll be fine. It's not like I am going to go to Charming." I wasn't ready for that yet. I wanted to be in the sunshine again, I wanted to feel the heat of the desert.

"If you are sure you want to do that then I will support you." She smiled softly at me. "When are you leaving?"

"I can get a flight out of Belfast tomorrow morning." I said to her.

"That is so soon." I could see the sadness in her eyes. She and I had grown so much closer since everything had went down with Juice and moving back to Ireland.

"I know, but I am getting stir crazy. This rain isn't helping any you know." Truth be told I was tired for running, I needed to settle back down and I knew that Belfast was not the place I wanted to be. I missed my crazy fucked up biker family in Charming. I just wanted to be close to them. I was going to choose somewhere close to them but far enough away where I wouldn't see Juice. That wound was still too deep to heal.

"Alright if you think that is what you need I will support you. I will miss you, it has been so lovely having you back here, especially with you not having someone controlling you." She finished bagging the groceries and handed them to the woman waiting on the other side of the counter. Trin walked around the counter and came to hug me.

When I was the Belfast airport waiting for my plane I decided I needed a change in my looks. I walked into one of the overpriced airport hair salons and asked them to cut my hair. I watched as all my beautiful locks of hair fell to the ground as the stylist cut my hair into a beautiful bob and added some golden highlights to my brown hair. I loved it. It was just what I needed. As I stood there to pay for my haircut and color I looked over at myself in the mirror. I could see what a toll the year had taken on me. My cheek bones were more pronounced and my clothing hung on my body when they used to cling to my curves and hug my body. The muscles that I had built up boxing and working out in the gym were now non-existent. I bit my lower lip as I started at the stranger in the mirror.

"Miss?" The stylist called out to me. I hadn't realized that it was my turn.

"Oh, Im sorry." I said as I got up to the register.

"Do you not like your hair?" She asked me.

"Oh, I love my hair. I was just admiring it." I lied, well I did love my hair but I wasn't admiring it. "Thank you." I handed over the remainder of my Pounds to her.

"Thank you, have a safe trip home." She smiled at me as I walked out of the salon.

I glanced up at the clock and I still had a little over an hour before I had to be to my gate to leave. I pulled my cell phone out of my carry-on bag and dialed Happy's number. I hadn't talked to him in at least six months. He didn't push the issue that I call him. He just let me have my space as long as I sent him a text every once and a while letting him know I was okay.

"Hello?" His voice was gruff on the other line. I hadn't thought about it but it was 5 am in Charming.

"Hi, Killer." I was so glad to hear his voice.

"Kylee?" I heard him adjust in bed.

"Yeah, I wanted to call and let you know I was on my way back stateside."

"What? When?" He asked…I heard a woman's voice in the background, I could tell he put his hand over the mouth piece of his phone. I could hear what he was saying but it was muffled. "I don't care if I woke you up. Get the fuck out! I said get the fuck out get dressed in the hall." He came back onto the phone, "Sorry about that Ky."

I snickered a bit at him. "It's fine. Good party last night?" I asked

"It was okay, we patched in a few new members so why not celebrate? So when are you coming home?"

"I will be landing in Las Vegas in 15 hours if everything goes well." I hadn't really thought about what I would do when I got back to the states. I knew I wanted to be close enough to Charming to be able to drive there within a day if need be.

"Nice. I'll meet you there." He offered.

"I would like that Happy. Please don't let Juice know that I am coming back." I said to him.

"I wouldn't think of telling that shit head anything."

"Is there still bad blood between you two?" I asked him, I couldn't think that after a year there would still be such hard feeling between them.

"No, just think he's a fucking moron for messing things up with you…" He was going to say something else but he stopped himself.

"Happy…its fine you can tell me."

"I was going to say that the bitch he is seeing right now has nothing on you."

My breathing hitched at the thought of Juice actually being with woman. I wanted him to be as broken as I felt. Truth be told I still cried myself to sleep every night.

"Ky? Are you crying?" Happy asked me.

"I'm not crying. It is what it is, right? I mean I am the one who left him." I disappointment oozed out of my voice.

"Well I should let you go, so you can catch your plane and come home to us." He sounded happy, not like his name but like a person who was actually looking forward to seeing me.

"Alright Killer. I'll see you in a few hours." For the first time in a year I was looking forward to going back to the US and into the arms of my family.