Chapter 23

I walked off the airplane and into the terminal; I felt out of place instantly. There was too much hustle and bustle compared the laid back life I was living in Europe. I never felt rushed to get anywhere when I had been living in Belfast and Dublin. American accents felt harsh and out of place to me. I had easily picked back some of my Irish accent while I was there. I started to regret my decision to move back stateside, there was not the chance that I could run in to Juice. I took a deep breath as I got closer to the baggage claim. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know who would be here waiting for me. One thing was sure Happy would be there or he said he would. I walked through the doorway leading to the claim there were people waiting for their loves ones. There were smiles, embraces and the occasional kisses from lovers. Who or what waited for me was yet be seen. I walked up the carousal to get my luggage not seeing a familiar face peering thought the crowd for me. I collected all my luggage, disappointment was hitting me. I was wondering if Happy was even going to show up. I turned around and looked around sadly at all the joyful people when I saw two familiar faces staring at me.

I dropped my luggage and ran to them, "Happy!" I launched myself into his arms. He picked me up and swung me around.

"Hi, Ky. Welcome home." He said as he put me back to the ground. "You cut your hair." He touched the ends of my hair.

"Yeah." I touched it trying to decide if it was an impulse decision to do it or if it was really something that I needed to do. I looked over at the other person staring at me intently. "Hi Chibs." I embraced him tightly.

"Welcome home lass." He kissed my head. "You've lost weight." He said sadly as he held me out in front of him.

"Yeah well the last year hasn't been too good on me." I frowned. "But let's not talk about that right now. How have you two been?"

"Better now that you are back home." Chibs smiled at me. "How are my other girls?" He put his arm around me as we walked back to get my luggage.

"Fi and Kerri are both doing well and they send their love." They missed him as much as I did but probably more since they are really his family. I sighed deeply thinking about I didn't really have an actual family anymore. It instantly made me sad, I shook it off and shoved that sad feeling deep within in my soul; I would cry it out later. "Let's go get a drink!" I suggested.

"Well there's the girl we know." Happy smiled at me.

"Yeah she's here somewhere." I mumbled.

"What?" Happy asked.

"Nothing, let's go, I'll let you buy me a drink killer." Happy nodded at me.

We went to dinner at a dive bar near the airport, the food was, well the food was greasy but the beer hit the spot. I needed one after being on a plane for pretty much 14 hours straight. We decided to stay at the hotel where I had stayed after I found Juice with the croweater. My heart immediately felt the ache that it had that first night away from Charming when we walked through the doors. I think that Happy sensed it, Chibs might have but he had a few too many drinks at the dive bar. We sent him to bed and we sat in the hotel bar. Happy had to take a phone call and left me sitting in the booth by myself. I sat there swirling my whisky in the cup. I couldn't get Juice off my mind, I could I still care so much about him after everything he had put me through. It seemed to me he had moved on, so I should too. Happy sat back down at the table. I could feel his eyes on me; I was still staring at my whisky.

"What's on your mind sweetheart?" Happy's gruff voice called out to me.

I looked up at him and sighed, "I shouldn't have come back. I'm not ready to be here."

His eyes were full of concern, "why would you say that?"

"How is he? Does he even miss me?" I couldn't bring myself to say Juice's name, it hurt too much.

Happy moved to my side of the booth. "Of course he misses you, if he doesn't he is a fucking asshole. Do you really want to know how he is?"

"He acts like nothing happened. Like I never existed?" I knew how men worked in some part because I was raised by Kip.

Happy took a deep breath and seemed to debate whether he was going to tell me. "He puts on a good face. But the way he goes through croweaters, there is something missing in his life. Namely…you." I knew he promptly regretted telling me that. "This last one he has been with has lasted the longest at a few weeks. She has dug her claws into him."

I downed my whisky and pushed at him to get out the booth. I was dangerously close to tears and I didn't want him to see me cry. "I am getting tired. I should really get some sleep." I started to walk towards the elevator to my room.

"Kylee, let me at least walk you to your room." Happy called after me. I stopped and waited for him. We walked to my room in silence, that was one of the best things about Happy is I didn't feel pressured to talk.

"Thanks for the drinks, Happy." I kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you in the morning." I walked through my doorway and closed it putting my back to it and sliding down against it and I started to cry. I felt just as broken as I did the day I found Juice with the whore. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest again.

There was a quiet knock on my door, "Ky?" The voice on the other side was Happy. "Let me in, woman." He demanded. I knew if I didn't let him in he would break down the door, I didn't need to pay for a hotel door; so stood up and let him in. He took me into his arms as soon as he was through the door. I sobbed into his chest, it was the first time that I let anyone other than Kerri and Trinity know how hurt I really was. "Shhh. You're okay." He rubbed my head. It was a while before I was able to control my feelings enough to stop sobbing.

"Does the pain ever stop? I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest each and every moment of the day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what he did to me."

"You do realize, who you are talking to right?!" Happy smirked at me, "I have never been in love, no time for it. You need to make your heart like stone, then no one can hurt you and you can get though anything."

"Is that what you do Happy?" I asked him calmly.

"Fuck yeah." He smiled, "You should get some sleep." He finally let me out of his embrace. I nodded my head as I grabbed a t-shirt and yoga pants out of my bag and changed in the bathroom. I came out of the bathroom to find Happy lounged on my bed watching TV. I must have taken a while, time meant nothing to me anymore. I smiled slightly as I stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched Happy watching TV, he was still such a boy in ways. He got up as I walked over and got into bed. He tucked me in, kissed my forehead and started to walk out of the room. I didn't want him to go, I needed that tiny piece of Charming…of Juice to be near me.

"Happy?" he stopped in the doorway, "Can you stay with me?" He looked at me with disbelief, I knew exactly what was going through his head. "Killer, I am not looking to have sex…I just want to have a warm body next to me." He smirked and started to take off his clothes. "Happy I was serious!" I yelped. I hadn't seen a naked man in a little over a year and I hadn't shared a bed with a man in just about that long as well. My heart was pounding in my chest as he crossed the room in his boxers. Oh ahold of yourself Kylee, he is just going to lay next to you. I thought to myself. Happy climbed into bed into bed next to me; I turned over and laid my head on his bare chest, he didn't smell right. Okay, he smelt just fine actually he smelt nice but he didn't smell like Juice.

He pulled me closer to him and rubbed my back, as I was dozing off I heard him mumble, "He was fucking stupid for letting you go."

I slept the best I had slept in over a year. It woke up feeling refreshed and ready to start my day. I was still clinging to Happy, I tried to get out of the bed without waking him. I tried to move from under his arm and he pulled me tighter to him. "You know you talk in your sleep." He said without opening his eyes.

"Oh yeah? And what exactly did I saw while I was sleeping." I asked because I was curious.

"You were talking about Juice and then thanked me for staying with you, said something about me being a good pillow." He opened his eyes and looked at me.

I hadn't realized that I actually dreamed about Juice, thankfully I didn't remember it. I couldn't believe he was with me even when I was sleeping. I guess that explained why I tended to not sleep well most nights. I often woke up in a panic or extremely sad. I leaned up on my elbow, "Does that make you jealous killer?" I teased.

"Nah, I mean I am the one who is in bed with you." He smirked as he tried to reach around to my ass.

"Hey now keep your hands to yourself. No getting all handsy with me." I swatted his hand away playfully.

"Whatcha gonna do about it?" He tried again.

I raised my eye brow at him. "Do you forget how I beat the shit out of Ima twice might I had or shot Jonah?"

He laughed at me. "How could I forget, you are one hell of a shot. I think that Juice might have forgotten about that."

I shrugged as I struggled away from him, "I need to shower. I stink like airplane and boy." He let go of me.

"Want to go for a ride today?" He asked me.

"Um." I was digging in my bag trying to find my bathroom stuff. I did want to go for a ride. "Actually that would be nice." I turned and looked at him. He smiled as he got out of bed.

"I'm going to head to my room before Chibs thinks something happened between us. Meet us down stairs for breakfast in a half hour?"

"Yeah, yeah I'll be there." I waved him out of the room.

It was things fell into place for us. We hadn't missed a beat however he did treat me with a bit more tenderness. I don't think that Happy had ever just stayed in the same bed with a woman without having sex with her or receiving some sort of sexual favor from her. Was it wrong of me to feel like I had cheated on Juice? I felt stupid for feeling that way. It wasn't like he was thinking about my feelings when he stuck his dick into a croweater. That was the day that I decided to do things for myself and to push Juice out of my heart. Becoming as hard as stone.

When I got out of the shower I stared at body in the mirror. I was extremely thin, I hardly ate and when I did I picked at it like a bird. I didn't love myself anymore and that needed to change. I didn't need a man around to show me how much of a value I was to the world. I couldn't figure out when I needed someone to give me self-esteem. I could face this world on my own. I didn't need Juice as much as it pained me to let him go, I was going to do what I needed to for myself and go from there. From that day forward I would love me for being the person I was and not what love I had from a man. It wasn't my fault he was a fucking idiot who took the easy way out of our relationship. Granted I could have stayed and fought for him, but what was the point he betrayed everything we had built together, it destroyed anything good he might have done for me. And face it if he really wanted me he would have found a way to find me. I knew what could do with a computer. With that new realization I got dressed and went down for breakfast with Happy and Chibs.

"Hi guys!" I smiled at them as I sat down next to Happy in the booth. "How long have you been waiting?"

"Long enough to already have a cup of coffee down lass." Chibs looked from me to Happy. "So what were you two up to last night?"

"How do you know we were up to something?" I raised my eyebrows at Chibs.

"I know everything." Chibs took a sip of his coffee.

"Can I get you something to drink?" The waitress asked me as she looked cautiously at Chibs and Happy. I didn't blame her, she was so young and innocent looking and well Chibs with his scars could be scary enough but then you add in Happy who had a scowl across his face most of the time, I knew better.

"I will have a mimosa and I am ready to order food too!" I looked at her.

"Oh, okay." She grabbed her pen out of her apron, "what can I get you?"

"I will have a short stack of pancakes, two eggs sunny side up and turkey bacon." Chibs and Happy both looked at me. "What? I'm hungry." I shrugged. The guys ordered their food.

"Ack, now I know something happened between you two. Last night you barely touched your salad and today you are eating enough for a man."

I laughed at Chibs it felt good to laugh that way. "Chibs nothing happened. I just realized that I am not valued by how much someone loves me. That I shouldn't put value on myself by the way a man treats me. It took me a long time to realize it but I promise I am on the up and up now."

While we were eating our breakfast when Chibs' phone rang. "Yeah? … She looks like shite but she seems like she is on the right path…aye. Okay boss, okay I don't know but I will ask…Jax wants to know if he should batten down the hatches for Hurricane Kylee."

I choked on my food… "Is that what you guys refer to me as?" I shook my head. "No, I won't be going back to Charming anytime soon. You can tell him all croweaters and Juice are safe, for now." I rolled my eyes at the thought of me going storming into Charming. Maybe one day. We all laughed.

"Nah, Jax no need to secure your valuables, guns or anything of the sort… I do not know that…alright brother. I'll be heading out after breakfast. Cheers." Chibs hung his phone up.

"You're going home?" I asked Chibs.

"Aye, lass. I needed to make sure that you were okay but now it's back to club business for me." He looked at me like a father would look at his daughter.

"What about you?" I shoved Happy.

"Nah, I think I am going to hang around and annoy the shit out of you for a few days. It's been far too long." He messed up my hair. I swatted him away and smoothed down my hair. It was like he knew I didn't necessarily want him to go yet, he saw me at my breaking point last night. I was sure he was worried about me. I needed to show him I was going to be fine.

"So love where do you think you are going to stay?" Chibs asked me.

"Huh…I haven't really thought about that. Somewhere in California close enough to Charming that if I really needed to visit I could or you guys could visit but far enough away that I wouldn't just randomly run into Juice." I sighed, "Any ideas?"

"Somewhere off of highway 5. You would be on route to Rogue River and Tacoma." Happy was very matter of fact.

"Okay. I will check a map today and see if there is a town that jumps out at me, I don't want to live in 'Sin City' for too long." I took my last bite of food, if I kept eating like I was and got to the gym I would be back to my old self in no time. I needed to be sure that the town I moved to had a gym. Or I could put one in my basement if my house had one of those.

When breakfast was finished we all walked out to where the bikes were parked. I hugged Chibs goodbye and promised that I wouldn't be a stranger, or more like I promised to invite him to my new house when I got into it. We both knew the truth, I was just not ready to visit Charming yet. I waved Chibs off and told him to say hi to Donna and Tara for me and to give them both big hugs from me. He said he would do it right in front of Juice. I shook my head knowing he would do that even if I told him not to so I didn't say anything. Happy handed me his helmet when Chibs was out of view. I smiled at him broadly. I couldn't wait to climb on the back of his bike. He climbed on and I followed suit and put my arms around him. A slight twinge of pain ached in my chest as I thought about Juice. I needed to stop thinking about him and focus on the present. As soon as Happy kicked his motorcycle to life I forgot about Juice and held on for my life.

We got back to the hotel and the sun was just about to set, we really had made a day of riding around in Nevada. We even made a trip to bring my car back to the hotel. I may have had an issue with driving on the proper side of the road, it was obvious I was in Northern Ireland for too long.

"Thanks for the ride Hap." I smiled at him as I handed back his helmet.

"Anytime Ky." He patted me on the head as we walked into the hotel.

"Hey Killer?" I turned to him before we reached the front desk. "Would you mind staying with me again tonight? I haven't slept that well in a year."

"You going to put out?" Happy teased.

I laughed at him, "I'm cramping your style aren't I?"

"More than you know woman." He said as he walked up to the front desk to check out of his room.

We stayed in Vegas for only two more days, I found a where there was a cute little house for sale and it was only about two and a half hours from Charming and right on the route that SAMCRO took to Tacoma. Happy spend the week I moved in helping me get unpacked and settled in before he head back to Charming. He got a phone call from Chibs telling him that he mentioned me around Juice and he said that Juice stormed out of the club house but then asked if I was okay later. Chibs told him the truth about how I was doing. Truth was I was feeling much better and ready to move on with my life without him.

"I am going to miss you, Killer." I stood next his bike the day he went back to Charming.

"You could always come home." He knew what sort of hell I would raise if I was there.

"Ha, ha, that is so funny." I moaned.

"Well can't say I didn't try." He grinned at me.

I knew I was going to be lonely without Happy around my house. He was a complete softy around me. I couldn't believe it, how could I have wormed my way into his hard stone cold heart?

"I'll see you soon, Killer." I hugged him and he kissed the top of my head.

"See you soon Ky," Happy said as he got on his bike and drove away.

I was alone for the first time in weeks.

A/N: Thanks again for all your support and those of you who left comments. Please feel free to leave me more, it makes me want to write more. What do you think about Happy being a softy when he is with Kylee? I am looking forward to the next few chapters. There might be a meeting with Juice soon.