Chapter 26

It took us almost three hours to get to Charming from Red Bluff. It was the longest three hours of my life. I didn't even enjoy the ride; we just couldn't get to Charming quick enough. I was beating myself for being such a shitty friend over the last year and a half. I had realized that I had been a bad friend when they came for a visit. I didn't know what was going on in their lives when they knew mine. I made a conscious after Donna and Tara went back to Charming to touch base with them daily. Even just to hear their voices. I was trying, I was finally at a point I could give parts of myself back to people. We pulled into the Teller Morrow's lot and Happy parked his bike. My stomach was in knots and I needed Tara.

"Uncle Happy!" A joyful little voice called out. I turned to see Abel Teller, well a taller version of how I remembered him, come running towards us. He looked so grown up, he was nearly five years old now. He had his father's messy blonde hair and big beautiful eyes. When Abel reached up he looked at me as if he was considering who I was. "Auntie Ky?!" He launched himself into my legs. At least there is something to smile about today. I thought to myself.

"Hi Abel." I crouched down and hugged him tightly. "How are you?"

"Everyone is really sad but mama told me I am brave because I haven't cried." He looked at me beaming with pride. "I am glad you are back Auntie Ky. Did you know I can ride a two wheel bike? You will have to watch me. And you know what pretty soon I will get a motorcycle of my own…Right Uncle Happy?" We both looked up at Happy.

"Sure kid." He ruffled Abel's hair.

"Where is your mom?" I asked him. I didn't know if I had the courage to go into the club house even with Happy by my side. I didn't see Juice's bike but that didn't mean that he hadn't gotten a new one. However for some reason I felt better about walking in with Abel. If he could be brave, I could be too.

"She's in the club. Come on, I will show you." He placed his little hand into mine and pulled me along with him. Something never change I thought as we walked through the door of the SAMCRO's club house. It still smelt of cigarette smoke, stale alcohol and rancid pussy. I looked back at Happy who was following closely behind. "Mama…mama…Look who Uncle Happy found. It's Auntie Ky." Abel yelled at the top of his lungs. Tara looked up teary eyed from the table where she was seated with Gemma.

When I reached her, we embraced each other and cried knowing how much the other was in pain. We finally parted and looked at each other. I wanted to take away the pain that she was baring. "I'm glad you came home." She said in a quiet voice.

"Me too." I said feeling a nervous twinge in my stomach. "I wish it was under better circumstances." I wiped the tears from my face. "Hi, Mama Gemma."

She stood up and hugged me to her, "Welcome home baby." She looked at me. "You look thin."

I let out a little laugh, I was actually heavier then I was when I moved back to the US. I had filled out nicely and was more muscular that I had been in years. "Actually I am…." I never got to finish that sentence because I had two strong arms wrapped themselves around me and lift me off the ground. I could tell by the rings it was Chibs. I hadn't even heard them come in but the club house was filling with Sons.

"Hello Lassie." He turned me around to face him and hugged me against his chest. "You're looking good love." He hadn't seen me since I came back from Northern Ireland.

"Thanks. I feel better, well other than present issues." I looked at him with a small smile.

"Aye that is good." He embraced me again. "Glad to have you home love."

I looked up at him, "I would have liked it to be on better terms and sometime when you sent Juice away on a run." I smirked

"Not ready to see the boy?" He asked, I shook my head. Now that I was in Charming I wanted nothing more than to run back to Red Bluff. I had to suck up my fear of seeing Juice and just deal with it but I didn't think I was emotionally ready for that yet. "Well he won't be back for a while. We sent him to pick up some stuff for the party tomorrow night."

"Party?" I asked.

"Ack aye, to celebrate their lives. Plus we have a lot of other charters coming in for the funerals, most of them will be here tomorrow."

"Let me know if you guys need any help. I need to keep busy." I told him.

"Alright love I'll tell Jax." He smiled at me.

I went in search for Happy. He was sitting with Jax, Bobby and Tig. I gave them all a small smile when I reached the table. "Hi guys. Can I borrow Happy for a minute?" I asked.

"Of course." Jax nodded, "Glad you could make it back."

I nodded as I gave him a sad look. Happy got up and walked with me towards the bar. "Can you take me to my house? I just want to be alone."

"Yeah, let me tell Jax." He said as he turned and walked back towards the table.

I went over to let Tara and Gemma know that I would be leaving. Seems funny because all the time I was dealing with Juice's indiscretion, I wanted to be around people but now all I wanted was to be alone. It might have been my need to wrap my head around the loss of people who really helped shape who I was as a person. I also had to prepare myself to see Juice again. It had been almost two years since everything went down and being in the club house made me uneasy and antsy. Every memory of that day was rushing at me in full force.

"Let's go." Happy put his hand on the small of my back. When we got out to his bike, he looked at me sternly. "You are going to have to face him sometime, you know that right. You can't just hide behind us forever."

I placed my hands over my face and then looked back up at him, "It is that apparent?" I asked.

He gave me a look that if I didn't know better I would have thought he didn't care. "To me yes, to Chibs most likely. To the others I don't know. Isn't it better to get it over with?"

I took a deep breath, "Not today. I can't today. I'm holding on by a thread here, Hap. I'm far too emotional to see him, let alone deal with him."

Happy nodded as he got onto his bike and I followed in suit. I just wanted to get into my bathtub with a nice glass of white wine and forget the day. As we pulled out I glanced down the road and I could have recognized him riding his bike anywhere, even after the time, it was Juice. My heart started to speed up as he got closer. He reached the drive way just as we pulled out. I tightened my grip on Happy and looked in the opposite direction that Juice was coming from. I hoped he didn't realize that it was me.

The house still looked the same. The grass had been mowed and the bushes had been trimmed. I looked at Happy with confusion, I figured I would have come back to my house with some sort of disrepair.

"Who's been taking care of the house?" I asked him

He shrugged. "Beats the fuck out of me. Figured you hired someone to do it." I shook my head at him. He looked at me, "Are you sure you are going to be okay?"

I put on a smile, "Yes, I will be fine. Go back and be with your brothers." Liar, I don't know if I am going to be okay. I thought to myself. Did I really want to go back into the house that held so many memories of Juice? But it also held memories of Kip and Donna. "Pick me up before the party tomorrow?"

"Of course. I expect you to be fully liquored up at that point." He teased me. But it could have been the truth.

"We'll see. Let me know if the club or Gemma needs help setting stuff up. Because keeping busy might be a good thing for me."

"I'll do that." Happy said as left, leaving me alone with my house.

I was nervous about walking inside, I didn't know why, it could have been I didn't know what to expect. I unlocked the door and walked in, it smelt a little dusty but most of all it smelt like home. Wonderfully heartbreaking memories came rushing at me. I had always imagined that Juice and I would raise a few children in the house together before moving into a large house where we would watch our children and grandchildren grow up. I walked into my bedroom which was pretty much the way I left it. It was cleaner and organized the way it was when we lived there and not the way I left it. I had drawers strewn all over the room as I filled my bags to leave. I sat on the bed and it was almost as if I could smell Juice and feel his arms around me. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I laid down and snuggled with his pillow. I awoke and the house was dark. I crawled out of bed and turned on the bedroom light, I dug through one of the drawers I didn't empty when I moved out, there was only so much a panicked, heartbroken packer can grab and fit into two bags. I took out a shirt and yoga pants and changed into them before I went out to the kitchen. I figured there wouldn't be any food in the house since I hadn't been there either that or everything in the fridge would be rotten. I opened it and to my surprise there was some food in it. Most of it is was fresh. Juice had to have been coming over here and no one knew. I grabbed out the makings for a salad and ate it quickly. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. It confused me why he would come here when really there was nothing that tied him to this house anymore. I looked at the clock that as hanging on the wall it was only 11:20, I decided I would call AJ and let him know that I got to Charming in one piece. Although Happy wouldn't have had it any other way.

The phone rang and he picked up after the second ring. "Hey sweetheart." I could tell he had a smile on his face.

"Hi. I wanted to let you know that I got to Charming in one piece." I didn't know what the future held for us. If we didn't end up together I still wanted to be his friend. He helped me remember what it was like to feel somewhat whole again.

"I am glad to hear that. How was the ride? How is everyone?" He asked me.

"The ride was long and it took forever okay well it seemed like it took forever but you know it was just the anticipation of being back in Charming as well as Donna and her family's deaths. Everyone is obviously upset." It was like I knew what he was going to ask me next.

"Have you seen Juice yet?" He questioned.

"Only as he passed Happy and me on leaving the club house." Was all had to say about it but the truth was Happy was right I couldn't avoid him forever. I wasn't really comfortable talking to AJ about Juice. "How was the rest of your day?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"It was okay. I wish you were here with me right now." His voice was lusty.

"Yeah?" I smirked, he did know how to make me smile. I could see him hovering over me like he did often, the muscles in his chest and arms flexed. My belly clenched with desire.

"Mmm, yeah." He was obviously trying to take my mind off of things. "What are you wearing?"

Did he really want to have phone sex with me? I felt like a teenage her who was going to get caught by her parents. "An oversized tee and yoga pants." I giggled. "I'm sorry, AJ, I can't do this. As much as I would love to, I am just not in the right mind set. You have made me feel so much better though." I felt ridiculous at the thought of phone sex.

He sighed deeply. "Yeah, I get it. Well I will just talk to you tomorrow. Have a good night Kylee." He sounded extremely disappointed.

"Night, AJ. Sleep well." I said into the phone as the other line went dead. He had hung up. I got it, I understood he had needs. He needed me to show him he had nothing to worry about. He also had to understand where I was coming from too. I had just lost one of my best friends and her family. I wasn't in the mood to have phone sex or physical sex for that matter. I also had to deal with my emotional baggage known as Juice. I went to bed disappointed and at a loss, I was hoping that the next morning would bring me some lightness.

I woke up early the next morning and dug through my closet, everything was still there including the dirty clothes. I grabbed the basket out of the closet and went into the laundry room and threw them in the wash. Gross two year old laundry. Intermixed with my clothes were Juice's clothes, like a day hadn't passed and our love was never broken. He obviously had long forgotten about them otherwise he would have taken them. I went back into the bed room and found my old running shoes and change into my running clothes. I forgot how comfortable the ones I had in Charming were. It was still slightly dark out when I went for my run. I ran the path that I would take when I lived in Charming. Up through one part of town and back down through the other. I felt refreshed as I blared my music and my feet hit familiar pavement. It was as if I had never left, nothing in Charming had changed. I missed the small town feeling of it, granted Red Bluff was a smaller town but it didn't have the feel that I was use to from living in Charming for so long. I got back to the house, I was so sweaty and in need of a shower. I noticed that I had a missed phone call. It was Gemma.

Hey sweetheart. I was calling to see if you wanted to come over and help me bake for the thing tonight. Let me know I will come and get you.

I dialed her number.

"Hello?" Gemma answered

"Hi Gemma. It's Kylee."

"Oh hey sweetheart. You got my message?"

"I did. I would love to come over and help you. I need to shower first, I was just out on a run. I can be ready in say 30 minutes."

"That is perfect, I will swing past the grocery store and come get you," She said into the phone.

It was strange showering in my house. It brought back memories of time spent not showering in there with Juice. I sighed missing the feeling of burning I felt when I was with him. The way he made me feel when he touched me. That was something that AJ couldn't do to me. I stepped out of the shower and got dressed to go to Gemma's house. I didn't know if I would have a chance to come back home so I got dressed in what I was going to wear to the party that evening. I put on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a billowy strapless summer top that was cream and had little blue flowers on it, a brown belt and a pair of wedge strappy sandals. I brought what makeup I had at the house and in my purse, it would work. And did my hair, it had grown out to my shoulders and I had it cut so the layers framed my face. By the time I was ready there was a knock at the door.

It was Gemma. We went to her house where we baked the afternoon away. I had missed her as surprised as I was. Things were getting tense when I lived in Charming so it was nice to see that things had cooled down while I was gone.

"So darlin' have you seen Juice yet?" She asked me as we were finishing up.

"No." I said trying to avoid thinking about him because that was all that running through my head. I had butterflies going double time in my stomach, it was to the point I thought I was going to be sick.

"You know he will be there tonight." She said to me like I didn't know.

"Oh believe me, I am well aware of that. Do you know does he know I am here?" I questioned

"I'm not sure." Gemma smiled at me. "I am sure he will be glad to see you. I bet his little whore wont."

What? I thought…His little whore? "He's seeing someone?" I asked. Like I should have cared because I was seeing AJ.

"Fuck, no one told you?! Fucking Happy. I told him to tell you so could prepare yourself if you needed to."

I looked at her, "It's fine Gemma. I've been seeing a really nice guy from the MC in Red Bluff."

"Sweetheart, I can see it written all over your face…You still love Juice."

"Is it that obvious?" I glanced at the floor and back up at her.

"Kylee, you never stop loving your first love." Gemma's face was distant as if she was remembering someone from her past.

I was about to ask her who she was thinking about when my phone rang in my bag. It was Happy.

"Hi Killer." I smiled.

"Where the fuck are you?" he sounded angry.

"What do you mean?"

"I am at your house and you are not here." He pretty much growled

"Shit, I'm with Gemma. I am sure I can catch a ride with her to the club house." I looked at her and she nodded.

"I'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up.

Shit an unhappy, Happy. "He's coming to get me but let me help you get this stuff into your car."

"Thanks sweetheart. It's good to have you back here, you should think about moving back. We have all missed you." She smiled at me.

"Oh yeah that would go over real well. I mean, I could have AJ over and we could invite Juice and his new flavor to my house." I imagined that would go over real well. There would be fist thrown one way or another, either mine or Juice's, AJ was a bit of a passivist. Which to me seemed strange because MCs and fighting seemed to go hand in hand.

Happy pulled up as Gemma and I finished bringing out the last load of food.

"Hey Gemma." Happy looked at her.

"Happy. Go easy on the girl, it was my fault she never called you. I had her wrist deep in flour all day." Saved by Gemma.

"Yeah, go easy on me." I gave him a pouty face.

"Fuck woman! I can't be angry at that face." He pinched my cheek.

"Ouch Happy." I swatted at him, "Let's get this over with." I felt sick to my stomach.

"Here. You look like you could use it." He handed me a flask. I opened it and drink the contents in one swill, the liquid burned going down and made my stomach more upset.

"Thanks." I wiped my lips off with my thumb.

"Fuck, you did need that." He shook it the flask upside down and only a few drops fell onto the driveway.

"I am scared fucking shitless." I whispered to him as I got onto the back of his bike. "Oh and why didn't you tell me about the whore?" I waved at Gemma who was getting going back into her house to lock up.

"First of all you have nothing to worry about if at any point you are done let me know I will bring you home. Second, I was going to tell you but well Opie and his family had their unfortunate accident. Plus you have the element of surprise on your side. He doesn't even know you are here." He kicked his bike to life and took off towards the club house.

We arrived and like usual the party was already in full swing, there were bikes parked all over the parking lot of Teller Morrow. The croweaters were out in full force, they were like cockroaches coming out of the woodwork for a good feeding. I felt the instant urge to turn around and leave. I took a deep breath before getting off of the bike from behind Happy. Happy took my hand into his after he got off the bike, and looked at me. I didn't know if he held my hand to keep me from running or to keep me from beating the shit out of a croweater. Either way it helped me focus.

"You'll be fine. Remember everyone here loves you and several of us have beat the shit out of the fucker for what he did." I nodded as we walked up to the club house. I caught some conversation of a few of the croweaters as we walked by them…

"Oh my god…what?...That is Kylee…who?...Juice's old lady, it's going to be interesting here tonight. Then why is she with Happy? Beats the fuck out of me…maybe the rumors were true."
I turned and shot them a dirty look if there was one think I learned from Happy it was the perfection of a scowl. They shut up pretty quickly, most of them had been around long enough to know what I did to Ima.

We walked into the club house and I wanted to drink about a gallon of vodka mixed with rum mixed with tequila. Happy pulled me up to the bar where there was a prospect working it. Of course poor fools.

"Jay, get me two beers and two shots of vodka, the strong shit!" Jay, who was a tall prospect, he had thick black hair and green eyes, passed the beers and shot over to him. Happy shoved the shots at me. "Drink!" I did as he said and immediately regretted it, the burned before I even got them into my mouth. Then Happy handed me my beer and passed me off to Tara.

I didn't have the courage to look around the club house yet. I needed my shots to kick in. I was happy Tara was there.

"Thank god you are here." I smiled at her.

"So how are things with AJ?" She asked.

"Well…" I paused thinking about the previous night. "He might be pissed off at me."

"What? Why?" She questioned me.

"He wanted to have phone sex last night and I for obvious reasons did not." I shrugged.

Tara laughed, "Are you serious?! Men are so fickle."

"Plus, I still don't know if I want to be with him. I mean he is good to me and sex is great but that is it. I don't burn for him. It's hard to go from every fiber of your being on high alert with someone to a guy who barely causes a spark."

Tara nodded and was about to say something when she looked somewhat concerned. I turned to look to see what she was looking at and there he was. Juice. I stared at him, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was exactly how I remembered him, stupid Mohawk, I had always like him better with hair, stupid smile that lit up the room. Juice stopped as soon as he saw me. His eyes instantly met mine, there was a bit of shock in his brown eyes. My heart sped up and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I simultaneously was glad to see him but angry at him at the same time. The girl he was with, saw he was staring at me and turned his face towards her to draw his attention away from me. I looked at his and as she took it into hers, Donna didn't lie he was still wearing his wedding ring. My breathing hitched. She pulled him over to the corner of the room onto one of the couches where some of her croweater friends were. She evidently didn't know how things went, if you're an old lady you sit with the old ladies and let the guys do their thing. I saw her and the other eaters looking over at me and whispering.

"Are you okay?" Tara asked me.

"Hmm?" I looked back at her, she drew me away from my thoughts.

"You look like you are going to be sick."

"That is because I think I am." The shots had hit my empty stomach with a vengeance. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I felt better after I vomited up the vile liquid Happy fed me. I was sure that part of it was my nerves too. I stood up and walked out of stall as I was rinsing my mouth out and splashing water on my face the door opened and I heard a foot tapping the floor. I turned around and there was the girl Juice walked in with. She had on white hooker heels that made her about six inches taller than I was. Her hair was bleached blonde and she wore colored contacts to make her eyes look teal. Her dress looked like it had to be painted on her, just like her face full of makeup.

"He's mine whore." She said to me her word full of hate.

"What?" Was this really happening? She apparently didn't know what I did to Ima when she got in my business.

"Juice, he's mine." She growled at me as I started to walk towards the door. She stepped in my way.

"Move." I gave her an annoyed look. I was not in the mood to deal with some fucking whore's inadequacy issues.

"I saw how you looked at him. He is mine and I am going to be his old lady."

"That's great." I tried to get past her.

"Are we clear?" She sneered at me.

"I am sure he can decide what he wants to be with on his own. Move the fuck out of my way. I am not really in the mood to deal with you and your bullshit. I am here because my best friend and her family died so get out of my fucking way!" I pushed her out of my way. The advantage I had was I was sensible about my shoes and wore a pair of knee riding boots, so I had better balance.

I got out the doorway and she quickly followed me and grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me backwards. "I'm not done with you bitch!" She yelled at me.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I tried to turn feeling my hair being pulled tightly, I winced in pain as I finally got her free. I shoved her to the ground. "Leave me the fuck alone stupid whore. I told you I wasn't in the mood for your fucking bullshit and I mean it!" I turned back around to see Chibs and Happy there to intervene if needed. I walked past Happy, "I'm done." I walked up to Juice who was talking with Bobby they were both oblivious to what just went down. He looked up at me and there was a spark of something in his eye that made me almost melt on the floor at his feet but I was so fucking angry because of the whore I could have punched him.

"Ky?" He said quietly with a small smile.

I furrowed my brow at him and then said my voice full of venom in. "Get your fucking whore in line! If she approaches me again tonight I will kill her." I was pretty serious about it to. I would take out all the pain I had built up over the years and take it out on her fucking face. I walked out of the club house and sat down on the far side of the boxing ring. I started to sob. I was spread thin emotionally. My phone rang in my pocket, I looked at the ID and it was AJ.

"Hello?" I tried to control my voice. But I knew it tremored some, because I had tears falling down my face and onto my chest.

"Baby? Are you okay?" He asked

"No, no I'm not. I can't do this... I love him. I never stopped and I can't…" I sobbed.

"Ky do you need me to come and get you?"

I cried harder, into the phone.

"Answer me, I will leave right now and be there in a few hours, do you need me to come and get you?"

I shook my head, "No. I need to be here for the funerals."

"If you need me. Call."

"Okay. Thanks, AJ…I really don't deserve you to care about me."

"Baby you deserve the world." He said. "Remember call if you need me."

"Okay." I hung up the phone. I heard footsteps. I figured it was Happy. "Happy, I just need a minutes." The tears had slowed down.

"Last time I checked I wasn't Happy." I turned and looked; it was Juice. I jumped up from where I was and was going to walk away but he gently grabbed my wrist. "Please don't go." I turned and looked at him he looked sad and wore down.

"Please just let me go Juice." His name lingered on my tongue. I tried to turn and go again.

"Kylee please just talk to me."

"About what? How my life has been an emotional hell for the last two years? How I can't sleep a night though if I am alone? Or shall we discuss how you have been fucking your way through every single one of the fucking croweaters in the clubhouse? Or maybe we should chat about how your want to be old lady just about ripped out my hair because I looked at you." I yelled, my heart hurt.

"No, I don't want to talk about that. I've missed you." He looked hurt by my words but he needed to know how I had been feeling all these years.

I let out a snorting laugh, "You've missed me?! Do you miss me when you dick is buried in all that pussies?"

"I wasn't the one who left Kylee!" He bit back. "I wasn't the one who gave up on us!"

"No? You didn't give up on us? Then what do you call fucking some croweater when we were still together because you couldn't believe your wife over the stupid whore who you fucked?! You gave up on us, Juice. I just made it final when I left I couldn't face you, Juice after what you did. After I saw you naked with that fucking slut." I was fighting off a sob.

"I was fucking stupid for doing that Kylee. I have never regretted anything more in my whole life. I ruined us. I get it, I remember the look on your face; it will be forever etched into my memory. I pay for it every day that I wake up and you aren't here. Every time I go to the house and it is empty." He let go of my wrist and touched my face. "I've missed you."

"You weren't the only one who paid for what you did." I had tears falling quickly down my face. How could I want to forgive him after everything? "You never came for me…" started to sob. He took me into his arms, I pushed him away. "No! You came here with her like I didn't exist."

"You always exist, you never stopped existing; he pulled my rings out from under his shirt. You were always with me Kylee. She is was just a cheap escape from my pain. No one has meant anything to me since you."

I let out a sob and I turned from him. "I can't do this right now, Juice." He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him and kissed me. His kiss was wanting and needful. I tried to push him away but I wanted him, I wanted his touch. As hurt as I was, I was also on fire. I could feel where his hands had been on my body. Both of our lips fought to possess the other. He hands went into my hair and grabbed tightly he tried to pull me closer to him. I finally ended the kiss, he smelt like home. "I can't Juice. I just can't." I said sadly as I turned and walked away.

Happy was walking out of the club house, "Take me home." I said to him. He nodded and like that we left.

A/N: Sorry if you guys are upset I killed off The Winstons…I mean they are dead in the series…I needed something that would pull Kylee back to Charming. I had been going over what I could do for seriously months. And that is what happened sadly enough. Either was Juice and Kylee have seen each other and obviously still love each other. We'll see what happens.