Ch 27

"Did he hurt you?" Happy asked when he dropped me off. He his face was on the verge of anger. But when I thought about it when wasn't it.

I looked up at him and shook my head, "No, he didn't hurt me." I remembered the white hot feeling I felt when he kissed me. I touched my lips. Happy stared at me. "I'm sorry for pulling you away from the party and the plethora of pussy."

He smirked, "Nah, they'll be there when I get back. I promised you if you needed to leave, I would take you home and I did that."

I was really grateful and amazed by his friendship. He had always been there when I needed him and I don't know what I would have done without him over the years. He had really taken over the place of Kip and surpassed him. I don't doubt that Kip would have done what Happy had done for me but Happy didn't have to. He could have just said 'fuck it' and just been done. But he never did and I know he would have done that with others.

"Thanks, Hap. I really appreciate it. I will see you tomorrow." I kissed his cheek, it had been a few days since had shaved his stubble scratched my lips.

"Night, Ky. Call if you need anything." He called after me as I walked to the house. I waved at him as he went. I didn't know what I would have done without my adoptive family at that point.

I sat down at the kitchen table and called Tara, I needed to tell someone about what happened with Juice. I couldn't have imagined gushing to Happy about it, oh my god I could and it didn't turn out nicely.

"Where are you?" She yelled over the background noise, it suddenly got quiet.

"I had Happy bring me home. After the run in with the slut and then Juice, I was done with my evening. I'm sorry. I was going to see if you wanted to come over here for a drink. It's quiet and it doesn't stink like rancid pussy."

She laughed into the phone. "Yeah, I'll be over shortly. I am done with this shit here anyway. It is getting to the point where there is a little too much sex and a little less partying. I'll tell Jax and be over. I want to hear all about what happened with you and Juice."

"What? How do you know anything happened?" I asked.

"It was written all over his face when he came in and you didn't come back."

I laughed slightly, "Well hurry your ass up and get over here."

Tara walked in about ten minutes later, just like she did when I living in Charming. She was carry a bottle of wine that she grabbed from the party. I pour us both a glass of it. I thought of the SOA members drinking wine out of wine glasses and it made me laugh. They tended to have the wine around for the old ladies and the whores that wanted to look a bit classier. Until they started to drink it straight out of the bottle.

"So spill." She said as I sat down across from her at the kitchen table.

"What did you hear? I will fill you in from there."

She smirked at me, "Well I know that you had a run in with the whore, she didn't shut the fuck up about it. I just about got up and shut her up but Juice put her in her place after he came back inside. She tried to tell him off for going after you. He went off on her, telling her if she ever tried to touch you again he would personally kill her. I don't know if she will be coming back to the club house. Ever!"

"Good." I had no sympathy for her. "So I was pretty much a mess when I went outside. AJ called and I was sobbing, I was going to break things off with him because I realized that Juice is who I want to be with. Even after what he did, I still want him and I know that more than ever right now. Especially after he kissed me."

Tara stared at me with a grin on her face. "He kissed you, and you didn't deck him?"

I laughed. "No. I tried to push him away but I was on fire for him and it felt so right. Tara, I haven't felt like that since he kissed me goodbye before the last run when all the shit went down with us. I can't forget what happened but I would be willing to work us on."

"What about AJ?" She brought my tumbling back down to earth. What about, AJ?

"I tell him the truth. I have always been honest with him. I don't want to hurt him though." I sighed. "He knew getting into things with me that I didn't know what I wanted. He has tried so hard to get me to fall in love with him but I never had any love to give because my heart belonged here."

"Took you long enough to realize that. Donna and I both knew it." The mention of Donna made me wince a bit. The sting of her not being around made my heart hurt. I missed her so much already. I remembered once she mentioned that she hoped her and Opie died together because she didn't want to live without him. She said that just thinking about made it hard for her to breathe. I would have given just about anything to spend one more minute with her, to let her know how much I cared about her and how much she meant to me. "Jax wanted to see if we wanted to say something at the funeral about Donna. He and some of the guys will be talking about Opie."

"Of course." I said solemnly. I knew I couldn't write anything because it would be too hard. It would just have to come from the heart. "I can't believe that it's tomorrow."

"I know. I still can't believe it's true." She looked at me sadly. We were supposed to be the old ladies who surpassed Gemma and lead in the new generation of Sons. As I was thinking about how so many of our dreams and plans had been destroyed over the past few years my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ky." It was Juice. My heart sped up, I got butterflies.

"Hey." I said quietly. Tara had an all knowing look on her face as got up and walked out of the kitchen.

"I just wanted to apologize if I overstepped your boundaries earlier tonight."

I didn't know what to say, because he didn't really overstep. "Um…you didn't cross any boundaries I didn't want crossed."

"I am, really sorry about the last two years. I didn't mean to break your heart. I fucked up! I promised you I would never hurt you and the first time I ever doubted you, I hurt you in the worst way possible. You were right when you said I ruined us, because I did." He paused for a second and then went on, "I was hoping you would be at the funeral but I didn't think you would have been at the party tonight. When I saw you…I instantly felt ashamed of who I am and who was with me. I saw the pain in your eyes and I was repulsed by myself. I also realized how much I have lost, you are even more beautiful than the first day I saw you. You took my breath away tonight."

There he was spilling his heart out to me and I didn't know what to say to him. "Juice…" I started

"Please don't say anything. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I love you, Kylee and I never meant for us to end up this way."

I wanted to ask him to come over. I wanted to have him hold me in his arms but I didn't. "I know Juice…I know." I said quietly.

"Night, Ky."

"Night, Juice." I sat there for a moment trying to collect my thoughts.

"Hey, I need to go. The boys' babysitter just called and Thomas is pitching a temper tantrum and she can't get him to calm down." She grabbed her bag off the table. I stood up and hugged her. "I am glad you're home. I think you should stay." She said to me as we parted.

"We'll see." I walked her to the door and waved to her as she left.

I awoke the next morning actually feeling refreshed, I had slept well overnight. I couldn't remember the last time that had happened. I stretched out on the bed and debated on going for a run but decided coffee sounded better. I stumbled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Being home felt so good, it felt right. There was knock at my door as I finished starting the pot of coffee.

"Come in." I yelled from the kitchen, I hadn't locked my door, I felt safe in Charming.

"Hey." Happy said as he walked into the kitchen and made himself at home.

"Hi, you're up early." I glanced over at him.

"Yeah, we all stirred a bit early today. Kicked out the croweater before I fell asleep at the clubhouse. So what happened last night?"

I poured him a cup of coffee, I had missed how speedy the coffee pot was. I sat down at the table with him. "What do you mean what happened last night?" I knew what he wanted to know but I wanted him to say it.

"Fuck woman, you know what I want to know. Juice seemed to be in a good mood after you left."

I rolled my eyes at him. "We talked, okay I yelled and cried while he listened and apologized. Did you know he wears my rings?"

"Is that all that happened? And yeah I knew he had your rings still."

"Shit, why are you so interested in what happened?" I took a drink of my coffee.

"I want to be sure you are going to be okay and he isn't going to hurt you again. Kylee, even if you don't think so, I care about you more than anyone in this world and if he hurts you I will kill him this time." He had his scary killer face on. I believe him.

"Why am I not surprised that you would kill him? I figured so much, Happy. But if I ever let him in enough to hurt me again I will kill him if he hurts me." I scowled at him. "I've missed him if you must know."

"If he fucks one of those whores while you are here or if you decide to be with him I will feed him his dick."

"Oh my god Happy. I don't think he will ever do that again. If I decide to work on things with him; he will know what will happen to him including his unfortunate penis removal and ingestion." I said seriously to Happy because I knew that I wanted to possibly and work things out with Juice.

"Well as long as he knows." He got up and kissed my forehead. Watched him as he poured himself another cup of coffee. He wasn't wearing his normal white shirt under his cut. He had on a long sleeve black shirt. It made me think about what we were actually doing to do during the day. We would lay to rest our friends and their children. It broke my heart. Tears started to well in my eyes and stream down my face. What I wanted more than anything is to have Donna walk through my door and tell me it was a just a mistake, that they were not really dead. "Ky, are you okay?" Happy asked as he sat back down at the table.

"Yeah, I miss Donna. I keep wanting her to walk through the door and tell me it was just a ploy to get me to Charming. But there is that part of me that knows that it isn't going to happen." I wiped the tears that were falling from my eyes. "I should go get ready." I walked to my bedroom. I had already picked out what I was going to wear. I dressed in a black dress that had a lace top, it was form fitting and a pair of black patent leather heels. I knew that I was riding with Happy to the funeral since he was already there. I figured I would catch a ride back with Tara, not knowing how long I could handle being there. If anything I could always walk back it was only a few miles. I curled my hair which I had not done in months. I went with minimal make up know that I was going to cry and I didn't need make up all over my face. So light shimmer eye shadow and waterproof mascara it was.

I walked out into the kitchen where Happy was lounged. He gave me a small grin, "You look nice, Ky."

I smiled at him, "Thanks Killer. You don't look bad yourself." I patted him on the chest.

"Should we get this done with?" He asked me, it seemed so final. I didn't want to get it done because then I wouldn't have to come to the realization that Donna, Opie and the kids were really gone.

I swallowed hard, "Yeah let's go." I stopped in the doorway; turned to face Happy who was behind me and hugged him. "Hap?" He looked down at me. "I'm so grateful for everything you have done for me and helped me through. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"I know." He pulled me tighter to him and kissed the top of my head. "Now stop getting all sentimental with me and let's go say goodbye to our friends." I nodded as I followed him out to his bike.

I had Happy drop me off at the graveyard before the funeral. The Sons were all going to accompany the hearses to the sites. Fuck hearses that sound broke my heart I didn't want to think about it but I knew I was going to be slapped in the face with it when they arrived. While I was waiting I walked over to my brother's grave site, I hadn't been to his grave in a few years. I sat there and just enjoyed the silence before the storm. I decided after about ten minutes of sitting at Kip's grave site I would walk back to the site of the Winston's funeral. Tara was just walking up, she had on black pencil skirt and a button up black blouse. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail and she had also went with minimal make-up.

"Hey." She gave me a small smile as she took my hand into hers.

"Hi." We walked over to the chairs and sat down by the four empty graves. The sounds of Harleys roaring in the distance disturbed the silence. My stomach was upset and I felt sick. I didn't want to be a part of the funeral, but here I was losing my best friend and her family forever.

Members of Samcro were the pallbearers, they each helped carried in a family member. I hadn't realized that I was still holding on to Tara's hand. Neither of us let go as the caskets arrived. I could feel the tears falling from my eyes and down my cheeks. I wiped them away with my free hand as someone handed me a Kleenex. I looked over my shoulder to thank the person and saw it was Juice. He knew me well enough to know I wouldn't have any. I gave him a look of gratitude and he nodded at me as I turned back to face the reality of the day. The funeral started with the pastor speaking words about how Opie, Donna and the kids were walking in peace with the Lord. Was it wrong of me to want to say that I selfish and I wanted them back to walk with us?

Jax got up first to talk about Opie. He had tears in his eyes but did not shed them. "Opie was more than just a member of our club, he was my best friend, my brother. We grew up together, we always knew we would be members of SAMCRO and our old ladies would be best friends and our kids would grow up together and become members themselves. Unfortunately their lives were cut too short…" Jax paused. "We will miss you, brother."

He nodded in my direction after he laid flowers on each of the caskets. I didn't know if I could get up and talk about Donna at that point. My heart-ached for her if only to say goodbye. I took a deep breath and Tara squeezed my hand tightly before releasing it. I wiped the tears from my eyes and walked up to where Jax was just standing.

"To many of you, Donna was just Opie's old lady but to a select few of us she was so much more. When I first came to Charming, she opened me with welcome arms and loved me like a sister. She was always one who would be the first one to offer help and not ask for anything in return. She was selfless and a true friend…" I let out a small sob as I wiped the tears from my face. I had to end my speech soon because I would too soon be up there sobbing, sniveling mess. "Donna was a wonderful mother, an even better old lady and exactly what a friend should be. The loss of Donna, Opie and the kids will forever leave a void that no one could fill." I placed flowers on all the caskets and took my seat next to Tara who took my hand into hers again.

The rest of the funeral went by quickly, a few more people got up and told stories about Opie, Donna or the kids. For some reason this funeral was harder to take then Kip's was. I wondered if it was because Kip and I hadn't been close in years or if it was because it the loss of a whole family that broke me so deeply. Either way I was spent by the time the funeral was over from the silent tears that were shed. Tara and I walked arm in arm towards her car, we were going to drive to the clubhouse together. Where a smaller party was about to take place, club members, old ladies and friends of the family. No whores allowed.

"Kylee?" Juice's voice called out from behind us. My heart jumped into overdrive. Tara and I both turned to look at him running up from behind us. Tara threw me a look and a small smile. "Hey Tara." He greeted her. She smiled at him. Juice touched my arm gently, "Can we talk?" He asked with a spark of hopefulness in his eyes.

Tara looked over at me, I knew she wanted to know if I was okay with that or if she needed to step in. I gave her a nod and small smile as I let go of her arm. "Yeah."

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Tara asked.

"I'll bring her to the clubhouse." Juice said quietly. Tara must have thrown him a look. "Shit Tara, can you cut me some slack here, it's not like I am going to let anything happen to her."

"Isn't that what you said when you took your vows?" I laughed a bit at her biting remark to Juice.

"Tara. I'll be fine. Look they are already lining up to kick his ass if he doesn't." I pointed over at Happy and Chibs who were watching us closely. They had become overprotective. I gave Happy a look to let him know that I was going to be fine. He acknowledged that with a nod. As Juice and I walked away from crowd of people towards the quietness of the graveyard, I turned to him and said, "You know Happy threatened to cut off your dick and feed it to you."

"I deserve so much worse." He murmured.

We walked in silence for a few minutes as we reached a large mausoleum where we sat on the stairs. Being close to him made my stomach do flips, well if it could do that. This was the first time we were truly alone since the day he and I fought. He took my hand into his and traced the lines on the palm of my hand, it felt too intimate to me; I closed my hand and placed it in my lap.

"I'm sorry." He said realizing that he might have stepped over the line that I wasn't ready to have crossed.

I shook my head, "It's fine."

"How long are you in town?" He asked me.

I hadn't even thought about it, "I don't know." I knew that Brendan wouldn't care how much time I took off so I didn't have to worry about that. "I am kind of at mercy of the club, I suppose when someone can get away and bring me back." I looked at my hands, it felt as if his hand was still on them.

"Oh." I could feel his eyes on me. I looked over at him and he gave me butterflies. His eyes were warm and inviting. "You are so beautiful." He said as he touched the side of my face. I closed my eyes and wished we could wash away everything that had happened over the last two years and be at good place but we couldn't.

I opened my eyes and his face was inches from mine. I instinctively wanted to kiss him but my heart held me back from doing so. I pulled back a bit, Juice moved back quickly. I bit my lip, "I have something to tell you." I looked at him sadly.

"Alright." His eyes searched my face.

I took a deep breath, "I've been seeing someone in Red Bluff."

Juice looked at me sadly, "Is he good to you?"

"Better than I deserve." Was all I could say, because really AJ loved me and I didn't have any love to give him; I cared about him but that was all I had.

"Why do you say that? You deserve the world, the world I couldn't give you." He said sadly.

"I have nothing to give to him." Thinking about how much I held back when I was with AJ, I was only partially myself when I was with him.

"I did that to you, didn't I? Did I ruin you?" He asked.

I let out a small laugh, "I am not ruined Juice, I just don't love him. I care about him but I gave my love away a long time ago…"

"I wish I could give you back that day." Juice was staring off like he was remembering the day as he continued. "You looked so damn happy to see me. I was so angry I couldn't see past my rage. The look on your face when I threw the bottle and got in your face, it's painful to think about. I got into it with Happy when he said nothing happened. I still didn't believe him and thought he was saving face. I licked my wounds with a bottle of tequila and the whore, who told me the lie…"

"Juice please…" I didn't want to re-experience that day with him. I relived it enough by myself.

He continued, "That night I was hoping you would come and find us fucking. I wanted to hurt you because I was hurt. But when you walked in and I saw your face, your beautiful face washed over with pain and panic." He frowned as he remembered. "Part of me knew I was a fucking idiot. I heard you sobbing and panic-stricken as you tried to get out of the club house but part of me didn't care, because I was still convinced I knew the truth. Chibs came in and beat the shit out of me right then and there. He said that I was a fucking asshole for hurting you, he said if I ever touched you again he would make sure I met Mr. Mayhem. I didn't know how right he was at that moment. I called so many times and you didn't answer. I was anxious and worried but Happy and Chibs made sure that I gave you space and didn't go to the house. Little did I know you had already left Charming and on your way to Ireland. I realized how much I had lost when I walked into the house for the first time after you were gone. The drawers were strewn all over the room, lights were left on and your rings were on my night stand. Our life together was over. I would go there pretty much every night and still do. It wasn't long after you left, your smell left your pillow and I tried to find things that would smell like you but I couldn't. I couldn't feel you there anymore…"He paused again…but then went on, "When Happy told me you took your own life. I broke. I was happy enough to live in a world where you didn't acknowledge me anymore knowing you were safe and alive and when I would occasionally hear your name in passing conversations but never in a world without you. When he came back from Tacoma and said you were alive and that he lied to me because I was a stupid bastard. I was just relieved you were still alive and I realized that I just wanted you to be happy. I want you to have a life that makes that possible with or without me. Kylee I love you but if you need to be with someone else to make your happiness come true then I will accept that and leave you alone and never bother you again. I don't blame you if you never forgive me, because I can't forgive myself for what I did to you."

I sat there quietly for several moments, thinking about everything he said to me. "I forgave you a while ago." I confessed quietly. I looked over at him and took his hand into mine. Juice brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. I felt tears fall from my eyes. "I can't trust you and a relationship without trust is nothing." I stood up from where I was sitting. "We should get to the club house." He nodded and walked with me towards his bike. The people had cleared out and the graveyard was peaceful and quiet. I glanced towards the place where the Winston's were laid to rest and they were just mounds of dirt. "Can you take me by the house so I can change?"

"Yeah sure." Juice handed me his helmet and he got onto his bike. I climbed on behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Memories of the first time we went on a ride together washed over me and the way he made me feel. I smiled into his back. He smelt like home.

It only took about five minutes to get to my house. I got off of his bike and he sat there. "Are you coming in?" I looked back at him. He gave me a slightly shocked look.

"Yeah, I didn't think you would want me to." He said.

"Why? I don't tend to leave people sitting outside while I change. I am not a heathen Juice." I walked into the house.

"It smells good in here." He smiled at me. "It smells like you."

I laughed, "Well I am glad that I smell good." I walked into the bedroom that we once shared. I changed into a lacy black shirt and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and put my heels back on. While I was walking back out the living room where Juice was standing I couldn't help but think about how short life was. How quickly and fleeting it was. I was sick of being sad.

"You ready to go?" He turned and asked me. I looked at him and nodded. As we were starting to head out he was ahead of me and I grabbed ahold of his arm. He turned and looked at me. "Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded and pulled him towards me. Carpe Diem! I thought to myself as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. It was a different kiss from the night before. It wasn't as demanding or needing. It was gentle and full of passion. I think I took him off guard at first because it took him a second to realize what was going on before he put his arms around me and pulled me close to him. I could feel his heart pounding hard and quick through his cut. I don't know how long we kissed but it felt like forever. As we parted I smiled at him coyly.

"That was nice." I turned to lock the door like nothing happened and like we kissed every day.

"I feel taken advantage of." Juice teased as he got on his bike.

I laughed at him. "Really? Are you telling me that you didn't want me to do that?" I got onto the bike and wrapped my arms around him.

"I can't lie. I've wanted to kiss you since I kissed you last night. Your lips feel so perfect against mine." He kicked his bike to life. Could it be that easy for us to fall back into things? If it was why was I running for so long?

I leaned up next to his ear, "Don't you dare think that this means you are getting into my knickers."

He laughed. "Never." It would be a while before that would happen and he would be getting tested for STDs if I decided to let him back into my bed. Which I knew in my heart would happen because I wanted him like a moth wanted to get the flame. Now I would have to tell AJ….

A/N: Sorry about the wait. I have been working on getting things ready for my class I teach as well as taking some classes myself. SO hopefully now that things are going together well; I will be able to write a bit more. As you read this I am probably writing the next chapter. I will be concluding this story soon… have no fear there is at least two chapters if not three left. I have another one I started writing already which is actually a spin-off of SOA Season 7. A 'what if' story…Let me know what you think of Juice and Kylee getting back together should it happen or not? What about AJ?