Dean groaned at the irritating beeping to his side. He tried blocking it out with a pillow but the damned sound wriggled its way through it. He flung out a hand to the other side of the bed to nudge his bed-mate to take care of it, but found the side empty.
"Caaaaas!" he wailed, plopping two pillows onto his face to block out the devil's beeping. He waited for five seconds before putting a hand out and knocking the device onto the floor.
Dean and the alarm clock never got along.
Without bothering to open his eyes completely, he flung the covers off his body and trudged down a path he had perfected after uncountable similar days. His feet deftly avoided the coffee table, the crooked floor lamp and the ridiculous zebra patterned sofa before reaching the open kitchen. From that point his nose took over and led him to the point where he could smell fresh coffee brewing.
Eyes still closed, Dean's hands shot out and wrapped around a slightly shorter body wearing a shirt that smelled like him.
"I hate your clock. He's evil. Destroy him." Dean mumbled into the back of his boyfriend, who simply elbowed him in the ribs lightly.
"Well he feels the same about you" Dean heard the smile in Cas' voice and gave his hips a light squeeze as a warning.
"Coffee" he mumbled, still clinging to the warm body moving around to pick up mugs and spoons. If his eyes were open, Dean would have seen that they looked like a human train, him following Cas wherever he went.
Cas didn't mind – in fact he was used to this. Sure, sometimes Dean would wake up before him; just to try and prove that he was responsible and mature too. But it always ended in Dean sleeping while standing in the kitchen and the coffee pot almost bursting.
Filling two cups of coffee, Cas walked towards the sofa, pulling Dean along with him. When they reached it, Dean plopped on it and Cas thrust his mug in his hands. It took a couple of sips before he could open his eyes and see the light.
He looked to his right to find Cas shaking his head with an amused yet disapproving frown.
"I'll brush after this." Dean defended himself lazily, even before Cas reprimanded him. The shorter guy simply chuckled and leaned into Dean comfortably.
The couple enjoyed their morning coffee peacefully for a few minutes before Cas felt Dean shift a little. He knew what was going to come and let out a small sigh.
"Last night was interesting." Dean remarked in what he thought was a normal, casual tone. To Cas it sounded like the time Dean was bursting and needed to pee before things got awkward.
"Dean, you promised." Cas reminded him gently, trying to end the conversation.
"Hey, I promised not to fight or argue or give you hell about it. I didn't promise not to talk about it. We can have a conversation like grown-ups." Dean retorted.
Cas sat up at that and snorted "Dean, if you're grown up then I'm an exotic belly dancer."
"I wouldn't mind that." Dean shot back with a leer making Cas roll his eyes "But seriously Cas, we need to talk about it. This is a big deal."
Cas simply drank his coffee, watching Dean from above his cup. Finally placing the cup down, he sat back and crossed his arms, "Ok, what do you want to talk about?"
"Are you gonna take up the offer?" Dean asked the first question immediately.
Brazil sounded like an amazing place for a vacation or a carnival. But Cas wasn't offered either of these. Ten months. Ten months of extensive internship with the rural health care system. To Cas it could have sounded like a brilliant opportunity but to Dean it sounded like a bottomless pit.
"Yes" Cas responded, his eyes challenging Dean to argue. They had already been through almost 4 hours of arguments and fighting last night.
Luckily for him, Dean remembered his promise and kept his frustration in check. "Why? You can always get an equally good project anywhere in the country. So why Brazil?"
Cas thought for a moment, while avoiding Dean's eyes. It was a reasonable question – at least compared to the insane ones he had been asked the previous night.
"I can find a project here" Cas began, searching for the right words "but it won't be the same. I chose paediatrics over neuro for a reason Dean. I want to help kids get a better chance at health care. And not just those of this country. As a doctor, I want to help as many people as I can and this opportunity gives me the chance to help those who need it the most. You heard Dr. Gladstow yesterday. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity."
Dean was fighting hard to stick to his promise. Cas saw the opportunity and the good he could do for others, but he couldn't see what Dean could. Ten months was a long time and he wouldn't be able to see Cas for the entire time. He trusted Cas, really did. But he couldn't trust fate or destiny or whatever crap people called it. He had never been on the good side of it when he was alone. Whenever Cas had left him alone, Dean had faced the worst parts of life. Maybe he was being selfish. Maybe he wasn't thinking about the good of others. But Dean knew that he was born with bad luck and Cas was the only part of his life that changed it. With this new separation at hand, Dean believed that things would go back to being bad.
"And what about our lifetime? What if this opportunity threatens to destroy us? What if you had to choose between us and this opportunity?" Dean's voice was threatening to break with fear and anger but he held them back.
"Why would I have to choose between both Dean? This is just a project, not my entire life. Why do you think worst of it? Nothing will change. We'll still be us, just ten months older than today." Cas tried to make his boyfriend see his reasoning.
Dean stared into Cas' eyes for minute, trying to find some way to change his mind. When he found none, he simply stood up and went back to the kitchen with their cups.
The entire day Dean avoided Cas' attempts at talking. He went to his work and ignored the thirteen messages from Cas. Working with the FBI was always good at distracting him from other things, but today was different. He knew that he was being a dick but there was something in his gut that scared him about this project.
When he came back home that night, he found it empty. Cas was running a late shift and would be back in some time if things went smoothly at the hospital. Dean took a shower and gathered his thoughts, deciding to give Cas the benefit of doubt. As he came out of the shower into their room in just a towel, he saw a huddled figure sitting on the bed.
"Cas?" he called out, looking for a reaction. For a few seconds he didn't get any and Dean walked over in front of him to see him better.
"Cas, babe what's wrong?" he tried again, worried that something had happened to him. When he saw Cas lift his head and finally look at him, Dean was stunned to see tears in his eyes.
"Babe, what's wrong? What happened?" Dean knelt on the floor before Cas and cupped his face gently, trying to read his eyes. He felt Cas lean into his palm slightly.
"He looked like you." Cas whispered, his eyes looking at Dean's chest. Dean frowned and tilted his face a bit to make him look at him.
"Who? Did you meet someone today?" Cas shook his head at the question before pausing and nodding.
"A kid. A 10 year old kid."
Dean tried to join pieces and form a picture of what Cas was saying but didn't understand much. He had seen Cas upset after many cases when they couldn't do well. He didn't however see Cas cry over any of it. Usually he ranted about it, rattling off the mistakes and learning ways to not repeat them again. He never cried.
"What happened to the kid babe?" Dean asked, his thumb drawing soothing circles over Cas' cheekbone.
The shuddering breath from the broken man before him made Dean's heart clutch. He had never seen Cas this shattered. After brief moments of silence and support, Cas looked back into his eyes.
"He was beaten up by his father. His internal organs were almost pulp. He had green eyes that didn't close. He died under my hands, his last heartbeat stopping before my next started. He had green eyes, brown hair, a scar above his chin and he died. I let him die."
Cas' voice sounded dead and suddenly Dean realized what had happened. Cas had likened the boy to him and had imagined that Dean had died. He felt a painful lurch in his heart and pulled the face in his hands closer to kiss his lips.
"I'm sorry" he whispered when their lips parted "I'm so sorry Cas. What can I do to help?" Dean wanted to do something to bring back warmth into the cold skin in his hands.
Cas stared at him with such intensity that Dean forgot to breath "Make me forget. Make me forget everything except you."
The moment the words left his mouth Dean leaned forward and captured Cas' lips in a kiss that left no room to breathe. He felt hands cling to his shoulders desperately and pushed Cas back onto the bed. Without breaking the kiss, he leaned down and worked the clothes off his boyfriend. Cas didn't stop him; simply clutching onto his back, blunt nails digging into pale skin.
When he had removed every stitch of clothing between them, Dean dipped to kiss his way down the shivering body beneath him. When he reached the dip of his navel, Dean felt Cas' hands pulling him back up.
"No time. Please. Please.." the frantic whisper made Dean kiss Cas harder. Obeying his lover, Dean positioned himself between legs that opened to love him. With a sharp thrust, he joined them in the way only love understood. He saw Cas gasp, a single tear roll down his cheek and leant down to kiss it away. Pushing back, he set a rhythm that he knew from ages. It was just like reading a book you had loved and read a million times – every touch felt familiar, every whisper sounded clearer and the end seemed like coming home.
When he finally felt Cas arch his back and squeeze every inch of warmth from him, he joined him in the fall down the crevice.
Later, after they had made love again and not lust like before, he felt Cas cuddle into his side with his palm right above his heart. "I don't have to go. I need to save lives here first" he whispered into Dean's skin, making the taller man smile and turn to face him.
"And you'll do it brilliantly." He assured, kissing the lips he had kissed in every dream.
Cas ended up rejecting the offer of Brazil and worked double hard to give his best in every case. Dean was doing well in the FBI too, the last year's mistakes helping him work better and faster. Together they saved lives and their conscience in the ways they knew best.
It was perfect for the world they had built together.
And then Christmas arrived.
"Sam's coming tomorrow." Dean informed the guy sprawled out on the bed with books surrounding him. It was Christmas Eve and Cas had to leave for the hospital in about an hour. He simply nodded his head, eyes not leaving the book he was reading. Dean shook his head before getting back to decorating the tree.
Since both of them led busy lives, it was very rare that they actually got to spend quality time together. That was the reason why Dean had woken up at an ungodly hour of 4.30 in the morning to decorate the tree with Cas. Given that Cas had refused to do all the hard work, Dean was currently decorating it to the best he could. He had laid out the Angel bauble for Cas to put on top.
When he finished covering the tree with as much junk he could, Dean felt hands wrap around him and a quick kiss on his neck.
"My turn" Cas quipped before picking up the crystal Angel and placing it on the apex of the tree. Dean laughed at the proud expression on Cas' face – it didn't matter that he had done all the work; Cas was just happy with the Angel. It was something he had picked up on the way from the hospital a few days back. Dean thought it was overrated but Cas maintained that it was cute. So, cute it was.
"You're getting the shift off tomorrow right?" Dean asked as he saw Cas pick up his things and rush towards the hospital. Cas simply nodded, his mouth filled with sandwich. Pecking Dean's lips with the full mouth, he rushed out the front door. Dean sighed to himself before walking to the window to see him off.
Cas rushed down the stairs of the apartment while chewing on the sandwich. On the last step, he almost dashed into a tall, bald and dark man. Stumbling back, he apologized but it only came out as garbled sounds. Cas tried to sneak out by the other guy's side but was once again blocked. He looked up in confusion and found bloodshot eyes staring at him. He felt a shiver of fear down his spine but simply moved sideways, gesturing the other guy to go ahead. When he didn't get any response again, Cas started to get annoyed. Swallowing his sandwich, he excused himself before rushing out to his old battered car. He looked back one last time and found that the guy was still staring at him. Brushing it off as a creepy drunk, Cas got in and drove off to yet another busy day.
Above him, behind the second floor window, Dean wondered why Cas had been staring at the stairs before getting into the car. He tried to lean out the window and see who was there but couldn't see much. Suddenly he heard the telephone ring and went to pick it up. As he chatted with Sam about spending Christmas together, Dean felt things were finally going perfectly.