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Episode Six

The Christmas Gift Conundrum

Updated 1/3/2015

-=o=-

Leaving Amy's apartment after her Christmas Eve party, Penny, Leonard and Sheldon returned to 2311 North Los Robles Apartments, walking tiredly up four flights of stairs and into apartment 4A, the apartment shared by Leonard and Sheldon. Sheldon was carefully carrying the box of cookies Amy had baked for him using his Meemaw's special recipe. "I can't get over it," Sheldon said as he sat down in his spot on the couch. "Amy actually did something that made me feel good about her."

"I'm glad to hear that, Sheldon," Leonard said, smiling happily. "That's what Christmas is about—not rooting for the Grinch to steal Christmas or Frosty the Snowman to melt."

Sheldon shook his head. "Oh, Leonard, you poor deluded fool. Christmas isn't about making people feel good."

Leonard, who was getting himself and Penny bottles of water from the fridge, gave him a querulous look. "You're going to have to walk me through that, Sheldon. If Christmas isn't about making other people feel good, then what is it about?"

"Here we go," Penny groaned to herself.

"Christmas," Sheldon said, with an authoritarian tone in his voice, "is about making other people indebted to you based on the things you give to them. For example, today I gave Amy a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap, that contained a heartfelt greeting from me to her. That was meant to make her feel obligated to me so I could hold it over her when she had no present to give me in return."

"But she did have a present for you," Penny pointed out.

"I know," Sheldon said, with obvious chagrin. "She obviously saw through my clever though admittedly simplistic plan, and devised a fiendish counterplan in order to thwart me!" He held up the box of Christmas cookies she'd given him. "These cookies, baked with my Meemaw's recipe, are every bit as good as cookies actually made by my Meemaw. Oh, it's a nightmare!" he wailed.

Leonard was leaning on the kitchen island sipping at his water. He made a rolling motion with his index finger. "Still having to walk me through this, Sheldon. I don't see the nightmare."

"Oh, well, you wouldn't!" Sheldon exclaimed. "Besides being a Leibniz man, you've been caught up in the hollow traditions of the Christmas spirit, which have pushed out the original meaning of the Yuletide."

"And what was the original meaning?" Leonard asked.

"Why, the burning of the Yule Log," Sheldon said, beginning to list them. "The sacrifice of livestock, the lighting of fires and the cooking of the sacrificed animals. There was also the Wild Hunt, where a group of ghostly hunters ride across the sky in pursuit of a dragon, led by the mighty hunter Jólnir. The story goes that if you help in the Wild Hunt, you will be rewarded, but if you oppose it you will be punished."

"Sounds festive," Penny, sitting on the other end of the couch, said to Leonard, who grinned in appreciation of her sarcasm.

"It does!" Sheldon exclaimed, mistaking Penny's sarcasm for agreement. "Our modern traditions totally miss the true meaning of Christmas!"

"Sheldon." Leonard walked over and sat down in the chair next to the couch. "It seems like Christmas does do those things. Lots of people do have log fires burning this time of year. And we have Christmas dinner, where we eat turkey and ham in celebration of the season. If you think about it, the Wild Hunt sort of sounds like Santa Claus riding through the sky bringing toys to the good girls and boys and nothing to the bad ones."

"Yeah?" Sheldon scoffed, preferring his own explanation to Leonard's. "Well, I suppose that's one way of looking at it."

"Traditions change over time, Sheldon," Leonard pointed out. "You know that."

"Well, they shouldn't," Sheldon snapped. He stood and headed for the hallway. "No matter what Amy said or did today, Christmas is still ruined! Now, good night!" He stormed off to his room.

"Boy," Penny muttered. "Sounds like the Grinch stole Christmas again."

"I heard that!" Sheldon said loudly from his room. "Don't try to get on my good side, Penny!" His door slammed shut.

Penny and Leonard were both laughing. "You know, I really thought Amy got to him this year," Leonard said. "Those cookies were really a wonderful gift from her to Sheldon. Too bad we'll never know what they taste like."

Penny scooted across the sofa to sit closer to Leonard. "Well, Amy told me she made two boxes of the cookies—one for Sheldon and one for everyone else. She gave me a few." She pulled a small baggie out of her jacket and held it up. There were two cookies inside, both broken into pieces. "They're a little the worse for wear," she said, opening the bag and letting Leonard take a piece.

Leonard tasted the cookie. "It is good," he said, biting into it. "Kind of like the cookies my mother got from Nieman Marcus—she said they cost $250 to make."

Penny gave him a funny look. "Sweetie," she said. "That's an old story that's been on the internet a long time. It's just an urban legend, it's not true."

"Are you sure?" Leonard said, doubtfully. "I don't think my mother would lie about something like that."

"Maybe your mom fell for it, too," Penny shrugged.

"I don't know." Leonard looked a bit shaken, like a little kid who'd just found out that Santa wasn't real. "Mother's not the type of woman to be taken in by an urban legend. She certainly wouldn't have told us that if she didn't think it was true!"

"Hmm," Penny said, pensively. "So all those things she wrote about you in Needy Baby, Greedy Baby were true?"

"Uh—" Leonard frowned, finding himself trapped by his own words. His mother had written a lot of things about him in that book, most of them false from his perspective. "She might have thought so, but—"

"Game, set and match, Penny!" Penny crowed, smiling triumphantly at him. "So," she went on, "what do you think we should get Sheldon for Christmas?"

"A new heart," Leonard said, thinking about the Grinch. "His old one shrank three sizes today."

"Come on!" Penny complained. "I'm serious!"

"I am, too," Leonard said. He waved a hand like casting a spell. "Work some of that voodoo-that-you-do on him."

"Don't joke about voodoo," Penny warned him. "But we've got to do something. Sheldon needs a little more convincing that Christmas can be a good thing."

"Maybe we could do a little play for Sheldon," Leonard suggested. "We could pretend to be characters he likes and tell him what Christmas means to us as those characters. He tends to think more of what fictional characters believe than real people."

"Characters like who?" Penny asked.

"Well, I have costumes for Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura," Leonard said. "We could pretend to be them."

Penny gave him yet another funny look. "Why would you have a Lieutenant Uhura costume in your closet?"

"It was Raj's," Leonard explained. "He gave it to me after he started dating Emily. But," he remembered, "there was a blonde communications officer named Lieutenant Palmer. She was pretty hot. You could be her."

"Great," Penny said wearily. "No, I was thinking of something a bit more—interesting…"

"Captain Kirk's pretty interesting," Leonard said, looking a little hurt. Penny gave him a baleful look. "But—but what were you thinking of, then?"

"I think I can whip up a character from the show for Sheldon to meet," Penny said. "Which ones does he like the best?"

"He likes Mr. Spock," Leonard said. "The first one, that is—Zachary Quinto is growing on him but he still likes the Leonard Nimoy version better. And he likes Mr. Data, too, from Next Generation." He smiled wistfully. "To tell the truth, I wouldn't mind meeting them, either."

"You may get your wish," Penny said, standing up and holding both of her hands in the air. She began to recite:

"Killikin, billikin, mallikin more,
Let Sheldon's dream come to our door!
Magic, harken to my plea,
Now Sheldon's fondest dream we see!"

"That was a spell?" Leonard asked. "Cool."

"Now all we need to do is get Sheldon back in here," Penny said. She started to gesture toward his bedroom when Leonard held up a hand, stopping her.

"How are we going to explain this to him?" he asked. "We can't tell him you're a witch—he might forget everything about you."

"We don't have to tell him anything," Penny said smugly. "He'll think he's been dreaming." She finished her gesture, then gestured at the couch. Sheldon appeared there, still holding his box of cookies, apparently asleep.

"Now," Penny said softly to Leonard. "He'll wake up in a few seconds, and when he does, his favorite character will come to the door. All we have to do is let him in and let the fun begin."

Leonard was grinning broadly. "This should be fun!" he said. "I've always wanted to meet Mr. Spock, too!" He looked down at the clothes he'd worn to Amy's Christmas Eve party. "You know, it would be better if we were more appropriately dressed."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Okay," she finally agreed, snapping her fingers and attiring them for the occasion. "Alright, Sheldon, time to wake up…"

-=o=-

Opening his eyes, Sheldon looked around, seeing he was in the apartment living room and relaxing since he was in his spot on the couch. He reached into the box of Christmas cookies, taking out one shaped like a Christmas tree and biting off the tip. "Mmm, delicious!" he said, as Leonard and Penny watched, their mouths watering (he knew) for a bite they would never get. "Oh, I wish you could taste how wonderful Meemaw's cookies are!"

"Gosh," Leonard muttered. "Too bad there's no way for that to happen. Oh, wait…"

"Well, I'm sorry, Leonard," Sheldon said. "But Meemaw made these cookies just for me."

"Actually, Amy made them," Penny reminded him.

"Using Meemaw's recipe!" Sheldon loudly objected. "Besides, I called dibs."

"Fine, Sheldon," Leonard said, with resignation. "Whatever you say."

"On a tangential point," Sheldon continued. "Why are the two of you wearing Starfleet uniforms?" Leonard was dressed in black slacks and a command gold Starfleet top with captain's insignia on it, while Penny had on a skimpy red uniform like the one Uhura used to wear. "Is there a Star Trek convention I'm not aware of?"

"Well, you could say that." Leonard was grinning now. "We thought we'd bring in someone special for you to meet tonight."

Sheldon waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, you know I've met just about everyone around Los Angeles who's been on Star Trek—I've met Will Wheaton, Brent Spiner, LeVar Burton—and that guy who played Lt. Washburn in the Star Trek the Original Series episode 'The Doomsday Machine.' I don't know who else you could come up with."

"You never know, Sheldon," Penny said, an enigmatic smile on her face. At that moment there was a knock on the door. "Now who could that be?" she asked coyly, getting up off the couch and going over to open the door.

Standing in the doorway was Mr. Spock. "Live long and prosper," he said in his deep, resonant voice, making the Vulcan salute.

Sheldon was on his feet before he realized it. "Spock? What—what are you doing here in the 20th century?"

"It has come to my attention that you are an admirer," Spock said, stepping into the room. "I decided to pay you a visit." The Vulcan was dressed in his blue science uniform with a tricorder slung on his hip.

Sheldon was positively quivering with excitement. "I can't believe you're here!" he said, rushing forward to stand in front of him. "Mr. Spock, from the Starship Enterprise, here in my living room! On Christmas!" He thrust the box of cookies forward. "Would you like one of my Meemaw's cookies?"

Spock looked into the box. "Normally, I would not indulge in such fat-laden, high-calorie, low-fiber food. But, seeing as it's your Meemaw's cookies…" He reached in, took one, and bit into it. "Mmm," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Interesting. It is very good."

"Oh, my Meemaw will be so happy you said that!" Sheldon exclaimed. He gestured toward the couch. "Would you like to sit down?"

Spock nodded and moved to sit on the right end of couch. "Wait!" Sheldon said, before he could sit down. "That's my spot."

Spock frowned, looking down at the spot on the couch. "Why is that your spot?"

Both Penny and Leonard groaned. "In the winter that spot is close enough to the radiator to remain warm," Sheldon explained. "Yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there—" he pointed to opposite walls of the apartment. "It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I've made my point," he finished.

Spock, who had frozen halfway through the act of sitting down, stood and straightened his tunic. "Logical," he said, sitting down in the middle of the couch, next to Penny. Sheldon practically leaped into his spot so he could sit next to Spock.

"I can't believe you're really here," he said happily, peering closely at the Vulcan. "I have so many questions to ask you! Such as, what was your favorite Star Trek movie? And what was your second-favorite Star Trek movie? And what did it feel like when you died?"

Before Spock could respond, however, there was another knock at the door. "Now who could that be?" Leonard wondered, looking at Penny, who shrugged.

"Whoever it is," Sheldon said breathlessly, "tell them they can't come in, we're busy!"

Penny, looking a bit perplexed, went over and opened the door again. Standing in the door was another Spock, a younger version of the one seated on the sofa. "I am Spock," he said to Penny as she stared at him.

Both Sheldon and Spock got to their feet as the second Spock entered the apartment. Leonard was giving Penny a quizzical look—What's he doing here? his expression asked. Penny shrugged her shoulders. I don't know, she mouthed in reply.

"New Spock?" Sheldon said, confused. "But I like Old Spock better!"

"As do I," the older Spock agreed. "Why are you here?" he asked the upstart.

"I am Spock," the younger version repeated. "I am here to visit my admirer, Sheldon Cooper."

"But I like him better," Sheldon said, pointing to the older Spock.

"Illogical," young Spock said. "We are the same character."

"But from two different timelines," Sheldon protested. "You're not the same at all! This Spock—" he pointed to old Spock "—still has his planet Vulcan. And he never kissed Lt. Uhura! Compared to him, you're—you're practically a regular human!"

"I see no reason for you to be so insulting," young Spock said, stiffly. "I am—complex." The older Spock rolled his eyes. "What?" the younger one retorted. "You disagree?"

"I am complex," old Spock said. "You are simply whiny."

There was another knock at the door. Penny shook her head and opened the door again. This time a tall, golden-skinned humanoid with dark brown hair dressed in a Next-Generation uniform was standing there. "Hello," he said. "I am Commander Data. I am here to see Sheldon Cooper."

"Come on in," Penny said, gesturing him inside. "I guess I don't know my own strength."

Data stepped inside, then looked at the two Spocks in surprise. "You are Spock," he said to the older Vulcan. "Federation ambassador to the Romulans." He looked at the other Spock. "And you are Spock as well, but I do not understand how there can be two of you."

"Neither do I," Penny muttered to Leonard, who she'd joined after letting Data in. "I only conjured up the first Spock."

"I don't understand," Leonard whispered. "But it is pretty cool seeing all of these characters for real."

"What I want to know," Sheldon was saying, "is which one of you is the smartest?"

"I am an artificial humanoid controlled by a positronic brain containing 800 quadrillion bits of data, with a computation capacity of 60 trillion operations per second," Data answered. "Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude I am the smartest."

"That does not follow," the younger Spock retorted. "Vulcans are capable of multiple simultaneous trains of thought, including those of higher-order mathematical calculations. It is therefore reasonable to conclude that I am the smartest."

"Second smartest," older Spock commented. "By virtue of my additional years of experience and training, I am the smartest."

"And now you're all here, in my apartment!" Sheldon said excitedly. "I still have questions to ask you! For example, how does the warp drive work?"

Spock, strangely, did not look pleased by this. "Is that why I am here?" he asked. "To answer the questions of some 20th century physicist who does not even understand basic warp drive physics?" Sheldon looked startled and vaguely hurt by this.

"Well, to be fair," Leonard spoke up. "The warp drive won't even be invented by Zephram Cochrane for another 50 years, and only then after a long, brutal war that leaves the planet devastated."

"Leonard!" Sheldon gave him a stern look. "There's no point in bringing up the past, even if is in the future!" He turned back to the elder Spock. "You'll have to forgive my roommate—he's more of a Kirk aficionado."

"I understand," Spock nodded sagely. "Jim was all about the coitus."

"Exactly!" Sheldon agreed. Leonard frowned with a what-the-hell expression.

"Excuse me," Data said. "I am unsure of my role in this conversation."

Sheldon turned to him. "You were my favorite Next Generation character, right after Wesley Crusher, who was a lot like me—a genius at an early age, with an eidetic memory, he was one of the central characters on the show for many years."

Data considered this comment for several seconds. "I see," he said. "Perhaps you are unaware that Wesley Crusher resigned from Starfleet Academy after the death of a fellow cadet, for which he was responsible?"

"Uh—" Sheldon looked discomfited by that. "Of course I remember," he said at last. "But it was just a minor setback."

"Resignation from Starfleet is hardly 'a minor setback,'" Data said dispassionately.

"Well, I don't want to talk about Wesley, anyway," Sheldon said, dismissing the subject. "I want to talk about you, Data. Is it true you cannot use contractions when speaking?"

Data nodded. "It is true, I'm incapable of using contractions in my speech patterns."

"Hold on," Sheldon said. "You just did use a contraction!"

"No, I didn't," Data insisted.

"You did it again!" Sheldon exclaimed. "Are you trying to trick me?"

"I heard it, too," older Spock said. "It is quite illogical."

"What would you know?" Data retorted. "As an android I can outthink your Vulcan brain any day of the week."

Old Spock fixed Data with an imperious stare. "I have caused several androids and computer systems to malfunction by tricking their logic systems. You, Mr. Data, are no different from them."

"Stop it!" Sheldon suddenly shouted. "You're not here to fight with one another! You're here to entertain me! Now cease this useless bickering and amuse me!"

Both Spocks and Data turned to Sheldon. "Be silent," they all said at once, then returned to their own argument, leaving Sheldon looking utterly upset and flabbergasted.

Leonard and Penny were watching with a mixture of amusement and concern. "On the one hand, I sort of feel sorry for Sheldon," Penny said to Leonard. "But on the other, it's nice to see someone can make Sheldon shut up."

"If anyone could, it's these three," Leonard said. "They're his favorite science fiction characters of all time."

"What about comic book heroes?" Penny asked. "Which of those does he like?"

"Well, he's a big Batman fan," Leonard said. "And the Flash."

There was a sudden bzzzt at the door. "What was that?" Penny asked. "It sounded like the door buzzer."

"We don't have a door buzzer," Leonard said, getting up and going to the door. When he opened it, however, there was no one there. "Huh," he said, closing it again. "I wonder what that buzzing was?" he muttered.

"That was me, knocking 10,000 times in one second," a new voice said from the kitchen.

"What the hell?!" Leonard spun around. Standing there, sipping on a coffee cup, was a man dressed in a red Flash suit.

"Thanks for the cup of joe," the man said, raising the cup toward Leonard. "I got a little parched running here."

"Who the hell is that?" Penny asked, seeing the man as well.

"Oh! Flash!" Sheldon exclaimed at that moment. "I'm so glad you're here! I need your help—neither of the Spocks nor Data will talk to me anymore!"

"Just a wild guess," Leonard said to Penny. "But I think that's the Flash."

"How did he get here?" Penny whispered. "I didn't bring him here!"

"Well if you didn't I don't know he got here," Leonard whispered back.

There was a tap-tap-tap on the outside of the window. Cautiously, Leonard went over. "Who is it?" he asked, through the drapes.

"I'm Batman," came a raspy reply.

"Batman?" Leonard repeated, incredulously. "What are you doing out there?"

"Just thought I'd hang out with you guys." Leonard pulled back the drapes and opened the window, letting the Caped Crusader inside. "Thanks," the masked man said, his voice a strangled whisper. "My Bat-Line was about to give out."

"None of this is making sense," Leonard said to Penny. "Can't you make these guys go away?"

"What about Sheldon's Christmas present?" Penny asked.

"I think he's had as much of these characters as he needs for the year," Leonard said. "Please?"

"Fine with me," Penny said, gesturing toward Sheldon and the other characters. Everyone froze except Leonard and Penny. Penny held up her hands and recited,

"Hillikan, jillikan, mallikin more,
These characters are starting to become a bore!
Send them back from whence they came,
To the mists of mythic fame!"

To her and Leonard's dismay, however, only Old Spock faded away. "Why didn't the rest of them disappear?" Leonard asked.

"I have no idea," Penny said, confused. "Unless someone's playing a trick on us…" She looked up at the ceiling. "Is anybody out there?"

"I thought you'd never ask," a disembodied voice chuckled. A man appeared, dressed in Next Generation admiral's uniform. He was tall with brown hair, and had an easy, relaxed grin on his face. "Nice to finally meet you, Penny," he said. "How about a hug for your old Uncle Arthur?" He started to step toward her.

Penny put a hand on his chest, stopping him. "Hold on," she said. "Endora warned me about you—she said you're something of a troublemaker."

"Well, what would she know," Arthur sneered. "She hasn't had a sense of humor since the Middle Ages." The warlock's eyes fell on Leonard. "This must be your fiancé," he said, extending a hand.

"Hi," Leonard said, "I'm—" as he grasped Arthur's hand there was a loud buzzing sound and Leonard's hair puffed out as if he'd been hit with a massive jolt of electricity. He quickly jerked his hand away.

Arthur broke into guffaws. "Hope you don't find me too—shocking!" he laughed uproariously at his own joke.

"That wasn't funny," Leonard said, looking upset.

Penny, who was hiding a smile behind her hands, said, "Well, it kind of was, sweetie." Her expression sobered. "But you shouldn't go around giving people electrical shocks," she admonished Arthur.

"Oh, come on," Arthur said, cajolingly. "Didn't you get a charge out of that?" He laughed at the pun. When neither Leonard nor Penny did, he went into a pout. "Party poopers," he said, gesturing at Leonard, whose hair settled back to normal. "So what's going on here?" he asked, looking at the various frozen figures standing around the room.

"I thought you could tell us," Penny said. "Didn't you make all of these characters show up here today?"

"I don't even know who these people are!" Arthur protested.

"They're Star Trek and comic book characters," Leonard told him.

Arthur walked up to one frozen person. "Who's this supposed to be?"

"That's actually my roommate, Sheldon," Leonard said. "He's the reason these other characters are here. Although only one was supposed to show up, Leonard Nimoy's Mr. Spock, and he's gone now."

"Interesting…" Arthur murmured, staring at Sheldon's frozen expression. He looked at Penny. "What was the spell you cast?"

Penny repeated the spell to him. "And you only cast it once?" Arthur asked.

"That's all," Penny said. "When I cast the counterspell the old Spock guy disappeared, but these other characters remained."

"What do you think happened?" Leonard asked.

"I'm not sure," Arthur said. "But I think we can find out." He pointed to Leonard. "You repeat the counterspell."

"Whaaaat?" Leonard gasped. "But I'm not a warlock!"

"Maybe not," Arthur shrugged. "But what've you got to lose?"

Looking perplexed, Leonard recited the words to the counterspell.

"Hillikan, jillikan, mallikin more,
These characters are starting to become a bore!
Send them back from whence they came,
To the mists of mythic fame!"

The four remaining characters faded away, leaving Leonard and Penny alone with Arthur and the still-frozen Sheldon.

"Well," Arthur said to Leonard. "Welcome to the family, kid."

"Holy crap," Penny said.

-=o=-

Doctor Bombay was quickly summoned. The witch doctor appeared dressed in a caveman suit, though he still had his black doctor's bag in one hand and a stethoscope around his neck. "Confound it," he said in his clipped British accent. "Can't a man even have the day off at Christmas?!"

"Sorry, old boy," Arthur said, with a snigger. "Yule'll just have to log some time in today."

"Charmed as always to see you, Arthur," Bombay said sarcastically. "Now, what seems to be the problem here?"

"It's Leonard," Penny said immediately. "Somehow he's able to perform magic on his own!"

"Is that so?" Bombay raised an eyebrow at Leonard, then at Arthur. "Are you quite sure this one is pulling some elaborate prank on the two of you? He's tried to convince other mortals they had magic powers before."

"Not this time, Bombie," Arthur said. "I had nothing to do with this." He put his index and middle fingers on either side of his nose. "Warlock's honor."

"Hmph," Bombay still looked skeptical, but Arthur had sworn he was telling the truth. "Well, let's see what we can find out, shall we?" He reached into his doctor bag and took out what looked like a scope for examining patient's ears. He stuck the pointy end into Leonard's ear and clicked it. A light shone on the wall nearby. "Just as I thought," Bombay said. "Nothing in there."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leonard demanded as Bombay put the scope away.

"It means that whatever is going on, you're not doing it deliberately," Bombay said. "Well, let's try something a bit more practical, shall we? Wish for something."

"What?" both Leonard and Penny said.

"Wish for something," Bombay repeated. "Go on, then."

Leonard looked around, trying to think of something. Finally his eye fell on the box of cookies Sheldon was still holding. "I wish I had one of Sheldon's cookies," he said.

A cookie floated out of the box and over to Leonard's hand. "Whoa," Leonard said, looking at the cookie in awe. "Did I do that?"

"Apparently so," Bombay muttered. "You appear to be in the early stages of wishcraft."

"What's—what's that?" Leonard asked.

"It's the first stage of becoming a witch or warlock," Bombay said. "However, it should not be happening to a mortal. Mortals don't spontaneously develop witchcraft. Unless-" Bombay eyed Penny suspiciously. "Has this mortal ever been to our realm?" he asked.

"Well, yes," Penny admitted. "I took Leonard with me to the potion shop a couple of times, about a month ago."

Both Arthur and Bombay's expressions grew serious. "That must be it, then," Bombay said. "Mortals should not be exposed to our realm—it has weird and unpredictable effects on them."

"So wait a minute," Leonard cut in, realizing what they were implying. "You're saying I'm getting magic powers, too?"

"Perhaps," Bombay nodded. "Has anything else unusual happened to you since you visited our realm?"

"My asthma and allergies have gone away," Leonard said. A wide smile was beginning to spread across his face. "This is cool! Penny, you and I will be a lot more compatible now!"

"I am not sure this is a good thing," Bombay warned, however.

"Why not?" Leonard demanded.

"Mortals aren't meant to deal with such powers," Bombay told him. "You may be unable to control it. After all, you made those fictional characters real without meaning to, didn't you?"

"Well, yes…"

"If your power grows, you may cause other unexplainable things to occur around other mortals," Bombay pointed out. "That would jeopardize our secret. The Witches Council would not look favorably on something like that."

"So what are you suggesting?" Penny asked.

"I suggest we nip the problem in the bud," Bombay said. "We should remove these powers from this mortal."

"Well, wait a minute!" Leonard protested. "It wasn't that long ago you came in here and gave powers like this to Penny! How is this any different?!"

"For one thing," Arthur pointed out. "Penny was born a witch but her powers were suppressed. Maurice and Dr. Bombay just made sure she ended up with what she was supposed to have in the first place. You, on the other hand, aren't supposed to have them."

"Sweetie." Penny was giving him a commiserating look. "I hate to say it, but I think they're right. These powers I have now are a lot more trouble than I thought they would be."

"I don't understand," Leonard said. "I thought you wanted them."

"I did, but they cause me a lot of problems every day, mostly because I have to resist using them to solve any problem that comes up," Penny explained. "I could zap us a million dollars if I wanted to, I could make every doctor I visit buy the medicines I'm selling, but doing that would make everything pointless. You know I wanted to be a famous actress, and I could totally do that now, but what would it mean if I just waved my hand and began starring in movies?"

"That's not something I'd need to do," Leonard said. "I'm an experimental physicist—I can't just change reality to suit my whim."

Arthur gave Bombay a smug look. "They're so naïve when they're young, aren't they?" Bombay chuckled.

"Regardless," Leonard said to Penny. "Listen, I want us to be happy together. If you think I should give up these powers, I will."

"Oh, Leonard," Penny said, becoming exasperated. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"You're knuckling under! Do you think I want you to give up these powers?"

"I don't know," Leonard said honestly. "It seems like you don't really want me to be like you."

"Oh!" Penny huffed, irritated. She turned to Bombay. "Is he better off with or without these powers?"

"Well…" Bombay thought for several seconds. "If he can learn to control them, he would be better off with them, obviously. But we don't really know if he's going to develop witchcraft at all—as I said, exposure to our realm causes weird and unpredictable effects. They could just as easily fade away in time."

"If that's the case," Leonard decided. "Maybe we should just see what happens, then."

"Right, then." Bombay picked up his doctor bag. "Well, back to my cave." He disappeared.

"Splendid!" Arthur said. He threw an arm across Leonard's shoulders. "Welcome to the family, Lenny. Here, have a cigar."

"But I don't smoke—" Leonard managed to say before a stogie appeared in his mouth. "Um, thanks," he muttered around the cigar.

"Well, I must be popping off," Arthur said. "Perhaps I'll look up my dear sister and see what mischief she's been up to lately." He vanished.

"Huh," Leonard said, after Arthur had gone. "He wasn't too bad, really. I could get used to someone like—"

The cigar exploded in Leonard's mouth, leaving his face covered in soot and the end of the cigar spread apart like a blooming tobacco plant. "—him," Leonard finished, annoyed.

Penny snapped her fingers. The cigar and soot disappeared. "I guess we better do something with Sheldon," she suggested. "He's been standing there all this time."

"He won't remember any of this, will he?" Leonard asked worriedly.

"He's going to think it was another weird dream," Penny said. She gestured toward Sheldon's bedroom and Sheldon disappeared. "In fact, I'm going to think this was nothing but a weird dream."

Leonard looked at her. "What do you think's going to happen with these powers?" he asked.

"I suppose we'll just have to find out," she shrugged. "But it's a hell of a Christmas gift, you have to admit."

-=o=-

"Wait, Mr. Spock!" Sheldon moaned in his sleep. "Take me back to the future with you!" He sat up suddenly, finding himself in his own bed.

"Just a dream…" he muttered, then looked down at the box of cookies he was still holding. "Hold on a second—one of my cookies is missing!

"Leonard!"