Chapter 28

I walked into the club house before Juice, who had stopped outside talk to one of members from Rogue River. I started towards the table where Gemma and Tara were sitting but I was side tracked by Happy, who grabbed my arm roughly.

"Ouch! Happy, let go." I struggled to get my arm free as he pulled me back to the club apartments and shoved me into one of rooms. He had never been rough with me so I was assuming something big was going on. He followed me in and slammed the door behind him. I looked around the room and it had to be his, it was fastidiously neat. One of his quirks. The man can kill without remorse but if there was a crumb on the floor he freaked out. Things had to be clean.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He had a scowl on his face.

"What do you mean?" I bit back, did it really matter that much to him.

"I will not pick you up off the ground again if he hurts you!" He growled at me.

"I thought we had this conversation this morning Happy." I frowned at him.

"Well I didn't think you would hop back in the sack with him so quickly." His nostrils flared a bit. I started to laugh at Happy, I laughed so hard that I fell onto the bed. I couldn't control myself. "What the fuck, Kylee?"

"Do...you…think…that…is…ha ha ha ha…what happened?" I tried to say while I laughed at him. Oh poor Happy, all worked up because he thought we had sex and he didn't want me to get hurt.

"Well you changed and you were gone long enough." He puffed up.

I stood up and walked over to him and patted him on the chest. "Down Killer. Nothing happened. We talked and he brought me home to change. And if my dominating brother figure must know, I kissed him and told him if thinks he's getting in my panties he is wrong. He knows where we stand, he knows I don't trust him and it will take a lot to get that back but Happy, I love him. Being here feels right, just like he does. I want to come home." Happy's demeanor changed completely as he calmed down.

"My threat stands, Kylee." He warned me.

"Oh I know, you should probably tell him that and not keep repeating it to me. I mean I wasn't the one whose dick was in someone else. Umm…wait that sounded bad, didn't it. But you know what I mean." I stumbled over my words.

"I will, take it up with him." Happy opened the door. "I lied." He said to me, I looked at his curiously. "I would pick you up off the ground if you needed me to."

I smiled at him. "I know you would and I won't tell anyone that I broke through the ice cold, stone-hard, rock you call a heart."

"Woman, you better not." He smacked my ass hard as we walked out of the back rooms. "You would pay severely for that if you did." He grimaced at me.

"I am aware that Killer. But I think I would give you a run for your money." I smirked at him as I walked up to the bar. He raised his eye brow at the thought and laughed. Cook was behind the bar serving drinks. "Hey Cook." I smiled at him. His hair was still a floppy mess of black on his head and big hazel eyes.

"Shit, Kylee how are you? I heard you were back but I hadn't seen you." He smiled back at me as he handed me a beer.

"I'm doing better than I have been a long time." He was wearing his cut that no longer said prospect. "So you're a full-fledged member now, I see."

He looked down at his cut, "Yeah. It gets me the ladies." He joked.

"Oh I bet." He wasn't a bad looking guy, he was nice enough so I wasn't surprised he could get the ladies. "Any prospective old ladies?" I asked.

"Nah. No one interesting enough. The croweaters have been through everyone else so they aren't worth my time and the non-club girls run away when they sense trouble." He was honest about it. It was the truth, normal girls would run from half the shit that I had seen with this club. I guess I wasn't normal since I seemed to run towards it and not away.

I nodded in agreement. "Well thanks for the beer, Cook it was good to see you." I smiled as I went to sit with Tara and Gemma. They both stared at me. "WHAT?" I looked back at them. I knew they were about to ask me about everything that just happened with Juice and Happy.

"Sweetheart, what the fuck just happened?" Gemma asked, her motherly face on in full force.

"When?" So much had happened in the past two hours my mind was in a bit of a swirl. "Are you talking about Happy accosting me or Juice?" I raised my eye brows

"Both?!" Tara piped in with a look of curiosity flashing across her face. She knew I would fill her in either way and I knew it was killing her not knowing what happened when I was with Juice.

"Juice and I talked and Happy accused me of having sex with him and it pissed him off because he is the only one from Charming who saw how really broken I was. He doesn't want me to get hurt again. I had to reassure him that I won't let that happen. He threatened Juice's life and penis but I told him he needed to tell him that and not me because there is only so much I can relay." I looked at them both and then added. "Oh and I have decided that I am most likely moving back to Charming."

"WHAT?" Tara yelled loudly with excitement. Most of the people around us turned and looked at her. "When were you going to tell us?"

"Um, I just decided. I want to come home." I said as I heard someone walk up behind me. I looked up and it was Juice.

"Were you going to tell me?" He asked quietly.

"I just decided." I stood up and took my shoes off and stood on the chair. "Hello can I have everyone's attention…." Everyone turned to me, Jax gave me a crazy look and I shrugged at him. "Just so we can get this over with and I am not asked why I didn't tell anyone. I have decided I miss my family and I am coming home." There were some whooping and clapping as I stepped down from the chair and was instantly taken into the arms of Chibs.

"You're making the right decision, love. Glad you have finally came to your senses. We've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Chibs." I kissed him on the cheek.

"You seem happy. Are you?" He looked at me sternly as he held me at arms-length.

"I am. I'm starting to feel more like myself than I have in years." I smiled at him.

"That's good to hear. You know if he fucks things up again he won't be long for this world." He said to me.

"Oh I am aware of that, maybe you and Hap should talk with him about that." I smiled at him.

"Aye, I think we will." He turned and yelled in Happy's direction. "Happy, we need to have a talk with our brother here." He put his arm around Juice who had just sat down at the bar with Koziak. He tugged Juice towards the door. He looked back at me with a somewhat worried look on his face and I shrugged at him. It was nice to know I had an overbearing, overly protective family.

"They love you, sweetheart." Gemma motioned to the two morons bringing Juice outside.

I smiled knowing that I was extremely lucky to have them as my protectors. "Oh, believe me I am aware of that. There has never been a moment when I doubted how much either of them have cared for me. They met me at the airport when I came home from Ireland. I don't think that was easy for either of them to see me." Gemma gave me a quizzical look. "I had lost about 15 pounds when I was in Ireland, but I guess that is what a diet of liquor and not eating does to a girl. I am almost back to what I was before all this shit happened. I am more fit then I have been in years though." I thought about how much I hated myself and how long it took me to start loving me again.

"Well darlin' we are happy to have you and your skinny ass back here." She smiled at me.

The rest of the party went pretty well. Juice came back in about twenty minutes later with Happy and Chibs trailing behind him. He was slightly pale but smiled at me. I was reassured my Chibs I wouldn't have any trouble with a straying Juice again. I knew that, I didn't need them to assure me of that. Towards the end of the night Jax came up to sit with me, Gemma had went to get a drink and Tara had just left to relieve the babysitter.

"How you doin' darlin'?" He asked me.

"I'm hanging in there. How are you?" I looked at him, he looked sad.

"I'm okay. I miss Op, going to ask Bobby to take over the VP spot." He glanced back at the big man who did a kick ass Elvis impersonation.

"I think he would be a good choice." I smiled back at Jax.

"We need a favor, Ky…" He looked at me seriously. "The club does that is."

I figured it would be money, they were trying to go legit and money was always a need. "Sure, what do you need?"

"Juice? Hap?" He called them to the table with us. The both sat down. "I need Kylee to help tomorrow." I could tell instantly by the look on both Juice and Happy's faces that they were not okay with it.

"Fuck no, Jackson." Happy said sternly.

"Okay what do you need? Happy, I am a big girl and I can make my own decisions." I glanced over at him, slightly annoyed that he was trying to control stuff.

"We have a meeting set up with Irish tomorrow to end our hand in the gun business. I thought it would be good to have a familiar face with us. Plus Seamus has been asking about you." He said.

"Oh my god, Happy. If Seamus is there I will be absolutely safe. He killed his own brother for me, do you really think he would let anything happen to me? I have also known most of the members for half of my life. I stayed with some of them when I was in the North the last time." I looked at Happy who still scowled at me and then at Juice who looked slightly relieved. I would be damned if I would not be able to make my own decisions in life.

"Good." Jax said. There might have been something that I didn't know but I would help the club out however I could it was least I could do for their support when Juice and I were apart. "I'll have someone pick you up tomorrow morning."

"I'll pick her up." Juice volunteered. I wasn't surprised.

"Since you are volunteering, do you want to take me home?" I smiled at him.

"Yeah I can do that." He smiled back at me.

"We have chapel in 30 minutes." Jax said.

"Alright, I'll drop off Ky and head back." Juice stood up from the table at the same time I did.

I looked at Happy who gave Juice a look and which softened when he looked at me. "I will see you tomorrow, Killer. Bye Jax." I grinned at both of them as I walked out of the club house with Juice.

I was still exhilarated riding on his bike with him. My heart fluttered quickly. We reached the house too quickly. I got off the bike sadly, I could have ridden with him all night. He smiled at me when he saw the look of disappointment on my face. "Don't worry tomorrow will be a longer ride." He walked with me up to the door, I felt like we were teenagers.

"Thanks for bringing me home tonight, Juice." I smiled at him.

I wanted him to pull me into his arms and kiss me with every fiber of my being. It was like he knew it, he put his arms around me and gently pulled me towards him. "You know I could get killed for doing this." He joked as his kissed me. I placed my arms around him and embraced him in a hug as well. When we parted he, looked down at me. "I will see you tomorrow." He kissed my forehead.

"Bye Juice." I waved at him and watched him drive away. I went into the house and took a shower. There was a knock on the door, I had just finished putting on my pajamas. I had thought I heard a bike pull up. I walked to the door thinking it was Juice or Happy. I opened it with a big smile on my face that instantly turned into shock.

"What aren't you happy to see me?" I was instantly taken into two large arms and hugged into a chest.

"AJ, what are you doing here?" I asked him, still a bit shocked as I pulled him into the house.

He looked at me with disappointment, "Well that wasn't the kind of welcome I was hoping for…I am here because of the phone call from last night. Kylee you sounded so broken, I needed to make sure you were okay."

"A phone call would have worked, AJ." I said quietly as I walked into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?"

"A beer if you have one. And you never answered your phone, I called like six times today. I was worried something happened to you."

"Fuck…I forgot my phone at home, it wasn't on the top of my list of things today." I sighed as I handed him a beer.

"How are you holding up sweetheart?" He tried to pull me close to him but he noticed my distance. "Are you okay?"

"We need to talk." I replied quietly as I walked out into the living room and sat down on the couch, he sat on the one near me. I didn't want to do this now but I guess it was better now than leading him on. "I told you I would always be honest with you because I would want that from you. AJ when you called last night I had seen Juice for the first time in two years, he was with some nasty skag, who pretty much pulled a fist full of my hair out of my head. If it wasn't the fact that I was there for Donna, Opie and the kids I would have laid her out flat but it seemed disrespectful to do that there." He flinched slightly at me mentioning violence towards another. He had never experience the real me. He only knew the broken me, it made me wonder if he would have wanted me, if he had met me before Juice and I had separated. "I told Juice off and you called. The thing is I had realized when I saw him, I wanted him. He has always been the one I wanted." I paused thinking about where I was going to go with this. "AJ, you are an amazing and wonderful man and you are going to make some woman really happy but just not me." I looked at him sadly.

He sat there in silence and then he finally said, "You love him even after what he did to you?"

I nodded, "Even after he broke me. I still love him. Please don't think I didn't try with you because I did AJ. I care so much for you but nothing can compare to how I feel about Juice. AJ you ignited something in me that hadn't been alive in a long time, you taught me that I could feel again. You taught me forgiveness and peace. You have healed me in a way that Happy and myself couldn't do. I will forever be grateful for that."

"But how can you love him still?" He was hung up on that. "He treated you like a piece of shit and you are going to go running back to him. He didn't even come looking for you. Kylee, it took me a day to find your address here and almost three hours to get to you, he never did that." AJ was pleading with me.

"AJ, I still love him because he saved me. There is so much you do not know about me." I looked down at the floor in my house.

"I've got all the time in the world right now tell me…" He said quietly. I didn't know if I was ready to share my story with him but it was least I could do.

I took a deep breath, "When I first came to Charming it was for my brother's funeral, I was in a relationship with a man in Ireland who was not a good person. I stayed longer than I originally intended because the people here made me feel like a person again, like I was a part of a family. I fell in love with Juice then but I went back to Ireland because I found out I was pregnant with Liam's baby. I knew if he found out and I had never went back he would have killed me and Juice. I left the only people who had shown me unconditional love that I forgot was even something people could do. Don't get me wrong I have some wonderful friends who live in Northern Ireland but a majority of the people I met there had ulterior motives for loving me. Liam saw me as property." I stopped for a moment and got up to get us each another beer. AJ took the beer from me. Then I sat down and started telling my story again. "So I went back leaving Juice behind and it broke my heart doing it but I knew it was the best for us." I left out the part about Ima out. "Liam and his friends beat me up one night and killed my baby. He thought it was Juice's baby. I had to face him every day for a few weeks before the Sons showed up and to bring me home. They didn't know that I had lost the baby and I was rude to them because I was ashamed of what happened to me. Obviously I got away from Liam and I don't need to worry about him or his associate anymore." I smiled thought about that night in the SAMBEL club house and how good it felt to shoot Jonah. "Juice brought me back to life. His love saved me in so many ways." AJ sat there quietly, so I went on, "I told you when we first started dating that I cared for him still and I didn't know if I could love anyone else. You knew what you were getting into." He looked at me sadly and stood up. "AJ please stay, you came all this way, at least spend the night and don't drive home in the dark."

"I don't know, Kylee." He started at me.

"Please just don't leave. If something were to happen to you…" I trailed off thinking about how horrible I would feel. "Plus you have had drinks."

He sighed deeply. "Fine." He was exasperated. "I had fallen in love with you," he admitted to me, looking at me with a small smile.

"You're in love with someone you don't even know. The girl you fell in love with has beaten the shit out of girl and threatened to kill another. A girl who allowed herself to be abused and controlled for years by a man she thought she loved, a man whose friend she shot and was willing to shoot him for her freedom. She has also knowingly allowed members of SAMCRO kill several members of a rival gang because they intended to kidnap her, rape her and cut her into pieces. She's turned a blind eye to bloody clothes and warm guns and never asked why. The girl you feel in love with doesn't really exist, she was just fragments of who I really am." I looked at him. I needed him to know he didn't really know me. "AJ, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't come home knowing that I was going to end up with Juice or react to him the way I did or even expect him to still want me."

"He would be stupid if he didn't still want you." He muttered as he looked at me. "Kylee I knew exactly who you were when I met you. You might have done all those things but you are a good person and that is what I saw. You willingly helped Brendan with his bar without asking for anything in return…"I opened my mouth to protest but he held his hand as he continued. "I know he isn't paying you very much because you told him you wouldn't accept it. I have seen how you have befriended the people who come into the bar. The way you interact with Happy and your friends when they came in from Charming. I know who you are. Who cares about a dark past we all have those, our club has only been legit for a little over 5 years or did you forget that…I know what violence comes with MCs, I have been a part of that."

He seemed so gentle to me, was he hiding things as well things about himself that I didn't know about? "I haven't forgot AJ. But you just seem like the type of person who wouldn't lift a gun against someone."

"You would be surprised what I am capable of Kylee." He had a grave look in his eyes.

He was such a good man, I didn't want to lose his friendship after everything was said and done. He really did mean a lot to me. "AJ?" He looked at me. "Can we still be friends after this? After I step away from us?"

He smiled at me. "I will always be here for you Kylee, I don't think I will ever stop loving you."

I laughed at him softly, "I'm sure that you will find someone who will love you more than you ever thought was imaginable. Laura really likes you." I suggested.

"Laura?" He looked at me. "She isn't you."

"No she isn't me. But she likes you a lot. I've watched her when you around…sometimes jealously." I smirked at him. There were plenty of times when I went into Brendan's with AJ and she was eye fucking him. It made me angry but I held back because that wasn't in me when I was in Red Bluff I didn't say anything. "She would make you a good old lady."

He looked at me. "I haven't thought about her Ky, because of you." He looked thoughtfully at me, "Do you think if I asked her out she would say yes?"

"Oh my god, she would jump at the chance to date you. I have seen it in her yes. She is jealous of me and she wants you more than anything." I told him I was going to say more by my phone rang. I glanced down at it, it was Happy. "I have to take this." I told AJ, he nodded. "What's up Hap?" I answered, I didn't want him to think that I was ending our conversation for Juice. Granted I would have but I wanted to be in a good place with him.

"What the fuck are you thinking going tomorrow?" He growled into the phone.

"What you mean? I am helping the club out." I said defending my decision as I left the room I was in and went into the kitchen.

"You must not realize how bad it had gotten between us and the Irish." He said.

I hadn't realized that it was bad between SAMCRO and the Irish however I assumed it would be hard to get out of business with them. That is probably why Jax wanted me to go along because I had ties with most of them. "I didn't realize Hap. However, I will be fine, especially if Seamus is there. Plus I have my bad ass biker family watching over me."

"You do have us, and I'll be damned if we would let anything happen to you."

"See I will be fine. I have to go Hap, I have company."

"Juice?" He questioned.

"No, unexpected company." I looked out into the living room where AJ was sitting and drinking his beer. "AJ showed up." I said quietly into the phone.

"I thought you ended things with him."

"Um, I hadn't until he got here…obviously today has been filled with things other than dealing with my personal issues. He hadn't heard from me so he decided to come here." I was slightly annoyed with the whole situation.

"Does Juice know?" He asked.

"No I haven't talked to him since he left." I said, "I am planning on sending him a message a little bit later. Happy I should go I am being rude to AJ. I will see you tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah. Sleep well."

I laughed at him. "Will do Killer. Night." I ended the call. "Sorry about that. Happy." I said I walked back into the living room. I was exhausted emotionally and physically.

"You look tired." AJ said to me.

"I am. I just want today to be done." I yawned. "Would I be horrible hostess if I went to bed?" I asked.

"Absolutely now. Your couch looks comfortable so I will sleep here." He patted the couch.

"No there is a spare room next to the bathroom. Second door on the right. Please stay in there." I walked over to him and bent over kissing his cheek. "Thank you for being so understanding AJ."

"Yeah. That's me Mr. Understanding." He smirked. "Night, Ky."

"Night." I said as I walked into my room. I sat down on my bed and dialed Juice's number, I still remembered it by heart.

He answered on the second ring, "And what do I owe the honor?" I could hear the smile on his face.

"I need to tell you something." I confessed.

"I hope you are calling to tell me you miss me and that you want me in bed next to you." As much as I would love him in bed next to me that wouldn't make for a good situation.

I laughed, "You wish."

"Actually I do." He admitted.

I smiled at his admission. "Juice. AJ showed up at my door tonight."

There was silence on the other end of the line. I heard him sigh deeply. "Is he still there?"

"Yes." I said quietly. "He is sleeping in the spare room. I broke things off with him tonight, Juice."

"So it's true, you are really staying here?"

"Yes." I replied to him.

"Good. Will you let me take you out on a date sometime?" He asked.

I smiled, he had never asked me out on a date and it gave me butterflies just thinking about it. "I might be able to find time on my busy schedule for that." I teased him.

"Well at least it isn't a no. You should get some sleep Ky. I will be there around ten tomorrow. I lo…" he stopped himself. I knew he was going to tell me he loved me but stopped himself.

"Okay, Juice. I'll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams."

"Night Kylee." He said quietly into the phone as he hung up. I laid there a while with the phone on my chest thinking about him. I missed the way he smelt, the way he would hold me at night even if I woke up too hot. I wanted him and only him.