.

Episode Seven

The Growth Recalibration

Updated 1/10/2015

-=o=-

Penny poked her head into apartment 4A, finding Leonard sitting in the chair next to the couch, writing intently in a notebook. She knew Sheldon was out on a Date Night with Amy this Friday night in late January, but Leonard hadn't come over to see her since he got home a few hours ago. "Hey, sweetie," she said. "What's up?"

Leonard looked up in surprise. "Oh, hi," he said. There was a trace of discomfort in his voice, as if he hadn't expected to see her. He held up the notebook in his hand. "I'm just—it's a little project I've been working on, lately."

"About what?" Penny asked, coming into the apartment and over to where Leonard was sitting. He closed the notebook as she approached.

"What's going on?" she asked, wondering what he was hiding. "Leonard," she gave him a sly smile. "You're not drawing dirty pictures again, are you?"

"No," he said, in an of-course-not tone of voice. "It's just—I'm kind of—um," he faltered, tilting his head as that would shake his words loose. Finally, "I'm—doing some experiments," he murmured, in a low voice.

"What kind of experiments?" Penny asked, curiously.

"Um," he said. "Magical ones."

"Oh, Leonard," Penny sighed. Ever since he'd found out that going to the witches' realm had given him magical powers, Leonard had been acting a bit…squirrelly. She'd let it slide for some time, knowing how it felt to suddenly be given powers you could barely comprehend. But now she had to get to the bottom of things, for his own good. "Alright," she said in a commanding tone. "Spill it. What have you been doing?"

Leonard squirmed a bit. "Well, you know I'm an experimental physicist, right? I'm just trying to understand the parameters of what's been happening to me."

Penny softened a bit. "Okay, I get it. I guess." She pointed to his notebook, which floated out of his hands into hers. "So what kinds of experiments have you been doing?" she asked, opening the notebook and looking through the pages. There were a lot of entries in the notebook, with a lot of numbers she didn't understand.

Leonard smiled at her interest, instantly going into lecture mode. "I've been trying to reproduce simple types of magic in various ways. You know, making things come to me, turning light switches on and off, things of that nature. After that thing with the Star Trek characters, most of what I've tried has been hit and miss, though," he added, in a flat voice. "Sometimes I can make things happen, sometimes I can't.

"So I've tried to change the experiments in small ways, varying parameters such as weight, distance traveled, or proximity. Um—" he could see Penny's eyes beginning to glaze over. "In other words, just changing one variable at a time. For example, I would try to turn off the light switch in my room from a foot away one night, from two feet the next night, and so on. And I've recorded the success or failure of each experiment."

"Hmm, I see," Penny said, letting the notebook float back to Leonard. "So what did you find out?"

Leonard's face filled with frustration. "Nothing. I mean, there's no consistent pattern to when I can or can't work magic. For example, last week I did an experiment using dice, trying to duplicate your results at throwing sevens every time. I was able to do it—" Leonard opened the notebook, searching out the page of his results. "—only 45.4 percent of the time. If I was doing it by random chance I would get a seven 16.67 percent of the time."

"That's still more than twice as often," Penny pointed out.

"Yes, but then why was I able to conjure up Zachary Quinto's Spock and Commander Data out of nothing?" Leonard wondered, running a hand nervously through his hair. "That sort of magic seems completely beyond what I'm capable of doing now, which isn't that much, if you want to know the truth."

"Well, Leonard," Penny didn't really know what to say, except, "Dr. Bombay told us that the other place had unpredictable effects on mortals."

"I know that," Leonard agreed.

"And he said that this magic of yours might not even last," Penny reminded him. "Maybe it's fading away."

Leonard nodded, looking a little morose. "I suppose…"

"Aw, I'm sorry, sweetie," she said softly, leaning over and giving him a hug. "I know you wanted us to be more alike."

"It would have been cool," Leonard said into her shoulder, in a tone that was more resigned than sad. "But you may be right, this may have been a temporary thing."

"You're not upset, are you?" Penny asked, leaning back and looking him in the eye.

Leonard smiled bravely. "I'm fine," he said, in that tone that reminded her of a puppy dog's whine for attention. "I'll be fine," he added, making the puppy dog eyes.

Penny hated to see him like this, and at the same time it kicked in her desire to make him feel better. "So," she murmured in a seductive tone, "what do you say we go lie down for a while together?"

"I'd like that," Leonard said, leaning forward to kiss her softly. "In fact, I was kind of wishing for something like this to happen…"

"Well, if wishes were horses," Penny misquoted, "then physicists would ride. But you're not going to be doing the riding tonight…"

-=o=-

The following afternoon—

Penny was back in her apartment, sitting on the couch with a mostly-empty bottle and a full glass of wine in front of her on the coffee table. She'd come home right after she'd awakened that morning, not even waking Leonard up to tell him she was leaving. Earlier that morning she'd heard Sheldon and Leonard leave the apartment—Sheldon obviously had errands to run, and Leonard was playing chauffeur, as usual. He had texted her sometime later, probably while waiting on Sheldon, writing, "LAST NIGHT WAS WONDERFUL, SEE YOU SOON :)"—Penny had texted a simple smiley face in return, not wanting to get into a texting conversation with him. She had spent the morning drinking and thinking, and her thoughts were not happy ones.

She should be happy. After more than a decade in California, she finally had a good job and a fiancé, a wonderful guy who loved her unconditionally. She had friends she got along pretty well with, and she hadn't gotten pregnant yet, though it hadn't been for lack of occasions for that to occur. Her dad even liked Leonard!

So what was wrong with her?
Was it the fact that she was a witch? About six months ago her grandfather, a warlock named Maurice, had shown up on her doorstep and convinced her to take a test to see if there was any latent magic in her. There was, and a witch doctor named Bombay had given her a potion that turned it back on. Since then she'd been studying a book on magic, learning how to cast spells and do the things witches and warlocks could do. She'd met several members of her grandfather's family, and they'd been supportive of her—well, more or less. She still hadn't told her dad or mom about the witch thing yet, mostly because she didn't know how to approach her dad about the situation. He was Maurice's illegitimate son and over 150 years old, but no one in their family had known that until Maurice told her. She wasn't sure what she was going to say to her dad the next time she saw him.

For now, however, being a witch meant that she could have anything she wanted—literally. If she wanted to be rich she could whip up bundles of cash in a moment. If she wanted to be a big movie star she could arrange that, easy-peasy. She could travel the world at leisure if she desired. That's what most of her witchy relations seemed to be doing, anyway.

So why wasn't she happy?

There was a knock on her door. "Come in," she said, already knowing who it was. Bernadette had texted earlier, asking if she could come over and hang out for a while. "It's unlocked."

Bernadette entered the apartment. "Hi," she said. "How's it going?"

"Okay, I guess," Penny lied. "Want some wine?" she asked, holding up the bottle. "I'll race you to the bottom of this sauvignon blanc."

"Looks like you've got a pretty big head start," Bernadette said, smiling.

"Yeah," Penny agreed, sipping on her glass as she poured one for Bernadette, who sat down on the couch next to her.

"Any idea what you and Leonard are doing for Valentine's Day this year?" Bernadette asked. Valentine's Day was a few weeks away.

"Not really," Penny mumbled. "Last year we almost killed Raj's dog—we were thinking of maybe going to the park and poisoning pigeons this year."

"So what's up?" Bernadette asked, sensing something not-right with Penny. "You seem a little down." She sipped on her glass of wine.

"I don't know," Penny sighed. "I just feel kind of—well, bleah."

Bernadette recognized this behavior periodically in Penny. She began to doubt her relationship with Leonard every so often, thinking it wasn't as exciting or gratifying as it ought to be. Never mind that in the past Penny was always more unhappy without Leonard than with him. "You're not thinking about breaking up with Leonard again, are you?"

"What? No," Penny looked vaguely surprised at the comment. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, it's one of your patterns," Bernadette reminded her. "We've been over this before, you know."

"I know," Penny agreed. "But it's not that…" She frowned, trying to think of some way to explain herself. "I'm just—" but there seemed to be no way to express it other than— "I'm a witch."

Bernadette's face went into a wry smile. "Come on, you're not that bad," she said, misunderstanding. "I mean, you can be a little bitchy every so often, but that's just PMS, I'm guessing." She took another sip of wine.

"No," Penny said. She sat down her glass of wine. "I'm not kidding. I'm a witch. A real, card-carrying, spell-casting witch." She stared evenly at Bernadette, waiting to see what would happen.

Thoughts were whirling through Bernadette's head, most of them centered on the amount of alcohol Penny had probably consumed so far that day. "I think that's enough of this," she said, moving the bottle of wine out of Penny's reach.

"That's not the problem," Penny said flatly. "I'm not drunk—well, I am, but not enough to start making this stuff up. I really am a witch, and I'm taking a big risk telling you since if we're not really friends you'll forget everything about me in a few seconds."

"Why would I forget about you?" Bernadette asked, taking another gulp of wine.

"Because the Witches Council cast a spell that makes mortals forget everything they know about a person if they tell them they're a witch before that person's ready to hear it," Penny explained.

"The Witches Council?" Bernadette repeated. "Are you serious?" Unconsciously she drained her glass of wine, then filled it again from the bottle.

"Yeah," Penny said, with a shrug. "I told Amy about me a few months ago and she forgot all about me."

"Yeah," Bernadette remembered. "We thought she was just upset with you for some reason and was pretending not to know you. She really forgot all about you?"

Penny nodded. She picked up her glass of wine and drained it. "I was able to get a potion that restored her memory of me, so nobody knew what had happened." She sat the glass down and reached for the bottle, but Bernadette moved it out of reach. She sat back, giving Bernadette a long look. "That's not going to work," she said. She held up her hand and the bottle of wine floated off the coffee table and over to Penny.

Bernadette flinched away. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "How did you do that?!"

"I told you," Penny said. "I'm a witch." She poured more wine into her glass. The bottle floated back to its spot on the coffee table as Bernadette watched it, eyes wide with surprise and apprehension. "Convinced yet? Still remember who I am?"

"Hold on," Bernadette said, as the situation gradually became clear to her. "You told Amy you were a witch before you told me? How come?!"

"It's was a spur-of-the-moment thing," Penny explained. "She and I went to lunch one day right after I became a witch—I had to tell someone or I was going to burst!"

"And how long have you been a witch now?" Bernadette demanded, taking a long, hard drink from her wine glass.

"About six months," Penny said, beginning to lean away from Bernadette as she recognized the diminutive blonde getting worked up.

"And you just now thought to tell me about this?!" Bernadette shouted. "What kind of friend do you think I am?!"

"Well, obviously a real one," Penny said quickly. "Otherwise, you'd be asking me who I was and why you were in my apartment about now."

Bernadette opened her mouth to yell at Penny for not trusting her, but suddenly closed it again as a horrible thought occurred to her. "How did you manage to get that job at my company?" she asked.

Penny flinched at the implication. "I didn't use magic, if that's what you're asking! I mean, I almost didn't get the job at all!"

"What?!" Bernadette looked outraged by that. "Why not?"

"Dan said the only reason he interviewed me was because he was afraid of you," Penny replied. "And I went for the same reason." Bernadette sat back, stunned by that revelation. "I sucked at that interview," Penny continued. "The only reason I got the job was because Dan was afraid of what you'd do if I didn't get it."

"I can't believe it," Bernadette breathed. "You got the job because I'm a bully?" She gulped down the rest of her glass of wine.

"No, no!" Penny said quickly. Then, "Well, yeah, I guess so. But I didn't use any magic, on you or anyone. I don't even think I was a witch when I went for that interview!"

"So, what does this—magic—of yours let you do?" Bernadette asked, curiously.

"Pretty much anything," Penny said. "I'm still learning, but there doesn't seem to be much I can't do, if I can find a spell for it."

"What does Leonard think about this?"

Penny shook her head. "That's another problem."

"You mean he doesn't know you're a witch?" Bernadette guessed.

"No, he knows," Penny said. "But a couple of months ago I took him with me to pick up a potion—it was to help Howard's mom lose weight, by the way, and you saw what happened with that—and exposing him to the realm where witches and warlocks live cured his asthma and gave him magical powers."

"What?!" Bernadette gasped. "You mean Leonard can do magic, too?!"

"A weaker form of it," Penny admitted. "He can't actually control it very well, yet. It's more like wishcraft than witchcraft—he can wish for something to happen and sometimes it works, sometimes not. He's been experimenting with it for the past month."

Bernadette was holding her head, trying to get it to wrap around everything Penny was telling her. "So you're saying—you can give other people magic powers? That would be amazing!"

"Wait a minute—I don't know that it works that way," Penny cautioned. "I've been told exposing mortals to the witches' realm has strange and unpredictable effects on them."

"Well, it would be worth trying again, don't you think?" Bernadette suggested. She had a sudden desire to be like Penny, who it felt like at this moment had led something of a charmed life compared to hers.

"I was warned not to do it again," Penny said carefully, trying not to piss Bernadette off.

"And you always do what you're told?" Bernadette demanded in a irritated tone. "Who's going to know?"

"Um…" Penny thought of all the witches and warlocks she knew—Maurice, her grandfather; his wife Endora, cousin Serena, Uncle Arthur. Doctor Bombay, who'd given her the potion that had made her a witch. Even Emily, Raj's girlfriend, had turned out to be a witch! "What if there's a problem?"

"What makes you think there's going to be a problem?" Bernadette growled. "You think I don't have what it takes?!"

"I didn't say that!" Penny said quickly. "I guess we can give it a try." Although it seemed like alcohol and poor judgment were winning again. She reached out and took Bernadette's hand. "Here we go." The two of them vanished.

-=o=-

A week later—

"Did your mother say why she wanted us over for dinner tonight?" Bernadette asked Howard as they drove over to her house.

"Not really," Howard muttered in a subdued tone. He hadn't been in a particularly good mood today, she noted to herself. "She just said she wanted to talk to us about something."

"Do you think it's about her and Stuart?" Bernadette asked, trying to find out what Howard was thinking.

"I have no idea, Bernie," Howard said shortly. "Ever since she lost all that weight she's been acting—well, strange."

"Yeah, that weight…" Bernadette said. Now that she knew why Howard's mother had lost all that weight, she wished she could tell him what had happened. But she'd promised Penny she'd keep it to herself. That and the fact that she was waiting to see what effect traveling to the witches' realm would have on her. So far there had been nothing. "Do you think she'll manage to keep the weight off?"

"Maybe," Howard said. "Given that she's been eating something like a whole brisket every night since Thanksgiving and hasn't gained a pound." He glanced at Bernie with a wry smile. "Kind of amazing, isn't it?"

"It is," Bernadette agreed, not trusting herself to say anything more.

In the house they found Howard's mother, as expected, still as thin as she had been back in late November after her stay in the hospital. Stuart was there, too, with the usual dour, downtrodden expression he always wore plastered across his face. They were seated together on the couch.

What was unexpected was the third person present. It was Jeanie, Howard's second cousin and the person he had lost his virginity to when they were both 15. She had a pleasant though determined expression on her face as Bernadette and Howard came into the living room.

"Jeanie?" Howard said, surprised to see her. "They invited you over for dinner, too?"

"Well, sort of," Jeanie said, uneasily.

"Jeanie is living here now," Stuart spoke up.

"Say what?" Howard gasped.

"Stuart and Debbie asked me to move in," Jeanie said. "And I said yes."

"You moved in," Howard said, pointing at Stuart, "with him?"

"And you're okay with this?" Bernadette said to Mrs. Wolowitz. "When Howard and I got married you didn't even like the idea we were sleeping in the same bed!"

"I've been lonely since Howard left," Debbie said, defensively. "Stewie's been a comfort to me since he's come here. And if Jeanie wants to give the milk away for free, who am I to argue?"

"I can't believe this!" Bernadette shouted, surprising even Howard with her vehemence. "You!" she stalked over to Stuart, poking her finger in his chest. "You've been taking advantage since you got here! When are you gonna grow up and go out on your own, you bum?!" she growled, looking him straight in the eye.

Stuart didn't reply for several seconds, a look of surprise and incomprehension on his face. Finally, he said, "Are—are you getting taller?"

"What do you mean?" Bernadette snapped. "Don't try to change the subject-!"

"He's not," Howard said, in a strangled tone. She turned her head to look at him, and found herself looking down. She was taller than Howard! "Bernie, are you wearing lifts or—"

Bernadette looked down at herself. Her clothes, comfortable on her five-foot frame, were now too small for her body—she was as tall as Stuart! Is this what the witches' realm did to me? She thought briefly before realizing she had to get out of there before she got even taller.

There might be some normal way to explain her mother-in-law losing over 100 pounds of weight in a week, but people did not just grow several inches at a time! She had to beat a hasty retreat.

"Listen!" she said loudly, backing away and hunching over to hide the change in her height. "I don't need this! You all need to work this out among yourselves! I've got better things to do!" Like hightail it over to Penny's and find out what's happened to me! "Howard, I'll see you later after you get things straightened out here!" She spun and headed for the door.

"Bernie?" Howard said, uncertainly, but the door slammed in his face. Standing there, Howard heard their car start up and leave, tires squealing as she backed out of the driveway and sped away.

He looked back at the others, who were staring at him, their faces showing just as much confusion as he felt. "So, where were we?" Howard asked blandly, trying to hide his own embarrassment.

-=o=-

Not finding Penny in her own apartment, Bernadette stormed back across the hallway to 4A, banging repeatedly on the door until Leonard answered it.

"Oh hi, Bernadette," Leonard said. "Come—"

"Out of the way, short stuff," she snapped, elbowing him aside so she could enter the apartment, noting as she did that she towered over Leonard as well. The smell of Hamburger Hamlet burgers filled the apartment. The restaurant had recently reopened in Sherman Oaks. It was a 10-mile drive from Pasadena, but the burgers were worth it. Penny, Amy and Bernadette had eaten there several times before the Pasadena location closed down.

But food wasn't the point of her being here now. "Look at me!" she snapped at Penny, who was staring wide-eyed at her from the couch. "This is what that place of yours did to me!"

"Ah, Bernadette—" Penny said warningly, looking at the other end of the couch, where another pair of eyes was staring at Bernadette.

"Bernadette, what has happened to you?" Sheldon asked, coming to his feet.

"What does it look like happened to me?" Bernadette shouted at him. "I'm growing!" She was even taller now than she'd been at Howard's mother's house—she was nearly eye level with Sheldon now!

"But that's impossible!" Sheldon objected. "The pituitary gland, which secretes somatotropin, or growth hormone, ceases production in late adolescence, normally by age 18. You should not be getting any taller."

"Do I look like I'm not any taller, Sheldon?" Bernadette snapped. Her dress looked like a miniskirt now, and her blouse sleeves ended halfway down her forearms. She spun toward Penny, pointing at her accusingly. "And it's all your fault!"

"My fault?" Penny leapt to her feet as well. "I warned you about—about what might happen!"

"What happened?" Sheldon wanted to know.

"Penny's a witch!" Bernadette blurted out. That statement hung in the air for several seconds while Leonard, Penny, Bernadette and Sheldon stared at one another. Sheldon stood stock-still as his brain tried to process what Bernadette had said.

"That's not a very nice thing to say about your friend," Sheldon said, predictably misunderstanding Bernadette's meaning. "I know Penny can be quite abrasive at times, even harsh when it comes to interacting with others, but I wouldn't go so far as to call her—"

"You don't get it, Sheldon!" Bernadette cut him off. "Penny's a real witch—"

"Bernadette!" Leonard said warningly, trying to keep Sheldon from learning the truth.

"—A card-carrying, cauldron stirring, broom flying, spell-casting witch," Bernadette continued inexorably. "She can do real magic, just like in Harry Potter! She gave Howard's mom a potion that made her lose all that weight, and she cast a spell that made Mr. Spock appear at your door Christmas morning!"

"But that was a dream," Sheldon said, looking at Penny and Leonard. "I remember waking up in bed afterwards—"

"Oh, grow up!" Bernadette raged at him. "She made you fall asleep and put you in bed! And all those other characters who showed up—" she pointed a finger at Leonard "—were caused by your roommate, who can do magic, too!"

Sheldon's mouth was hanging open in shock. He looked at Leonard. "Is this true, Leonard? Penny?"

"Well…" Leonard had no idea what to say now. "Penny?"

Penny looked just as lost. "I…can't really…dispute what Bernadette said," she muttered, wondering when Sheldon would simply forget everything he knew about her.

Sheldon looked hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "I thought you said we were friends."

Leonard and Penny glanced at one another. Sheldon didn't look like he was going to forget. "We weren't sure how you'd take it, buddy," Leonard said. "I mean, it's not something you normally find out about someone."

Sheldon stared at the two of them. "In the past year I've left the comfort of my apartment and traveled across the entire U.S. I've told Amy I loved her, even before she told me. I've agreed to let Leonard live with Penny."

"One night a week," Leonard pointed out.

"Irrelevant," Sheldon declared. "I would say we're already through the looking glass, as far as learning unusual things about me. The fact that Penny can perform magic doesn't seem all that amazing, compared to those things."

A smile formed on Penny's lips. Trust Sheldon to make it all about himself! "I'm glad to hear you say that, sweetie," she said happily. "I was worried that you might not be able to handle it."

"Yeah, great," Bernadette snapped angrily. "Now what about me? I'm still growing!" She was taller than Sheldon now, and her clothes were about ready to burst at the seams, so small were they on her now.

"Yeah, sorry," Penny said. "We better fix those clothes." She snapped her fingers. Bernadette's clothing immediately enlarged so she looked normal again. All six-foot-four of her.

Sheldon jumped as Bernadette's clothes changed. "That's remarkable!" he said, amazed. "What else can you do?" he asked Penny.

"Never mind that now!" Bernadette shouted. "How do I get back to normal?!"

"Well," Penny said reluctantly. "I think I need to call in some help." She looked up at the ceiling and said, "Calling Doctor Bombay! Calling Doctor Bombay! Emergency, come right away!"

Bombay appeared, dressed in a white doctor's coat and carrying his usual doctor's bag. He sighed as he saw Penny. "Again?" he asked tartly. "What kind of mischief have you been up to now, Penny?" Turning, he saw Sheldon staring at him in amazement. "And who's this fellow? Another mortal?"

"That's Sheldon, Doctor," Leonard interjected quickly. "He know about you. Well, not you, specifically, but, but the fact that you—that is to say, witches—or warlocks in your case—exist."

Bombay stared at Leonard a long moment. "Thank you, dear boy, for that incisive explanation." He looked around the room. "Now, what seems to be the problem here?"

"It's me," Bernadette said, a little calmer now that help had arrived. "I've started growing. My normal height is five feet, but I must be over six feet tall by now."

Bombay ran his eyes over Bernadette's form. "Ah yes," he said appreciatively. "Quite a long drink of water, as it were. Ha-ha! Very nice," he murmured to himself, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

Penny could almost guess what thoughts were running through the witch doctor's mind. "She's married," she said in a low voice.

"Oh, dash it all," Bombay muttered. "Well, then," he continued in a normal tone, setting his doctor's bag on Leonard's desk and opening it. "Let's find out what's going on then, shall we?"

Bernadette looked at Penny. "I think you ought to tell him," she said.

Penny sighed. "Yeah…" she agreed reluctantly. "Bernadette's been to the witches' realm as well," she said to Bombay.

"The witches' realm?" Sheldon said, his eyes glittering with interest. "What's that?"

"Hold on, Sheldon," Leonard said. He stared at Penny in surprise. "You brought Bernadette there, too?"

"I know I wasn't supposed to," Penny said, averting her eyes from Bombay, who was giving her a stern look. "But she made me do it!"

"I made you?!" Bernadette snapped. "You didn't have to take me there!"

"You kind of insisted on it," Penny said, defensively. "And I was a bit—impaired that day."

"Yeah, you'd had a snootful of liquor," Bernadette sneered.

"A couple of glasses of wine," Penny explained quickly. "So did you!"

"Nevertheless," Bombay said imperiously, "Penny, you were warned not to bring any other mortal into our realm. However, that's water under the bridge for now. Let's stick with the problem at hand." He took out the ear scope device and shone it into Bernadette's ear. "Yes, it's the same problem as before," he said, putting the scope away. "Our realm has unpredictable results on mortals. In this case, the young lady may have been thinking about being taller while she was there, and the magic inherent in our realm reacted to that. When did you first notice you were getting taller?" he asked Bernadette.

"At my mother-in-law's house," Bernadette answered. "I was arguing with someone there and noticed I had become as tall as he was. I decided to come here and show Penny what had happened to me."

"And were you upset or angry during your trip here?" Bombay asked.

"Well, I wasn't exactly happy about it!" Bernadette snarled. She felt herself suddenly edge upward another inch.

"I think we've uncovered the stimulus for your growth spurts," Bombay said. "You tend to grow when you become angry."

"Huh!" Sheldon said. He'd been observing all this with fascination. "Just like Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk whenever he gets angry!"

"Quite," Bombay agreed. "Only in this case, the madder Bernadette gets, the taller she gets. Ha-ha!" He saw Penny giving him a strange look. "What, you don't think warlocks read comic books?"

"Doctor, do you think it might work in reverse, too?" Leonard asked. "If Bernadette were to calm down would she return to her normal height?"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Bernadette said hotly. "This is all your fault anyway!"

"My fault?!" Leonard protested. "How is it my fault?!"

"I was supposed to get magic powers like you did, not this weird growing thing!" Bernadette cried. She broke down at that moment, dropping onto the couch and dissolving into tears. "Howard and everyone saw me get taller!" she sobbed. "How am I going to explain this to them?"

"I wouldn't worry about that now," Bombay said soothingly. "We can sort that out directly. For now, I want you to stand up and take deep, calming breaths." Bernadette nodded, got to her feet, and began breathing steadily.

"That's right," Bombay nodded. "Now close your eyes and think of some place restful and relaxing." Bernadette did this as well, and with each exhale she seemed to get a little shorter in stature. In a few moments she had shrunk below six feet, then down to five and a half feet.

"Now, in a few moments I'm going to give you something to drink," Bombay said, reaching into his doctor's bag and taking out a small bottle. "This will neutralize the magic absorbed while you were in our realm, halting your body's growth spurts when you become angry." He put the bottle in her hands.

Bernadette suddenly opened her eyes. "Would it be possible for me to be a few inches taller?" she asked.

Bombay frowned. "I don't know…"

"Please?" Bernadette pleaded. "Just a few inches taller!"

Bombay smiled, softening. "Oh, all right. I can never say no to a pretty girl. I'll call out your height as you shrink. Drink the potion when you reach the height you wish to be." Bernadette smiled and held the bottle up, ready to drink.

"You're five-foot-six now," Bombay said. "Five-five, five-four, three, two—"

"Good enough," Bernadette said, draining the bottle. She made a face. "Oh my God, that tastes awful!" She looked down at herself. "Did it work?"

"Why don't you get angry and see?" Sheldon suggested, watching intently to see what would happen. "Shorty," he added.

Bernadette looked up sharply at Sheldon. "Bite me," she snapped at him. Nothing happened. "I guess it's good," she said happily.

"Right, then," Bombay said, snapping his bag closed. He turned, wagging a finger reproachfully at Penny. "And no more bringing mortals into our realm, do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir," Penny said quietly, hanging her head in shame.

"Very good," Bombay nodded sternly, then picked up his bag. "Well, I'm off, then." He vanished.

This left the four of them staring at one another in varying stages of astonishment, confusion, and embarrassment.

Sheldon broke the silence. "Since when did Penny become a witch? And if that's true, why am I not a wizard?"

"It's a long story, sweetie," Penny told him.

"And it's like in Harry Potter," Leonard added quickly. "You have to have the right type of blood to be a wizard."

"But Bernadette said you could do magic, too," Sheldon said accusingly. "How could you have the right type of blood and not me?"

"It's because I took Leonard with me to the witches' realm a few months ago," Penny said. "It cured his asthma and allergies and gave him limited magical ability."

"I wondered why I hadn't seen you using your inhaler for some time now," Sheldon said to Leonard. "So it is possible for me to become a wizard, then."

"But it's not likely, Sheldon," Leonard said. "My magic is fading now, it'll probably be completely gone before long. Sorry, buddy, I just don't think it's possible for us to become warlocks."

Sheldon didn't speak for a long moment. Then he shrugged. "Oh, well. It would have been interesting, however, to see how much my contributions to science would have increased by me being a wizard."

"I guess I should get back over to Howard's mom," Bernadette said, moving toward the door. "We were supposed to have dinner over there. Don't worry, I won't say anything about you to him." She looked down at herself, then at Penny, pointing to her now oversized clothes. "Um, could you?"

"Sure," Penny said, snapping her fingers. Bernadette's clothes fitted perfectly once again.

"Thanks," Bernadette said. "Oh, by the way," she added. "It looks like Stuart and Howard's mom invited Jeanie to stay with them."

"No way!" Penny gasped. "What did Howard say to that?"

"We just found out today," Bernadette said. "He wasn't happy, to say the least! But then I started getting taller, and I had to get out of there before they started asking questions I couldn't answer."

"What do you think Howard's going to say when he finds out you're two inches taller?" Leonard asked, grinning.

"I'll just tell him I'm wearing taller heels," Bernadette said, smiling. "I really wanted to be five-foot-six, but I thought that would be pushing things a bit too much. See you later," she said, exiting the apartment.

She was barely gone before Sheldon spoke again. "You betrayed me," he said to both Penny and Leonard. "Why did you think I would be unable to handle knowing Penny was a witch? Or that you can do magic now, Leonard?"

"It's not as simple as that, Sheldon," Leonard said, trying to think of something to mollify him. "It's, um…"

"It's a secret," Penny said suddenly. "You know how you are with secrets, Sheldon. You keep telling us that you can't keep them."

"True," Sheldon agreed, emotionlessly. "I dislike being forced into the covenant of secret-keeping. But I am open to you asking me whether I would keep the secret or not. You didn't do that."

"Sheldon, how could we ask you whether you would keep a secret if we had to tell you what the secret was in the first place?" Leonard asked.

"You could always give me a hint what the secret was, so I could decide whether I could keep it or not," Sheldon suggested.

"That would amount to the same thing," Leonard pointed out.

"Oh, not at all!" Sheldon disagreed. "A hint is not the same as simply telling me the secret."

"Fine, then," Leonard agreed, wearily. "Next time we'll give you a hint and you can decide whether you want to know the secret or not."

"Agreed," Sheldon nodded. There was a long moment of silence. "So, about this Penny being a witch thing…"

"Oh my God," Penny exploded. "Sheldon, it's a secret! Don't tell anybody, not even Amy!"

"I thought the boyfriend-girlfriend covenant overrode external covenants such as secret-keeping—" Sheldon began.

"Not even Amy!" Penny said again, even louder this time. "Or so help me, I'll turn you into a giraffe and stick you in the Los Angeles Zoo!"

"Fine," Sheldon said, backing away from her. "Boy, you really are a witch."

-=o=-

A/N: I finished this episode fairly quickly. Keeping them to 5 or 6 thousand words makes them easier to write.

Now Bernadette and Sheldon are in the know about Penny's witchcraft and Leonard's limited ability to perform magic. And Bernadette didn't end up being a witch like she wanted, but she did get a few inches out of her trip the witches' realm. I guess it's a good thing I didn't make her boobs grow…

I'm not sure how Sheldon will react, long term, to Penny being a witch. He's not really into desiring material stuff like money or things, he's more into being recognized for his scientific achievements. I doubt Penny will conjure up a Nobel Prize for him, though.

123justafan suggested that Leonard's mom Beverly might be a witch and have suppressed Leonard's witchcraft. Er, I don't know, I think that would be a stretch, even in this story. Leonard's history, while still a bit sketchy, is still better developed than Penny's. We still don't even know her last name! The idea that the witches' realm can have weird effects on normal humans makes it possible to do things like give Leonard wishcraft and make Bernadette grow taller when she gets angry. In addition, Bewitched showed there were other ways for mortals to be given magical powers. In season six Darrin was given a pocket watch that gave him magical powers. In another episode, a mortal had a talisman that he unwittingly used to perform magic until Samantha and Endora took it away from him.