Why hello there! It's been quite a while, hasn't it? *Smiles innocently because she knows everyone is glaring at her through their computers*
I know I've been missing in action for a while now, and I'd like to apologize. I made the mistake of taking all the hardest courses at once this term, and for the past few months it's been way too much for me to handle. On top of all that, I've been tutoring and babysitting and all sorts of things like that… let's just say it hasn't been the greatest few months for me. Anyways, I'm here now (yay!) and ready to crank out a few chapters. I also have a one-shot in the works (par my Christmas tradition), and I currently have the flu, so that means even more time to write! :) Thanks for being so understanding, guys. LOVE Y'ALL!
Shoutouts! I know it's been a while guys, but you've been so supportive and just plain awesome that I'm gunna have to make this thing a couple hundred sentences long :P Shoutouts go out to: 3579JM, murrey-2012, Kelsey-Short, vampiremom1221, DreamDark, jenaca, doarfthXx, , Senslibly-Insane, Alondra31, cowgirl137, suzi1811, moon-called-princess, Autumn O'Shea Swan, Bookninja15, Tabbs (your message the other day inspired me to get my butt to the computer and crank out some chapters! Thanks you so much for your love and support! *virtual hugs*), Greeniron, DOfD, LittleMissDreamer7, KissedbyaDemon, , Neko Konojo, thecoolestloseryouknow, piercingemeralds2, bookfreak9123 (thanks for the ego boost! :P), c.a.a (of course! Where would I be without her, I ask you?), and OF COURSE my amazing beta burning, who has much better things to do but still gives up her time to read my unedited monstrosities anyway. *Sends her virtual hugs and virtual pickles* Go on wit yo bad selves! ;)
That's it for now, but I'll probably remember everything by the end, so make sure you read my closing author's note! :D
Disclaimer: Christina is guilt-tripping Steph about her lack of updates lately.
Christina: How long's it been since you updated? A month? Two?
Steph: *Ashamed of herself*
Around 2, I guess… but I really didn't mean to make everyone wait so long, it's just that school's been-
Christina: I don't want your excuses, missy! I don't care if you're sick and I don't care that you don't own the series! Get back to that computer and WRITE, DAMMIT!
Steph: *Confused because Christina is usually the one who tells her to stop writing and take a break*
But-!
Christina: NO BUTS!
*Points to the door*
GO!
Steph: *Nods sadly and leaves*
Christina: *Mission Impossible sequence to check that Steph's gone*
Good. She's gone.
*Wipes forehead in relief*
Finally! I thought she'd never leave!
*Proceeds to search Steph's room for her Christmas present*
Deceit
Tragedy is restful: and the reason is that hope, that foul, deceitful thing, has no part in it.
-Jean Anouilh
We combed the entire house, searching for things that could be useful to us on the journey ahead. We kept quiet the majority of the time, holding up items and consulting with each other about items we were unsure about. In the end, we found a few things, but nothing that we couldn't live without – a rusty pocketknife, a GPS – so we took what we could fit in our backpacks and left behind anything that couldn't. Then, ten minutes later, we just… left. No dramatic exits; no time spent wandering around remorsefully, wondering if we'd ever return – neither of us wanted to ever set foot inside again anyway – we simply walked out the door and never looked back.
I'd been expecting to feel something substantial when we left, but all I felt was relief. We were finally out and on the road again, and even if we had no idea where we were going, we knew it was better than the alternative – being caged like animals, told when to eat and when to sleep by people who saw us as nothing more than science experiments gone awry… I slipped my hand into my pocket to make sure Tori's file was still there and breathed a sigh of relief when I felt the familiar material against my fingertips – I had to make sure that Tori didn't find out until the time was right, or everything we did in order to escape the Edison Group's clutches would be in vain.
We decided to cut through the forest that connected Simon's and my house. He assured me that it would be faster that way, and we wouldn't be as exposed as we would if we took the main road, but I still felt uneasy about the whole thing. I'd agreed reluctantly, even though every part of me was screaming "NO!" – that forest was the first place I thought of when I thought of Derek. It'd been our place – the place we knew we could always find one another – and I knew I wasn't ready to go back there again; I'd probably never be ready. I knew it was a bad idea, but I'd agreed anyway - partly because I didn't want to argue, and partly because there was still a stubborn glimmer of hope inside me, telling me that all I had to do was look for him and he'd appear. I hated to admit it, but I still felt a pull towards the forest… I felt like I'd forgotten something there long ago and was just now returning to reclaim what I'd lost.
Our walk was an awkward one – I knew my little 'episode' inside the house had probably made Simon and Tori a little more weary of traveling with me, and I couldn't say I blamed them – I seemed to be getting worse lately, and it wasn't for a lack of trying. We walked in silence for a while, stopping occasionally to tie our shoelaces or shrug on another layer. I could tell Simon was trying to stall after his second stop, but I said nothing – after all, I was no less enthusiastic about our visit than he was. So I followed his example, stopping once or twice to zip up my sweater and re-tie my shoes. I could tell Tori was getting irritated, but she never said anything… until Simon stopped for the third time in ten minutes.
"I swear to God, if I see one of you stop one more time to tie your shoes, I'm gunna melt them to your feet," she warned, sounding thoroughly pissed off. Something about her warning sent a chill up my spine; I knew she was just kidding, but hearing her threaten us so soon after finding out about her increased abilities made me a little bit …uncomfortable, to say the least. I heard Simon mumble a quick apology before wiping his hands on his jeans and straightening up.
We resumed walking again, and miraculously, neither one of us felt the need to tie our shoelaces after Tori's warning.
A few more minutes passed before Tori added to her earlier statement. "Listen, guys… I know this is gunna be difficult for you, and I can tell by your shitty attempts at stalling that you're not looking forward to this… so why the hell are we risking it in the first place? We can steal food from a convenience store or something when we get desperate enough and save ourselves the trouble!"
She was right of course – there really was no reason for us to be so close to the place where the Edison Group had captured us. We could always – like Tori suggested - stick to nicking stuff from convenience stores and places with lousy security… but something was calling me back to my old house, and I couldn't ignore it any longer. It wasn't just a pull at the back of my mind anymore – it was like something was tugging me forward, as if I was attached to some invisible string that it had control over. I no longer wanted to go back: I needed to.
How was I supposed to explain that to her?
I stared at the ground, trying to compose a reply that didn't make me sound certifiable. "I… I have to do this, Tori. I know it doesn't make sense, but… I need to make sure Lauren and Andrew aren't worrying about me." I glanced at her for a moment and like I'd expected, she looked skeptical.
I tried again. "Also, I'm kinda starving. Emotional meltdowns can do that to a person," I added, smiling sheepishly. "And I happen to know for a fact that the nearest 7/11 is an hour away by car, which means we either take this risk and hope it pays off, or… we walk for a few more hours and freeze our asses off." I smiled brilliantly, knowing which option she was going to choose.
She rolled her eyes and started walking faster than before, outpacing us by almost a dozen meters.
A few minutes later, I saw something through the trees – a large rock. Remembering the boulders surrounding the pool area, I called out to Tori as loudly as I could. "Tori! Get your butt back here! We made it!" I hissed, praying she'd hear me. There was a moment when my heart began to beat wildly, and all I could think was, we're walking straight into a trap. This is a bad idea! I thought about how foolish it had been to manipulate Simon and Tori into coming here with me – how selfish it had been to make them risk their lives while I investigated a hunch… Fortunately, Tori did a very un-Tori-like thing: she stopped in her tracks immediately after she heard my warning and waited for Simon and I to catch up with her. Once we were all together again, I resumed my position as leader and whispered instructions to both Simon and Tori. "We have to stake out the place first," I said, pointing to the windows. "We have to make sure no one is home before we can break in, because Lauren and Andrew won't let me leave again without a fight. Do any of you know a spell that can tell you if people are nearby?" I asked, looking from his face to hers. Simon nodded, and Tori just shrugged – I took that as a maybe and asked Simon to cast his spell a few times.
A few dozen attempts later, he got it. He smiled a little as that small bit of power left him, and I smiled a little too; it was hard not to be happy for Simon – he was finally feeling better and able to use his powers again after months of being locked up and having them fail him… he felt useful again. I kinda wished I could too.
The 'spell' turned out to be like something you see in the movies – a circle of light appeared on the ground around our feet, then spread out in a circular shape until we could no longer see it. Simon closed his eyes in order to concentrate on maintaining the spell, while Tori and I studied our surroundings for any signs of movement. We couldn't be too careful; especially after everything we'd been through already...
A few minutes later, Simon spoke up. "There's nobody here," he said. He sounded surprised – as if he'd been expecting us to be ambushed the minute we reached Lauren and Andrew's house. "Nobody's in the house," he repeated, "and there's definitely nobody hiding in the forest with us… guys, I think it's safe to go in."
"Are you sure?" I asked. Something about being here felt "off" to me, as if I'd been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar or something – I felt like I was doing something wrong.
Tori rolled her eyes. "Who's gunna be waiting for us in there? The big bad wolf?" I winced, and she bit her lip for a second – probably cursing her choice of words – before sticking her head out of the trees and looking out over the backyard. There was something smug about the smile she gave me when she returned that made me want to take a step back.
"Lemme get this straight… you grew up… in there?" Something about her voice changed as she spoke – it rose a couple of octaves (even in a whisper), and she seemed a little bit awestruck. I nodded, confirming what she'd said, although I thought it was kind of obvious… where else did she expect me to be going when I told her I was taking her to my house? The White House?
I was still debating with myself – should we risk it, or do as Tori suggested? I glanced at Simon one more time before making my decision. He looked confident in his abilities; telling him I didn't think it was safe to go in would be like telling him I didn't trust him or his spells. Taking too long to decide would do the same.
I took a deep breath, grabbed both their hands and stepped out of the trees…
And right back into a nightmare.
We'd come out about 30 feet from mine and Derek's old spot, but just being back home brought on a flood of memories – Simon and I teasing Derek, our many late-night talks, and of course that first kiss… were it not for the pressure of their hands around mine, I probably would've lost it… again.
I've been doing that a lot lately, haven't I? I realized. It doesn't take much to set me off anymore. I hushed my inner voice and concentrated on breathing. Still holding Simon and Tori's hands, I closed my eyes for a moment and took another deep breath to calm myself down. It must've come out a little bit shakier than I thought, because Simon squeezed my hand tighter, and Tori whispered gently, "we're here, Chloe. We're right here. You can do this." I returned the pressure on Simon's side and smiled at Tori, hoping those little gestures were enough to convey how thankful I was that they were there with me; had this been in one of my screenplays, I would've had the protagonist make a touching speech about friendship and the power love has over evil and other fluffy subjects such as those… but this was real life, and Chloe Saunders didn't dare speak for fear of bursting into tears… again.
After our little 'moment' was over, we made our way to the stairs as nonchalantly as we could. The stairs to my room looked exactly as I remembered them, and for a minute, I hoped to God that my room hadn't been magically transformed into a home gym in my absence - though I seriously doubted either of my adoptive parents had the time or the inclination to work out in their runaway-adoptive-daughter's bedroom… I paused at the bottom of the stairs with my hand on the banister. I didn't say anything to Simon or Tori, but they stopped too, not questioning my actions. I was grateful for that, because I really needed that couple of seconds to give myself a much-needed pep-talk. The hard part is already over, I told myself. You made it! The hard part is already over, I chanted, building up my own courage. I was surprised at how easy it was to lie to myself – the hard part was most certainly not over. Not by a long shot. Every part of this was going to be difficult, because it wasn't just the backyard or the forest or any particular place that reminded me of what I had lost – everything I saw was a constant reminder, because Derek had been such a huge part of my life. Simon and Derek were part of who I was, not just a collection of memories I could look back on fondly… who would I be now, had it not been for my meeting Simon and Derek? I wondered. I knew I definitely wouldn't be the same broken person, but would the alternative be any better? Probably not. I'd always know, deep down, that there was something missing… wouldn't I? I considered the possibility for a second before realizing what was wrong with my theory: the Edison Group had been watching me all along, waiting for the day they could pluck me from my family and train me to be some sort of 'ultimate weapon'. They wouldn't have let me continue to live a normal life, even if I hadnever met the guys – I still would've been 'Chloe Saunders, the rarest specimen of them all'. I'd still be talking to ghosts, and I'd still be a loner because of it… the only difference between the two possible paths my life would've taken were two little boys looking for a friend to play with. That was what made the difference between Chloe Saunders; ultimate weapon of destruction, and Chloe Saunders; fugitive and escapee. Without them, I would've cracked – just like I did when they all disappeared. I would've had nobody to talk to, to relate to… no one to tell my stories to or be myself with. I would've been putty in the Edison Group's hands, willing to do anything to fit the mold – anything to belong somewhere.
And that's why I'd felt so broken – like a part of me was missing: Simon and Derek were part of who I was. Without them, I could never be completely whole... I could never go back to who I was before now. I'd never be completely whole ever again. Sure, I had Simon… but Simon didn't know nearly as much about me as Derek had. I'd loved Simon, trusted him, but I'd never been as close with him as I'd been with his brother, and I probably never would be.
A fluttering wisp of a question floated through my brain: Could I ever open my heart to another person like I did for Derek? Could it be possible that I could love someone the way I loved him?
I didn't even need a second to consider the answer.
Never.
I don't know how long I was standing there, but it must've been a while, because Tori placed her hand on my shoulder and spoke. "We can go through the front door if it's easier for you," she said softly. I shook my head no without even stopping to think.
I took a deep breath and clenched my fists. Time to face reality: the hard part isn't over. It'll never be over. You can't hide under the covers forever.
I shrugged off her arm as gently as possible and began to climb the stairs.
Have you ever read old journal entries or letters that you wrote to future versions of yourself? Have you ever chuckled to yourself and thought, 'wow, life was so different back then!' or 'glad that's over!'? Walking back into my room was like that. It hadn't been that long of course – three months at the most – but everything felt so much smaller, as if I'd grown a few feet in the short time I'd been away. The bright pink canopy bed in the corner and the desk near the window seemed so fragile, so breakable – I wondered for a moment how I'd gone so long without ruining them. I felt like a giant in a dollhouse, claustrophobic and out of place.
And it was so… clean. Like no one had ever lived in it before. I figured Lauren would tidy the room after the police were through searching it, but I never thought she'd go this overboard – the room looked pristine, like a picture in an interior decorating catalogue. It felt wrong, too, as if I was trespassing in somebody else's house… I stepped into the room with Simon and Tori not far behind me. I felt cold the second I entered, and the goosebumps that appeared on my arms proved it wasn't all in my head like I'd originally thought it was. I wasn't the only one who felt it – I could hear Tori's teeth chattering behind me, and Simon had sworn under his breath a few seconds after I entered.
I knew we could all feel it – there was something wrong here.
"G-guys? Are y-you okay?" I whispered, teeth chattering along with Tori's.
"We're f-fine," Tori replied, rubbing her arms. That seemed to help – her voice returned to normal. "Let's just grab some food and get the hell out of here, okay? Your adoptive parents obviously don't believe in maintaining a habitable environment inside their house," she added, looking around the room.
I didn't reply, choosing instead to provide Simon with a few instructions: "Take Tori to the kitchen and stock up on whatever you can find that won't expire," I told him. "Make sure you grab some first-aid supplies from under the sink as well, and the lighter in the silverware drawer. There should be a flashlight in there too," I added.
"Alright, but what are you gunna do?" he asked, realizing my instructions meant I wouldn't be helping them gather supplies.
"Here," I said, pointing to the carpet. "I'm gunna grab some emergency cash from the safe in Lauren and Andrew's room and some clothes… plus I was hoping to find paper to write them a note," I added in a quieter voice, turning to judge his reaction. I knew it was a bad idea, but I wanted them to know I was safe and that they needn't worry about me.
I'd been expecting Simon to disagree, but he didn't even argue – just nodded and motioned for Tori to follow him out of my room. She did, leaving me alone in the middle of it all.
First, I did what I'd told Simon I was going to do: I grabbed a sweater out of my closet and my old windbreaker, putting them both on so as to block out the intense cold in the house. Then, when I was done, I crept into Lauren and Andrew's room. Nothing seemed out of place there – the bed was made, and it'd always been this clean – but I rushed myself anyway, not wanting to be in there any longer than I had to be.
I crossed the room to Lauren's walk-in closet and pulled it open, flicking on the light as I entered. It smelled like Lauren, as it always had – a mix of perfume and something like disinfectant – and I took a second to breath it in and remember the way she'd always said 'good morning' with a smile as she ran out the door...
I shook my head to focus myself again, remembering what I was supposed to be doing. I moved to the end of the closet and pushed aside a rack of clothes, revealing the safe that was hidden behind it. Lauren and Andrew had never told me about the safe, but I'd been looking for something in Lauren's closet a few months after they adopted me and stumbled upon it. Being the curious eleven-year-old that I was, I'd fiddled with it until I became bored with playing with the lock. I'd searched the house top-to-bottom, finally finding the combination scrawled messily into an old address book in a kitchen cupboard. I'd tried the combination one day while Lauren and Andrew were at work, and voila – an emergency cash stash. I'd never needed to use any of it before…
Thankfully, I'd never forgotten the combination. A few turns of the dial and it was open. I grabbed a few bundles of cash, not bothering to count it. Once I was sure I had enough, I zipped up my bag.
I was about to close the safe-door when I noticed an orange envelope peeking out from behind a few stacks of bills. Curious – and forgetting I was in a rush - I pulled it out to examine it. It was a regular manila envelope – the kind you hand in assignments with – but it was heavier, as if there was a huge amount of papers inside. The top wasn't sealed, but the file looked old, so I lifted the flap carefully and stuck my hand inside slowly. I don't know what I was afraid of – maybe that the envelope would disintegrate in my fingers, or that something inside the envelope would bite off my hand – but I began to pull the stack of paper out painstakingly slowly.
"CHLOE?"
Hearing Simon's voice, I almost dropped the envelope. I'd forgotten all about them for a moment, growing accustomed to the silence of this part of the house... "I'm in here, Simon!" I called back, sticking my head out of the closet door after shutting the safe hurriedly. He didn't say anything, so I exited the room and walked out into the kitchen where they were both supposed to be.
It was empty.
Heart pounding, I called out. "S-Simon? W-where are you guys?"
Tori called from the living room, and I swear, I'd never felt so relieved to hear her voice in my entire life. "Here! Near the front door!"
I followed the sound of her voice to the coat closet in the foyer, where she and Simon were both standing there, stunned, staring at something in Simon's hand. Their backs were facing me, but I could see something through the space between them.
I took a few steps forward, my heart beating even faster now. "G-guys? What's w-wrong?" I whispered.
Simon looked up and turned to face me, his hands shaking as he lifted them, bringing whatever he was holding into plain view. I gasped, seeing what it was: a backpack. My backpack: the one I'd been wearing the night I'd decided to go after Derek – the night that this whole insane mess had begun.
And in Simon's other hand: a few pieces of paper ripped out from the journal he and Derek had gotten me for my birthday.
"Chole, we have to-"
"Where did you get that?" I whispered, reaching for the strap and the papers.
There was remorse written plainly across his face as he spoke. "It was in the coat closet…" he pulled a crumpled envelope from his pocket and handed it to me, along with the note."This was inside... "
It was my farewell letter to Lauren and Andrew, just as I'd feared. More than a few pages long, it had taken more than being shoved into a pocket to crumple it…
And just like that, it all became clear to me; because what other explanation could there be? Lauren and Andrew had obviously seen my backpack lying around – there was no way they could miss it… it had been placed in the coat closet for God's sakes! And by the looks of it, they'd already read my letter – read it and dumped it back into my backpack, along with everything I had planned to take with me on the run. They knew I would never have left without my backpack – not willingly, anyway…
"They knew," I whispered as calmly as I could, glancing at the papers in my hand and the file I'd taken from the safe. "They knew I wouldn't have left without my journal or my backpack… they were in on it! They've been in on it from the beginning!" My voice had been increasing in pitch as I spoke, and the last few words came out as barely more than a squeak. "This explains everything: how the Edison Group knew about my whereabouts, how they were able to watch us so easily-!" I was close to hyperventilating now, but I couldn't get myself to calm down any. I grabbed Simon's hand to steady myself. "We have to leave, Simon! We have to get out of here!" I began tugging on his hand, motioning to Tori to join us.
Someone cleared their throat from the doorway behind us, and in that moment, I knew we were absolutely, positively screwed.
"Welcome home sweetie."
Whew! That took waaaaaay longer than I originally anticipated! Sorry about that my dears; I somehow managed to get the flu on the first day of break, and it took my feeble little immune system a helluva long time to fight it off… But now that I'm healthy again, I'm off to work on that one-shot I promised you guys! :) I think I'm gunna thank the first 20 reviewers for this chapter with a little summary! Sound good? ;)
Please review my loves! I need my mojo back, and you just KNOW the next chapter is gunna be epic, right? (Right? :S) Also, the amount of reviews for the last couple of chapters has been unusually low… remember, I need your criticism, or else I star to right like dis! (Just kidding, although it might be interesting to see how burning would react to that :P)
Anyways, that's all for today! For those of you with blogger: lemme know if you could use a follower! I'm trying to get mine going :)
I swear that's it!
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