Chapter 8

"I'm going to murder that son of a bitch. I'm going to rip him into little tiny pieces and throw him into an incinerator," Alice proclaimed.

It was 3 o'clock in the morning. I was laying face down on Alice's bed, tears dripping out of my eye ducts in a continuous stream, as they had throughout the night. I briefly wondered whether I was going to become dehydrated due to losing so much water. There was a huge wet spot on the pillow under my face, but I didn't bother moving to a drier patch.

My mind was racing. I wanted it to stop. All I could think about was Edward's angry face as we argued in the kitchen. Was this our breaking point? Did Edward never want to see me again?

Alice and Esme had stayed with me throughout the night, rubbing my shoulders and reassuring me that Edward would be back any second, he just needed to cool off. Well, it had been a second. It had been many seconds, and Edward was still missing. Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and Rosalie had left hours ago, trying to track him down. This only made me feel worse: everyone looking for a man that clearly didn't want to come back.

3:30 rolled around, and then 4:00. There was still no word from Edward.

I tried to go to sleep. Unconsciousness would have been a blessing. But my eyes refused to close and my mind refused to rest.

At 5:00 I got out of bed, threw up, and crawled back under the covers. This scared Alice and Esme. I was unfazed; I was used to throwing up. Besides, nothing could bother me tonight, not with Edward gone.

I was finally, finally, drifting off into sleep when I heard commotion from downstairs.

"Bella, he's back." Alice said softly. I didn't move, too many emotions flowed through me.

"Emmett and Jasper are keeping him downstairs, but he wants to come and see you. Will you let him?" Alice asked. I nodded.

A second later the commotion downstairs stopped and there was a knock on the door.

Alice got the door. "Don't treat her like that again, Edward. She deserves better." Alice whispered as she left the room.

It was quiet for a minute. Edward stood by the door. I laid face down on the bed.

"Bella?" Edward called. His voice was gentle, so soft I almost didn't hear it.

A sob broke from my chest when I heard his voice.

He came over in a heartbeat, his hand stroking my back with the lightest touch.

That just made me cry harder.

I could tell he was conflicted. One part of him wanting to scoop me into his arms, the other part unsure if I wanted space.

I didn't know what I wanted, either. And that made it all the worse.

"Bella?" He called again, using that same gentle tone. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. If I would have known that this would have upset you so much, I never would have left."

Everything was silent for a minute. The only sounds were my quiet sobs and heavy breathing.

"Shh, Bella. Please, what can I do?" Edward finally asked, his voice strained.

I shook my head.

Edward let out a sigh. "I was wrong before. I shouldn't have said any of those things to you. Sometimes I just want the best for you so much that I end up not doing what's best for you."

"I don't like it when you boss me around," I mumbled into the pillow.

"I know, Sweetheart. I'll try to be less controlling." There was a brief pause. "Will you. . . will you come into my room tonight?" He asked.

I thought about it for a second. Then I nodded.

Edward gently picked me up and carried me to his room at human pace. It felt good to be in his arms, like finally going home. I grabbed onto his shirt and let out a sob. When Edward laid me on the bed, I refused to let go of him, pulling him as close as I possibly could.

"I missed you," I sobbed.

"Oh, Bella. I missed you, too," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"I didn't think you were coming back." I admitted. I felt Edward stiffen before he lightly crushed me into his chest.

"Sweetheart, I'll always come back. I'll never leave you. Never again."

I was desperate to believe him, but I couldn't.

"How can I trust you? How can I know that you'll come back?"

He sighed, letting out air with the sound like a hiss. "I don't know how I can prove to you that I'll never leave you. I suppose that my actions tonight didn't reassure you. If only you could experience how I feel. I'm too weak to ever leave you again. I need to be near you."

"Then why did you leave?" I asked.

He pressed his face into my neck, giving me shivers. "Bella, what you said to me in the kitchen was all so true. It upset me. What you said made me realize that I don't know what you're going through. I don't know how to make things better. I wish I did. I wish I could make this all go away. But I have to live with my choices. I have to live with the pain I've caused you. I love you, and I'm sorry."

"I wanted to cut myself," I admitted. "But I was too upset to get out of bed." Edward growled low into my ear.

"I hate that you hurt yourself because of me. I deserve a thousand cuts. I deserve to burn in hell for the pain I've caused you."

"Don't say that, Edward," I scolded. "You don't deserve that."

He kissed my hair. "My sweet, sweet Bella," he crooned.

I knew we had a lot more to say to each other, but that would just have to wait until tomorrow. I felt my eyes close, so I snuggled into Edward's chest and let myself fall into sleep.