Chapter 31

I was sitting with Juice and listening to the steady beeps of his machines. I had started to doze off, when suddenly an alarm started to go off. The beeping was no longer steady, it was one loud straight beep. I stared at him, what was going on?

"Juice?" I said in a slight panic as the nurses came rushing in his room. "Please what is going on?" I asked them. None of them answered me but huddled around Juice. I felt like I was trapped in an unending nightmare, where I was constantly confused.

One nurses took me by my good arm and started to escort me out of the room, I turned back to see what was going on. "I am sorry but we need to take care of him." She shoved me out into the hallway as more people piled into to the small room. I stood there dumbfounded and in a slight daze. Juice was fine one minute and the next minute he was not. "Please Mrs. Ortiz, go to the waiting room. You are not going to be any help here." A nurse came out of the room and said sternly.

All I could do was nod as I walked towards the doors confused by what was going on. Why wasn't I comprehending? I thought to myself. I walked through the doors and found that the members of SAMCRO had moved to the family room adjacent from the nurses' station in ICU. I heard their voices they seemed too joyful. I walked in and Happy looked at me with concern he knew something was up. He knew I would have just walked out of Juice's room without something major happening.

"What, done visiting so soon? We were taking bets on how long you would be in there." Tig chimed in as he saw me walk in. Happy punched him in the arm hard as he walked by him, "Ouch brother!" Tig rubbed his arm. I hoped he would have a bruise.

"Code Blue ICU 104….Code Blue ICU 104." Rang over the over-com system. I looked up at the ceiling and looked at Happy, the panic set in. I felt like a caged animal, I was going to lose my mind.

"Ky?" He walked towards me slowly. "What happened?"

Oh my God, I killed him. I started to hyperventilate I bent over trying to catch my breath, "It's all my fault. He's dying and it's all my fault." I knew enough about medicine to know what a code blue was. Juice was in cardiac and respiratory arrest. I stared at Happy who was about to take me into his arms but I stepped back. "No, don't." I pushed him away. "I killed him! I killed him!" I backed myself into the wall and melted onto the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and placed my face on them. How could this happen? I couldn't lose him.

"Kylee look at me." Happy's voice demanded of me. He grabbed my face forcing me to look at him, it hurt but I ignored the pain. "Look at me." He demanded again. He was kneeling in front of me. I looked at him, he wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumbs and held my face. "This is not your fault, none of us blame you for any of this." He said as he sat next to me and pulled me into his arms.

"He can't die. Don't let him die." I sobbed into his chest. "Please Happy." I pleaded knowing he couldn't do anything about it.

"Shh." He pet my hair trying to calm me down. The happy voices were no longer talking, it was silent as the grave. No pun intended. I don't know how long I sobbed into Happy's chest it was long enough to make a large wet spot on the front of his shirt. I would have continued but Tara burst in the room like a whirl wind. She had heard the page over the inter-com system as well and knew it was Juice.

I looked up at her, she had tears in her eyes. "Fuck." Was all she said, before she was enveloped by Jax; where she cried too. She must have been done with work because she stayed with us in the waiting room. Waiting for news of whether Juice made it or if we would have another funeral in our future seemed to take ages.

Happy must have been sick of being on the floor because he got up and pulled me up with him. I still had a steady stream of tears falling from my eyes. "Get the fuck up." He barked at Rat who was sitting on the couch. Happy sat me down on the couch and sat next to me. My shoulder was starting to hurt but I disregarded the pain because it was nothing compared to Juice fighting for his life. We had been in there for about an hour before a doctor finally emerged from the back. He looked at us wearily as he walked in and the room full of bikers stood up quickly.

"Kylee Ortiz?" He searched the room for my face. I gritted my teeth as I stood up and walked over to him.

"Yes?" I didn't want to hear his news, I wanted to pretend that Juice was going to come walking through the door. Blissfully ignorant is what I wanted to be.

"Is there some place we can speak alone?" He asked me as his gray eyes looked around cautiously at all the SAMCRO members.

"No, they are his family as well." I said sternly. My tears had dried up a while before the doctor came in. I was sure that I still looked like a hot mess to him.

"Okay, well your husband went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. We were successful in bringing him back but we did have to rush him back into surgery. He had started to bleed from one of his bullet wounds, which caused his lungs to go into distress and then obviously his heart was affected as well. I want you to know he is in extremely critical condition and if he does make it through this surgery his prognosis is guarded to grave." He said very matter-of-factly. "We have our best doctors here working on Juan Carlos right now." I looked over at Tara, who I believed was one of their best doctors but she worked with pediatrics so I couldn't argue with him on that.

"I don't give a fuck about how much it cost, fly in the world's best surgeons if you have to…just make sure he makes it through this, if your surgeons would have stopped the bleeding to begin with this would not have happened." I bit at him.

He looked at me, I could tell what he was thinking, if Juice wasn't in this "gang" he wouldn't have been shot. That wasn't completely true, if he hadn't met me this wouldn't have happened or if I would have listen to their wishes and stayed home he wouldn't have been shot. "Kylee, we will do what we can for him." I knew he thought I didn't have any money, I mean what would I be doing with such 'trash' if I did.

"Are not understanding what I am saying to you?" I started to feel slightly violent. "I want the best fucking surgeon and intensive care doctors, working on my husband and I do not care where you need to fly them in from, fuck I will pay for their airfare…get them here now!" I glared at him.

Here came his judgment of me, "I don't think you would be able to afford it." All he saw when he looked at me was a biker whore. He saw a room full of criminals and their whores, even if Tara was a doctor at the hospital she was one too in his eyes.

I laughed in his face, "You arrogant bastard." I yelled at him as Happy grabbed my arm as if to tell me not to do anything I would regret. I might have been right handed but I could still pack a punch with my left one. "You have no clue about my financial status. Get them here NOW!" I was not making friends at this hospital. The doctor's face flushed red as he walked out of the room. Happy only loosened his grip on my arm when we could no longer hear the doctor in the hallway.

Tara walked up from behind me, "Shit, Ky you just told off the chief of staff. Don't get me wrong he is a pompous asshole, but seriously do you like to make enemies?" I hadn't thought about it, I needed to let him know what I wanted and if it wasn't going to happen then I would do it my way.

I shook my head, "That asshole assumed because of the people I am with that I didn't have any money. I am sure he is wondering where I got my money from, probably assumes I am prostituting myself out. And the audacity he had to say Juice pretty much isn't going to make it. I am not going to believe that he isn't going to make it. He needs to make it. If he doesn't…" I trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to think about it. I walked back over to the couch and sat down. How could this be happening to us? We just lost Opie, Donna and the kids, we couldn't lose anyone else. I didn't have it in me. I just sat there quietly as the evening wore on and listened to the murmurs of the members of SAMCRO, conversations.

It was nearly midnight when a different doctor came in, I was much calmer than I was when the bastard was there. I was nearly asleep on the couch using Happy's leg as a pillow. He had found out I was in a ton of pain and made me take the high end dose of my medications. I relaxed as soon as they kicked and I realized how tired I really was, it had been a long day. The doctor cleared his throat when he walked in, the room had cleared out some. Jax sent the prospects to the club house to make sure everything was running smoothly as well as some of the lower totem pole members. Tara had to leave to go pick up the boys from Gemma's house, plus she had to work the following day. However Tara had been replaced by Gemma, who came in and started fretting over me. Happy made her back off which I was grateful for.

"Mrs. Ortiz?" He asked. I looked up at him sleepily as Happy helped me in a sitting position. He walked over and sat on the coffee table that was positioned in front of me. I could tell instantly that I like him, he had already treated me completely different than the other doctor. "My name is Dr. McMahon." He smiled softly at me. A good Irish name I thought. "Juan Carlos is out of surgery, it seems that the suture used to close his bullet wounds in his lungs actually did not hold well so I went back in and I was able to resuture everything securely. He is actually resting nicely right now and was breathing on his own when we got out of surgery but we decided we would keep him intubated and on oxygen for the time being. I can't say your husband is out of the woods yet, these next 12 to 24 hours are critical but we have a fighter on our hands." He smiled at me again.

"When can I see him?" I asked through my sleepy eyes and worn out body.

"Right now if you would like to." He stood up and offered me his hand to help me up. I took it and stood up.

"Thank you." I said to him, I wasn't just thanking him for his help getting me up but for everything he had done for Juice. He nodded and started to walk out of the room. "Um Dr. McMahon?" He turned back and looked at me. "Is there any way we can get one more visitor added to the clearance?"

"I can arrange that for you. I am sure his friends would like to visit as well and my guess is that you will not be leaving his side." He said warmly to me. I nodded. He stopped at the nurses' station and said something to the overnight nurse and she nodded to him. Dr. McMahon was younger and unjaded by his work, I appreciated his hopefulness.

"Who wants to see Juice?" I asked as I started out the door. Happy followed me out the door. "How did I know you would be the one who went first?" I asked him. He shrugged as we walked passed the nurses' station she buzzed the door to go back to the room. Juice was still in 104. He looked exactly as he did before he went into cardiac arrest. I pulled the chair I as sitting in up to the right side of his bed and placed his hand in mine. I laid my head down on the bed, my intent was to say a prayer but I fell asleep. No one bothered me as I slept there, I never heard a nurse come in or the guys come in and out.

I was finally aroused from my sleep by Dr. McMahon, "Kylee?" He said quietly as he touched my shoulder. I yelped in pain. "Oh, I'm sorry." I gazed up at him and tried to figure out where I was. The room was no longer dark but filled with sunlight. I looked up at Juice who was the same as he was when I came back into his room.

"It's fine. My shoulder is just extremely sore right now." I mean I had slept with it wonky because of laying against the bed all night, obviously it didn't bother me until that point. I would have to see if I could find Tara to get her to change my bandage.

"So things are looking good, Juan Carlos' vitals are steady and strong which is what we want. I forgot to tell you last night, we stopped the drugs to keep him in a medically induced coma. So we will hopefully see him up and alert here within the day or tomorrow, depending upon how his body is doing." He was encouraging.

"Thank you, Doc." I smiled at him. I stood up and needed to stretch. "Juice, I will be right back." I whispered into his ear, "I love you." I said before I kissed his cheek. I walked out of the ICU and into the waiting room to find Happy asleep on the couch, Tig and Bobby were asleep in chairs, and Chibs had fallen asleep on the couch that was on the other side of the room. Jax must have went home to be with the boys. "Hey." I said somewhat loudly as I walked into the room. Happy stretched out on the couch as much as he could and looked up at me.

Chibs sat up quickly, "Everything okay love?" He asked me.

"Yeah. I came here to let you guys know that you could go visit if you wanted to I need to eat, take my meds and see if I can find Tara to help me with my bandage. Do any of you want anything from the cafeteria?" I asked. I knew Happy would have helped me with my bandage but he had already seen enough of my body over the last few days. Also I didn't want him fretting over how it looked, I knew it was going to look worse before it looked better it was a bullet wound for God's sake.

"Coffee." Tig moaned his eyes were still closed. Bobby's snores filled the room, I was sure he was down for the count.

I laughed at him. He was not a morning person. "Anyone care to join me?" I asked. Happy grunted loudly which I assumed meant yes. Chibs stood up and walked over towards me. "Thank you all for sticking around." I smiled at them. "You comin' killer?" I looked over at Happy who was still laying on the couch with his eyes closed again.

"I'll meet you down there." He said his voice was extra gruff. I smiled softly at him as I turned to walk with Chibs down to the cafeteria. I felt good about how the day was starting. I had actually slept well considering, it was probably my meds but I wasn't going to complain. It sounded like Juice was heading on the right track.

The cafeteria was filled with doctors and nurses who were gathering the early lunch meals. There were also anxious families waiting for news on their family member's just like I was. I was happy they still had breakfast out. I grabbed a banana, toast with peanut butter and coffee for breakfast for myself. Chibs filled his plate with eggs, toast, bacon, hash browns, a pastry with cream-filling and a coffee. I looked over at him, "You're buying right?" He asked with a smile. I nodded with a smile. I was planning on buying breakfast for everyone. Just before we got to the register Happy came sauntering in, he grabbed a cup for coffee and grabbed a pastry.

"Hurry up Hap…or you're paying for your own food." He shot me a look of distain. Great Happy was in a bad mood. I frowned at him when he reached us. I paid for our food and Tig's coffee, I also made sure that to grab him and Bobby each a muffin, in case they was hungry.

"Is that all your eating?" Happy looked at my plate.

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" I replied, I was too stressed out to have an appetite but I knew I needed to eat something.

"You should eat more than just that." He grabbed a piece of bacon off of Chibs' plate and put it on mine. "Eat." He commanded of me

I shook my head and took a bite of the bacon he put on my plate, like one piece of bacon was going to change anything but I did to pacify him. "There are you happy, Killer?" I asked him as I licked my fingers clean. It was hard getting used to doing thing with my left hand when I wanted to use my right. Happy nodded and drank some of his coffee. I rolled my eyes at Chibs who smiled sympathetically at me. We both knew how domineering Happy could be but it seemed worse today. "Did you get up on the wrong side of the couch?" I teased Happy.

He scowled at me. "I would have rather been in a bed." I never asked him stay, he just stayed like everyone else.

"You didn't have to stay Hap." I looked at him, I wanted to avert my gaze when I saw the dirty look that was waiting for me. "What? What's your problem?" I glared back at him. He didn't say anything he just sat there and finished his coffee. I took one more bite of my toast and tossed it on my plate and stood up. "I am going to find Tara." I turned and walked away from them.

I heard some shuffling behind me and heard Chibs say… "Let her be brother. She'll be safe." Was that's Happy's deal? He was scared that I was going to get hurt? I rolled my eyes, he didn't need to be such a dick about things because that made me not want to be around him.

I found my way to Tara's office after wandering a bit, I needed to cool down after dealing with Happy. I rapped lightly on the door. "Come in." Tara's voice beckoned from within. She smiled softly at me when I walked through the door. "Hey, Ky. How's Juice?"

"He's a fighter. I like his new doctor a lot." I smiled as I sat down in the chair across from her.

She studied my face as if wondering if she should say what she was going to say. "How are you holding up?"

I knew the last time she saw me I was an emotional wreck. Too much had happened over the past few days to not be. "I am doing okay. I have my own personal self-appointed bodyguard who is driving me fucking nuts."

"Happy?" She laughed, "He was up here looking for you just before you got here. Now I am sure he is scouring the hospital looking for you."

Fuck there would be hell to pay for that, I thought to myself as I nodded. "Is there any way you can help me change my bandage?" I asked her.

"Yeah no problem. Let me go and get bandage materials and I will be right back." She walked out of her office.

I sat on the couch thinking about the hell I would have to face when I saw Happy again; when he stormed into her office. At first I thought it was Tara and said, "You were quick." But when I looked up it was Happy glowering at me. Fuck. "Hey, Hap." Was all I could think of saying to him, let's not anger the beast further.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He snarled.

"I've been here in the hospital. Does it matter which route I took to get up here?" I sassed, I wasn't in the mood to argue but I would if it meant getting my point across. He sighed deeply planting his ass next to me on the couch, I turned myself to face him. "Happy, you don't need to be my shadow. Go home get your dick sucked or go fuck a croweater and then get some sleep." He tensed up next to me.

He gave me one of his killer looks and it made me flinch a bit, I couldn't remember the last time that he looked at me like that. I was never on the receiving end of that look. "Do you understand what happened yesterday?" He asked me as if I didn't understand what happened.

"I am well aware of what happened yesterday Happy. I recall us talking about this yesterday. You killed him, he's gone. What are you protecting me from? The doctors and nurses?" I snapped.

He stared at me. "How do you know he wasn't doing it for someone else?"

I rolled my eyes at Happy, "You're being over protective Happy, if any of the Irish would have wanted me dead they would have done it while I was in Northern Ireland. I stayed with half of them while I was there, it would have been easy. I'll be fine; Chibs, Bobby and Tig are here, they will not let anything happen to me. You need to unwind, I have never seen you like this before. Please Happy, I feel smothered."

He frowned as if my words hurt him, maybe they did but I knew I could always be honest with him since he was always with me. I assumed he thought it was his responsibility was to protect me. He didn't say anything to me he just got up and walked out of the office as Tara walked in. She looked back at him and turned to me. "I see he found you."

"Yeah." I shook my head thinking about how protective Happy was of me. He had been my rock and I just told him I didn't need him. However he was wound extremely tight since the shooting and I needed him to calm the fuck down or he was going to make me go bat-shit crazy. "Let's get my bandage changed." I actually felt bad that I sent Happy away.

"You feel bad about sending him away don't you?" Tara observed. I smirked at her and her all-knowing nature.

"Fuck you're going to be a good queen." I blew a loose strand of hair out of my face. "I told him he needed to get laid. Tara he was smothering me, I am surprised he didn't follow me into the bathroom. I don't want him to feel responsible for me." I said as I took off my sling and set it on the couch next to me. Tara helped me with my shirt and then removed my bandage. I glanced down at my shoulder, it was dark purple around the wound where I had been shot. Thankfully the doctor who sutured me up did a nice job it was not going to be a huge scar but I would have a scar. A constant reminder of Liam and his friends.

"I can't believe you told him to go get laid." Tara said as she cleaned my wound. "You know if I would have said that to him, he would have put me in my place. He loves you." She said thoughtfully.

"I love him too. He's been more of a brother to me than Kip ever was. You don't need the same blood coursing through your veins to be family. This club has taught me that much." I finished saying as the door to Tara's office swung open.

Rat stood there breathless and stared at me. "Fuck sorry," He turned his head away from me. I looked down realizing I was in my bra and jeans. "Chibs sent me down here…Juice." Was all he said to me, Oh my god what now? I thought to myself as I stood up quickly.

"What?" I looked desperately at Rat.

He shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. Chibs came out and said to come and get you right away."