A/N: Oh, my sweet kittens and little doves, I've left you hanging for much too long, and I apologize profusely. I currently have no internet in my home, and the only way I can update is by lugging my laptop all the way to the library and using their wifi for all my internet needs. I hope that at the time I am posting this chapter, there will be several other chapters going up along with it. I think I've revised this one at least 3 times, and I am finally happy with it. I know it's terribly evil of me to leave you so long and then bombard you with feels, but, I never said I was a nice author. Even if it is full of angst, I do so hope you enjoy this chapter~
Warnings: A lot of angst, vulgar language, some violence, slight gore, light alcoholic consumption. Trigger: PTSD.
Act XII
The sun was barely coming up over the horizon when Ciel was slipping from between Sebastian's arms and out of his bed. He tiptoed from his room and headed into the bathroom, where he took a quick, scalding shower. Drying off as fast as he could, he quietly searched through his dresser drawers and closest, selecting a random, yet well put together outfit. A groan leaving Sebastian's lips as he rolled over in bed made Ciel freeze, his eyes darting to the still-sleeping figure. Holding his breath, he waited a few moments to make sure that his tall counterpart hadn't woken before relaxing with a barely audible sigh. He dressed himself as quickly and silently as possible before darting out of his bedroom. At the door, he paused giving a long look at the sleeping form of Sebastian. Longing and the urge to flee warred in his chest, tearing him apart from the inside and leaving him confused. Before he could give himself the chance to wake Sebastian or crawl back into the bed with him, he tore his eyes away and headed into the kitchen. He prepared the coffee machine for the older male, and wrote a note on a sheet of paper.
Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth harshly, he laid the note in front of the coffee machine, turned away and headed back into the living room. After slipping on his shoes, he slid his peacoat on, not bothering to button it, and pocketed his keys and cigarettes. At some point in their... whatever you called what they had, Ciel had given Sebastian the spare key to his apartment. It struck him as a little funny that he had never been to his taller counterparts place, a thought that constantly nagged at him in the back of his mind. It hardly seemed fair that Sebastian practically lived at Ciel's place, but the blae-haired male had no clue where the other's home was. Or if he even had one.
Pushing all his worries, circling thoughts, and painfully strange emotions forcefully out of his mind, he traipsed to his car, and drove away with barely a glance back. He left the sanguine-eyed male peacefully asleep, unknowing that he had even been left alone.
It was the smell of coffee and the lack of warmth beside him that eventually woke Sebastian. Groggily, he groped around him, hoping for his fingers to graze against Ciel. When he came up empty-handed, he cracked open his eyes and stared at the spot where Ciel should be. After a few moments, his brain came to life a little more, and he figured that his dainty counterpart was either in the shower or having coffee. Since he had to piss anyway, he headed to the bathroom, which was conspicuously lacking in running water or any signs of life. With a frown marring his lips, he quickly did his business, washed his hands, and headed past the living room and into the kitchen. The aroma of coffee invaded his nostrils and roused him even more, making it painfully obvious that Ciel wasn't here. To solidify that deduction, Sebastian barged out the front door and leaned over the rail. His eyes scanned the parking lot, finding that Ciel's car was no longer parked next to his.
"Well, that's odd," he muttered to himself before trudging back inside and to the kitchen.
As he went to grab a coffee mug, a slip of paper in front of the coffee machine caught his eye. Picking it up, he read it several times over to get it to register in his brain. Sebastian, I'm heading out before you. I woke at the ass crack of dawn, and you were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you. I have errands to run after work, anyway, so I took my own car. We probably won't be able to hang out later today, as I don't know when my errands will be finished. See you at work. Ciel. Though this was a queer thing for Ciel to do, Sebastian thought nothing of it. At first. He simply shrugged and threw the scrap away, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Heading back into the bedroom, he opened the top drawer of the dresser and pushed things around. Because he spent most of his time here with Ciel, he had begun keeping a stash of clothing, since there was no way his tinier counterparts garments would fit his tall form. He had his own toothbrush in the bathroom, as well. Hell, he was even drinking coffee out of his favorite mug. It was like he lived here, which elated him at the same time it made his chest tighten with anxiety.
Sebastian took his time getting dressed and heading to work. He felt no need to rush, since he still had a little bit of time before he would be considered late. Once he arrived and walked into the building that housed the studio, he began looking around for Ciel. When he spotted him, their eyes met and held for a few moments, before Ciel tore his eyes away and walked swiftly over to Elizabeth.
Confusion rippled through Sebastian as he thought well, that's queer. Normally, Ciel avoided Elizabeth like she had the plague, unless they had to do a scene together. Even then, he tried to stand as far from her as allowed by the Director. When the royal blue-eyed male began chatting up the blond tart, even allowing her to damn near squeeze the life out of him, was when suspicion began coiling in Sebastian's stomach. The youth was certainly acting abnormally, and his older counterpart wanted to know why. He started heading over to the pair, hell bent on seeing if Ciel was sick, or if something was bothering him.
Ciel saw from his peripheral that Sebastian was quickly closing the space between them, panic washing over him.
"E-Elizabeth," he stuttered, taking her by the shoulders. "I feel terrible. I forgot that Sebastian wanted me to tell you that you looked positively gorgeous at the last party we attended. You should go thank him." He rushed to get the words out as fast as he could, wincing when the girl squealed in sheer delight. Tickled pink, she twirled away and bounded over to Sebastian, stopping him in his tracks. As she began gushing to him in her twittering voice, Ciel slipped away and engaged Soma in conversation. He positioned himself in a way that Sebastian would not be able to see him past the Indian male.
"I'm so happy that you thought my outfit was adorable, Sebastian," Elizabeth chirped, hugging him in delight. "Though I wish you would tell me those things yourself. Perhaps you're the shy type? That strikes me as odd though, you hardly seem shy."
"Elizabeth," Sebastian almost groaned, trying to keep his tone patient. He tuned her out as his eyes frantically scanned the room for his counterpart, though he seemed to have disappeared in thin air.
"Lizzy," she scolded, before continuing to blather on like the airhead she was.
Just as Sebastian was opening his mouth to tell her off, the Director's voice boomed around the room, ceasing all conversation and gaining everyone's attention.
"I am happy to announce that filming of season one is finished. We were able to meet our deadline, even though we had such a large delay in production in our struggles to find the lead actor. To celebrate the wrapping up of our first project, we're all receiving a two week break." A few cheers and several groans rang out at that announcement.
"Only two weeks?" Someone whispered in disappointment.
"Come now, there's no need to complain. Director Warner has his reasons, which he will explain if you all will shut up and listen," Leffew called out, taking her place next to the Director and crossing her arms.
Chuckling and patting her shoulder, the Director continued speaking. "In 4 months, we managed to produce 24 episodes. 24 spectacular episodes in such a short period of time has worn you all thin. Think of this two week's break as a vacation, a time to recuperate and come back, raring to go. Our deadline for season two is this time next year, so we have more time to practice and produce something even better. Since we have longer, you all will get days off, instead of having to work hard every day." Murmurs of approval came over the cast members.
Rorke stepped forward, pushing up his glasses with a bored expression. "You're still expected to giving 110% of yourselves over to our next project. If you decide to slack off because we have longer, and our success rate falls, I will personally kick your ass. We have the chance to do a third season, but only if season two is well received. While we may not be working at neck breaking speeds, we still must push ourselves just as hard. The script for season three is already being put together, and if season two falls through, we will have wasted a tremendous amount of money, time, and effort, not only on that project, but also on the one to follow.
"Do not test me by thinking you can get away with slacking off, because I will destroy you. Do we all have an understanding?" Rorke finished, his cold eyes looking over each and every actor, making them shift uncomfortably.
Leffew's laughter broke the tension, drawing Rorke's eyes to her. "I'm certain that we will all work our hardest, and season two will be a success. If it isn't, I'll eat my hat," she deadpanned, gesturing at the feathered abomination that sat upon her head. Rorke quirked one brow, but stayed silent.
"All right, let's all pick up a script and do a run-through. After that we will all be free for two weeks," the Director said, clapping his hands to urge everyone into movement.
The cast began to swarm around the stack of scripts; Ciel easily slipped between them, grabbing three and calling Soma and Elizabeth to him. They headed toward the large table, and he sat between them, handing them each a script. Taking his own script, Sebastian sat directly across from Ciel. It dawned on him that his counterpart was most likely avoiding him, which frustrated him immensely. What had he done to cause this behavior? How could he fix it? The run-through went by in a blur, Sebastian running on auto-pilot as his thoughts consumed him.
When they were dismissed with a warning that the scripts needed to be memorised, Sebastian immediately stood, but Ciel was quicker. The dainty male was out of his chair and through the double doors faster than lightning. A jolt of vibration in the sanguine-eyed male's pocket announced a text messaged. He pulled it out and read the one-word text from Ciel: errands.
"Bullshit," Sebastian muttered.
With how abrupt he had fled and sent a text with the underlying message of don't bother me, there was no room for confusion or doubt: Ciel was definitely avoiding him. And Sebastian wasn't planning on letting it continue.
Ciel was avoiding Sebastian, it was true. He just couldn't escape the warring emotions that rose up inside him every time they were together. Especially after last night; it had seemed... different, tinged with something more. Whatever that something was, Ciel was going to stay the hell away from it. It worried, scared, and elated him all at the same time. Thinking about being near Sebastian when he couldn't seem to stop getting sucked into his head and lost in trying to sort out his feelings filled him with dread. He would notice how withdrawed inside himself he was, he was certain of it. And he would ask questions that Ciel wouldn't, couldn't answer... because he had not yet figured it out for himself.
It had been six days since Sebastian had last seen Ciel, regardless of all the effort on his part. He had done everything he could think of, save for showing up unannounced at his door, from texting him from dawn til dusk to calling nonstop until his counterpart answered. His phone going off ceaselessly was beginning to drive him mad, and no excuse was good enough to stop the onslaught. He was running out of reasons as to why Sebastian couldn't come over; he had long used up needing to memorise his lines. He had already mastered them anyway, and he was getting tired of his counterpart calling so thay they could practice over the phone.
With a weary sigh, Ciel decided to surrender, texting Sebastian and saying that he could come over, but only if he picked up some liquor on the way. When he didn't receive a response, a wild hope that maybe the taller male had given up bloomed within him. All hope was shot down ten minutes later when three swift knocks sounded from his front door. Stifling a groan, he trudged over, unlocking it and allowing Sebastian entry.
"I'm happy to see that you have some time for me," the sanguine-eyed male said cheerily, with an underlying chill in his tone. "It seems unfair for you to be so busy during your break." His voice was thick with faux pity.
"Ah, yeah," Ciel mumbled, cheeks flushing slightly as he shut the door. "Sorry, I just had some important... stuff... to do." Obviously he hadn't fooled Sebastian for long, if he had at all.
Shooting a catlike smirk over his shoulder at his uncomfortably embarrassed counterpart, he quirked a brow as he said, "No matter. It seems that you've completed all of your... stuff." This brought forth an incoherent agreement from Ciel.
Continuing on into the house, Sebastian went straight into the kitchen and began unloading the bag of liquor. Ciel followed, leaning against the counter and studying each item that the older male pulled out. Tequila, tonic water, vodka, limes...
"Wine coolers?" he spat out, appalled. "I was sure by now that you would know I can't get drunk, but if you're getting these weak things..."
Sebastian chuckled and wagged his finger at Ciel. "Those aren't for you, so don't touch them. Those are mine. I quite like the flavor of them, and I thought it would be a good idea for me to start out on something with a low alcohol content." The youth rolled his eyes, giving a small snigger. "Though, you're welcome to have one, if you'd like."
Ciel shrugged, putting most of the liquor in his fridge with the exception of two wine coolers. "I don't see why not, even if it does nothing for me."
They make their way back into the living room, the blae-haired male turning on the television in hopes that it will deter any conversation. He takes a large swig of his drink, trying to banish the awkwardness that seems to fill the air. He could tell that Sebastian knew he was avoiding him, and he was hoping with all his might that he wouldn't touch the subject. He wanted very much for the tall male to leave tonight, because being near him only succeeded in confusing Ciel. He hated the emotions that he felt, hated that he didn't know what they were or why he felt them. He only knew that it was Sebastian and Sebastian alone that made him feel these things he didn't want to feel.
Ciel wanted to be near Sebastian, touched by him, wanted by him; he craved his scent, the warmth of his body, and the caress of his hand. He wanted Sebastian to chase away all his pain and fear, banish his past, to hold him close as if he were something dear. He wanted his older counterpart to cherish him, protect him, and keep him near. It would be blissful to go to sleep every night in Sebastian's arms, and wake still being held tight. At the same time, he hated these needing, wanting feelings. He loathed how desperately he wanted Sebastian near him. It disgusted him to desire anything more than sex. The feelings of utter loathing he had had for the elder when they had first met were still there, just... softened with something else, something he couldn't for the life of him identify. Ciel wasn't even sure if he would ever know what this thing was, growing inside of him each day, it was so strange and nothing like he had ever felt for another person. Alois' words of love entered his brain, and he felt ensared in panic. Is this what love is? I don't want it. Fuck, he thought.
The only time Ciel had ever loved anyone, was when he had been a child. He had loved his parents, at first, but their cold way of treating him made hate bloom within him. It left an all-consuming hole in his chest, which he filled with sex and acting. When he was on stage, he wasn't himself; he could be anyone, with a different life, and that brought with it a numbing effect on the gaping hole. The memory of what love felt like was but a distant flame; barely glowing, undiscernable. Entirely poetic.
Ciel was distantly aware that Sebastian was talking at him, but he was much too interested in the irony his brain was supplying him with. He had never been the poetic sort, and any poem he had been required to write for classes had come out as a jumble of nonsensical words that didn't seem to fit. And yet, here was is brain, supplying him with utterly poetic phrases to describe his inability to feel love. Ciel almost snorted in derision, thinking, where was this poetic side of me when I was in high school?
Sebastian chugged his wine cooler, a dour frown curling the ends of his lips down. He had been trying to get Ciel's attention for ten minutes, with varying results of failure. At one point, the youth had looked positively amused, though Sebastian figured it was because of something he was thinking about, and not about his own futile attempts at engaging him. With a long-suffering sigh, Sebastian turned to face the dainty male, lips pressing into a thin line.
"Ciel," he said, impatience lacing his voice. He reached out a hand to touch the slender shoulder, and when his fingers grazed the soft flesh, Ciel jerked. He snapped his gaze to Sebastian, brows drawing together.
"Yes?" he murmured hoarsely, trying to gain control of his spinning thoughts.
"Oh, nothing really. I was quite enjoying talking at you without garnering a response. It was like trying to converse with a brick wall. Quite engaging, I must say." The sarcasm oozing from his lips was quite thick, and it caused that hated smirk to tug at the corners of his lips.
"Yes," Ciel murmured slowly, before blinking with a start. "Wait. What?" Well, at least he had the decency to sound slighlty offended.
Sebastian studied Ciel closely for a few moments, which made the other shift uncomfortably in his seat. Finally, he asked, "What's on your mind? It seems to be bothering you." His voice was softened with concern.
"Nothing," Ciel replied, a frown marring his face. Hoping to be able to escape a line of questioning or being probed for a better answer, he quickly stood, heading into the kitchen to crack into the harder alcohol.
Refusing to let it drop, Sebastian followed him into the kitchen and crossed his arms as he leaned against the counter. He watched as Ciel rummaged in the fridge, taking out the bottle of tequila. Though he took out a shot glass, he ended up forgoing it in the end, upending the bottle and taking a large swig. Licking his lips, he selected a knife and began cutting a lime, focusing hard on it, like it required every ounce of his attention to not accidentally chop a finger off.
After a couple minutes, Sebastian sighed and rubbed his temples, pushing off the counter to turn and face Ciel full on. "You've been avoiding me lately. Care to tell me why?"
This only made Ciel's expression grow even gloomier, yet still he pointedly ignored the question by throwing back some more tequila and sucking delicately on a lime. Just as he lifted the bottle to take another healthy swig, Sebastian snatched it away, dropping it carelessly into the sink where it shattered. Ciel snarled angrily at the tall male, turning to give him the full force of a glare.
"Why are you avoiding me," Sebastian said each word slowly, a little more heat coating his tone. He could feel anger simmering in his veins, trying to cook him from the inside and make him explode.
"Is it so wrong to not want you shoved up my ass 24/7? You don't own me, and believe it or not, I have shit to do in my life that is not and does not involve you. My life does not revolve around you," Ciel hissed, his voice pitched low, fingers curling like claws.
Sebastian took a step closer, his lips curling down slightly the only outward sign that he was getting pissed. "While that may be true, it's a terrible fucking excuse. You are avoiding me, Ciel, and I deserve to know why." He somehow still managed to keep the fiery emotion in check.
With Sebastian so close, staring into his eyes unflinchingly, Ciel could see the boiling rage hidden just beneath the surface. For some reason, it made the cracks in the dam barely keeping his turmoiling emotions bearable break. Suddenly he was feeling everything 100 times worse; they warred with each other, trying to come out on top. The stress of not being able to handle the strong waves of feelings was too much. Tears pooling in large royal blue eyes easily overflowed as Ciel sucked in a whimpering breath, his bottom lip trembling. Though he tried his best to control himself, the tears kept coming, small droplets sticking to his lashes like dew as rivers of them traced their way down pale cheeks. A sob caught in his throat, and he swallowed it, forcing it back down. There was no way in hell was he going to allow himself to break down completely.
It was easy to see how forcefully the shock hit Sebastian in the way that he leaned back, eyes widening and eyebrows raising. Ciel quickly turns his face away, once again willing the tears to dry up.
"Why are you so upset?" Sebastian asks, voice hoarse with surprise.
"I'm not," Ciel said, voice thick with tears.
"Then why are you crying?" Sebastian whispered, pain coating his tone. To see Ciel so upset physically hurt.
Sheer, desperate panic claws it's way up and out of the youth, sending him into a defensive mindset. When his counterpart repeats the question, he takes a step back, wild eyes gazing up as he screams. "I don't know! I don't fucking know, okay?" He draws in a ragged breath as his body tenses up in anticipation of more questions.
Even though the outburst shocks him, Sebastian reaches a hand out for Ciel, wanting to give him a comforting touch to soothe whatever ails him. A loud smack and a sharp pain on the back of his hand as it is swatted away makes him freeze in his tracks.
"Don't fucking touch me! Don't you dare touch me," Ciel cries out, his voice rising in octaves before dropping down to a menacing whisper. Having his touch be rejected hurts more than the smack ever could have, and it shows in his eyes.
Ciel takes another step back, panic seizing an even better hold on him as he sees the hurt in Sebastian's sanguine eyes, and guilt rises up in him. He starts to breathe erratically, drawing into himself as even more tears blur his vision. He feels like a wild animal that's been caught in a bear trap, with no forseeable escape. With every fiber of his being, Ciel wants nothing more than for everything to stop, to not have to feel everything so strongly, to not have the person that makes him this way standing in front of him. You're having a panic attack, the thought whispered in the back of his mind. Acknowledging it did nothing to soothe the crazy that he was feeling. He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him, and he was disgusted with himself for letting his counterpart see him this way. He refused to break down in front of him, but still he could not control himself. Swallowing a lump in his throat, his voice sounds eerily calm as he whispers, "Get out." Ciel looks down at the floor, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest. Saying those two words felt like he was swallowing glass, and he couldn't bear to see anymore hurt that was sure to flutter across Sebastian's face. All he was trying to do was get him to leave so that he could have his mental breakdown alone, without ruining the image that Sebastian had of him. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth until it was bloody, trying to calm down and even out his breathing.
After several tension-heavy moments, Sebastian's voice comes out whisper-soft, as though he's trying to soothe a frightened animal. "Ciel... I'm not sure I..." he trails of, tones of uncertainty coloring the words. He knew something was terribly wrong, and all he wanted to do was help the fragile male.
Sebastian takes a small step towards Ciel, once again reaching and wanting so desperately to comfort him in the only way he knows how. As his hand makes contact with his arm, the youth wrenches away, backhanding the offending appendage.
"Don't," he hisses, turning a watery glare to his counterpart.
"Ciel, please, if you won't accept my touch, at least talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, let me help you..." Sebastian murmurs weakly, his arm dropping back to his side. His heart squeezes painfully at each rejection, trying to keep the hurt off his face.
"Get out," Ciel repeats, a little louder this time. Maybe if he leaves, all this stuff going on inside me will disappear, too, he thinks, feeling oddly childlike. After all, it seemed that Sebastian was the cause of the tempest inside of him.
"What did I do to make you so upset?" Sebastian asks, his voice breaking unintentionally. Why did it seem to bother him so much if the youth was upset by something he must have done? Why did it hurt to be rejected, and ordered out? If he knew what was best for them both, he would turn away and walk out the front door, as requested of him. But Sebastian didn't want what would be better for him; he wanted to be near the person who had come into his life and destroyed it. Deep inside him, he knew that Ciel felt the same way. He reaches a hand out to the youth, but doesn't step forward or touch him without permission; he's inviting him to take his hand, to yearn for his touch enough that he takes those few steps to close the distance. "We can work through this... if you'd just let me help you, kitten."
Ciel feels like he's being torn apart by the hurricane of emotions warring inside his chest, and quite suddenly, rage flickers to life. It burns everything else away, feeding off every emotion and negative thought until it is all that's left. It sets fire to his veins, screaming to be released. The temptation is too much, it's too easy to give in; his mind would be so blissfully numb if he just gave into the anger. Ciel let's loose his hold on the reigns, allowing the flames of this single emotion to consume him. The red curtain of fury falls over him, and he loses himself. His hands itch to hit something, to do anything violent, so he picks up the shot glass and flings it blindly at Sebastian.
"Get out, get the fuck out!" rips from his throat, over and over, like a broken record, as he begins throwing whatever he can get his hands on. Sebastian stands there and takes it, hoping that the rage that so quickly came to life will burn itself out. He doesn't duck out of the way, in case it only serves to fuel the fire in his counterpart. Now Ciel is speaking in incoherent spurts, his voice rising in octaves until it can't get any higher, and he sounds like a desperate, keening animal. His fingers curl around a shard of the broken tequila bottle, ripping into the soft flesh of the digits. As blood begins to steadily drip from Ciel's hand, a blow of shock combined with worry hits Sebastian in the stomach, and he rushes forward. His need to tend to the wounds and be sure that Ciel is okay outweighs the rational thought to let him burn off his anger and calm down. As his fingers brush along the shorter male's wrist in an attempt to gently grab hold, a sharp pain blooms across his left shoulder. Slowly, Sebastian turns his head to stare at the bloody piece of glass now jutting from his aching upper arm. Bringing his right hand up slowly, he carefully grabs hold of the glass and pulls it out. He grinds his teeth together as this brings a fresh round of pain. He pushes the sleeve out of the way to see blood beginning to pool and ooze as if it is weeping.
Ciel freezes as the curtain comes up and he becomes self-aware once more, his voice dying in his throat as the realisation that he stabbed Sebastian dawns on him. His wavering blue eyes settle on the wound that is pouring blood, his hands fluttering uselessly at his sides, unsure of what to do. Self-loathing and guilt weigh down on him, replacing the all-consuming rage. With his chest heaving, he takes a tiny step forward, lips parting. His non-wounded hand comes up shakily, and freezes in the air as Ciel wavers with indecision. He allows it to drop before taking a few steps back, terrified that he may hurt his taller counterpart again. Unaware of the indecision warring within the youth, Sebastian feels his presence move away from him, and pain worse than that in his shoulder stabs him in the heart. A ringing in his ears and dizziness swooping over him alerts him to the fact that he's losing quite a bit of blood. A sense of urgency overrides the emotional pain that Ciel keeps inflicting on him, and the need to get to a hospital as fast as he can overcomes him. All he can hear is the ringing in his ears, and a flutter of panic rears up, tightening in his chest.
"Seb-" he starts, but before he can even get the name over his lips, Sebastian turns and speed walks from him as fast as he can. Shock hits Ciel in the stomach at the sight of his retreating back. It was true, in his panic attack, he had told the taller male to get out, but now he wasn't so sure that was what he really wanted.
Sebastian should have left the first time Ciel told him to get out; he felt like it was his fault that they both ended up wounded. He was livid, but it wasn't directed at the youth; it was directed at himself for letting the situation get so out of control. His head was swimming, which alarmed him and instilled in him the fact that he had to leave, now, before things got even worse, or he bled to death. The sound of his footsteps receding into the living room and the soft click of the front door falling shut echoed in Ciel's head with finality.
The blae-haired male feels himself crumbling away as wave after wave of sorrow, guilt, and self-hatred crash over him. A sob tears it's way up his throat and leaves his lips with force. Soon, they too wrack his body, and he collapses to his knees, curling in on himself, the stinging wound in his hand long-forgotten. The feeling of not being able to breathe without a hitch in his breath weighs on him.
"C-come ba-ack," he hiccups out, though he knows that no one can hear him. "I'm s-sorry," he whispers, closing his eyes tightly and curling into the fetal position.
There on the kitchen floor, lying in a puddle of blood and tears, Ciel allows himself to be swept away in the relentless torrent of his emotions.
E/N: Was that not too painful to bare? Let me tell you, this won't be easily resolved. The next chapter is going to be nothing but one giant flashback, so you finally get to see more in depth Sebastian's past! Isn't that exciting? On another note, my completed fanfic That Butler-Photographed has been added to a community hell-bent on getting it taken down, revised, or having my account disabled. I've gotten a comment from some random that they will continue to flag my story until I revise it, etc, etc. Their reason for this being "this site doesn't allow mature content..." To which I say, what the fuck does the rating M mean then? I'm pretty goddamn sure M means Mature. I am not going to pander to everyone; my fanfics are meant only for a small demographic, ones that enjoy what I write and are mature enough to handle it. I am not going to hinder my creativity by restricting myself to trashy romance level bullshit. I am not going to sugar-coat the sex scenes in any of my fanfics, or make it less descriptive. I do not write romance novels nor do I use descriptive words such as "pink nubs" for nipples, or "throbbing manhood" for dick. I write fanfiction, where the sex isn't made pretty with cutesy words; it's full of raw passion, and it's going to stay that way. I refuse to have my creativity hindered by this "no mature" bullshit people keep spouting. How about this: if you don't want mature fanfics on this site, don't have the option to rate one mature. I'm not going to change my fanfics so that kids can read them, because frankly I don't think children should even be reading fanfiction. Most fanfiction is making characters fuck that you wish fucked in the original stories, or creating an OC to fuck a character that you wanted to fuck. It's about putting your fantasies to paper and sharing them with like minded people.
The point to all this ranting is: if you notice that you can no longer find my works, or me, they will be available on AO3 for your reading pleasure. My pen name for that site is Ritsy, and all my works have the same title there as they do here. I update both sites at the exact same time, so if ever I get disabled or my stories taken down, all you need to do is go to Archive of Our Own. If you do not already have an AO3 account, I highly suggest you get one, as there is more creative freedom there than there is here. The only reason I've yet to abandon this site is because so many of you darling readers are here, and I'm not one for pulling a disappearing act willingly on the people who matter dearly to me. Thank you for all the support, I appreciate every single one of you.
I'm sorry for sandwiching the chapter so tightly between the notes; I'll try to keep the next act's notes to a minimum. Thanks so much to all for your support~ I love each and every one of you little doves/sweet kittens.
Kisses, Ritsy