Wow, 2 reviews! May not seem like a lot, for first my first story, I think that's pretty good so far! Shout-outs: Dreamer1992: thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter! AlliJay21: Glad u like it :) Hope this new chapter pleased you! Remember, I need at least one review on this chapter to continue onto the next. It lets me know that people are reading and enjoying! An IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT is down at the bottom, so check that out after the chapter. BTW- These chapters will be getting longer as the story progresses since there will be more to include. That's all I have to say right now, so on with the story!
Chapter 2: Frozen
Me. That word echoed in my head during the time I stood frozen in my kitchen. He shouldn't dare be calling this house after everything that happened. It was a dangerous area to venture into.
Once I finally gathered my breaths together, I bent down slowly to pick up the phone on the living room rug. For some reason, it didn't break like I desperately wanted it to. "What do you want? Why are you calling?" I gritted through my teeth, almost spitting into the phone. My feet were pacing around in circle, moving back into the kitchen.
There a deep sigh from the other line. "I just wanted to talk about yesterday. I mean you won't let me expla-"
"Just save it for someone who cares. Ok, Drew?" I interrupted before he could continue speaking. How dare he do this to me when there was nothing to say about his actions? I had all the proof I needed to show that he was a lying and cheating scumbag. But a small part of me wanted to hear what he had to say, to see if it was true and everything else was a joke. "You don't understand how bad you hurt me. Two years. Two fucking years I spend of my life with you. And you treat it like nothing and push it to the side! Did all that mean nothing to you? Why would you cheat?" My fingers were clutching to the phone as I held the mouthpiece right to my mouth, making sure he felt and heard every single word I said. I wasn't going to let him get away for this.
His throat cleared from the other line, informing me that this was not the conversation he was expecting. "Well, I- It did mean something to me. I mean I loved you and all but…"
"But what? Drew, tell me! What do you mean you 'loved' me? Where did it go?" So many questions were in my head at this point, scrambling around trying to find decent answers. 'It did'? 'I loved' ? Was he really going to say what I think he is? I leaned my lower back against the counter and crossed my arms, condensing and holding back the pulsing anger through my veins.
"You just… didn't give me what I wanted, alright? I needed more and you didn't want to. How was I supposed to deal with that?" My mouth dropped open as the anger rushed right up to my face. I knew it. That was the reason why we broke-up. I should have recognized it sooner since he was in bed with another girl, but I thought that maybe it was an accident. How stupid was I?
My fist slammed against the counter, pain shooting up my arm from the force. But I didn't feel the pain. I was numb, even though anger was swirling around in my body, looking for an escape. My boyfriend of two years seriously broke-up with me because I would not have sex with him until marriage. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I swore into the phone, almost screaming in shock. "I told you from the beginning of our relationship that I would do nothing of the sort until I was married and had a ring on my finger. You said you respected my decision and would wait. You said you would hold back until we got married! You said we would wait TOGETHER!" My throat was completely dry after I screamed those words into the phone. I could feel my legs completely give out as I slid down to the floor, my back scraping against the counter edge and cabinet handles. It felt good, to be honest. Physical pain was better than emotional pain. Emotional pain would linger on forever in your mind, but physical pain could just go away after it healed. My back could heal, but my heart never could.
Drew was utterly silent from his phone line, probably stunned at my sudden outburst. Tears stung in the corner of my eyes, and I did nothing to hold them back as they crept down my cheeks. He was mumbling a jumbled combination of "I"s and "uh"s, but I couldn't hear anything else he was saying. I was full-on crying, my back jerking each time a giant weep came up. Gasping breaths were escaping from my mouth, coughs and stutters echoing into the mouthpiece. My tears were pouring all around me, drenching my cheeks and dripping down onto my shirt. I knew I was a complete wreck, the emotional tidal wave of my break-up crashing over me and sucking me under. Every last breath swallowed by the sea of confusion, hurt, anger, desperation, and so many other feelings. There was nothing else I could say, my words no longer crawling out of my mouth begging to be heard. It was just fuzzy and numb, my body unresponsive to the commands my brain was trying to send out.
The entire time I was completely breaking down, Drew didn't say one word. Once he assumed my fit toned down a little, he spoke up again. "You said you loved me, and that's what people do when they confess something like that. So what's the big deal anyway?"
At that point, I was in more of a state of disbelief than anything. My sobs were replaced with silence. Silence over the phone. Silence in the house. Silence in my body. My heart didn't want to beat. It wasn't worth it anyway if Drew was going to throw it away in the end. "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?" At the top of my lungs, my words rung out so high that my voice cracked at the last sound. "A girl's virginity is the most precious thing she can offer to a guy! It's fragile and represents her! It IS her. If she gives it away to someone, it symbolizes her giving herself away. And I want to do that my husband who I will KNOW is mine. I thought you were going to be that, so I wanted it to mean something. To prove to you that I would remain faithful and forever yours. But I guess you didn't stop and think about why I wanted to wait, huh? You only wanted me in bed for the night so you could hang me out to dry in the morning. And to think I was actually going to surprise you and give you myself when we got engaged… " A small snicker came from my mouth, realizing how stupid I was to think that.
I guess that ending comment surprised him since there wasn't a single word spoken over to phone to each-other. During the silence, I was able to sit up off of the tile and lean against the bottom cabinets again. The tears were slowing down, only falling because I confessed to him my deepest womanly beliefs. I told him that he was worth the wait. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, spend endless hours talking with, have children with, and die with in the end. But now I could tell that we were not on the same page.
Right before Drew hung up, he had one last comment left in his body for me. Just before he hit the end button, he spoke to me in the coldest tone I had ever heard him use. It sent chills down my spine and formed goose bumps that made my hair stand on edge. "Well I guess I'll never find out, will I? And you know what, I'm glad that I won't be wasting my life with YOU…" And with that, he was gone.
I tried to take in a breath, but my diaphragm locked up on me. I began quivering, my mouth opening like it was begging for air to come in. No matter how hard I tried to breathe in, not one bit of air would push its way in. My lungs were closing in, slowly crushing the shortened breaths of life I needed to take. Curling onto the floor, my knees met my face for the comforting fetal position. Then the shaking began, starting from my fingertips down to my feet. Arms, head, stomach, legs, feet, all uncontrollably twitching as I was clinging onto existence. I tried swallowing, but there was a huge lump in my throat that restricted my airways. Then the numbness set in, slowly engulfing my body and stopping all responses. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I was frozen, like a statue. The only sign of life was coming from my chest that was convulsing and screaming for air. This was not the way I wanted to die, on my floor with a phone in my left hand. Those last words from Drew stung, extremely bad. My brain kept repeating what he said in mockery. I was right. I wasn't good enough for anyone. I would die forever alone. Just like I was, right here, right now. In the few short seconds that passed, Life walked right up to me and smacked me across the face. It left a permanent mark on my cheek, reminding me of how childish and unrealistic my hopes and dreams were. The only way to break me from my magical world was curing me with pain. And that's just what Life did. That one slap brought me back to cold reality, where nothing is what it seems. Love is false and life is a joke. One big joke, laughing at every single person who fell for it. I know I was stupid enough to do so. And now I was paying the ultimate price.
Just as I was about to enter pure darkness, I heard the squeak of my front door. Words were being said, but all I could hear was soft buzzing and echoes. Echoes of laughter, disgust, and disappointment. From my pitch black surroundings, I could hear the echoes increasing in sound. They were trying to block out the other noise that was growing in my house. Sam… Sam? It was like they were trying to cover up the hope of me coming back to life. But their attempt faded away when I heard footsteps walking right into my kitchen. "Sam!"
My eyes popped open, crashing me right back into life and reality. I was buried between my thighs, my hands covering my face to hide my shame. But I wasn't breathing. It was like I forgot how to. An animalistic sound screeched out of my mouth as my lungs finally expanded to suck in the air. My body was slowly unwinding with the enormous breath I took. As I uncoiled, a pair of arms slid under me and titled me up off the floor. The next thing I felt was a warm body snuggling me right next to its chest. I could hear the person's heartbeat as my face nuzzled right next to their shoulder. It felt hard and yet soft at the same time. I curled myself in the stranger's lap, oddly feeling safe and calm. It was like I knew I wasn't in any danger anymore.
The person gently laid me over their arms, my legs dangling over the right arm. The left arm was wrapped around my shoulder and stomach, holding onto me for dear life. I was being cradled by someone who just walked into my house. Who knew if the person was a robber, a killer, a mentally ill person or what else? But I knew that it was none of the above. I took another deep breath in, digging my nose in the warm sweater the person was wearing and taking in their scent. It smelled of cologne, aftershave, and hair-care products. The smell I grew to love for two and a half years. Out of instant, I pressed my body closer to feel more of his warmth and care. I hadn't felt that in a while and was desperate for some now. His chin rested on top of my head as he stroked my hair and face, not saying a single word. He knew he didn't have to right now, what he was doing was just enough for me.
Instead of dying alone, I was being rescued by someone who cared. Completely silent, I sat there on the floor being held by the person I loved and needed the most: the one and only James Maslow.
Surprise! :D Second chapter posted already for anyone who has been reading this (even though it's been 12 hours or so). 1 Review or more needed for next chapter to be posted tomorrow :) I will try my best to update daily (which is what I want to do) and continue with the story. I have NO idea (haha BTR song) how many chapters there will be, but I will try to add drama, humor, and suspense!
*IMPORTANT NOTICE: I need a best girl friend for Sam in this story. She will be dating one of the other guys in Big Time Rush. If any of you are interested in being in this fan fiction or giving a character, leave in a review the name of the person, a small physical description, and which member of Big Time Rush you would like for her to date (James excluded, sorry girls ;P ) The first review that includes this information will be the winner. Thanks everyone! Hit that review, favorite, and follow button for more soon :)