Chapter Eight
March 15th, 1984
Dear Journal,
I know it's been a while since I've written, Ive been quite busy...well, not exactly. I've spent a while not really doing anything. You may be confused as to why that is. Well...see, two years ago, I went to this Ramones concert and...well, I've already explained to you who my favorite member was. Johnny. Well, I actually met him after the show was over! I know! I could hardly believe it. We got to know each other better more into the night and things got REALLY intense. I found out how much I was in love with him. Okay, now this is big...I actually ended up having sex with him. Yes! I lost my virginity to him. How fucking cool is that? I can't believe I lost it to Johnny Ramone. I NEVER thought it would happen, but it did. It hurt a lot when we did it, but I got over the pain soon after. I honestly really feel more like a woman now. It feels good to know who I had sex with.
Now...there's something else that happened. Considering the fact that Johnny's a musician and part of this big group, they were on tour, and I couldn't come with them because no girls were allowed. I guess the tour manager thought I'd distract Johnny or something. So, yeah Johnny had to leave me behind. I was really hurt by it. I wished he could've stayed with me, but that's something that never could have happened. It's been two years now that he left me, and he still hasn't called me yet. I gave him my number. I miss him so much, sometimes I cry just thinking of his face. I miss the way he held me, the way he talked, looked at me, laughed. EVERYTHING. Without him next to me, it feels like I have nothing to live for. I guess some days I can cope with it better than others, but it's still really hard. I really loved him. I loved him more than myself! I need John here with me. I need him to mend my broken heart. Because believe me, it was broken even way before we'd met...I guess that's it for now. I don't feel like writing anymore. Goodbye for now.
-Angela Black
I put my journal away and sat still on my bed, my knees curved into my chest. Writing made me feel a little better, but nothing would really cure this pain that I felt. I had a habit of re-reading my entries, but I couldn't read this new one over. It'd only remind me of why I felt crappy. Two years...Jesus...two years, and I still hadn't got a call from him. No telegraph, no postcard, letter...nothing! Did he hate me? Maybe the night we slept together he was just confused about what he wanted, and even maybe the morning after. Ah, what am I saying? He loves me! Johnny said so...didn't he mean it?
Okay, this just wasn't healthy. If I kept thinking about it then I'd soon go crazy. I sighed and went to the refrigerator to grab something to eat. This was sad. I was twenty-one years old and still lived in my mom's house AND had no job. It finally hit me that I was wasting my life in my house and not living it to the fullest. I needed to get out in the world, meet new people and just be happy. And maybe if I was lucky, I'd find a nice boyfriend who cares about me. I had to do anything but mope around. I just couldn't do this anymore. So I grabbed an apple from the fridge, picked up this morning's newspaper and looked for a job. It was time to move on with my life and stop this foolishness.
After a few weeks, I began to get my old self back, although it hurt sometimes. I thought about Johnny less and less each day, and my new job wasn't that great, but at least I was making some money. Things were going pretty alright so far. I was finally living life for me, and not someone else. I even started the process of listening to my Ramones records again. I'd finally come to the conclusion that meeting Johnny was just me being lucky. I could be lucky sometimes, and having what I had with him was something no other girl could ever discuss (without lying, that is), but it was something that I shouldn't get too excited over.
One day, I decided to be active again and take a run in the park. It was nearing spring, so the weather was getting warmer. I hadn't run in such a while, it felt really good to. It was amazing! When I ran, I never had any worries or problems. I felt like I could reach the sky-
I saw Mayra sitting by the lake and went up to her. "Hey, May."
Her face expressed shock. "Angela? Girl, how long has it been since you've been outside?"
"Oh, it's been a while I admit."
"You never called to hang out. Are you alright?"
I sighed, thinking of him again..."I think I'm going to be."
My life was turning out alright. Then one week later...