*** I do not own Candy Boy. I wish I did but I don't… No copyright was intended. I just wanted to prologue the experience, writing what I wished to see happen.
Writer's note: First of all I would like to thank you all for taking your time to read this. We have quite the long chapter this time… I kind of wrote everything that came to the mind and let the river of ideas flow. Hope you enjoy =]
Tips:
Bold – bold phrases are things said loud.
Bold/Italic – bold and italic phrases are whispers.
Italic – italic phrases are thoughts.
Part 4: Hidden Truths – Suppression
Yuki had just wrapped her arms around Kana's waist, pulling her closer. She wanted to hear Kana's fast heart beat once again. This made Kana smile and Yuki was happy. She wanted these moments to last forever, and with that thought in her mind, she whispered, "I want us to remain like this forever"...
She said those words with joy but only fear followed. Yuki opened her eyes wide, thinking she felt Kana's heart skip a beat. She suddenly felt something was wrong… and in fact it was…
Yuki felt Kana gently returned the embrace, slowly rubbing her back… but something was off. Kana's touch was different from moments before... as if it was suddenly filled with intense pain.
Something was suddenly wrong. "What happened?... We were laughing until a moment ago… Her touch… It's suddenly cold… What's wrong?"… Yuki didn't know what happened but she felt something was suddenly wrong. She decided to confront Kana to maybe receive an answer.
Yuki looked up at Kana and suddenly felt her heart squeeze inside… She didn't know what happened but something really did occur. Kana suddenly had tears in her eyes and a painful look on her face. But what exactly happened?
Yuki panicked. She wanted to know why. She partially stood up, now sitting on the bed and started shaking Kana. "Kana… Kana!... What's wrong? Why are you crying? What happened?"
Kana didn't respond as if she didn't hear her. Kana was lost in thoughts and the only thing in her mind was Yuki's previous words, "I want us to remain like this forever". Those words had somehow stabbed Kana deep inside.
"Kana… Kana talk to me…"
Kana suddenly realized someone was calling her. She blinked a couple of times and saw Yuki by her side. She looked at Yuki and backed a little for a moment.
"What's wrong Kana?"
Kana blinked a couple of more times, realizing she had tears in her eyes. She suddenly backs again and using her hand, she removes those tears from her eyes. She looks once again at Yuki to find her in a worried face.
Kana forcefully smile, "A… Ahahaha…haha… It's nothing. I think I laughed too much. Don't worry, don't worry." Kana pulls herself up and sits on the bed, on the side by Yuki. She suddenly gently pets Yuki on the head and softly whispers, "I'm going to go take a bath."
She softly approaches Yuki and kisses her on the cheek, later adding "I'll be back soon… Yuki-nee."... She slowly gets up and goes to take a bath.
Yuki is shocked. She slowly lifts her hand and places it on her cheek. "That kiss… it was cold… her lips were cold…"… She blinks a couple of times and suddenly another thought comes to her mind, "Yuki-nee… 'nee'… She stopped calling me like that years ago… What's going on?". She puts her hands in front of her face. She feels like she's going to explode and inside her mind she screams…
"What the hell happened?"
Kana has just arrived to the bathroom. She looks at the bath and instead decides to take a shower… a cold shower. She removes her clothes and stands up in the bath. She places one hand against the wall and leans towards the shower. She opens the cold water and lets it flow.
Strangely enough, she doesn't mind the cold water and soon gets lost in thoughts.
"Yuki… Yuki's words… I want us to remain like this forever… like this… forever… like this… this… why this?…" Kana gently slams against the wall.
"Like this… now we're only siblings… I don't want us to be like siblings… I want us to be more… I want us to remain like this forever… she wants us to remain like this… playfully playing like siblings…"
Kana moves her other unused hand and places it on her forehead, slowly passing it back through her hair, so that cold water could flow on her face… on her forehead… on her mind…
"I want us to remain like this forever… Like this… Like this, as if we were just siblings… We are siblings… Of course she doesn't love me like I love her… What was I thinking?... I need to keep inside these feelings… Yeah… That's what I'll do I'll keep them inside… I'll suppress them deep down and never confront them again… I'll kill these feelings… Yeah… I'll kill them now"… Kana once again slams her hand against the wall. This time it was loud and firm hit… strong enough to hurt her hand.
"Cold water in winter… now that was a good idea.. hah.. I'm sure to get sick now… It's better that way… I want to get sick… I hope I get a fever… maybe this way I'll be able to stop thinking for a couple of days…"
Yuki heard that loud hit. She started feeling worried and thought it would be best to check upon Kana. She knocked on the bathroom but no response came. Deep inside she knew something happened and opened the door to see if Kana was alright. She found her loved one under the shower, leaning against the wall… with her face up and one hand down as if it was lifeless.
Yuki called for her but no response again. She approached Kana and touched her shoulder. She suddenly felt how cold the water was and instantly removed her hand. She immediately closed the cold water… an action which surprised Kana. "Yuki… Yuki-ch… Yuki-nee… What are you doing?"
"What am I doing? What are you doing?!"… Yuki throws a towel over Kana, "A cold shower with this temperature? What's wrong with you?"… Yuki starts drying Kana.
"My head was hot so I tried to cool it down… and in fact I already feel better already."
Yuki backed a little, "Let's warm you up with a nice warm bath. We'll put some warm clothes on and head to bed. It's been a tiring day. A warm bath and a nice good rest will benefit both of us."
Kana nods her head, finally starting to feel cold. "Ok… I am a bit tired too. I'll take the first turn in bath if it's ok with you."
Yuki suddenly shouted, slowly lowering her voice, "NO, No, no, no, no… We're going to bath together. I don't want to leave you alone."
Kana slightly grinned, accepting what Yuki had told her.
Yuki opened the hot water waiting for the bath to fill up. She looked a couple of times at this strange unresponsive Kana and started undressing. She expected Kana to blush but no response. Last time, when Yuki started undressing, Kana blushed and became red, inverting her looks and closing her eyes. This time nothing… she looked at her as if she didn't feel anything for her anymore.
Yuki kept looking at Kana until Kana finally spoke, "Yuki… Yuki-nee… the water… it's going to overflow if we fill it more than that."
Yuki immediately shook her head and went to close the water. She then guided Kana to the bath and they both entered in it. Kana just leaned back, resting her head on the wall. Yuki at first did the same. After a few seconds, she leaned it back forward and observed Kana.
Kana had her eyes closed. She almost looked as if she was asleep but she wasn't since she kept moving one of her hand. Yuki kept looking at her strangely… peaceful… empty… look Kana had and finally noticed something strange on that hand. She reached out to check it.
Kana's hand was slightly getting swollen and as soon as Yuki touched it, Kana twitched in pain. Kana released a forceful laugh, "Heh~"
Yuki made a serious face, "What did you do?"
"I accidentally smacked it against the wall."
Yuki blinked, "So that was what caused the noise I heard."
"Could be…"
Yuki wasn't convinced, "And how did you accidentally smack it?"
"Don't know."
Yuki made a worried face, "Ok, keep your hand in the warm water now and don't use it. We'll medic it as soon as we get out of here. Turn around. I'll wash your back for you."
"Ok."
"Ok?... Just an OK?... last time she blushed… She complained… Gradually submitting… Twitching and shivering each time I touched her… half of the time I was doing it on purpose… I can't have fun like last time this way… What happened suddenly?"
Yuki started washing Kana's back. She sometimes poked it… hoping for a reaction… but no response whatsoever. She soon finished and Kana offered to do the same. They turned around and Kana was going to start washing Yuki's back. Kana placed a hand on Yuki's back and for a moment she sighed. Yuki instantly turned around.
Kana looked at her "What is it Yuki-nee?"
"Nothing…" whispered Yuki in a sad voice. "Just nothing… Thank You."
Yuki was feeling somehow sad. She liked how Kana usually blushes… how she was usually was nervous when she touched her… Deep inside Yuki was only thinking one thing, "I want my Kana back!"
They soon finished as no games happened this time. The dressed up in some warm clothes and went back to their room.
They sat on their bed and Yuki brought a medical box. Yuki started medicating Kana's hand… and while doing so, Kana stared at that delicate touch. She twitched a couple of times… sometimes from pain… other times from the gentle touch Yuki hands.
Kana's mind was looping the same thought, "… Kill those emotions… Kill them… Bury them inside… And never look at them again… Kill them… Suppress them…"
Kana felt extremely tired and wanted to sleep. She was feeling suddenly light headed… Yuki noticed that Kana was somehow acting strange again... a different kind of strangeness… Kana craved for the bed and Yuki let her have what she wanted. It was too much to face these things now. A lot had happened and both of them were now tired.
They slowly entered the bed, trying to get some sleep. Kana dozed off in a less than a minute. Something seemed to have almost drained her from all her energy… something which Yuki really wanted to know what it was. She wanted to know what happened… What caused this sudden change in Kana… How her beautiful wish to become a couple… had now been destroyed… vanished as if it never existed… as if it was just her imagination.
Kana was now sleeping deeply. Yuki kept starring at Kana. She couldn't sleep… How could she? Not knowing what happened… thinking she lost Kana in a way. She kept looking at Kana for seconds… minutes… hours now… She felt like sleeping but what she hoped finally happened.
Kana began slightly sleep talking but nothing good can out. Yuki hoped that like the first time, something good would come out, but it was in vain. The only words she caught were her name "Yuki-nee" and "suppress"... "Suppress what?"
Kana started fidgeting and soon, Yuki thought to try and reassure her. She placed her hand on Kana's face in attempt to caress her and soon noticed that her Kana was burning. It seems Kana's hit jackpot when she thought she'll catch a fever. The cold shower has done its desired work.
Yuki wakes up from bed and slowly places Kana in the middle of the bed. She goes inside and brings a small bowl filled with water and a towel. She sits down near the bed and places the towel in the water, slowly pulling it back up. She wrings it and slowly places it on Kana's forehead. She repeats this process for a couple of time until she finally falls asleep by the side of the bed.
Kana wakes up, breathing heavily. She stands up and the towel falls off her head. She feels weak and drops back on the bed. "I think I have a fever… Who placed this towel?…Yuki?... Yuki…"… She then looks around in attempt to see Yuki and notices her down there, sleeping by the side of the bed, with her face on her hands which are placed on the bed.
"It seems I made her worry… I just wanted… to think… less… Yuki…"… Kana smiles and places softly one of her hands on Yuki's cheek, holding it gently, caressing it with her thumb. With this movement she felt like twitching a bit but she kept that gentle touch… "I'm sorry… It's… It's for the best"... She feels weak… light headed and soon falls back asleep.
Some minutes pass and Yuki wakes up. She notices a warm hand carefully holding her face. Yuki blinks a couple of times and notices it was Kana's hand, the one that was swollen. She slowly gets up and brings a little bit of ice for the water and for the swollen hand.
She places Kana's hand above the cold ice and goes to bring some fresh water before she puts the other ice in it. Kana wakes up at the feeling of cold ice around her hand. Yuki arrives and as before she places the towel in the cold water, wrings it and places it on Kana's forehead.
Yuki notices Kana eyes slightly opened. "Good Morning Kana!"
Kana blinks… "Don't…"
Yuki already knew what Kana was going to say, "Don't… take care of me…"… Yuki makes a serious face, "I don't care what you were going to say. I will take care of you if you like it or not!"
Kana slightly laughs… now breathing heavily from the fever. "Heh… I… I still don't deserve it."
"Don't deserve it?... Why?... What is she thinking?... What has she self-convinced now?"…"But for me you do. I'm in charge here today, so you're going to do what I say."
Kana tries to counter it by standing up but no energy was left inside that body. She soon falls back… feeling light-headed, "You… win…"
Yuki continues to take care of Kana and soon Kana falls asleep.
Yuki keeps taking care of Kana and notices her heavily breathing, realizing that Kana's fever has slightly gone up. She stares at her… wanting… wishing… she could to do more. She places her hand at Kana's side and slowly caresses her face.
"Yuki… chan?"
Yuki smiles hearing Kana calling her like that again, "Tell me."
"What… are… you doing?"
Yuki notices that Kana is talking light heated, as if she was delirious by the fever. "I'm taking care of my loved one."
"You... shouldn't…"
Yuki slightly gets angry but keeps calm, "Why? Because you think you don't deserve it?"
"Yeah… that… and because… you'll get my… my hopes up again…"
Yuki backs a little, fully confirmed that Kana isn't conscious of what she's saying. "Your hopes up? About what?"
"About what?… About us…"
Yuki keeps on caressing Kana. "You should keep those hopes up."
"No… No I… I shouldn't"
Yuki finally thought she was getting at the bottom of the problem… and in fact she was. "Why?"
"Because… cause… in my hopes… we aren't like this…"
Yuki tilted her head, "What do you mean?"
"You said… you want us… want us to remain like… like this forever…"… Kana turns around looking towards Yuki… "Like this… forever… right now we're like siblings… nothing more…"… A small tear comes at Kana's eye, "Nothing more… but I want more… but I… I love you too… so I'll suppress it… suppress it down… and I'll ignore it… so we'll remain like this… forever…"
Yuki feels shaken. Kana had misinterpreted her words…
To Yuki those words meant that she wanted to remain happy… happy like she was feeling lately with Kana… happy like that… forever…
To Kana those words meant something else. She was searching for a sign… a sign that tells her those emotions were wrong… And she accepted the doubtless thing as a sign… a sign that she should stop those emotions… those emotions she was going to express.
"Kana… You misinterpreted those words. Don't give up your hopes. For now, just rest. Everything will be back to normal."
Kana nods her head and stretches it out. "Ok"
Yuki places Kana's head back on the pillow and wakes up to go prepare something warm to eat. As custom, porridge was the best option. She starts preparing it and after a couple of attempts, she makes one decent to eat. It wasn't the fact that she didn't know how to cook but because each time she got distracted… thinking about Kana.
Her thoughts were only about Kana. About those misinterpreted words… About anything she could do, to make Kana feel better once again. "Maybe… Maybe I should just confront her… telling her what I feel… No, no… I can't to that… What can I do?... What if I make her realize I have feelings for her?… like she did with me unintentionally… Waaah… I can't do that either… She'll probably misinterpret those words too… I need to figure it out… but what?... Waaah…"… "I'm going to burn it again!"
Yuki finally manages to not burn the porridge. She pours it in a container and brings it to Kana. She was surprised to find Kana awake, standing sitting in bed. Kana was looking at a side. She looked like she was feeling better… or at least better from the fever.
"Ne… Yuki?... Sorry for the weird question but… I had a strange dream… We were talking."
Yuki tries to act interested… or more like confused, knowing that what Kana had wasn't really a dream.
"Do you… Do you think one should never give up?... No matter how impossible it seems?"
Yuki smiles, "Giving up?… Giving up is like running away. You should never run away. Don't give up on things you want to see happen. You never know the outcome."
"What… What if you know the outcome is probably bad?... Wouldn't you try shoving things away?"
Yuki sits near Kana, placing the porridge on the side desk. "I probably would… I probably would try that, but I know it wouldn't last. Bottling things inside will only do things worse later. One should just gamble, hoping they receive the outcome they wanted. And there is no guarantee that things would be that bad. Maybe another outcome you hadn't thought about happens."
"Another outcome… Mhh… Thanks…"… Kana looks at her side, "Um… Is that for me?"
"Yeah! I made you some of my super non-burnt porridge!"
Kana looks at Yuki in a scared face. "Super… Non… Burnt?"
"Don't make that face. If you don't want it, I'll eat it." Yuki grabs the container and takes a couple of spoons. "It's good!"
Kana keeps looking at Yuki… tempted to have some. "May... May I…"
Yuki looks at Kana, "Aaaaaaaaa!", forwarding the spoon towards her.
Kana blushes a little and accepts it. Yuki continues to feed Kana happily… happy to at least have seen that slight blush.
Kana's fever has gone slightly down but its effects are still there. Kana feels tired, wanting to rest a bit. "I… I feel better… but I feel slightly tired… Do you mind if I rest a bit?
"No. Not at all. You should rest. Do you mind if I come near you. I'm slightly tired too."
Kana slides over and makes place for Yuki. "I'm sorry… Here."
Yuki smiles, "Hey Kana, remember you agreed when I said I was in charge today?"
Kana nods her head, expecting something strange to come out from Yuki's mouth.
"I want you to sleep like I usually cuddle with you. Head on my shoulder and hand around my waist."
Kana blinks a couple of times, "Why?"
"I want to prove something to you!"
Kana nods her head, but still confused from Yuki's demand.
Yuki sits on the bed and lies down near Kana. Kana hesitantly approaches Yuki… placing her head on Yuki's shoulder and an arm around Yuki's waist.
"Kana."
Kana is feeling tired, "Y… Yeah?
"Do you feel safe like this?"
Kana stops thinking for a second, "Y… yeah…"
"Do you hear my heart beat?"
Kana stops a second to hear it, "Y… yeah…"
"Do you like it?"
Kana is taken aback but the sudden strange question. "What?"
"Do you like it? The sound it makes."
Kana didn't know what she exactly was supposed to say, "Y… yeah… I guess…"
"Do you know why I hug you like that each time?"
It was something that Kana frequently thought about. "I never thought about it…"
"It's because you make me feel safe and it's because that sound mesmerizes me, almost enhancing me inside."
Kana opens wide her eyes. She doesn't exactly understand what Yuki is saying, but she knows that to Yuki it was something important. Kana unknowingly hugs tighter Yuki.
"That's what I do too."
Kana is confused, "What?"
"Hug you tighter, like you're doing now, to hear your heartbeat."
"I just thought you liked to cuddle."
Yuki giggles "Well that too."
Silence falls for few seconds. Kana is just concentrating on that heartbeat which was something that Yuki notices.
"Hey Kana-chan~"
"Y…Yeah"
"I want you to listen close to these words. Don't overthink them like you usually do."
Kana nods her head.
"I do not know what happened to you, but yesterday I think I said something bad to you."
Kana is taken aback once again, "Something… bad?"
"Just listen… Yes… Something bad… Something you most probably misinterpreted. If I've hurt you or something like that, I'm sorry. Forgive me. I didn't mean to."
Kana lifts her head and looks at Yuki's eyes… Yuki's eyes filled with a sincere apology…
"I don't know what happened, but I know I did something bad. And for that I'm sorry. I want you back the way you were."Yuki lowers Kana's head back on her shoulder.
Kana notices that Yuki's heart was beating faster.
"I want you back… To other people we may be sisters, but sister is just a word. To me you're more than that. You're a special person to me. And do you hear that heartbeat?"
Kana slightly nodes her head… starting to get mesmerized by the beat.
"That heartbeat beats like that just for you. Do you understand me?"
Kana nods her head, "Y… yeah"
"And I know something for sure."
Kana wants to know Yuki's response, "What… What is it?"
Yuki slowly falls silent. Kana lifts her head to watch why Yuki stopped. Yuki gently smile towards her,
"I want my Kana back!"
End of Part 4: Suppression
As I said before, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Next time, I should be uploading my last chapter. Feel free to review as comments would be much appreciated. Thanks for taking your time to read it.
Regards =]