Chapter 13
Squall
"Lost within the calamity"

The prospect of life sometimes indeed terrifying; I didn't know what kind of thing withered my happy soul into something a distress. The sun wasn't even yet showing any signs of its presence in the sky when I woke up from a series of fuzzy and blurry nightmare that scared me to the core. I stroked my weary eyes with my wing to gain the focus I need, while my soul agitated with an unknown cause.

Tiago was still sleeping soundly when I hopped onto the platform below, watching the darkness that still lurked in with the absence of sun's glorious ray in the night sky. I closed my eyes in endeavor to calm my agitated nerve, but the non-existent problem pasted firmly, and it get me into a level where I started to get real frustrated.

I recalled the past events that could be the source of my annoyance. Tiago's incident, the eagles, my fight with Bia… nope. This was a clueless crusade.

I groaned as my mind failed to tell me what's wrong, the moment where I wasn't sure what was happening to me. The frustration was intensified when I couldn't get myself back into slumber, and I returned onto the platform and stared blankly to the dark and starless sky.

I tried to calm myself, to convince myself that I was just frantic over something that didn't exist. The Carnival was happening today, and I didn't want to get myself into a gloomy mood when the prospect of having one of the best celebrations that supposed to get me happy was echoed into my head. Plus, I didn't want to ruin Bia's family mood over me for something that even I wasn't sure what was that.

I stared blankly over the horizon where the sun was supposed to be there when it rise, my legs swaying on the platform as I lost myself within my realm of thought. Drowsiness was getting the best of me, but I already knew that the efforts to make me into another slumber were something futile.

I silently scanned the vicinity for something to avert my thought, something that could conceal the non-existent disturbance that pasted firmly into my head. Jagged shards of the nightmares returned with yet another fuzzy imaginary, and I finally frustrated enough to just scream.

No… that's maybe wasn't the best idea, instead, I unfurled my wings and soared into the sky, flying aimlessly in attempt to help me get those horrid imaginaries away from my head. I watched the dawn approached the city of celebration. Millions lights from the residence of the city was giving me a sight similar to the stars in the sky, while not as bright and pretty, it was still a wonderful sight.

But that didn't work either; I flapped my wings faster, strained them within seconds as my restless body reminded me that I wasn't get a nice restorative sleep earlier. Nonetheless, I still felt bothered enough to get myself into sleep, not to mention the series of nightmares that could haunt me back.

The unknown distress finally burnt my nerves, invoking a huge thudding pain that drummed my head vigorously. I grimaced as the headache getting more intense each passing time, and finally decided to land in the landmark where Bia and I were spending our night some days ago.

Standing on the edge, I watched the dawn slowly lifted away by the presence of the gleaming sphere in the horizon. The once dim ambiance slowly lifted away and replaced with hues of yellow and oranges that painted the sky.

The sight however, wasn't something neither my body nor my soul could enjoy as the pain from my headache started to get into an alarming tier. That wasn't an option to pass out in here, especially with all of Bia's family didn't have any clue about my whereabouts. I recalled the kind of reaction Bia was having the moment I got myself into a fever. Tiago told me that she barely ate and spent most of the time thinking about me. I didn't want to see her in that kind of state anymore, and I couldn't imagine the kind of reaction she would have if she realized my absent without any explanation.

No… I couldn't get her into a state where the day that should be a joyous day ruined by me, that said gave me a slight determination to flap my wings and ignored the thudding pain and returned home safely.

I soared into the sky with my poor condition, leaving behind the gazebo and heading straight into the birdhouse. My flight was filled with efforts either to keep me stay awake or to stay afloat. The excruciating task was burning my nerves even more, and the headache started to impair me; the usual shot flight was felt like a journey back into the Amazon.

I let myself stifle a sight when the sight of my current residence manifest, it also revealed four macaws that already returned from their respectable dreamscape. Bia eyes were widened the moment she saw me landed onto the platform with panted breath and unsettling look from my headache. She then hopped next to me, asking about my condition. "Frost? Are you okay?"

I ignored her and silently heading back into Tiago's room. Toppled my body against the wooden floor and closed my eyes to calm and rest my burnt nerve.

And somehow… it worked, only the process wasn't nice.

I awaked sometimes in the afternoon with my eyes wide and my heartbeat fastened alarmingly. The nightmares before returned, yet it didn't gave me even a trivial details about them; all of them were a fuzzy sceneries that somehow firmly took process in my head.

The thudding sensation was gone, basically, my body was rested, but my soul weren't. I groaned and stirred a bit, slowly lifted my body from my slumber. A blue wing was helping me to stand up, and judging by the size of it, I already knew who the owner of that wing.

Bia was helping me to rise, her face was full with concern. I also spotted a book that laying next to me, and quickly realized that like a few days before, she was waiting for me.

If my soul didn't get too much pressure, I probably going to kiss her for always standing next to me and care for me. But with a bigger thought already encased my head, not to mention its predominant command relentlessly told me to search for an answer, I ignored the heart's meek voice.

She put her wing over my forehead, and her hazel eyes sparkled with joy. "No fever, that's good." She smiled. "You were acting real weird this morning… any reason why? You also woke up real early."

I wasn't in mood to talk about it, the frustration that existed form my soul the moment I knew my distress could be based on something that didn't exist. The dilemma I was having either to tell her and ending up distressing her as well, or not and concealed it.

My head told me that the second option was probably the best one. And within seconds, I already put an effort to change the subject. "Uhm.. Bia, I'm hungry. Can we get something to eat first?" I said with a faked smile on my beak.

I suppose, she sensed my avoidance towards the subject as I could see a tiny frown in her pretty face. Still, she nodded her head. "Mom and Dad leave you some mango on the platform."

I walked wordlessly into the outdoor, feeling the heated sunbeam made contact with my plumage. The day was awfully nice, something that common when the Carnival took place – thanks to Bia for that fact. But it failed to cheer my restless soul, in fact, they seems to taunt me.

I fluttered down onto the platform below and quickly spotted the orange-greenish fruit. Bia was following me soon after, her face still possessed the same question she was going to repeat. I noticed that and quickly cut her. "Hey… I haven't seen Carla and Tiago, neither your parents. Where are they?"

Bia was staring at me with a surprised look, nonetheless, she replied. "They are heading to the club. You remember that Carla was included with the celebration, right?"

I nodded my head as I dug my beak into the fruit and took a bite, the juice flavorless…

"She is good." I said. "I'm sure the Carnival will be nice."

"Sure it is." Bia stated. "Frost, are you feeling okay?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I replied nonchalantly. "Today is the big day for the Carnival."

She shook her head. "No, I know there's something bothering you, and you seem to evade that and me."

Ugh this is great! I don't want to talk about it and she keep pressuring on.

"It's nothing really, Bia." I replied once more, hitting the mango more vigorously.

"Really? We've been together for some time right now and you still don't believe me? Give me a break." She huffed, the attitude of hers that always made me groan.

Holy feathers! Why is she so hardheaded today?

I sighed. "No, Bia… it isn't something like that, I swear."

"Then just tell me already." She said, her cute eyes pleaded.

Defeated, I sighed once more and told her my problem. "You see, I have some issues about something… well to tell you the truth, I don't know what is it, it just get me so restless about something… but I don't know."

Bia shot me a confused look. "What? How come you get bothered over something that doesn't exist?"

"Well, I don't know…"

"That's weird, Frost." She stated. "I don't think you have any issue yesterday. You probably make them up."

What? Did she just say that?

"No, I don't make the problem. Heck, why did I do that in the first place?"

"It doesn't make any sense, you seem so happy yesterday, there's no way you can get something like this… maybe you just overreacting."

"Overreacting? No. I didn't." I said firmly.

She glared at me. "Then how do you explain that? Huh? Some kind of curse maybe?" She said sarcastically. "Come on, Frost."

"I don't know… I just don't know."

"You are acting nonsense this time, worrying over something that doesn't exist."

I glared at her. "I don't know, Bia. Do you really think that I like to be like this?"

She ignored me and continued her blabbering. "Then what is the problem?"

Her words were finally enough to release the built up steam that accumulated from our arguments. "I. don't. know!" I screamed. "Honestly! You don't give me a slightest help, Bia! Why I even bother to tell you anyway…" I stated sharply. "I don't want to be in this state, it's excruciating and I'm tired! Why do you think that I made this up myself, huh?! That's what doesn't make any sense."

She was taken aback with my sudden flare up, and her eyes quickly filled with tears. "Well… I… I didn't mean to do that…" She said weakly, her voice cracking.

I quickly regretted what I said. "Bia… I'm…"

She wasn't even gave me a time to finish my sentences and flew away, tears stained her cheek the last time I saw her face.

Guilt and anger mixed up inside my heart, the stupid distress was taking my problem even higher than I was thinking. I covered my wing across my head, feeling the headache returned back.

I groaned loudly from the stressing atmosphere; if I didn't told Bia about my problem, not all of these could have happened. The frustration finally took manifestation as an agitation that burned like a bonfire, prepared to launch its skirmish at everything on sight.

The first victim was the half-eaten mango; I kicked it with my talon and sent it plummeting onto the ground. The act wasn't enough, and I already scratched the platform with my talon.

I sighed; the agitation was proved short lived as my weary soul snapped me out of the rage. I flapped my wing and soared into the sky in hope to find some mental consolation or simply distraction to escape from the stressful occasion.

The sight of the city was filled with even more humans with exotic appeal and fancy stuff they carried. The sight was distracted me a little, that, before Bia's stained face flashed back into my head. I decided to land into a nearby tree, the one that far enough from the city and provided me with some tranquility.

I keep sighing the moment I remembered Bia's hurtful face. I never liked to see her cry, and instead being the one that console her during her troubled times. I was the one that gave her a troubled time.

I hated my life… I hated myself… the once harmless disturbance within my soul finally despair others, and to make it more dramatic, it targeted my love; it stabbed me in the heart.

A rustling bush was alerting me of something else that attended the place rather than me. My eyes critical to spot any mortal threat, but instead of finding something as dire as a snake, I found myself face to face with a familiar black owl.

Jameson was fluttering beside me, his face expressionless, "Ah, young macaw, enjoying some quite time, eh?"

I didn't even bother to reply his greetings, being too lost with distressed soul, broken heart and a confused mind. "Something bothered you?"

I lifted my head and fixed my gaze with the owl next to me. "Kind of."

"Maybe I can help you."

I shook my head. "Nope, I don't think you can help me, my life is basically over."

Jameson was staring at me for a few seconds, stated. "Bird, come with me to the sky."

I was completely confused with his behavior, but obeyed him anyway. He took me into the skyline of Rio where several of hang-glider and birds adorned the sky with their color. We flew higher until the city below wasn't more than a dotted-distorted sight.

"What are we doing here, Jameson?" I asked. "Something you want to show me?"

"Something like that." He stated, inspecting his talon.

Out of the sudden, he raised his talon and clawed my left wing. It wasn't strong enough to make me bleed, but the stinging sensation from the sudden attack paralyzed my wing.

Fall from heaven might be a phrase to describe what I was experiencing, except that I didn't fall from the heaven and the way I fall wasn't filled with grace. I frantically flapped my right wing to gain a steady airlift, but the action only caused me into an uncontrollable spin. The pain still existed the moment I was just a mere minutes to hit the ground, but already restored the proper function of my wing. I opened my wings to brake myself from splattering onto ground, but the sudden airwave that hit my wing invoking the hurt sensation back.

Fortunate enough that my action earlier already slowing my descend speed significantly, allowing me to land harshly onto the spongy earth without any serious injuries.

I spit the dirt that entered my beak, and feel the soreness of my body hit the earth before. Jameson was landing next to me and gave me a helping wing. I was glaring dagger at him.

"Care to tell me why I shouldn't claw your eyes out?" I stated, irked.

Jameson chuckled. "Now, let's not play harsh shall we?"

I still fixed my glare at him, impatiently demanding for answer. "I do that on purpose."

"I know that." I replied sharply. "Now why did you do that?"

Jameson chuckled once more. "You told me that your life is over. Then why you still frantically struggle to fly?" He then added. "What I see isn't someone that ready to face the fate of death, but merely someone that facing a slight turbulence."

My demeanor softened a little. "Oh… but you know I will survive, right?"

Jameson stared at the sky. "Well, that depends on your willpower to live, and I've to say that you have a strong one, just doubting yourself over something. Now, do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

I contemplated for a few seconds before decided to tell him my problem. I told him about my unknown distress that possessed my soul since morning, I also told him about my arguments with Bia where I ended up made her cry.

Jameson was listening to my story with full attention, trying to understand the problem that brought unsettling looks to my face.

"… and that was the whole reason. I don't know what happened to me. Something is just wrong. But I can't put my talon on it."

Jameson nodded as I concluded my story, his wise mind thinking about something before he spoke up. "I've seen that you lost in the sea of doubt."

"You mean?" I asked, puzzled.

"You have some doubt over something, it could be yourself, it could be your family or it could be something that you treasure the most."

"The way I see it, you have some doubt over yourself. But mostly, I'm sure that you have some concern about your family." He stated. "You told me that you came from the Amazon, and simply a youth like you surely have a mother or a father. Maybe, you just missed them."

I was frozen in place when he told me about my family, and my nightmares finally materialized with vivid focus.

It was my Mom, it was her. I saw her gone the moment I returned to the Amazon; I found the source of my distress.

I missed my Mom.

Our recent relationship was filled my heart with realization that I always been loved the entire time from her. I loved her greatly, she was struggling with all the hardship of parenthood alone, and I couldn't imagine how much she loved me until she endured another day even after the loss of her loved one.

My stomach was twisted into thousands of knots, my yearning over her hug and embrace was filled me with more unsettling looks from before, but at least, I'd found the source of that.

Jameson was staring at my frozen state, understood the raging storm that existed from the realization. "I think I've told you before that you must be cautious from another storm in the future."

"I don't want to explain anymore about gizzards, but you have a strong one, thanks to that heart of yours." He stared at a patch of clouds in the sky. "Life is something that filled with riddle and mystery, when you listen to your head too much, that's when you lost in the raging squall."

He returned his gaze back to me. "I know that you have a strong heart, and also know how to use them… then what's wrong?"

I stammered, from both my yearning over my Mom and the insight. "I… I guess… I'm just lost."

"It is quite understandable for youth like you to lose his way sometimes." Jameson stated. "We aren't perfect, and that's when others play part in your life."

I nodded; understand the new lessons I got from him today. "Thanks a lot Jameson. Thanks a lot."

"It's just when I do my part to guide someone into the right path." He smiled. "Besides, it is what we do as friends, right?"

I smiled, despite the sadness that persisted in my heart, "Right."

He flew over me, soared into the sky. "Then it has been done." He said, disappeared with the wind.

I was staring the branch in front of me, the one that greatly reminded me when Bia was startled me and ended up hitting the branch with my head. It was also the day after I found the love that existed from the very beginning from my Mom, the day when we shared a genuine smile towards each other.

Still, It wasn't gave me a consolation, so I decided to seek Bia and asked for her forgiveness. Perhaps, with my problem with her ceased, I could focus to finish with whatever necessary for me to deal with it. I wiped my tears and fluttered into the sky, heading back to the treetop residence.

My flight was filled with thought on how I was going to apologize to Bia, but later shook my head and let my heart speak the words.

I landed onto the platform where Jewel was busy tiding up her nest, she the spotted me and welcomed me with a greeting. "Good afternoon, Frost."

"Good afternoon, Jewel" I said, my voice still tinted with my emotion; I stifled a cough. "Where's Bia?"

"Oh, she was with Blu and Tiago on the market, looking for lunch." She replied, then stopped her act altogether and walked closer to me. "Bia told me that there is something that bothering you, and you seem confused with it?"

I flashed an awkward smile. "Not really, I already find that source."

"Really? What is it?"

"I… I just miss my Mom." I confessed. "It's been a while since I saw her, and sometimes… I… just…" I stuttered, the emotional blast returned back.

Jewel shot me a sad look. "I know from Blu about your relationship with Luna before, and it didn't seem so well."

I nodded. "I was blinded; I didn't know that my Mom was struggling…" I said. "I just want to hug her… and tell her that I love her…" I added, tears tinted my eyes, even when I tried to suppress it. "I miss her greatly."

Jewel then warped her wings around me and gave me a hug. In other circumstances, I would find it extremely awkward for someone else other than Bia and my Mom to hug me. But Jewel's act radiated some of the consolation I was yearning, the motherly love that penetrated into my heart, and I started to sob more loudly. "I was afraid. Afraid that the moment… we got back from Rio, she already gone…"

Jewel hugged me tightly. "Then I assured you that she won't."

She then fixed her soft gaze with me. "I also afraid before, I just met my Dad… for fifteen years I lost him."

"I'm also afraid that my Dad will be gone when I returned back from my first summer in Rio. But, he was there, smiling and greeted me back. Since, I know that he won't be gone."

I still sobbed loudly, letting all the distress, doubts and sadness that built up inside my heart manifest. Jewel continued to hug me and stoked my head, consoling my soul that yearned for my Mom greatly.

I recalled the day I told her how much I hate her, possibly the greatest mistake in my life. But she still there, she still hugged me and accepted me as her son, no matter how bad, how much I stabbed her heart with my words, she forgave me.

And now, I'm afraid that she would go, leaving me alone to face this world, that state allowed me to act like an emotional hatchling all over again, chirping to his Mom for affection.

I continued to sob when I heard Blu's voice piercing into my ears. "What…?"

Jewel shushed Blu and continued to console me, my tears finally dried up after a while, releasing my hug with Jewel. "Thanks… Jewel." I said between sobbing.

She shot me a motherly looks. "You're welcome, Frost."

My soul finally shifted from restless to empty with the sudden outburst.

My body was still shaking when Jewel let go of me, like I was suffering from an intense cold. Tiago and Bia the hopped next to me when Blu and Jewel talked about something. "You okay, Frost?" Tiago asked. "What's going on?"

I looked at them with my teary eyes. "Nothing… just miss my Mom."

"That's… well I'm not good with sort of things." Tiago stated, nudging Bia.

I chuckled lightly with Tiago's act. "Nah, I'm fine now, thanks to your Mom."

Tiago nodded. "That's cool, because I hate it when we need to miss the Carnival tonight."

"Tiago! Honestly!" Bia retorted.

"Nah, it's okay, Bia. I also am looking forward to the Carnival." I stated.

Bia then warped her wings against me. "So, you just miss your Mom?"

"Yeah… can't believe I yelled at you because of that. I'm sorry for what I said…"

Bia silenced me with her primaries. "Nope, I don't want to hear that again."

I nodded my head and smiled. "Okay then."

"I know what you guys going to do." Tiago stated idly. "It's better for me to go before you gave me some horrid 'affectionate act' of yours." He laughed and flew away.

"That boy will taste his own medicine when he got a girlfriend, just wait." Bia stated. "So, you are feeling okay now?"

"Definitely." I replied simply.

"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help you more this time." Bia offered.

I enveloped her with my wings from behind, placing my head next to hers. "If you want to…"

She turned her head and pecked me on the cheek. "Okay then, tell me about it…."

The most terrible poverty is LONELINESS.
And the feeling of being UNLOVED.

A/N: Not much I can say rather than some gratitude over the people who stay faithful to read my story. and... whew almost forget, a huge thanks to Jameson the owl for letting me use his OC.
I also need your help to fill the poll in my profile, it is my next project after I finished with Love's Eternal Light series (which only have one more prequel, one more sequel and one more bonus sequel)

Thanks for reading my stories. Words failed to express the kind of gratitude I have for your continuous support and views.

Regarding the poll, if you are a guest and wanted to 'participate', I guess review section can be used for it.