Chapter 32

"I mean, I don't know…maybe?"

Amy gave Trish a blank look.

"Stop judging me! I'm just confused!"

"Trish, I'm not judging you. But, you're my best friend. You're like the sister I never had. So I would like to think that I know you better than most people. When you and Ron were together, I saw the way you were. You were always so reserved, so safe. I guess what I'm trying to say is…you acted how Ron expected you to act. In a round about way, you let him dictate your life. And you never seemed truly happy. Now I see you with Randy and you're a completely different person. You do what you want to do and when you want to do it. I see your face light up every time you see him or any time his name is mentioned in a sentence. And you've laughed more in the past five months than you have in the past five years."

Trish smiled as she thought about Randy. Amy was right; her relationship with Ron was totally different than her relationship with Randy. Randy was so easy-going, caring and easy to talk to. He was actually interested in the things going on in Trish's life, even if they had nothing to do with him. The physical attraction between them was off the charts, not to mention the little shows of affection he would give her…a little kiss out of nowhere, holding her hand in public, cuddling in bed.

"This is going to sound stupid…and vey conceded. But, when I was with Ron, I was never afraid that he would be unfaithful to me. I was a model hanging in gyms all across Canada. The way he looked at me, he held me on an extremely high pedestal. He couldn't understand what a girl like me saw in a guy like him. He always had the fear that I would leave him once I came to my senses. He never saw how much I truly loved him. Looks are important to me, but what's on the inside is what matters to me most."

Amy tilted her head to the side before shaking it, trying to make sense of what Trish was saying. "What's on the inside? Trish, Ron treated you like shit! He could care of less about anything that interested you. He hated your friends, your job…everything that made you who you are."

"Maybe now, yes. He hates all those things because he had to compete with all of them and he felt like he lost. I'm not trying to defend him…just, listen. The way Ron looks at me is the way I look at Randy. Randy is the ultimate…he's the grand prize. He's this gorgeous man with a godlike body. He oozes sex and turns the eyes of every woman he passes. He's sweet, passionate, caring and somehow amazingly interested in me….and he comes with a dangerous past. A past where he womanized so many women…what if I can't satisfy him and he goes back to his old ways? I mean, he almost fell back into them after he learned about Alanna…"

Amy smiled sincerely at Trish. "I love how you have no idea how beautiful and sexy you really are. The way you described Randy is exactly the way men look at you. And more importantly, it's the way he looks at you. I can't believe you don't see how much he cares about you! Trish, you always run a risk at getting hurt when you start a new relationship. But you can't go back to being in a safe relationship with someone that you're not happy with and not in love with. Randy may be a risky choice, but you are so happy with him…take the risk!"

"Dinner was great Alice. Thank you again for the invite."

Trish gave Ron a blank look as she rose from the table and started clearing the plates. Dinner went rather smoothly for the dirty looks Ron received from Chris, Missy, and Amy. She smiled to herself as she placed the plates in the dish washer. She didn't have to ask Chris and Missy how they felt about Ron, their expressions gave them away. It was nice that they still sided with her as well. At least half of her family still saw how badly Ron hurt her.

She felt a slight tug at her heart though. Even though Ron knew he wasn't welcomed by any of Trish's sisters, he still kept his cool in an extremely uncomfortable situation. She let her mind roam back to her conversation earlier that day with Amy. Did she still have feelings for Ron? It was a simple question yet, she couldn't find an answer. Why is it so freaking hot in here? I need some air.

She quickly snuck out the back door and sat on the porch steps. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, thinking back to New Years Eve. Even though that night had ended terribly, sitting outside with Randy in the cold was such a memorable night for her. She wrapped her arms tighter as a breeze blew by. I wish he was here with me right now…

She picked up her phone, about to dial Randy when heard footsteps behind her. "Care if I join you?"

She inhaled deeply, "Nope, not at all."

Ron sat down beside her and wrapped his arm around her. "You're freezing. You shouldn't be out here without a coat."

She smiled and shrugged, "I was hot…I think the wine was getting to me."

"Is that all that's bothering you?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Honestly, no…I'm in the god damn twilight zone. I'm trying to move on with my life…trying to break free and run towards the possibility of something new and you're hanging onto the back of my leg, preventing me from moving. It's exhausting."

"Did you ever think we were meant to be together? That, no matter what tears us apart, we'd always find a way back to each other?"

She looked at him, her eyes showing the heartache she felt in her heart. "I used to think that…for so many years. We were together for so long, I thought we were destined to be. Even when I went back to work in October I thought everything would work itself out. And then you walked away and gave up on me."

She closed her eyes, willing back the tears. Thinking about how he gave up on her still rocked her to the core. He pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot and I made the biggest mistake of my life. Please, let's put all this behind us and move forward. Please come back to me. I think about you all the time…"

She listened to his words, but stopped at his last sentence. She had an epiphany at that moment and everything became so clear. 'I – think – about – you – all – the – time.' But I don't think about you all the time. For the past six months, I've thought more about Randy than I have you. She sucked in a huge breath of air when she realized what was staring her in the face.

"Trish, I love you. I always have, I always will." He placed his hands on her cheeks and wiped away the tears in her eyes before slowing moving his lips toward hers. He was going to kiss her. She swallowed hard and licked her lips. Both her mind and body didn't want to kiss him. With his lips but a breath away she whispered. "I'm seeing someone."

He pulled back immediately, shock illustrated on his face. "So soon? We've been divorced for less than two months."

"We've only been officially divorced for two months…but you walked out on me back in December. Remember?"

"Wow, you wasted no time at all did you? You were probably cheating on me this whole time!"

She stood up quickly, burned by his last comment. "You really haven't changed one bit. No, asshole! I never cheated on you! I'm not like that! You of all people should know me well enough to know I could never do that to you!"

He started crying and for a brief moment, she felt bad for him, but stood her ground. There was no way she was going to let him accuse her of adultery!

He cleared his throat and wiped his tears on his sleeve. "Does he make you happy?"

She smiled lightly thinking about Randy. "Yes, he really does."

He nodded and inhaled sharply. "Good…you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to give you that."

She pulled him into a hug. "For a long time you did. But things change, people change. And we are different people now than we were back then. I hope nothing but the best for you and can only hope you will find someone that makes you as happy as I am."

He paused for a long moment before continuing. "Do I know him?"

She hesitated long before answering. If the situation were reversed, she would be devastated if she knew who he moved on with. And with it being Randy, well, that would make it ten times worse, especially if Ron would get a good look at him. "No, you don't know him."

It wouldn't take much for Ron to learn the truth…Randy and Trish were plastered all over the wrestling rumor websites. But she took the risk…Ron never was one to surf the web.