A/N: for more info on this story go to my profile!

Chapter 5: She Lives On Inside Us

Busy Bee's Potions and Poultices closed early that day, and phone calls were sent out to let people know that their healer would not be able to come see them either. Potential customers walked by the shop after seeing the CLOSED sign on the door, but the owner didn't care. She was too busy laying in bed crying and feeling sorry for herself to really care what anyone else was feeling at that moment.

Bee had never felt so pathetic in her whole life. One visit from Reno had unravelled her completely, leaving her in a crying heap on the floor of her shop, just as he had the first time he had left her shop. He had been one-hundred-percent right when he had told her that she couldn't blame him for what had happened, and Bee knew that that was exactly what she had done. She never believed herself capable of making such a bad decision, even while drunk.

Her whole life, Bee had tried to emanate Aerith's kindness, and her do-good lifestyle, with the idea that if she could be like Aerith, then it was like Aerith had never died. Cloud had seen it, as he had done the same thing, albeit more drastically than Bee had done. And he had tried to warn Bee that she was doing it, and she had not listened.

The guilt still racked through her, despite everything Bee told herself. As she laid in bed, she couldn't help but feel horrible, not just over the fact that she had been the one to invite Reno over, but also over the fact that she had blamed him for something she had done. Reno's words slowly cleared up the events of that night, and she began to remember pulling on Reno when they reached her shop, dragging him across her door step. He had protested, though not very strongly, just as he had admitted to her. It was Bee that had jumped on Reno, not Reno who had lifted her. And it was Bee who had thrown his blazer onto the ground, allowing him to do the same to her shirt.

The revelation was just too much for Bee, and she was forced to admit that, yes, she had wanted Reno more than she had ever wanted a person before in her life. Her past two boyfriends had had nothing on the way his hair fell behind his back when she had undone it from its ponytail, nothing on the way his eyes roved over her body, silently worshiping her every move, nothing on the way he cradled her in his strong arms, securing her in place so that she couldn't slip away. Even before they had made it back to her place, she had been mesmerized by the red of his hair, the glow of his eyes, the pallor of his skin, and the feel of his hand in hers. He had taken care to make sure she had not stepped in any puddles on their walk, a gesture that had flattered her, made her feel wanted. He had caught her when she had tripped over a bump in the side walk, gently righting her and checking to make sure she had not hurt her foot. No man had ever made her heart beat so fast, made her feel her blood cascading through her veins so thoroughly as he had that night.

What Bee couldn't decide, however, was whether or not she had just wanted Reno that night, knowing that it would really be just a one night stand, or if she had actually hoped that he would be there when she woke up, like she had originally thought. Either factor scared her; if she had intended on a one night stand, she would have to face the shame of knowing that she had acted against her own morals, and if she had wanted Reno there when she woke up, she would have to figure out if she had actual feelings for a Turk, a thought that contradicted her whole being.

It was that thought that forced Bee to really think, maybe she wasn't as good as she thought she was. Really, what had possessed her to sleep with Reno, a Turk, a member of Shinra, one of the men who had helped in the kidnapping of Aerith? She had no answer to this, no sound conclusion or excuse for her actions, and this scared her. Reno was right, she pictured herself in such a way that when presented with an image the opposite, she fell to pieces. She had no idea how to handle this revelation, how to even begin to comprehend that maybe there was another side to her that she had not really known, a side that Aerith would be ashamed of.

So, Bee cried in her bed, trying desperately to forget about the way that man had made her feel that night.

Reeve called the next day, just as Reno said he would. Bee answered her phone this time, moving from her bed to dig into her laundry basket to grab it. She flung a pair of underwear off it, and flipped the phone open just before her voicemail would have gone off.

"I'm here," she said groggily into the phone. She cleared her throat quickly and added, "I'm sorry I didn't answer before."

"I understand, Bee," Reeve said, his voice gentle, "Cloud had already warned me that you would."

"He did?" Bee asked curiously. She moved to the hallway and padded gently to the kitchen where she prepared a pot of coffee and took some eggs out of her fridge. "What exactly did he tell you?"

She had to wait a bit before Reeve plucked up the courage to answer her question. "He just... explained that you really don't like Shinra. Which is normal, most people don't like Shinra."

Bee cut him off. "He told you about my brother and Aerith, didn't he?"

"...Yes," Reeve finally conceded. "Please don't be upset with him, he only wanted me to understand."

"It doesn't matter," Bee told Reeve, trying to pacify the worried man. "He doesn't know the full story about my brother anyway."

"Your brother..." Reeve said thoughtfully, "He was in SOLDIER, right?"

"Second-class," Bee affirmed, "Why?"

"You don't know what happened to him after Meteorfall. I have access to SOLDIER files. I can go through and look to see where he was stationed on that day. Maybe he wasn't in Midgar that day. He could have survived," Reeve told her quickly, happy with his sudden stroke of brilliance.

"You... could find my brother?" Bee asked him. Her heart throbbed painfully in a way that she had not felt in some time. The thought of seeing her brother again was not something Bee ever thought could be possible. She had given up on seeing him ever again after he left on the day of their argument. Bee didn't even know how to process what Reeve was saying to her now.

"Maybe," Reeve corrected her, "If he was still in Midgar on the day of Meteorfall, he is most likely dead. He would have been in the Shinra building when it exploded. But if he was away on an assignment, he could very well still be alive. What was his name?"

"Toby," Bee answered breathlessly. She had frozen in the middle of her kitchen, her whole body going numb at Reeve's suggestion. She slowly began to walk again, lowering herself into a kitchen chair and going limp when she felt the wood on the back of her legs.

"Last name?"

"I don't know," Bee answered truthfully, "My father and mother were both born and raised in the slums. They never really had last names. Not many slum dwellers did. After my dad died, it just seemed even more pointless to take a last name."

"Hmm..." Reeve mulled over what Bee had told him before answering, "Well, Toby isn't the most common of names, and not too many people make it into SOLDIER. Hopefully, the first name will be enough to find his file. It could take a while, though. A lot of the data on SOLDIER was damaged when the head quarters exploded. I managed to get some of it before it was all gone, but it will be harder to work my way through."

"That's okay," Bee said in understanding, "You're very busy with the conflict in Wutai right now too."

"Which brings us back to the main reason I called," Reeve said happily, "We are having a meeting at headquarters in two days that I would like for you to attend. Cloud, Tifa, and the rest will be there and they agreed to bring you as well. Cid is picking everyone up tomorrow in The Shera."

"What is the meeting about?" Bee had finally found the strength to stand again, and went back to the fridge, grabbing the eggs again and bringing them to her stove top. She poured herself a mug of coffee, mixing in sugar and milk, then scouring her cabinet for a clean pan to cook her eggs in.

"We will be discussing how to deal with the rebel faction in Wutai," Reeve explained patiently, "Cid has volunteered his air ship for an air raid, and Vincent already has experience leading our armies on the ground. We had the Turks find the rebel base on their last visit to Wutai, which was how Rufus ended up in your shop."

"They were caught?" Bee asked in surprise. She couldn't really picture the almighty Turks being caught on a reconnaissance mission. She was mixing her eggs in a bowl now, adding a bit of milk before pouring them onto the pan she had managed to find. They sizzled on the hot metal, and Bee watched as the yellow and white swirled together like an early sunrise.

"Unfortunately," Reeve admitted, his voice betraying his worry, "Which means that the rebels know we are coming now. They have probably prepared thousands of those poison darts by now. We need you, Bee."

Bee sighed over her eggs, and nodded in thought. "I know. I will be there. Let Cid know that he has another passenger on his ship."

"I will," Reeve said, gratitude dripping from every word as he thanked her, "Thank you, Bee. I promise to work hard on finding your brother for you. I will see you in two days time."

"Right," Bee agreed, "See you then." She hung up the phone then, placing it on the counter beside her, and turned back to her eggs. They had finally started to cook, puffing up like yellow clouds in the pan, sticking to the metal in some places. She mixed them around quickly, and pondered over how easily they were lifted and shifted to new places.

"The Shera fixed up nicely, Cid."

"Damn straight. No stupid Deepground could keep this girl down!"

Bee snorted at Cid's exclamation and watched Tifa continue to talk to the pilot. She was perched on a beam that ran the length of the ceiling above the bridge of the airship, and she had a perfect view of everyone on the ship. She had only been on it once before when the group took a small trip to Gongaga, bringing Bee to meet Zack's family, but that one trip had been enough for Bee to find her way into the rafters, high above everybody else. She had always liked the thought of being able to see everything going on in the room, picking and choosing which conversations to listen in to. She had done it at Aerith's church as well, but she had fallen a lot, like when she had fallen onto Tseng the first time they had met. She had gotten much better at it in the years since then, and she had taken the first opportunity to leave the chatter of the room behind.

"Yuffie down in the engine room again?" Cid asked Tifa. Bee watched as Tifa nodded and smiled at him.

"Yeah, she says the rumbling of the engine helps her feel better," Tifa explained.

"Well, she's gonna be stuck down there for a little while," Cid said gruffly, turning the wheel of his ship.

The trip would take most of the day, Bee remembered Cid had told her before they had taken off. Bee had risen early that morning, packed a bag of clothes and toiletries, and left for the 7th Heaven, locking up the shop behind her. Cid was already there, and yelled at her for taking so long. She had laughed his comment off, noticing that Yuffie wasn't ready yet, as usual. The others greeted her, and she went to stand with Tifa, placing her bag on the ground.

"Are you ready?" Tifa asked her expectantly.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Bee said nervously, "I don't like having to go to a meeting where I'm negotiating working with Shinra."

"You aren't working with Shinra," Tifa said with a frown, "You're working for Reeve, Yuffie, and Vincent. You have to look at it like that."

"Yeah..." Bee said timidly, nodded a bit, "I guess so."

So that was what she told herself when she stepped onto The Shera a half hour later. She had only met Reeve once or twice, but from what Tifa and Yuffie had told her, the man seemed like a good person who really wanted to change the world for the better. Besides, he had said he would help her find her brother...

"You and your rafters," Cloud's voice said, startling Bee away from Tifa and Cid's conversation. She turned to her right to see Cloud walking over the beam Bee sat on until he reached her. He sat down beside her and looked down at his other friends.

Bee smiled at him and nodded, "There's something thrilling about being up so high," she told him cheerfully. The two sat in comfortable silence looking down on their friends below. Bee observed as Marlene and Denzel ran around, playing tag on the ship, and Shelke and Vincent talked quietly in a corner. The younger three had come along for this trip, having no one else to watch them with Bee being included this time. When the group had gone to face Deepground, Bee had babysat Marlene and Denzel. Bee smiled when she saw that Marlene had run over to Shelke, grabbed the former Tsviet's hand, and pulled her along to play with the other two. Shelke hesitated at first, standing nervously where Marlene had let go of her hand, and looked back at Vincent. He nodded encouragingly, and Shelke smiled then ran after Marlene.

"Was it hard finding yourself after being someone else for so long?" Bee asked Cloud suddenly, having lost sight of Shelke as the girl ran behind a machine after Denzel.

One thing Bee loved so much about Cloud was that he never really conveyed when he was surprised or not, never really looked at anyone like they were stupid, always accepting what his friends said without question. Cloud's face stayed passive, even when presented with the random question.

"Yes," he finally answered, watching as Tifa moved on to speak with Red XIII, "But I had never really been Zack completely anyway, nobody ever could be."

Bee nodded in agreement. Zack had been special, and Bee knew that she would never meet anyone else like him again in her lifetime. She too turned her gaze to Tifa and smiled as her friend began to tease Red.

"But still," Cloud continued, "I had put my entire being into living out his life for him, that when I realized just how far it had gone, I didn't know how to be myself anymore. I had become a mix of the two of us, and I slowly had to divide the pieces up to make myself whole again."

"I didn't want to be Aerith, exactly," Bee explained, "Not like you tried to be Zack. I just really wanted to live by her example. She was always so good, so caring. I wanted to make sure that after she was gone, that I lived like that too."

"We all do," Cloud told her softly. He fingered the pink ribbon on his arm and then turned to his younger friend beside him, observing how young and vulnerable she looked in that moment. She was sitting on the beam with her head bowed, her eyes drooped as she watched Tifa and Red. Her shoulders hunched a bit, and her hands had fisted on the material of her shorts.

"I know," she said, nodding slowly, "But I didn't know all of you back when I lost her. She had been my idol for so long that when she was gone, I tried so hard to be what she was. I had thought that if I lived like her, she was still here, with me. I wish I had known you all back when you were with her. I think I might have taken her death better than I did."

"I don't know," Cloud answered honestly, "Everyone deals with death differently. Why are you asking this? Did you think about what I said?"

"Yes... and no," Bee said, her face flushing in embarrassment, "Reno came to my shop a few days ago. We... talked. About what happened. Aerith would never have done something like what I did."

"That doesn't make what you did wrong," Cloud told her, confirming what Bee knew all along. Cloud had known about what had happened between Bee and Reno. "It makes what you did you. Now you just need to move on and forgive yourself for what you did, if that's what you really want."

Bee nodded, her face still flushed. She was still embarrassed, this wasn't exactly the kind of conversation she wanted to have with Cloud, but she also realized that he was probably the only one who could help her with it. "I miss her so much, Cloud. Sometimes, I swear I can hear her saying things to me. Small things, like encouraging words to keep me going."

"You probably do hear her," Cloud said, nonplussed by Bee's confession, "She is with the planet now, and the planet always has a way to communicate with the people on it. I hear her too sometimes."

"You do?" Bee asked, perking up a bit, her embarrassment quickly forgotten.

"Yeah," Cloud told her, nodding. He gave the barest of smiles when he saw Tifa motioning up to them, trying to get Red XIII to wave his fire tail in order to get their attention. He waved down at her and motioned that they would be down soon. "She lives on inside us. You don't need to try and be her when she already is with you."

Bee looked down at her hands in her lap, and raised them to her chest, feeling her heart beat on the other side of her skin. It would take some work, but eventually the beating wouldn't hurt as much. Eventually, Bee would be able to move on, like Cloud had. Eventually, she would forgive herself; for Reno, for Zack, and for Aerith.

"Come on," Cloud said, startling her from her thoughts. She turned to find that he was already standing on the beam, holding a hand out to her. "The others were probably wondering where you were."

Bee smiled at him and nodded. "Yeah," she said, taking his hand and letting him support her and she stood and balanced on the beam before heading back down to all of her friends.

"That's it. Keep moving forward."

It was with a lighter heart that Bee stepped off The Shera and craned her neck up to take in the WRO headquarters ahead of her. The only other building she had even seen that could even measure up to it was the Shinra building in Midgar. The thought was ironic to her, comparing a building of despair to a building of hope, but as she walked slowly towards the building in front of her, she thought it was fitting. Replace the Shinra building with something grander, something that would be a symbol of hope to the people of Gaia.

"Welcome!" Reeve stepped forward, off of the stairs that lead to the entrance to the headquarters. His arms were spread before him as he moved to embrace Tifa and then kneel down to greet Red and then shake hands with the rest of the men. Shelke gave him a pleasant nod as he quickly asked how she was doing in Edge, and then moved on to face Bee. "Ah, our guest of honor," he said, smiling down at her, offering his hand to her in greeting.

Bee took the outstretched hand and shook it, giving Reeve a polite smile. "Guest of honor?" Bee questioned nervously. She noticed that her friends had all turned to look at her, and behind them, at the top of the stairs Bee noticed that the Turks had come out of the glass doors leading into headquarters. In between the four of them was none other than Rufus Shinra.

"Of course," Reeve said with a wide smile, "You are the one who is going to help us win this, without you we would surely lose." He turned to walk up the stairs, placing a hand on the small of Bee's back and guiding her through her friends. They followed closely behind her, with Tifa hovering like a mother hen.

"I didn't realize how much this operation was riding on my cooperation..." Bee admitted shyly. She had never really stopped to think about the fact that if she had disagreed to help Reeve, the Wutai Rebels would probably never be dealt with and negotiations between the two countries would never be finished. The whole objective of the WRO was to create a peaceful Gaia, and how could that happen if Shinra never apologized to the country they had gone to war with previously?

Reeve nodded at her and continued to lead her to the top of the stairs and towards Rufus. "We were lucky to have someone like you as a friend. Your antidotes are going to save many lives, Bee."

"Aerith would be proud," Rufus told her as the group finally approached him, looking at Bee with an approving smile.

"Don't talk as if you actually knew her," Bee snapped, before she could control herself. Reeve stayed calm beside her, but she felt her friends shift behind her, and Yuffie stepped forward to grab her hand. The contact calmed the alchemist, but she refused to apologize and instead sent a glare at Reno, knowing that he must have told Rufus that she knew Aerith. Reno, for his part, had the decency to look apologetic, and he scratched the back of his neck and looked away. Next to him, the woman Turk that had been in Bee's shop before, placed a hand over her mouth to hide a smile at the exchange.

"She would," Reeve affirmed, moving his hand from Bee's back to her shoulder. He looked down at her with the smallest of smiles. "I may not have known her as well as you or the others did, but I still knew her. And I know that she would be proud of you."

Bee glanced up at him and then back to Rufus, leveling him with a glare that he ignored. "I'm doing this for my friends. I've already done enough to have made Aerith proud of me," she said tersely, "Should we go in?"

"Of course," Reeve said with a nod. Rufus and the Turks turned to enter the building and the others followed behind them. "We will be showing you to your rooms first so that you can put your luggage away." He gestured to the bag that Bee had slung over her shoulder. Yuffie spoke up then, jumping beside Bee, pulling her hand up and down in the process.

"You're staying with me!" Yuffie told her excitedly, "We get to be roommates for a night! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, Yuffie, it is," Bee said, her voice staggering a bit with every yank Yuffie made on her arm.

"Kid, stopping ripping her arm off!" Cid yelled at her, pulling his cigarette out of his mouth and stomping it out on the ground before going through the doors with everyone else.

Yuffie obeyed, but still held a vice grip on Bee's arm as they walked down a long hallway just off the main entrance. Rufus and the Turks still walked ahead of them, and Bee noticed that Reno looked back at her, giving an amused grin at Bee's expense. She scowled at him and his smile widened and he turned back around and continued to walk next to Rufus. Reeve noticed, but if he was confused by it, he said nothing, instead turning to speak quietly with Vincent. The large group came to a fork in the hallway and Reeve stopped them.

"This is the conference room where we will hold our meeting," Reeve told them all. Rufus and the Turks headed through the door directly in the center of the fork, and Bee caught a glimpse of a large table surrounded by black leather office chairs. Tseng shut the door behind them all and Reeve continued, "You will all be staying in the living quarters that are along this hallway." Reeve motioned to the left of the conference room. "I will be on the right, along with Rufus, the Turks, Vincent, and Yuffie. Bee, Yuffie insisted that you stay with her in her room. She will show you the way."

Bee nodded and let Yuffie drag her away from the group, just barely managing to wave at Tifa who was being led by Reeve down the other hallway. Yuffie pulled her down, past several doors until they finally came to a stop at almost the end of the hallway.

"This is where I stay when I'm doing work here at headquarters!" Yuffie informed her, excitedly. Bee nodded and noticed that there was even a plaque on the door with her name on it. Yuffie swiped a card on the side of the door and a click sounded from within the wall and she was able to twist the knob on the door and let herself and Bee inside.

Bee stepped in slowly after Yuffie and took a look around the room. There was a large desk underneath the far window, past a large bed. There were papers cluttered all over the desk, and a single picture frame on the back corner. Bee passed a Wutain scroll on the wall on her way over to examine the picture, and an armchair that had been placed across from the bed. Finally reaching the desk, Bee carefully picked up the frame and saw that it contained a picture of Yuffie and the rest of the group.

"That was taken at the Golden Saucer," Yuffie said, coming up behind Bee and startling her a bit. Yuffie laughed at this, but continued, "See? Aerith is still alive..."

Bee had noticed this already, and had not wanted to ask Yuffie about it. Yuffie was the youngest in the group, and she had dealt with Aerith's death in the least mature way; by crying her eyes out. Even now, sometimes mentioning Aerith caused Yuffie's eyes to brim with tears. That was the biggest difference between the two friends; Bee tended to be more rational and mature about things, whereas Yuffie loved to cause scenes and act like a child. However, to Yuffie's credit, she had matured a lot over the years that Bee had known her, and Bee noticed that Yuffie was smiling now as she looked down at the picture.

"I wish we had known you then," Yuffie said, looking up at Bee finally. Bee smiled, touched by Yuffie's words, and she nodded.

"Me too, although I'm not much good in a fight," Bee said with a laugh. She looked back down at the picture, taking in Cloud's position between Tifa and Aerith, Tifa's old outfit, Aerith's pink bow from Zack, the cigarette perched in Cid's mouth, Cait Sith sitting on top of Nanaki, Vincent's distant gaze, Barret's hand gun, and the huge smile on Yuffie's face. Bee ran a hand over the picture, lingering over Aerith's image for a second, and she smiled at how Aerith seemed to curve naturally into Cloud's side. But of course, on the other side of Cloud, was Tifa, and Bee smiled, remembering how Yuffie had once called the three the most famous love triangle you would ever encounter in your life.

"Hey, are you two ready?"

Bee and Yuffie looked back at the door to the room to see Cloud standing there, looking at them expectantly. Yuffie told him they were, and they stood. Bee went back to the desk and placed the picture back on its surface, and walked out of the room behind Yuffie, closing the door behind her, and taking a deep breath before walking down the hallway and into the conference room where everyone was already seated, waiting for their guest of honor.

A/N: please review! reviews make me all happy and give purpose to my writing :)

also for my story's sake, let's pretend everyone got a picture done at the gold saucer, okay?