Hour 19

What on earth was I thinking when I told Castle we should clean first? There really isn't anything I'd like more than kiss him nuts and let him take me to bed. But the thing is…my whole body is stiff. I hurt all over from my fight with Madox and the truth is, I want for our first time to be mind blowing. I know that whenever we finally get together it will be. But I know Castle. He'll be mindful of my bruises and the few cuts I have. And I don't want that for our first time. I want it to be free, and relaxed, and special.

"Hey. Where did you go?"

"I was thinking about us, and you know… whatever…"

"Why is it that you're just thinking instead of doing about it?"

"Because I'm not sure today is going to be the day…" And I can't stop the smile forming after seeing his pout. "Can you honestly promise you're going to do all you've been wanting to do with me when we finally go to bed together for something else than sleeping, regardless of my bruises? I know I want you to feel comfortable with doing everything, just as I know I'll let go once we get down to it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to control the whimpers, and they won't sound good. I've seen you react to my pain Rick, and I don't want to see that face when we're making love. I want to elicit a lot of reactions from you in that amazing bed of yours, but none of them are related to worry or regret."

"Kate I love you so much, and I want you so much. But I can't say you're wrong. I won't be able to do any of the things I'd like to do after hearing you whimpering the first time."

"But that doesn't mean we can't do a hell lot of kissing in the mean time…"

"Yeah? Wanna go to the couch?"

"Yeah…grab some whine? And some M&Ms? I need to visit the little girl's room for a sec."

I don't have the strength to resist the urge to kiss him, and so I do, hard and long and lovingly.

"Go, I'll be right here". And I reluctantly leave his embrace. I really need to pee…When I go back to the living room, he's waiting for me on the couch, a glass of wine in hand, another one waiting for me. Next to a glass of water and what looks like a painkiller. "I thought speeding the healing process wouldn't hurt…" And after seeing the little white pill, I can't think of a better plan.

I sit down next to him, take the pill with some water and then pick my wine. "God! This is good."

"Only the best for you Beckett," he says, pulling me closer to him and I can't hold the sight.

"I so can get used to this," I answer.

"I know what you mean…So, uh, I know what happened yesterday, well sort of… we never really got around to you handing in your badge…" I knew this was coming… suddenly, trying to hold the pain related whimpers sounds so good…

"Yeah…uh, right after her we-are-a-disgrace-to-the-force-and-a-shame-to-the-uniform speech, Gates told Espo and me that we were suspended. Espo handed in his badge and gun and when she asked me for mine, I looked at it and I realized that I didn't really mind handing it in, for good."

"And what did Iron Gates said?"

"I didn't stay long enough to hear it… I just turned my back to her and left. I put all my belongings in a box and with one last look to the bullpen, took the elevator down, called a taxi and left everything at my place, right next to the door," I say, before taking a deep breath before continuing: "I didn't want to stay there. I needed some air. And you. I really needed you. But I knew you were at Alexis's graduation. And I knew that after our last talk, me showing up there would have made you mad and I couldn't do that to your daughter. She's an amazing person and she deserved all your attention. So, I just walked around for a while."

"I wish I could say you should have called, but you were right, I would have been mad at you and Alexis didn't deserve that. Promise me that no matter what, we'll never part ways like that. I mean, not knowing where we stand with each other."

"I knew where we stood Castle: unless I was ready to forgive you for hiding information from me and beg your forgiveness for lying to you about the shooting, you weren't coming back. And that thought hurt a hell of a lot more than handing in my badge. While I was walking I got to our swing set and that's when I knew for sure. I could stand losing my job and what it entailed, but loosing you, that's what almost got me killed."

"But Kate! It was raining! Pouring down non less! And you just sat there, at our swing set?"

"But it felt good Castle, it was what I needed. I was getting soaked to the bone, and it felt as if I was admitting to needing you that much. You're in my bones and I want to keep you there."

"And you have me there. But next time you need to feel me in your bones and I'm not there to help you, you're allowed to go to the first coffee shop you find."

"Duly noted. Now, can we get to the reason why we are on this amazing couch of yours?"

"Oh" kiss "you" kiss "mean" kiss "that" kiss "you're" kiss "here" kiss "for" kiss "my" kiss "body."

"Shut up and kiss me already Mr. Castle!"

"Whatever you say Beckett, whatever you say!"

After a few amazing kisses (if he can do that to me with just his lips, I don't wanna know what he's going to do to me when we actually go further than that) I'm getting a little drowsy. A talk, painkillers and wine, not a good combination. Castle seems to sense this.

"Close your eyes Kate. I'll be here when you wake up."

I snuggle closer to him and he takes the wine glass from my hand. I don't really care about much right now. But I can't help lifting my head a bit to give him a peck on the lips. "Thank you Castle. For your patience, for waiting, for helping me tear that wall down. For always push me to be better. I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Thank you. And I love you. So much."

"I'll always be here. Now sleep. And when you wake up, we can go to the swing set"

"Uh, not today, I want you all for myself for the rest of the day. But maybe tomorrow. And we can plan our path there."

"Yeah, I'd like that. Love you."

"Uhmhum"