Ok, first of all, thank you for the reviews. As everybody knows, I have some apostrophes and grammar issues. I apologize for that and it makes me appreciate even more the fact that some of you keep coming back regardless of that!

As one of you dully noted, I´m still not sure if I want this to be a first o third person pint of view. I can commit to making it a first person from now on, changing from Castle to Beckett when I feel the story needs it (I like the whole first person thing, hope you guys agree!). I went back to the other chapters and tried to fix that.

The good news is: the story got itself a beta! (Can´t really say I did much to get one but luckily for us all, .stanathan realized that the story really needed one and offered herself for the job :)

Still not mine. Dang.

i.

The Remnants of Hour 19 and Hour 20

I really don't know why it surprises me like it does... But waking up on Castle's couch, surrounded by him, with his smell overshadowing mine, quickly earns a slot in the top three things I love the most. Right next to hugging him and kissing him. Though, I do reserve the right to displace them when we finally begin our 72 hour clothes optional festival.

I hate this. I hate knowing that we had to delay it because of my hard-headedness! If I had listened to him (and my heart, for that matter), I wouldn't have gone after Maddox.

When Castle told me he loved me and that I needed to quit my mother's case before they killed me, I should have done it. I should have listened to him.

I knew back then that I wanted him. And I knew that saying "let them come" meant a goodbye.

But no, hard headed like a bull, I had to go right into the lion's den leaving Rick behind. And so, no naked festival for us.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I wear my battle wounds with the pride. It's not like I'm ashamed of them or that I'd mind if he ever saw me physically hurt... But this once... This once I am ashamed of them. Not only because they are a reminder of how little I can do to stop them, but also because they remind me of the saddesr face I ever saw him wear. Regret, defeat, weariness, saddness, resignation, frustration, disappointment, overshadowing the love I know he felt for me then and still feels for me now. And if I know him at all, I know my bruises will make some doubts arise in him. Things such as "are you really sure you want to quit?" or "who am I to ask you to quit for me?"

When I told him I was done I meant it. His leaving hurt so much more than handing in my badge. However, we still have a long way to go until he fully trusts me again. And I refuse to see regret, and sorrow, and anything beyond pure pleasure when we get down to it.

He is sitting comfortably on the couch and I'm curled into his side, head resting on his chest, and I know my hair's spilling across his torso. I can't help burying my nose into the crook of his neck. One of my hands is draped across his waist, while the other one is trapped between us. My legs are trapped under me and I can't stop the self-deprecating thoughts.

We could be doing so much more than just cuddling. But we won't. Not today, and probably not tomorrow, either. I'm not even sure if I'll allow him to see me naked again tonight.

"Stop thinking so loudly." He says to me. "I want to keep you in my arms a little bit longer, and if you keep thinking we'll start talking and then I'd want to ssee your eyes, which is a good activity, but not a good substitute to having you in my arms."

"You're such a girl!" I laugh at him.

"But you still love me."

"Yes, I definitely do... And don't you forget it."

"I won't. In fact, I'll spend the rest of my life reminding you of that fact."

"You won't need to do that. I won't forget. And once again, are you asking?"

"I don't know if I'm allowed to do that. We still have to define the path and all that..."

"We still have many things to talk about, but you don't want to."

"Oh, no. I really do want to talk. If I'm not allowed to make love to you, we should at least make up the lost time in all the other aspects, and talking is one of them. It's just that I'm cold and you make such a good blanket..."

Why is it that there's always a blanket on the couch except for whem you really need one? "Stay here. I'll be back in a sec." I say, standing up.

"Where are you going?" He asks, grabbing my hand.

"You'll see," I let go of his hand and run through his office to his bedroom. I grab the bed cover and a pillow and jead back to where he's waiting for me. I put the pillow next to one of the hand rests and ask him to lay down. Once he's comfortable I hug myself to place the ned cover over me. "This way I can be your blanket and we can still talk."

"And what's with the cover?"

"In case we need to hide from the world... Plus, I was getting a little cold myself."

"So, what topic should we approach now that I can see you and we are both warm?"

"How about you finding out I'd lied to you and the subsequent parade of flighg attendants?"

"Just so you know, nothing happened with Jacinda. But I was mad at you, Kate. So, so mad!"

"What made you realize I knew you loved me?"

"During the bombimg case. You told our suspect you had been shot in the chest and that you remembered every second of it. I went to get us some coffee and came back anc you were interrogating him, so I watched from behind the glass. Ir hurt so much, Beckett..."

"But why didn't you just confront me about it? A few hours before we'd been talking about living with - or without - regrets and suddenly you weren't talking to me. That hurt too, Castle... I mean, I thought you trusted than that! We'd been getting closer to each other! I even got close to kissing you a few times this year: right after the bank robbery, and then again after the whole swimming in the Hudson River thing... And suddenly you were running away from me! For a minute there, I thought it was because you regretted waiting for me." I whisper.

"And at that moment, I did Kate. I was blinded by the anger I felt, and I thought the reason you'd lied to me was related to you not loving me back. And I couldn't understand why you'd told me about the wall when we were on the swingset if you were thinking about someone else... Motorcycle boy, even..."

After hearing that, I pull the cover over us, and with the strongest yet most tender voice I can muster, I try to convince him of my feelings: "I was talking about you, Castle. I broke up with DOCTOR Motorcycle Boy for you, because I wanted to be more for you. I knew I wasn't ready to be with you: I had too many regrets and bad things pulling me back. That talk, on the swing set, was the closest I could get back then to admitting out loud my feelings for you. I discussed them with my shrink once and then with Lanie a few weeks ago when you were avoiding me. When I was finally ready to face the idea of an 'us', it was too late. I felt like you'd moved on, leaving me behind."
"I now know that you deserved a chance to right your wrong, but as I said, I was blinded... And can we get the cover down a bit? It's beginning to feel like a human oven!"
"Hadn't you realised Castle? I'm getting you ready to be slowly eaten in that obscenely big bed of yours."
"Not funny Kate! That's it: no more coffee in the morning for you, young lady!"
"All the more reason to eat you, Ricky," I purr. "Do you really see me as a woman willing to starve herself to death?"
"Well, if your styrofoam temple is any indication, you just might!"
"Hey! Not fair! Cooking for one is no fun! But, if it's okay with you, I'd love to cook for us." As I say this I realise I'd really like to cook for him. Like, right now. "In fact, I saw some chicken breasts in your freezer that demand my attention. Why don't we get them out to de-frost?"
He pulls me down for a kiss as I'm trying to get up, and I can't deny him that, right? You never deny a kiss or a hug to those you love. My mother used to say that. Quite convenient, now that I think about it... She always said it when we were near my friends or a guy I liked... It used to be so embarrassing...
"Hey, stop doing that!" Castle exclaims, bringing me out of my reverie.
"Doing what?"
"Whenever I'm about to kiss you, you get this faraway look. Are yiu daydreaming, Miss Beckett?"
"Not really, no. Just remembering..."
"Good things, I hope."
Oh, they are. "I was thinking about my mum. She used to coarse me into kissing and hugging her in front of my friends by telling me that you never deny a kiss to those you love. It's so good to remember my mother as this imperfect human being, who loved to embarras me just as much as she loved my dad and I. We never shared a perfect relationship. I wasn't like Alexis while I was growing up and my parents weren't as understanding as you are with her. But we were a tight group and we shared a lot of happy memories. Thank you for triggering them."
"Always. Now... Did you say something about breasts, or was it just me imagining things?"
"Chicken breast, Castle! Get your mind out of the gutter!"
I don't even try to resist kissing that damned pout off his face!
I can work on a frozen chicken breast in a few minutes, right...?