As it's still weekend, here's another chapter. Thank you for all your kind words. I can't say just how great it is to know that people are actually enjoying this story.

Disclaimer: Still not mine!

Chapter 6

Head Case & Kick the Ballistics

It had been a really tough day but the team at the 12th had finally brought the Jane Herzfeld case to a successful conclusion. Kate returned home, kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto the sofa. Although it was late, she was just too wired to even think about sleep, wasn't in the least bit hungry and just couldn't be bothered to move to run a bath. The last couple of weeks had been hard; two tough cases in quick succession. The cases had started Kate thinking again, though; maybe it was time to return to the diary. She'd been reading through the pages she'd already written the previous night when she'd been unable to sleep and it was still there on the coffee table. So, pen in hand, she cast her mind back to the last two cases and the feelings they'd stirred inside.

I hadn't seen Castle for a few days. He'd said he needed to get some writing done while we didn't have a case on the go but he'd also told me that he wanted to be around for Alexis who was waiting on a reply to her application to Stanford. As it happened, the morning I got the call about the case, was also the morning Alexis had received Stanford's response and the news wasn't good. She'd been rejected. I couldn't understand it, myself. Alexis Castle is the brightest, most intelligent and mature teenager I've ever had the pleasure to come across and to think that Stanford had turned her down, well, it just didn't seem right. Castle, of course hadn't wanted her to go to Stanford in the spring but he certainly hadn't wanted her to be rejected and apparently she was not taking the news at all well. He did suggest that as I'd got into Stanford, why on earth hadn't Alexis. Not quite sure what to make of that comment but I simply told him that I probably wouldn't get in now.

The next day Castle came in saying that Alexis, who'd been in total denial the previous day, insisting on calling Stanford Admissions to let them know they'd made a mistake, was now spinning out of control because she's never not managed to achieve something she's set her mind to. He was concerned that, in trying to give her the childhood he'd never had, he'd over-protected her which meant she wasn't able to handle rejection. I knew that this was a load of bull and told Castle so. He's given Alexis a fantastic childhood. He really is an amazing father. I suggested that we all get our hearts broken eventually and that she just needed time to find her way. Okay, I don't know Alexis all that well, but I do know Castle and with a father like that, she'll be just fine.

The case: well, that was an interesting one; a massive pool of blood in an alley but no body to go with it. What can you do when you've no body and no id? I was at a loss.

As it turned out, the case seemed more like something out of a science fiction novel; cryogenics, secret experiments to extend life, injections to reduce tumours and a porn king. Well, okay, that last one isn't anything to do with sci-fi but Beau Randolph was relevant!

I'm not going to go into great detail about the case, I write enough police reports without repeating them here but it turned out that the victim, Lester Hamilton had wanted to be cryogenically frozen after his death – which was why the body disappeared – but had discovered he had an inoperable brain tumour. He was working on the Ambrosia Project, trying to develop an implant to prolong life and because he wanted as long as possible to work on this research, he got his friend, Dr Philip Boyd, who was doing research into injections to shrink tumours, to test his theory on him. It hadn't worked (no surprise there!). Long story, short – Mrs Hamilton loved her husband so much, she killed him before the tumour ravaged his brain so they had a chance in the future and then, when we caught her, she committed suicide in holding. Crazy, right?

Castle and I had several discussions about all this. He wanted to know if I'd get implants to give me another 10 years and sounded quite enthusiastic about the idea. I have to confess, I did tease him a little, suggesting that I didn't think I needed any implants, looking down at my chest as I said it. Nothing better than teasing Castle every now and again! I must say, it did get me thinking, though. Would I want to extend my life by 10 years, live to be 100 instead of just 90? No, I don't think I would. What if it would mean I could stay as I am now for another 10 years? No chance, I don't want to stay as I am now for another year, let alone another ten. I want to get better. I want to be so much more than I am right now. If I knew I had an extra ten years, I'd probably just end up wasting them anyway, like I have the last ten.

We debated if Mrs Hamilton's crime was a crime of passion but I think it should be called a crime of love. They were stored at the Passageway facility and I have to say their story, their love, had a big impact on me. I never particularly considered myself to be a romantic, but in this case, I really do hope that maybe, just maybe, science fiction could prove to be science fact and in a hundred or even a thousand years Lester Hamilton and his wife will be able to continue their own love story. Wow, how soppy is that, Beckett? As I said to Castle, though, that's what the great love stories are all about – beating the odds but was I really talking about the Hamiltons or was I thinking closer to home. Well, I've got some major odds to beat but I hope we make it.

Kate decided to take a break. Although it was now getting on towards midnight, she was hungry. The fridge contents didn't really appeal but after all the thoughts of cryogenics, she opened the freezer and found the perfect late-night snack, or at least, the perfect Castle late-night snack – Rocky Road. She chuckled to herself as she returned to the sofa, bowl and spoon in hand.

"If Castle could see me now," she thought, "He'd consider me well and truly under his influence!"

After another moment,

"And who's to say he'd be wrong!"

She savoured the taste of the ice cream as it slipped down her throat and after she'd emptied the bowl, she returned to the diary to continue with her thoughts on their next case, one that had unsettled her whole team but mostly Castle and Ryan.

The 3XK case happened about a year ago and the guy got away. Jerry Tyson, not his real name but who knows what that is, escaped leaving Ryan unconscious without his gun and badge and Castle tied to a chair in a motel room where they'd been trying to keep him safe when we thought he was a potential victim and not the mastermind behind the whole thing. I think it was when I got the call from Martha who was sure something was wrong with Castle because he'd told her he loved her on the phone, that I began to realise my true feelings for him. Espo and I got to the motel in record time and all I could think about was Castle lying dead in that room. I ran up the steps, burst into the room and saw him sitting there, tied up but otherwise unharmed. I've never been so relieved in my life. I have to confess that I never gave a second though to poor Kevin. My focus was only for the man in the chair. As we sat near the motel pool afterwards, he couldn't understand why Tyson hadn't killed them but surmised that it was to punish them, so that next time he killed, it would be on their consciences. That was the first time I held his hand.

The Jane Herzfeld case turned out to be linked to 3XK. The gun used to kill Jane – well, it was Ryan's service weapon, the Glock 17 Jerry Tyson had taken twelve months earlier. I had to tell Kevin about the ballistics report and he was floored by the information. He felt guilty, not that he had any reason to but, as I told Castle, it's a cop thing. Mind you, Castle felt the same responsibility, I could see it in his eyes. As I've said before, he has a cop's instincts and it evidently applies to the bad as well as the good aspects of the job.

As the case progressed, I had to watch as Ryan found it harder and harder to remain focused. He blew off some of it with undercover narcotics cop, Seth Carver who had basically sent Jane in to spy on the family of Chinese mob boss, Clifford Lee with no cover or back-up of any kind. I had to send him to cool off after that but later found him in the break room where he was more than ready to talk to me about the stupidest thing he'd ever done as a cop, years ago as a rookie detective with narcotics; that is, the stupidest before he'd allowed Tyson to take his weapon.

Eventually, Ryan had a go at the one person he should probably have avoided like the plague in his current state of mind, Gates. She immediately sent him home for the rest of the day to cool off. I know Kevin spoke out of turn, I was there to witness it, but she could have cut him some slack in the circumstances; but, typical Gates, no, everything by the book; inflexible bitch! Oh God, did I just write that. Better make sure this stays locked away and maybe shredding won't come a miss when I'm done because I think my career may be over if that ever gets back to our beloved Captain! As it was, okay, I may have slammed the door on my way out and maybe I surreptitiously gave her the bird and I guess I did behave like a petulant teenager but it at least made me feel a little better.

As it turned out, Ryan solved the case with help from Castle who spent hours trawling through old prison records to discover that Tyson, after a serious altercation which had landed him in the prison hospital, had 'befriended' Philip Lee during their time in the joint. Kevin's gun was recovered and Philip arrested. He tried to plea his time down with information about Tyson's current whereabouts and identity. I talked this offer through with Castle, I was curious to hear what he would say, how he would react knowing the depth of his feelings about 3XK. As it happened, he thought about it and immediately said no. He realised that because Tyson had given a 'hot' gun to Philip, knowing that, in time, he would use it and, without doubt, be caught, nothing Tyson had told him would be the truth and that Jane deserved justice. To say I was impressed would be a major understatement. Not only was I impressed but I was also immensely proud of my partner; there he was, thinking like a real cop, as I told him.

Although 3XK is still out there, at least Ryan now knows that his weapon is not going to kill any more innocent people, Ben Lee is free to start a new life away from the criminal activities of the family and Jane's family have answers and the knowledge of the bravery, commitment, love and sacrifice she had shown to the very end.

I've just remembered another conversation I had with Castle during this case, well, actually, on the way to the crime scene. I think I'd blocked it out but as I'm being honest, I suppose I should really include it. As I got out of the car, my surgery scar pulled as it does occasionally. I gasped at the sharp pain which immediately drew Castle's attention. The concern on his face was evident, which was no surprise, but his next question, once he'd established that I was actually okay, was. He asked me if I still don't remember anything about that day. I managed to reply that no, it was a blank but then had to turn away and get to the crime scene as quickly as I could. I didn't dare look back at Castle because I was afraid of what I might see. Does he believe me?

Kate pondered the question. The lie she was still telling about the shooting and Castle's words often played on her mind. She was very well aware that the longer she maintained the pretence, the harder the truth would hit Castle but she also knew that until she could deal with her feelings, nothing could come from the truth because, more than anything else, she wanted to be in a position to say the words back to him.

Aware that sleep was, once again, going to be hard to come by, Kate carefully locked the diary away, just in case Gates crept into her apartment during the night and found what she really thought about her, and dragged herself to bed.