~ THEMESONGS ~

Fighting for Nothing ~ Meg & Dia

Whatever ~ Imogen Heap

.M.I.W.

5. Dare Me

I was confused.

Yes, that's the right word.

Confused.

Confused.

I needed to think things over. Talk things over. I couldn't do that with Jace, because… well, I'd be giving the whole plot away, and make him worry even more since I didn't know the full state of his issues (that fourth book had been a cliffhanger).

I sure as hell couldn't talk to Claire, because I would be pulling her into even more of this mess. She could not – I repeat, could not – deal with demons. That I knew for certain. She had flipped the hell out on me after being roughed up by some vampires. She was strong in Maximum Ride, but I didn't want to test that strength.

I was confused and worried for two people now, and their names don't start with 'M'.

I quickly walked towards the park, straight to Turtle Pond. I knew exactly where it was. I swear I could even get to it with my eyes closed because I'd been there so many times. I could've run if I wanted to, but I tried to force myself to stay calm. I knew just who I needed to talk to, but arriving breathless wouldn't solve anything.

Because, in all seriousness, how attractive would it be if his first sight of me was looking like a hot mess and gasping for air?

Yeah, not exactly that great. Even though it sounds romantic… just no.

Yes, that's right. I'm going to Turtle Pond to see Meliorn. I had already decided to go after my walk with Jace, just because I couldn't take being in the same world, knowing he was only blocks away, and not being able to see him. Claire only delayed that.

My chucks landed lightly against the pavement, and I ducked and wove past people who would accidently run into me. As my destination grew closer, I began to have my doubts.

How would I even see him? I mean, he wouldn't just be skulking above the pond. Would I have to go in? I'd never tried to get in by myself. How well would that work out?

I guess, like me in most situations, I would wing it.

Which means, yes, there is going to be a high chance that it could end in disaster. But I was seeing Meliorn. Meliorn! How bad could it be in the end if he was there?

.M.I.W.

I walked through the park, hooking my thumbs through the belt loops of my shorts as I looked around. Everything was in bloom here – a thick, luscious green. It was beautiful. Even in winter, it had been beautiful. This place was like an oasis, perfect to look at no matter what season, no matter what day.

Turtle pond was in sight now. Its water reflected the buildings around the park perfectly, the image slightly distorted only when a breeze would lightly make the water ripple. I couldn't hide my smile at this point, a good (and dare I say, unprecedented) kind of adrenaline pumping through me at the anticipation of what was coming.

I could just imagine his face when seeing me. Those dark eyes wide in surprise, a smile breaking across his lips, my arms around his neck, kissing him…

Shivers. Yes – shivers, kill me now for acting like such a girl – ran up my spine at the mere thought, and I twisted the ring he'd given me around my finger.

Suddenly, sounds of laughter sounded from the other side of the park, moving towards the pond. Great, freaking normal people were now going to block my way. I immediately retreated, backing into the forest behind a tree.

Two figures emerged from the other side, moving closer to the pond. A guy and a girl. The guy had his arm draped over the girl's shoulders. The girl was… blue. Yes, blue. She was blue like a freaking alien from that movie Avatar. The guy was at least normal looking. Tall, handsome, black hair –

I stopped in mid-thought as recognition washed through me. My heart dropped into my stomach. I suddenly felt incredibly nauseous.

Because, walking out with that fucking blue skank, was Meliorn.

Yes! My Meliorn! At least… I'd assumed he was mine.

Another kind of adrenaline ran through me. This time, it was the normal kind. The kind that could lead to blood-puking side effects. The kind that could make me see red, because I was so pissed.

The Blue Skank (as she'd officially been dubbed) danced towards the pond, making me want to gag. She looked like such a tool doing that. Did she know how moronic she looked? Or was she too obsessed with grinning into the eyes of Meliorn to notice?

Much to my annoyance, he was smiling back at her.

"And you're sure Calice is practicing?" The Blue Skank demanded in a disgustingly sweet voice. She jumped up to him, sliding her hand on his shoulder. Meliorn simply smiled back. "Because I want you all to myself today."

"You'll get it." He replied in that sexy voice of his. I clenched my fists.

The Blue Skank giggled, jumped up, did a pirouette in midair, before dropping into the pond. She slipped through without even disturbing the water in the slightest. My God, was she even for real at this point?

I needed to get out of here. Screw this. I couldn't take it. I should've known. I never get what I want. Why should this be any different? I even told him in that stupid letter that I didn't expect him to wait up for me. Just, all this time though, I thought he would. I assumed he would.

But, as Shakespeare had so eloquently put, "the Devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape," should I even be surprised?

I stepped out of the forest as soon as she'd left, trying to make a quick escape. Instead, I'd broken a branch under my foot, making me freeze.

Meliorn turned around, getting a full view of me.

Going against every single instinct I'd ever known or learned, I still found myself frozen. My fists were still at my sides, and my shoulders were still stiff and slightly hunched. I glared back at him, hating myself for being caught.

"Madi?"

I realized my very sudden, vulnerable position, and pulled away from it. My muscles suddenly loosened up, seeming to turn more into goo than anything. Oh well, I'd take what I could get. Because, if anything, what have we learned? That's right! A cornered Madi is a sarcastic Madi.

I hooked my thumbs through my belt loops again, and took a casual, sweeping step forward. "Oh, hello, didn't see you over there." I said politely. "Well, I mean, I heard you, but who couldn't? You obviously didn't learn a lot about stealth since I was last here."

He deflected the comment with ease, as he always did with my sarcasm. "You're back –"

"Obviously." I snorted, trying to pour as much disdain into the word as possible. "I'm never gone forever. You seemed to have thought that, though…"

Agh, damn it. I didn't think that one would slip. I silently cursed myself. I'd let myself fall right into a trap. Talking about the obvious breakup.

Meliorn arched an eyebrow. "You left."

"I came back."

"I did wait for you." He said evenly.

"How long, I wonder." I retorted. "A day? An hour? I've been waiting two months until I could come back. For you. Obviously, that means nothing –"

"Of course that means something to me." He snapped back. "I waited two months too, but then I got over it. This wouldn't –"

"Wait, wait, wait. You had to get over it? What the hell is that even supposed to mean?" I demanded. "You make it sound like I'm some phase you had to grow out of!"

"Aren't you?" He challenged.

I felt like I'd just been punched in the face again. It was hard, fast, and completely disorienting.

He took my silence in order to explain himself.

"When you come into a scene, it's like you just sort of blast in out of nowhere and take control of everything. You collect the star struck with your 'badass' charisma, and then when you leave, everyone is still in a daze as to how you did it. I mean, look at you. You don't even look like you really belong, yet you bark out orders like you're some sort of war chief."

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Everything he said cut at me, made me feel like I'd done everything wrong. Defensiveness bubbled up in me, along with the usual feelings of anger and distrust. Finally, I pulled some resolve together, and could only show off my complete inexplicable rage with folding my arms across my chest. "Someone has to do it."

"Of course, but sometimes I wonder why it's only you." He mused. "I've talked to Jace. He told me about what happened the first time you came. I still don't know what to make of you. I don't understand. I learned one thing, though. You only stay as long as you want to, then you leave. No one can make you wait so they can catch up."

"You could've." I argued.

"You never gave me the chance."

I narrowed my eyes. Touché.

He chuckled without mirth at my expression. "I'm going to feel pretty bad for the next guy that takes an interest in you, be it in this world or not."

"How so?" I asked flatly.

"Because," Meliorn shrugged offhandedly, "He'll think that he has you, just like I did. But we both know that's impossible. That'll be when he'll realize that he can't have you. You move too fast for us to catch up with you, and you like it that way. One second you're here, the next only you know, apparently. You can't fight for someone who isn't even there to fight for you. By the second month, I realized that, and the fact that you'll only ever fight for yourself."

"But I said I loved you –"

His eyes flashed as he looked up at me, making my mouth clamp shut, my unsaid words piling at the back of my throat. "Yeah, you did. In a letter. That you gave to the guy that's your sort-of-cousin – a.k.a. your friend – to give to me. The day that you left. Yeah, if that's not love, I don't know what is."

"I couldn't stay!" I snapped. "I had to –"

"Look, you don't have to justify yourself to me. I get it. I've had it a long time ago. It's just the way you are. We both know that you don't really feel that way."

"I do!" I cried, my fists slowly clenching again. "I do! I fucking told you –"

"In a fucking letter!" He retorted, closing the distance between us with his easy, deathly grace.

I stayed absolutely rooted to my spot, squaring my shoulders back as I met his glare as evenly as I could. We were now only inches away. I could really see the blackness of his eyes now. The ones I thought would be excited to see me. All they held now was anger… betrayal.

"Then tell me." He growled. "If that's really how you feel, then you should have no problem saying it to me now."

As soon as he said the words, my resolve wavered. I lost my balance and shifted my stance back. Cold dread leaked into my system. I found my heart racing. A lump forming in my throat. Why wouldn't I say it?

Come on! I yelled at myself, Say it! Say it, now! This is your only shot! You're blowing it! Say it! Please! Why aren't you talking?

Meliorn nodded shortly, taking a step back, looking back at the pond.

"Kaelie is safe." He said without looking at me. "I know that when I come back from a conference in Idris, she'll be there waiting for me. I don't have to constantly worry about her, thinking that she's off fighting in some war in another world. I need a constant like her."

That hurt. Not because it was an insult to try and push me away, but because it was true. I wasn't a constant. In fact, I could and should be considered the exact opposite. I would always disappear at the most random times, I would be fighting in a war somewhere else. It didn't even matter where that somewhere was that I would leave to. I would always leave. That was just who I was. I couldn't change it.

I slowly worked to pulling off his ring, and dropped it on the ground. It landed with a dull thud into the grass.

"Fine." I stated, hoping that my voice wouldn't betray the anger, the betrayal, the turmoil that was stirring in my stomach and making me want to throw up. I took a step back, forcing myself to be nonchalant. "Good talk. Glad we got everything out of the way. I'm off then."

"I'm sorry, Madi." He said as I walked away.

"Hey, you're completely in the right." I called over my shoulder. "Tell the Smurf I said hi."

As soon as I left the park, I slipped into a glamour, folding my arms across my chest as I walked back to the Institute. There wasn't anything left for me at Turtle Pond anymore.

.M.I.W.

Well… I think that went over rather well, don't you?

No?

No…

Yeah. You can throw your torches and pitchforks at me now.

ShoutOuts ~

BookNinja15: Ah, thank you so much! Trust me, there will still be plenty more Fics to come too!

Legendary Chocobo: You're absolutely welcome! So glad you love Claire! She's hilarious, and she's only going to be better.

Nyx's Pinky Girl: Yes! Gosh, get the book! Read it! Understand!