Love Struck

Chapter 90 - Hold It Against Me

Shadow's POV

"I'm not dumb Frost." I stated as he stared at me.

Frost nodded and asked.

"I'm just confused on why. Why would you do that with her, and more so with Ghost's girl?"

"First of all Frost, I didn't want to. Second it's my fault any of this happened." I stated.

Frost slowly sat down next to me and asked.

"Why is it your fault?"

I took a deep breath and replied.

"Two months ago before we ended the war in Afghanistan I was drinking and Dove came to speak to me about something personal."

Frost waited as I continued.

"I was drunk and I kissed her." I stopped.

Frost asked.

"Just a small kiss?"

I nodded in disapproval.

"More like a French kiss."

Frost nodded his head and went to speak.

"So you…!" I cut him off.

"Then I told her I loved her."

Frost widened his eyes and replied.

"What!?"

I quickly replied.

"I was drunk, I didn't mean it."

"But she took it seriously?" Questioned Frost.

"She knew I was drunk it was pretty obvious." I stated.

"Why did you say that?" Asked Frost in a disbelief tone.

"I was drunk!" I shouted.

Frost lowered his head and I continued.

"I didn't know what I was doing."

Frost slowly looked back at me and I was done with him acting like this was my first time with a woman.

"Did I ever tell you about my true love?" I asked.

Frost looked at me in confusion and replied.

"No."

I nodded and tears began to expose themselves under my eyes.

"Her name was Amy Rose." I started as he listened.

"I meet her under some serious complications." I stated.

"What?" Asked Frost.

"I use to work for G.U.N, I was a sniper and my brother Dark was my spotter." I stopped remembering Dark's face.

Tears poured in anger as Frost stared at me.

"I was captured on our last mission before retirement and the rebellion signed me up to work for them, but by then I was ready to and without thought I would kill every G.U.N soldier in my way." I stated.

"Why?" Asked Frost.

"My brother left me to die and I was going to kill him. He got in the chopper and left as I bled out on the sand begging for someone to save me." I replied.

Frost went back to listening as I continued.

"Turns out before Dark left me our mission was to kill her, because we were given false Intel on who the leader of the rebellion was at the time." I stated.

"False?" Questioned Frost.

"Turns out the real leader of the rebellion known as Logan was giving G.U.N Intel on all of mine and Ghost's missions along with trying to get him and Amy killed." I replied.

"How'd you met Ghost?"

"He was assigned as my partner the first day on the job and I will admit we weren't best of friends in the beginning." I admitted.

"Why not?" Asked Frost.

"We didn't see eye to eye that's all." I replied.

"So what happened?"

"At the end I killed Logan after finding out he was the mole then I took over." I replied while lowering my head in tears.

"Then…my son came to us…and Amy died during…child birth." I stated in heavy tears.

Frost stared at me in shock as I pushed.

"Not even four fucking hours later my son was shot and killed by a my own brother!"

Now Frost was completely shocked and he had no idea what to say or how to even respond to that as I cried into my own lap.

"I lost everything in a blink of an eye. I started to drink and hurt myself and nothing made me feel better. Even now still nothing makes me happy. I lost my own fucking son Frost and I couldn't even protect him. I'm the worst fucking father that lives and there has been times I wanted to kill myself because of it. The only thing that keeps me going is this war. If I die we lose plain and simple." I stated.

"Shadow I…" I cut him off.

"So I'm sorry if I made a mistake by having sex with Dove, but she pushed me back to my point and when she asked if I felt the spark I lost everything."

"The spark?" Questioned Frost.

"The spark of love." I replied.

Frost continued to listen as I explained.

"Amy and me felt it and that's the thing that made me hers. The spark. When Dove asked if I felt it with her I don't know maybe I was confused back when I was still with Amy. I don't fucking know! I made a mistake ok!" I shouted at him.

Frost backed up on the bed as I took a breath.

"I needed something to make me happy again Frost…I lost everything in my life. Can you understand now why I'm the way I am?" I asked in tears.

Frost placed his hand on my back as I finished.

"I know Ghost is going to kill me once he finds out we went behind his back like this, but I can't worry about that now I have to worry about Dove."

"What's wrong?" Asked Frost as he rubbed my back.

"She may be pregnant." I replied.

Frost widened his eyes in shock as I continued.

"It was an accident. Yes I want another child but not with her. Amy was the only one who could do that for me and I don't even deserve a kid especially when I can't protect my first fucking one!"

Frost leaned in closer wrapping his arm around my body and brining me close as I broke down.

"I don't know what to do Frost I don't." I stated as I cried into his armor.

Frost then brought his other arm around me hugging me tight as I continued to cry.

"We can figure this out Shadow." He stated as I begged for a end.

"Can you just kill me?" I asked.

"What?!" Questioned Frost.

"I don't deserve to live Frost. I have no right to a life after all I have done." I stated in all my sadness and despair.

"Stop talking like that Shadow, you have done more then you think." Stated Frost.

"What have I done to keep my life?" I asked.

"You brought freedom to a whole country and you were brave enough to go for another. Not many people will go against the world Shadow but you have no fear of G.U.N." Stated Frost.

"That's because I have no soul." I stated.

Frost went silent as I continued.

"My love is dead. My son is dead. My brother is dead. My friends are all dead. All because of me. Amy died because I couldn't protect her just like my son. I murdered my brother for killing them and I sat back and let all my friends die off." I stopped too name them as Frost held me tight.

"Nexus, the ceiling crushed him and I couldn't get it off before he was splattered in front of me. Cole, I slit his trout for revenge. Jason, bullet to the head. Archer, bullet to the head. Jake, gunned down by my brother. James, killed by Ghost as he tried to save my life. Dark. Beat down and stabbed in the forehead by that blade over there." I stated while pointing at my dresser.

Frost glared at it and my M9 that rested there and replied.

"I'm sorry Shadow."

"Aghhhh…..ghhhhhh…hhhh." I continued to cry as he hugged me close.

"I had no idea about any of this Shadow. If I would have known I would have been less judgmental against your choice with Dove, but I understand now why you did it and it was not your fault. It was hers." Stated Frost.

"She had nothing to do with it but convincing me. I wasn't strong enough to believe what was right I just acted and fucked her!" I stated.

Frost went silent as I said.

"Dove came to me because she was scared Frost."

"Of what?" Asked Frost.

"Of Ghost." I replied.

"Why?" Asked Frost in confusion.

"Ghost hasn't been himself since the start to this war and Dove came to me with evidence that Ghost hit her and it's not the first time according to her." I replied.

Frost widened his eyes as I continued.

"She needed someone after benign so scared of him, for her life and Midnight's. She wanted me to protect her and it just went from there."

Frost held me tighter and replied.

"Both of you have a reason for doing it and I can understand if Ghost hitting her was true, but for right now Shadow we need to worry about her."

"I told her that after I left you for that chip implant and we are hoping to not have a baby." I stated.

"Is that what you want?" Asked Frost.

"Yes and no. I want my son back Frost but not with her or anyone else. Just Amy and she's dead so count me off for ever getting the chance to be a father." I stated in sadness.

Frost nodded his head and replied.

"You'll get your chance again Shadow."

"Not without Amy." I replied.

Frost gently let go of my body and said.

"Listen."

I slowly looked up into his eyes.

"Get some rest and tomorrow we will find out what to do. If you have a kid coming we will prepare and if not we will figure out how to tell Ghost about you two having sex, ok?" Asked Frost.

I nodded and replied.

"Thank you."

Frost smiled and slowly I laid back resting my head on the pillow.

"Everything will be ok Shadow, we just need to think." Stated Frost.

"I know." I replied.

Frost smiled and made his way to the door leaving me in bed.

"I'll see you in the morning ok?" Said Frost as he went to leave.

"Ok." I replied while shutting my eyes.

"Goodnight Shadow." I heard Frost say before I heard the door shut close.

"Goodnight Frost." I replied.

4 hours later. 2:00am. Shadow's POV

I opened my eyes extremely fast to feel nothing but a huge shock of pain.

"AGHHHHHHH!" I screamed as I grabbed my heart.

I clenched my eyes as tight as possible as I felt my heart picking up pace faster and faster.

It grew more and more until it stopped casing me to release my chest and look at the ceiling in nothing but relief of it stopping.

As I couldn't breath I felt no beat coming from my heart and slowly I rolled off the side of my bed and onto the floor smashing my nose.

Blood dripped out and some came from my mouth now from my heart.

I felt nothing but relief as I stared at the floor. As I stared at the floor but slowly and still keeping my eyes open I began to drift into darkness.