Chapter 3

I began walking up to the front door, heel in each hand. Conrad ran ahead of me and scooped me up, my girlish shriek was barely heard over the joyous sound of laughing. I held on tight as he carried over the threshold, turning on the lights with my foot. He gently threw me onto the couch, landing with a soft bounce. I heard the old springs creek as Conrad sat down right beside me. I ran my hands through his shaggy, brown hair. He kissed me tenderly. His eyes were closed, I felt his nose beside mine. I felt each soft breath as he inhaled and exhaled, me trying to match his as I continued kissing him.

"You sure you want to do this?" He opened his eyes, and glanced right into mine, looking slightly dazed. His eyes reminded me of an infinite night sky, like the night we had shared under the stars, which felt so long ago. In my mind that night would always be perfect, one of my top moments, following this one. I nodded shyly. Conrad grabbed me by the hand while I trailed quickly behind him, up the stairs into his darken bedroom. This was it, I was about to give all of myself to Conrad Fisher. Please take care of me. I thought to myself as I slowly began unbuttoning his dress shirt, my hands shaking eagerly.

He laid above me, his sweaty palms pinning my arms gently to the bed. When you're that close to a person everything feels magnified, even the slightest flex his muscles made when he breathed, felt bigger. Every emotion was intensified, even when I thought it was impossible to love him more. His soft eyelash brushed subtly against my cheek, giving me an instant internal rush. I could tell Conrad was nervous, afraid of hurting me as if I was a delicate ornament scared of somehow breaking. It did hurt a little like I anticipated it would but the pain was worth it for those few drawn out minutes; Conrad and I were one.

The room had a musty smell, the smell of sweat and dust compiled from the past year in an unopened house. The frost creeping upon the glass detached us from the outside world into the easy comfort of the semi faded four walls which surrounded. Only a dim sliver of moonlight shone upon his face, making his glossy eyes appear even bluer. The nakedness of his face made me feel this strange uncontrollable desire. And for a split second he looked like the once innocence little boy I knew, the one I used to adore. However a quick glare down his steamy figure and muscular build assured me the boy had been long gone. He gripped me softly with his clammy hand, and gently removed a stranded hair off my face. Even in the blackness of night, I knew him. Even if I were blind, I'd still know every part of him.

We laid there cemented on the rigidity mattress staring into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity, concentrating solely on the air caught between our nearly touching faces. I started into his eyes, and stroked his face once, trying to memorize this very moment. Between kissing my neck, Conrad heavily whispered, "I wish this...you were my first...I'm sorry", slowly swallowing each word . I continued to kiss him passionately with a deep urgency. I love you, I mouthed.

FLASHBACK:

I week after our engagement, Conrad came to my house. My mom always let him stay the night because she didn't like him driving back to Boston the same day. Worked out for me, I got to spend more time with him. My mother was working late that night, and appointed Steven to secretly "chaperone" us, even though I was twenty-three almost twenty four. It's not that she didn't trust Con; it's that I don't think she really trusted me, after the whole Jere incident. Naturally, Steven left five minutes after my mom did to go to one of his friend's house parties, in other words to get shit faced.

"As fun as it is to see you and my baby sis get all kissy kissy, I'm headed out." He said to Conrad making a gagging face, pretending I was invisible, "I'm staying at Nick's so don't wait up."

"Leave already.." I said throwing the couch pillow in his face. Blindsided Steven stumbled backwards knocking his glasses to the floor. Before I even had a chance to blink he had already picked it up and threw it back ten times harder than I hit him. Downside to having an older brother. I flinched and opened my eyes cautiously when the pillow I had been expecting didn't arrive.

"Sorry man." Con said after bravely intercepting the pillow before it collided with my face. I stuck out my tongue at Steven who was now rolling his eyes.

"Wow, Belly has made you no fun dude." He said laughing, walking out the door with the keys in his hand.

"I don't mind..." Conrad said smiling looking at me. I don't mind... What did that mean? So I was no fun.

Although he meant well, I was kind of disappointed. On the scale of regular couples, me and Conrad hadn't done anything like that, considering the fact that we known each other our entire lives. I knew Conrad had though, just not with me. I tried to not let it bug me, I tried to not picture my Conrad kissing other girls or compare myself to them, but I couldn't help it. No matter how hard I tried, a sad but true revelation wouldn't leave my head. He did all that because he wanted to. And he didn't seem like he wanted to do any of that stuff with me.

"I'm really tired, I'm going to go to bed." I tried to make my most convincing yawn. Conrad looked confused, unsure of what to say, or what I was getting at. Did I even know? We did have the house to ourselves, maybe tonight was the night. "Are you sure? I thought you wanted to watch a movie. If you fall asleep on me, I won't be offended, I can carry you up to bed."

"No, I think I'm just going to go to bed, but you can come with if...you know...want." I stuttered, nervously. A slight defeated look came over me, which Conrad instantly noticed.

"Belly...I..." He said his voice trailing off, I already knew how pathetic I was I didn't need to hear it out loud especially from Conrad. He stopped, he was speechless, which wasn't something that happened often.

"I'm sorry just forget it, let's just watch the movie." I said turning on the t.v.

Con took the remote and turned it off and directed the conversation back to... whatever me trying to seduce him was, "Belly of course I want to, I hope you know that."

"Then why don't you, I mean we are engaged and we never-" My voice sounded so demanding, immature, I hated when my voice sounded like that.

"I just want our first time to be special. I want to be married to you."

That should have been enough. I should have just let it go, but stupid me persisted. I wanted to know. "I'm just so worried you won't like it with me, I mean I'm not as experienced as other girls you've done it with." I could tell that hurt Conrad slightly, I instantly regretted bring it up. I wanted to disappear and a part of me wanted to die internally for what I had just said. What was I implying?

"The first time, I did it I was nineteen and beyond nervous. I had no idea what I was doing it was like my whole body was on automatic pilot and my mind was somewhere else. I took the girl out on a date to the movies and we did it in car in the theater parking lot behind the dumpster before heading home." He looked up at me, his eyes full of regret. He continued, "we ended up breaking up a few weeks later, after she told all her friends what we had done. It was right before my mother died and I was a mess, it was also the the year you told you loved me, all I could think about was you and her." Conrad spoke sincerely, allowing himself to be completely vulnerable. It was nice hearing Conrad be so open and honest, however I still wish I hadn't asked.

I woke up my head comfortable on Conrad's warm chest. Conrad was always a light sleeper, I guess he felt me stirring and woke as well.

"I'm sorry to wake you." I said lying my head back onto his chest right over his heart.

"It's okay, Belly. We should be getting up anyways it's almost noon and it's such a beautiful day." I saw the sun leaking in through the blinds. Seeing the room in daylight, allowed me to process what happened that night. Us cuddling in Conrad's room after sleeping together in Conrad's bed. It was just as I always thought losing my virginity would be, at the summer house.

We suddenly heard a knock from below. Conrad and I exchanged looks, mine more confused. Who could that be? Everyone knows we're here. Conrad rolling his eyes in a playful manner. "It's probably the mail man or something, don't get up, I'll get it." He said, pulling an old t-shirt over his head, slipping into pajama shorts. I naturally turned away, while he changed. Force of habit. I guess Conrad caught me, and called me out for it.

"I don't look that bad do I? I know I'm not as hot as you but still." He said jokingly leaving the room. I pulled the morning cooled off covers over my head trying to hide my uncontrollable smile on my face. He paused in the doorway, giving me a loving glance, "You really do look beautiful Isabel." Isabel, in all the years I've known Conrad, he had never called me by real name. During summers, the only time I'd hear Isabel was when my mom had something serious to tell me, everyone else referred to me as Belly. I didn't particularly love the name Belly it was just a playful nickname my dad had given me when I was little which ended up sticking. Maybe it was time to adopt back my real name, like I had done when in the "real" world. But my life here, my relationship with Conrad never felt like the "real" world, it was our childhoods, our secret never ending paradise. It was the realest thing anyone here has ever known.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I wrote it entirely in one night, so yeah probably won't be doing that again. Please leave your feedback, follow/favourite! Also if you guys have any ideas as to what should happen next, I love to hear your thoughts. :) New Chapter Every Saturday!