A/N: Yay! New chapter update! Okay, so this chapter is just a little bit of filler with some more back story that never actually happened. And yes, I will be making up all of Erik's back story, it just seems right. If you don't like it, PM me if you want and please tell me why, I don't want to sound like an idiot!
Chapter Twenty-Four: A Coward
Goblin didn't come back over the next two months, but Sixty did.
She told me that she couldn't find hide nor hair of him anywhere; wherever anywhere was. I didn't blame her, Goblin never was one to let things that didn't work with him slide, but he'd never been so angry with me, he'd never left me, and in turn, I built some very potent rage towards him as well.
I used this rage as fuel for my body, just to keep me running.
Why you ask? Well I didn't expect you to know as you most likely do not have people or animals or cyborgs or rats scurrying about in your brain now do you? No. Of course you don't. Excuse my temper, recording this isn't easy.
Anyway, you ask why and the answer is simple; my 'friends', I'd found, were nothing short of apart of me, they were like my organs, my body parts, take them away and all you have is the will to live.
The second Goblin left it was like a surgeon cut into my body and took a vital organ.
I had no more reason to be rational anymore because a piece of me was gone, and back then, for all I knew, it wasn't coming back. That's what drove me mental, it was like living on the last breath of life! All I had to keep me going was the anger and the pain that I'd accumulated and the sick hope that I would see Goblin again. And when I did, I would clip his wings and break his neck.
Of course, this anger dulled into complete and utter misery that I learned to live with and I found myself with a permanent stomach ache.
One day, a month into his little holiday, Erik noticed.
"Is something troubling you?" He asked one day, out of the blue. We were sitting at the newly-christened dinner table, eating lunch, but I found myself not hungry. Don't get me wrong, I was actually starving, but the pain in my stomach twisted around at the thought of food and made it all the more unbearable.
"N-nothing." I said quietly, pushing my plate away from me. As delicious as the bakery food smelled and looked, I would feel much, much sicker if I ate anything. Surprisingly, Erik didn't seem to buy it.
"You haven't touched your food, not for a few days at least, I've noticed." I tensed as he put his fork down and put his elbows on the table, folding his hands. "Let's try again, what is troubling you?" I sighed, putting the fork that I'd been using to play with my food down as well.
"Goblin's gone." I said quietly, but ti seemed as though Erik didn't hear me at all.
"Pardon?" He asked.
"Goblin is gone." I replied and he looked confused.
"Yes, I heard you say that the first time, but I can't make heads or tails of that, care to be more specific?" He asked and I exhaled heavily again.
"You know there is something wrong with me, I know you've seen me talking to myself." I began and he nodded.
"Yes, I have" He started. "Except you are not talking to yourself, are you Annika?" I shook my head.
"You;re right, I'm not." Erik looked pleased that he'd gotten it right.
"Then who are you talking to?" I shrugged.
"I have two 'friends' that live in my brain, Erik." I started. "Their names are Sixty and Goblin. Sixty is in the form of a twenty-year-old woman, Goblin is a large barn owl." I said calmly. I stole a glance at Erik and found him to be just as collected as I was.
"And?" He asked, prompting me to continue.
"Well, Goblin sort of... took off." I said and he seemed curious.
"Why?" I shrugged again.
"We had a bit of a spat." I said and he nodded.
"Would you like to tell me what it was about?" I shook my head and he nodded. "That's quite alright, Annika." He told me in a gentle voice. "I won't push you to tell me something you're uncomfortable with." I gave him a sad smile in thanks.
"That's why I'm not eating. I feel awful, like I'm going to die every second." It was Erik's turn to sigh after I said that.
"I understand what you mean." He said and then it was me to be curious.
"Care to share?" I asked hopefully, but he shook his head.
"Not unless you tell me about your little row with your barn owl." I understood his point, Erik never was one to ask about personal information if he didn't benefit from it.
"Fine, it was about you." I said finally and it seemed so odd because Erik almost looked surprised. "Well, he didn't really approve with me being in lo- being your friend." I stopped myself before Erik could hear. "He didn't like or want me to be your friend." Erik nodded.
"I can understand why." He said simply and I fought the urge to laugh, I just bet he knew what it was like to have a barn owl that lived in his mine tell him not to befriend someone.
"So what about you?" I asked, letting a smile slip past my radar and work it's way onto my lips. "What secret have you got to share with me?" Erik sighed and weaved his fingers together -a nervous habit I noticed he'd had about three weeks ago- and thought for a moment.
"I know what it's like to miss something so much that you think you might die." He said softly and my smile fell instantly like he had said a magic word.
"Tell me." I said and he nodded.
"Yes, I think I should get it off of my chest." He replied, but straightened up. "I know about Mme. Giry." My heart stopped. "Please, don't ask me how, but I know that she told you of my life story, or at least what I have told her." I nodded, giving him the cue to proceed. "Well, I'm sure you know this but I have not told her everything, in fact I've kept this from everyone and the only reason I'm telling you is because..." He trailed off.
"Because why?" I asked and he shook himself back to reality.
"Because you are the closest thing I have ever had to a living friend." For a moment, I felt the pain in my stomach recede and found butterflies swarming there instead. I reached across the table and took one of his larger, colder hands in both of mine.
"I'm not the closest thing, Erik. I am your friend, and I always will be." I gave him a kind smile that he did not return. Instead he pulled away from my and the hurt bled back into my torso like he had cut me.
"Yes, well, anyway, I am quite sure you know from Mme. Giry that I spent quite some time in Persia." I nodded. "Well, I never told her this, but I did not spend those long years alone." I was stunned.
"Who did you send them with then?" I asked and he paused for a moment before going on.
"I had a friend once, a long time ago, a wonderful companion named Delkasha. She was truly extraordinary in my eyes, but nothing special to everyone else however, they thought that she was just a servant, but she was kind to me." I felt a pang of jealously in my heart and my eyes narrowed.
"Did you love her?" I asked and he shook his head, the jealousy subsided.
"No, no I did not. She had a husband, a horrible man who would beat her, one day, I saw her treating cut marks on her hands where she had scraped them on the ground, quite similar to yours when you first came here. I helped her dress them and she asked me my name. We became good friends, her and I , quite good in fact, she would spend so much time with me that people began to talk, there were whispers of indecency." I was stunned, Erik would never do that!
"Was it because she was married? Is that why people cared?" I asked and he shook his head.
"No, people cared because my little Kasha was twelve." I gasped.
"A child bride?" I asked and Erik nodded.
"Yes, but I swear I did not touch her, I could never do that, Kasha was like my daughter!" I nodded.
"I believe you." I repelled and Erik calmed down considerably. "What happened to her then?" I asked and Erik winced a bit.
"Ayesha, the false Empress of Persia at that time, grew curious of what lay beneath my mask, this, I am quite sure you already are well aware of." I nodded. "Well, she unmasked me, but she did not scream." I was mildly surprised.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because she had done far worse to men who displeased her." I shuddered and Erik seemed to notice.
"Am I frightening you? Perhaps this is too gruesome a subject for you?" I scanned his voice, trying to detect any sarcasm, any malice, but no, there was none of it, Erik was genuinely concerned for my well-being.
"No, no tell me, I want to know." I insisted.
"Ayesha unmasked me before everyone in the palace courtyard. I heard the screams of hundred of men and women that day, but I did not hear Kasha's. She is the reason I am standing here today." I gave him a look telling him to continue.
"What did she do?" I asked and I noticed tears brimming in Erik's eyes.
"She saved me. She ran up to where the three guards held me at gunpoint and slit one of the man's throats, giving me enough time to snap the neck the second one. The third man panicked, and he picked the closest target to open fire on. Kasha was dead before I could blink." I didn't notice it, but the tears that had welled up in my eyes began to fall, and not too soon afterwards, Erik's voice became croaky.
"What did you do?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"I fled the courtyard, and I came back to France." He said simply. I knew he was trying to make it seem like he was fine but I could tell that he wasn't in the least.
"Oh Erik." I whispered, standing up and walking around the table. I sat down next to him where he was seated on the couch that we had pulled up to use as a chair, and before I could stop myself, I lay my head against his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his torso. "Poor unhappy Erik." I whispered, quoting the book as the Opera Ghost went rigid as a board.
I thought for a moment if I had done something horribly wrong perhaps, but just for a moment, as less than thirty seconds later, I had known that I had done something wrong, but what was comforting and almost encouraging was that Erik was doing absolutely nothing to correct the situation that I had just thrown myself and him into. I let silent tears fall down my face as I thought of a little girl being shot, all to protect Erik, and I couldn't help it, I moved even closer towards him.
You're his only living friend now, Annika. I whispered to myself in my mind and that sent another round of tears pouring out of my eyes.
I kept myself like that for ten minutes before Erik finally responded. He raised his arm, making me think that he was going to push me away, but he did no such thing. Instead, he put his cool yet comforting arm around my shoulder, pulling me in just a little closer to him.
"I love you." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, but Erik didn't move, he didn;t even turn his head. Three seconds later, he turned to me.
"My apologies, I must have tuned out for a moment, did you say something?" My heart plummeted sixteen floors to the cement sidewalk.
"I-I" I couldn't bring myself to say it. Not again, it would destroy me. "I-I didn't say anything, Erik." I told him and he nodded.
"If you're sure." He replied and I nodded.
I wanted to tell him how I felt about him, I wanted to lean up right now and kiss him properly, the way I should have that night, but I didn't, I just moved even closer to him and listened to him breathe for three hours. Do you know why I did that?
Because I'm nothing more that a coward.