Sorry for the delay. I'll try to do better next time! I have some written, but I know I prefer to read betaed things, so I promise not to publish until my amazing beta caskett. vs .stanathan approves!

Hope you enjoy and that if you do, you somehow let me know!

And in case anyone had any doubt, nops, they are not mine! I just play with them while Marlow and company take a well-deserved break!

Hour 36

We decide to walk to the park. It's not far from here and the truth is, even when we both want to have this devious talk, we're both stalling a bit. I guess we pushed it far away for the longest of times and now it's like this very big white elephant in the room. The good side of this walk: I get to keep holding his hand. I bet he expected for me to let go once we were on the street, but I make the conscious decision no to let go. Firstly, because I'm loving it as much as I imagine he is. Secondly, because as I told him not fifteen minutes ago, I'm going to use all the advantages I have to make sure this is as painless as possible. And it might be wrong, but having him subdued seems like a really good choice. I don't want him to hold back, but seriously, who wouldn't want to have him happy before we start?

On the other hand… why are we worrying about this so much? We both want to be together. We both know we'll get married eventually. Kids, hopefully, will be a part of our future. I know his loft would be a smarter choice than my flat, I'm stubborn but I like to think I'm not stupid. Besides, it's big enough to fit the few pieces of furniture I'd like to keep.

Difficult issues? What am I going to do when the summer is over? Shall I go back to the force or change venues completely? How is he going to keep me away of my mother's case when it comes biting? Because, let's be honest, sometimes it feels as if the darkness is following us. But that's about it. Because, I mean, really. We all know the whole parading women around just because he doesn't know where we stand is behind our back. It's all part of his past. I can't think of another reason for him to keep secrets from me and-

"Stop thinking so loudly. It's beginning to worry me…" He interrupts my line of thinking.

"There's nothing to worry about Castle!"

"Then why are you allowing me to hold your hand in public?"

"Because there's no reason for me not to allow it. Somebody might see us. So what? I have no reason to hide the fact that, after years of speculation, we're finally together. "

"I love you so much. Did you know that?"

"I did… but you can always prove it."

"Yeah? How?"

"Kiss me."

"Right here? For everyone to see?"

"Right here. For you and I to know it, feel it, enjoy it."

So he does. He's a really good kisser. Definitely the best kisser I've ever dated. But don't let him hear that. His ego is big enough as it is…

"I really, truly love you." He repeats.

"Good, 'cause I really, truly, love you too."

"Not that I have any proof of it, but, how would you feel about me kissing you in public if tomorrow there's a picture about it in the press?"

"I'd prefer it didn't happen, at least until we get the chance to openly tell everybody, but I wouldn't be too mad or appalled by it, if that's your concern…"

I guess it was the right answer because he places his arms around me, kisses me one more time, and as he's about to let go, he re-thinks his decision, hugs me to himself and smells my hair – I know he'd deny it, but he just sniffed my hair – and only after that does he let me go. We start walking again and my fingers search for his and we interlock them. I guess we both relinquished the touch.

After about 20 minutes of walking we finally arrive to our swing set.

And we're disappointed: they are full, and even if there were two empty and next to each other, it'd be useless since the whole area is full of people. We decide to keep walking and looking around for the perfect spot.

Suddenly, we're no longer walking in companionable silence right next to each other: Castle is tugging at my hand, like a child would do to his mother.

"Over there! We can sit under that tree! It's secluded enough to give us some privacy but at the same time it's close to the hot dog vendor, for, you know, lunch time."

"Sounds good to me."

We sit, next to each other, our backs to the tree. It's comfier than I would have guessed. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, I once again take hold of one of his hands and, mesmerized by the sight of our fingers entwined, I begin. "What should we talk about first? The good things or the worrisome ones?"

"Let's do the less wanted first."

"Ok. How would you feel if I never went back to the force?"

"How would you feel Kate? Whichever way you decide to go, whatever you want to do, is fine by me. I get it's your job, and I think I've learned to deal with the fact that it's a dangerous one. What I'm truly worried about is your mother's case. I get the fact that you need answers, but Kate, they are not worth more than your life…"

"I know that. And for the first time in my life, I really get what my dad meant with those words every time he told me to let go. Being with you is more important than the answers."

"But Beckett, I need for you to be sure, and for you to make this decision for the right reasons."

Here we go. The disagreement starting point. It only took us about three minutes. Must be a record for a relationship talk…"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you only give it up because you think that's what I want, then two, three or twenty years from now you're going to regret it and use it against me, against us. I know it's a lot to ask, but you need to be sure you're giving it up because you know it's too dangerous and not only because it'll make me happy. I don't want for you to ever think you need to do or stop doing something just to please me. Unless it's buying underwear. You can always think about that when you're in Victoria's Secret or wherever it is you buy your undergarments. "

And just like that, the rising tension is gone and back is the playful mood, full of banter we're so good at. "Can I have some time to work on that? I get what you mean, and I agree. Leaving my mother's case just to be with you won't do. I know I won't go back, but in all honesty, all the reasons I have are related to either you, my dad or the boys. I want them to be safe almost as much as you want me to be safe. But maybe you're right. I'm not worried though. I know that a few months with you will be enough to convince me of my life being worthy to be a long one. If only, just to torture you with sexual innuendo and images full of me in red lace. Or black. Maybe even some purple."

"I don't care what colour you choose. As long as I'm allowed to take it off you, it's fine by me."

"But just in case, you're safe word for me is cherries."

"And when would I be using it?"

"Whenever you feel I'm getting in too deep. I trust you to make good use of it and not to abuse your all time pass to reel me out of anything too dangerous."

And that earns me a kiss. I like this. I say something nice, I get a kiss. I could really get used to that.

"On to our first topic. Do you want to go back to the force? "

"I'm not sure I'm allowed to do so, but yes… I think I'd like that. Not only because it's all I ever done, but because I'm good at it. We're good at it. We - you, me, the boys, Lanie – we make a great team, Castle. We do our damn best to give lots of families the answer they deserve. And maybe that's enough. To know that we can give others what I cannot have. Hopefully, that'll always be enough."

I don't hold back anymore. I want to hug the man sitting besides me, so I do. And it feels great to do so, openly, for everyone to see. We stay like this for a while. Just enjoying each other, lost in thoughts of what we just talked about. And it feels good. Really good.