Getting back to two chapters a week! Might even have something up this Sunday. As always, thanks to caskett. vs. stanathan for the beta!
Thanks for the reviews, I'm thinking about a way to include your ideas, but I have a lot mapped out, so don't hate me if you don't see them just yet!
Hour 38
I feel like all we've done this afternoon is talk. And there is a lot of truth in that statement. We've covered most of the important topics and it makes me feel free. "Thank you." I say to Castle, looking up into his eyes.
"For what?"
"For picking up the pieces that made me… well, me, and using them for making me better."
"In that case I should thank you, because for the past four years you've made ME a better person. From our very first case together, when you taught me to respect the victims and their families, you've made me a better man. And I'm so grateful for that. I know I'm not an easy person. I know most of the time I must seem like a five year old in a sugar rush. And maybe it's because I am. But you took pity on me, and you took the time to get to know me, to see beyond the playboy image I know I first showed you. You allowed me to stay by your side. And that makes me a happy man. The whole idea of you really knowing me, with all my flaws and silliness and still loving me is proof enough to make me scream to the world that I've met my better half. After some disastrous experiences in love, you've restored my faith in it. "
"That's not fair. I hate the fact that it's so easy for you to talk about your feelings. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and you're good with words."
"I better be. I'm planning on feeding our children with that ability."
"Money is going to be a problem between us, won't it?"
"Not if you allow us to be modernly old fashioned."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'll be the main supporter of the family, but you'll be a working mum while I'm a stay in the house dad. How does that sound?"
"Weird. And the truth is, I don't really see myself going out in the field much after becoming a mother."
"How about chief of the police department?"
"Uhm… that'd be too much pressure."
"How about Capitan? I can use my friendship with the mayor to get you back on the fast lane to that position."
"I'd like to earn that myself."
"Let's be honest Beckett. If it wasn't for my shadowing, you'd probably be there already."
"If having you as a partner means I won't get any farther than detective, it's fine by me Castle. I wasn't having any fun until you came along, and the Capitan new it. Montgomery told me so himself not long before the hangar. I guess it was his way of saying goodbye, while giving me one last big advice. I remember going to his office all mad and upset and asking him to ban you from the precinct. And he said "It's done", and a part of me was upset. I thought he was going to say that he couldn't remove you due to the pressure you could make in the mayor's office. And he said he could do it. That it was always his choice, but he had allowed you to stay because he saw that you made my life easier. And he was right. I'm not sure I could have stood all we've been through, the bombings, the freezer, the river, the shooter. Those things would have happened with or without you, and having you there, to pick up the pieces of me after them, with free drinks at the Old Haunt, poker nights with the Mayor, the DA and all your writer friends, dinners at Chez Castle or you claiming you could protect me while holding a wine bottle, waking up to pancakes and living with you guys after my flat exploded. Those are all things that made my life more bearable. And today, you don't only make my life a manageable one, but also a happy one."
"You're not so bad with words yourself. And don't worry. I know we won't agree with the fact that I believe I'm the one to blame for getting you in danger on most of those occasions, but I guess it's kind of pointless to argue about it…"
"Thank you. I'm way too content to actually give you a bigger reason that this: yes, maybe it was your need to know the answer that led us to the freezer or the bottom of the Hudson river, but without that need, I don't want to think about how many people would have died. Your ability to think outside the box kept millions of people alive, not just me."
"Is it selfish to admit that you, Alexis, my mother and the guys were the only people on my mind? Well, and your dad and Lanie. But that's about it…"
"I guess it's not… I have the same people in mind most of the time. Whenever I feel like giving up, I think about those people, and about making this city a safer one and I find the strength I need to go on."
"Even my mum and Alexis?"
"Especially them. I guess I've been seeing them as a part of my family for as long as I've had the need to protect you as my partner. I won't deny that during those first cases I saw you as a burden, but soon I realized you weren't that playboy man as much as you were an amazing dad and son. And with that realization came the care for your wellbeing. Besides, I was a fan way before I met you, and as a fan, I couldn't really let anything happen to you, now could I?"
"I guess you couldn't. I can't believe I met you all those years ago while signing your book and I forgot about you. What was I thinking? I should have asked you out right then!"
"I would have said no. I was with Will back then, and let's be honest, I would have been just a notch on your bedpost."
"I like to think I would have seen how good you were for me, even back then."
"Even if you had, who knows Castle? Maybe I would have screwed things up. Let's not think about what we cannot change. We have today, and today's so good. Why waist our time thinking about what we could have had, when what we have today is so amazing?"
I guess he likes my answer for he stops our walking and hugs me to himself. I love when he does that. It's comforting and heartwarming, you know? To just be held in the arms of the man I love is a welcomed change to the darkness that used to envelope me before the last 38 hours. "I'm ready for some dessert, you?"
"It's not legal to consume the dessert I'm hungry for in public…" He says, eyes darkening.
"Castle! Behave!"
"Kate, when have I've been known to behave?"
"Now is as good a time as any to start doing so!"
"You'd get bored too soon with me behaving."
"I don't think I could ever get bored with you…"
We start walking towards the ice-cream truck.
"So…going back to the money thing… how do you feel about being a kept woman?"
"Fifteen years ago, before my mother's murder, the most important thing to me was having a family like the one I had. I wanted to be a lawyer and work at the DA's office but I always saw myself as a mother first. The fact that you have enough money to allow me to do that is something good. I just hate that you have that much money. I don't want to be a kept wife, but how much will I need to make to avoid being one?"
"Kate, I'd love to keep you. Actually, as far as I'm concerned, I owe you at least a half of every penny I've made in the past four years. Without you, the Nikki Heat series wouldn't exist."
"But you'd have written something else. That's your money, and we both know it."
"Then marry me. If not for my personality, at least marry me for my money and then everything I own would be yours."
"I will marry you Castle. Not today, not tomorrow nor next week. And I need an income, at least until our first child arrives. I think we should at least be together for a year before we start planning for a kid. And I'll need an income, at least until then."
"Would you really give up the force when you become a mother?"
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully leave it, but I know what it's like to lose a mother. I couldn't force that fate to our kids Castle. So, unless I find a position within the force that is safer than homicide detective and less dull than tape listening, then yes, I would leave the force. Just... not yet. Though I still have to talk with the Captain…"
"Why don't we worry about all that after the Hamptons? Let's go have some Ice-Cream, then maybe we can go to your place and have you packed for the next couple of weeks?"
"Sounds good to me. But I'm buying dessert!"
"A deal is a deal Miss Beckett, and I'm a man of my word."
"That's good to know!"