Come now darling, Let's go pick up Isabel. We are going to be late.
Yes mother, coming in a moment...
My maid threw a beige manteau with white faux fur linings over my shoulders and took care of all the buttons and hooks in the back and on my sleeves.
Miss, how was breakfast?
Oh shit. I had forgotten to eat something although i promised her.
It was really good, thanks.
What did you have?
Some of the cake, half a muffin and some orange juice.
Thats not very healthy, she scolded but seemed relieved nevertheless that i had at least eaten something.
The drive to Izzy's house was very quiet, my mother smiling and trying to keep up the small talk, me responding with few words only. When the chauffeur arrived at the manor that was my best friends house, Izzy was already standing there in a wine red cape that matched her long, glossy black hair, a wide smile was plastered to her face as she hurried over to us and hopped into the car, not waiting for the chauffeur to open the car.
Oh my! You can't believe how exited i am, my little Clary is going to be all grown up!
My mother, who adored Izzy to bits, chuckled and said
Don't forget, dear, she's not that much younger than you are, Isabel.
Oh, i know. It simply seems so magical in the strangest way...
My thoughts drifted off as they discussed matters of my future life without me.
I was starting to get nervous, a very untypical trait of mine.
What if this wouldn't work out the way it should...?
My mind drifted to a hundred different unrealistic scenarios as the car made it's way towards town. Here we found a house of average size and the car stopped in front of it. I was numb and passive of the whole situation and Izzy noticed, so, being the best friend ever, she took my arm and lead me in pretending to talk to me as we followed my mother. At the entrance we told the maids who we were and the lady made us follow her to a room on the upper floor. Once we entered i saw only grandeur In moderate size. The room was kept in dark red and wood colors and everything was decorated, reminding me a little of typical barock drawing rooms. There was a huge desk in the center with three empty chairs standing infornt of it, and one behind. In the right corner behind the desk stood a man in a suit. He welcomed us in, talking to me a bout god knows what, all the time smiling as my mother signed papers and Izzy laughed. I suddenly realized something. Everything, to be more accurate. This was it: i was a grown up now, i was going to have sex almost every night, i was going to get way to drunk, take to many drugs, kill to many people and it wasn't going to be my choice.
It was my mothers choice for sining the formulas, it was Izzy's choice for whom I picked as subjective, it was the governments choice for organizing all this, it was society's choice for expecting all of this.
But it wasn't mine. Suddenly, i snapped out of my passive trance and i got hyper alert.
I heard what the man was saying (if you would just give me a signature here and here madam), i saw the color of his tie(silver), i noticed the frame of his glasses (thin metal) and i felt my heart rate quickening. In a question of seconds my mother and Isabel were asked to leave and stand in front of the door.
As they left, the man turned to me, speaking in a very formal voice.
now, do i understand correctly, that you wished Nr. 20398 to be your subjective?
yes sir.
now, i must give you the most important facts about a life with a subjective.
He started talking about sex ed, all the expectations and the risks. I had learned about all of it in school already and I almost fell asleep.