Now things start to get serious!

Chapter 19

47 Seconds

Since Kate had begun writing her diary after her shooting, she had always found the time to do it at the end of a case, maybe straight away, maybe a few days later on a day off, but always after the case was closed. This case was different. They'd only got it today. They weren't even leading the investigation; that was the job of the FBI and Homeland Security; they were simply doing the leg work. But this case was getting to her and she knew she needed to try to make some sense of a senseless act; so that was why she was writing in her diary at two in the morning when she was well aware of the fact that she was due back at the precinct at seven.

Normally when we have a murder to solve there's a reason behind it; sometimes that reason is twisted and illogical but nevertheless, it's there. This time five people were dead simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. One was a young man, a leader of the protest movement; another a husband, there with his wife, tourists, first time in New York, hoping to start a family soon; a student, first kid in his family to go to college; a mother of two. None of these people should be dead now but they are and it's up to us to find out why.

There's way more to it than that, though. These people all had dreams; they all had things to do; maybe they'd just not got around to it yet; not plucked up the courage to say or do something that could make their lives better. Now their time has run out and death gives no second chances.

Or maybe it does. I feel like maybe I've been given a second chance, after all I have cheated death once. In my job I'm well aware that my life could be over in the blink of an eye but this case has just brought that home to me and I need to realise that I must stop putting it off; I need to tell Castle the truth. I very nearly did today. The words were there, on the tip of my tongue but Esposito had to walk in and break the moment but I'm determined now, the next chance I get I'm going to tell him how I feel about him, tell him I'm in love with him; I can't leave it any longer.

What is this case that's causing so much thought? A bombing. A bomb exploded during a 'Take Over Wall Street' protest in Boylan Plaza. When we arrived at the scene, it was like a war zone. The bodies were still lying in the street, the wounded were receiving treatment on the scene but most people were just standing around in a state of shock. I felt much the same and, by the look on Castle's face, he was struggling to hold it together. The FBI was already in charge and we were relegated to the sidelines while Captain Gates negotiated our role in the investigation.

As it turned out, our first job was to interview the families of the victims. God, that was hard. I was so glad when it was over. Our next task was to interview the witnesses, over 300 names, to find if anyone had seen anything near the site of the blast in the 47 second window in which we knew the bomb had been planted. It's going to be a long investigation if we can't find a way to prioritise.

Castle and I visited the morgue to see if the dead could tell us anything more useful than we'd managed to get from the living while Captain Gates was trying to get video footage out of the FBI to help us identify the more useful potential witnesses. Lanie had found blue fibres from a bag of some kind on the victim closest to the blast, Jessie Friedman, the protest leader. At least we now had an idea of what we were looking for. When Castle caught sight of Alexis, he excused himself to check how she was doing. Evidently she wasn't doing so well because he returned a few minutes later with her and took her home. I could sympathise with her. No-one should have to face a scene like that one in the morgue, let alone an eighteen year old kid. I just hope she's okay. I know Castle will give her all the comfort and support that he can because, frankly, there's nothing he wouldn't do for his daughter and witnessing that love, well let's just say, it makes me love him even more.

I hope we get a break on this case soon because I need to live for the moment and stop putting things off for a tomorrow that could never arrive.

It was now almost three o'clock and, as Kate put the diary away, she hoped she would be able to get a couple of hours decent sleep so that she would be at her best the next day to get to the bottom of this case and move on with her life.

Two days later the case was solved and Gates sent the whole team home early to get some much needed rest but Kate was worried. She couldn't put her finger on exactly what was wrong, but something was troubling Castle and had been for most of the day. She was still pretty wired so decided to finish her diary entry on the bombing case.

What a waste of life! Five people died because one young man wanted publicity for a movement that seemed to be losing support, one young woman was too ambitious, prepared to do anything to get ahead and another young man thought the best way to make some easy money was as a pickpocket and a crowded plaza made for rich pickings.

When Castle came into the precinct the next morning armed, as always, with my morning coffee, he said he wanted to talk to me. I had the distinct impression that his mind was working along the same lines as mine. I'm almost certain that he was going to tell me something important and I'm sure it was going to about our relationship and I was definitely ready to hear whatever he had to say but, and not for the first time, we were interrupted, this time by Ryan telling us that Gates was gathering the troops for a briefing. God, I wish we could just catch a break. He said it would wait until after the case but that's the odd thing; when the case was over, this evening, I asked him what he'd wanted and he just brushed it off, said it was nothing and walked out.

We pulled in a couple of people for questioning. The first, Andrew Haynes, seemed a viable suspect and the FBI were ready to charge him with the bombing but he wasn't our guy because the next witness we talked to, a street musician, terrified of the authorities because his visa had expired and so, hadn't come forward earlier, had actually seen the blue backpack placed next to the lamp-post by a young, Hispanic male, certainly not Haynes.

We were finally getting somewhere. The street drummer gave a description to a sketch artist; now we just had to find the guy. Gates had a separate assignment for Castle, which surprised him no end, and he was given all the transcripts of the witness interviews we'd carried out so far and was instructed to utilise his speed-reading skills to see if there was anything that had been missed. The look on his face was so funny, he looked like a whipped puppy that'd unexpectedly been patted on the head and told he was a good boy! He thought that, just maybe, Gates was beginning to warm to him and, although she vehemently denied it, I suspect he may be right.

Then, this morning, we finally got our break. I was at my desk wondering where Castle had got to, when Ryan came up and said that they'd found a witness who knew the guy as Bobby and, although she didn't know his last name, she did know where he lived. Ryan and Esposito picked Bobby Lopez up and brought him in for questioning. Castle still wasn't back so I took the interview on my own.

Bobby naturally denied everything at first but his story was so muddled as to be ridiculous. He claimed the backpack wasn't his but then stated that he hadn't put the bomb in it. He then tried to claim that he was confused because of all the chaos after the blast. Finally he claimed some form of traumatic amnesia. Well, that was it, that's one excuse he doesn't get to use with me. I told him I'd been shot in the chest and remembered every last second of it. I gave him some time to think about that while I caught up with Espo. Castle had been in while I was with Bobby as evidenced by the coffee on my desk but he'd apparently had to go somewhere. I guess that was about the time he began acting strangely.

He came back a while later but he wasn't his usual cheerful self. He was almost cold. I can normally read him like a book but this Richard Castle in front of me seemed somehow shut off. He chatted quite amicably with the boys about the case but with me, hell I just don't get what's the matter with him. Bobby as it turned out, was a pick-pocket. Castle and I went in to interview him again. This time, he came clean and the picture finally became clearer; with the case, at least; with Castle, not so much.

We put together the sequence of events that led to the blast. The bomb was made by Jessie Friedman but was intended to go off in a place to cause maximum terror but no injuries. He didn't allow for the backpack being stolen by Bobby Lopez, a thief looking for easy pickings. Bobby dumped the backpack when he realised Jessie had seen him taking it but the bomb was still detonated by remote control. Jessie must have had a partner because, under the circumstances, he would not have set it off. That partner turned out to be TV reporter, Leanne West.

So that was that. Case closed. I was still pretty wired and suggested we all go for a drink but Ryan and Esposito wanted to get home so I thought it would just be Castle and I but when I suggested it, well I don't think he could get away from me quick enough and he was gone. I really thought we were making progress. I find it so hard to accept that, just when I'm ready to put a sledgehammer through the few remaining bricks in my wall, those few that Castle hasn't quite managed to chip away in the last few months, he's suddenly pulling away from me. If I don't know what the problem is, how the hell am I supposed to fix it?

Kate found that she was now completely frustrated and angry. She looked back over her latest entry to try, yet again, to see if there was any clue to explain Castle's sudden behaviour. Then she saw it. She studied the timeline and the pieces began to fall into place.

Oh, God, no! Surely not.

He couldn't have heard her confession to Bobby Lopez, could he?

Kate began to panic. Had Castle heard what she'd said in that interview room? Surely he would have confronted her about it, yelled, shouted, stormed out, anything. Why would he react like this? It made no sense to Kate at all and yet the evidence tended to suggest that he'd been in the observation room during that interview and if that was the case, if this was how he was dealing with it, what on earth could she do to put things right? Was there anything? She hoped to God there was, because otherwise it was all over, everything, gone, done, finished.

Kate's anger completely evaporated to be replaced by utter desolation and the tears began to fall. She wept uncontrollably, feeling as though her heart was slowly tearing itself apart.

A/N: Because I refuse to believe that a highly intelligent detective like Kate Beckett wouldn't at least suspect what had happened when she thought it through.

Hope you don't mind my take on it.