He was aware of his head pounding long before he could even manage to force his eyes open. He hadn't actually thought he'd drunk enough to have a hangover but he'd been terribly, painfully wrong. When his eyes finally did open, he thought he'd died and gone to hell's version of heaven; the light filtering in through the curtains glass doors that led to the pool was too bright to be healthy for any living creature. "Christ," he mumbled as the pounding in his head began. His throat was painfully dry and as soon as he was able to sit up, which he'd done too quickly anyway, he had to lie right back down with elaborate slowness. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths but unable to ignore the headache. Everything was so silent that it was almost as though there had never been people or music here to begin with.
It took him a while before he was vaguely aware of something warm and soft against his arm. He didn't move but it still took him a while to realize that it was a person breathing slowly and evenly. His fingers unconsciously moved against whoever it was as her tried to remember who it could be but his thoughts were going nowhere so he had to force his eyes open and turn his head to look beside him after he sat up much more carefully.
The first thing his sensitive eyes settled on were a peek of the most childish underwear he had ever laid eyes on. They were pink and white with yellow lace that hugged a pretty firm, round butt. He groaned, rubbing his eyes to make sure that he was seeing properly. When he realized that he was, he was even more confused. He didn't feel like he'd had sex with anyone last night and he definitely didn't remember bringing anyone into the room with him. Fairly, though, he barely remembered much. Last night was a mixture of random scenes that flashed through his mind but mostly those memories had black slots in them.
There were pink cats on her underwear. Had he slept with someone that had pink cats on their underwear? He'd never thought, even drunk, he'd be that kind of person. Then it hit him that the girl sleeping beside him still had all of her clothes on and he had his clothes on and there was no way he'd done anything. Her floral print dress had climbed up past her waist and she was tangled into the sheets like she'd gotten into a fight with them during the night and they'd won. He pulled the dress down the most he could without rousing her. Absent-mindedly, he ran his fingers down her arm, stopping only when he realized what he was doing. Her short, honey-colored hair was a mess around her young, sun-kissed face. He was sure she was drooling on his pillow.
He'd managed to get up to fill a glass of water from the tap when Isabel burst in looking wild and beautiful and, to his great surprise, worried beyond measure. "Is Sofia here?" she asked with uncharacteristic emotion. Jeremy stared at her. Her blonde hair was messy, too, her mascara was smeared and she was still in last night's clothes but she still made it look like it was all on purpose. Her eyes fell on Sofia and she looked like the weight of the word had been lifted off of her shoulders. Then, slowly, her usual calculated indifference transformed her face except for a questioning look that appeared when she looked back up at Jeremy, probably thinking the same thing he'd thought when he'd woken.
"Good morning to you, too," Jeremy responded groggily as he stared at the girl now squirming a little on his mattress. Her dress was beginning to sneak up again. Sofia, he thought, rattling his head until he recalled she was Sofia's cousin. He'd met her once when they'd all gone out together and she'd had a complete panic attack, which he'd help her overcome. Isabel was semi-glaring at him as though silently accusing him of something even though he was sure she knew nothing had happened. It was more of a warning for the future than anything else. Really, she had nothing to worry about; it's not like he was planning on jumping into anything anytime soon and definitely not with someone who had cats on her underwear. The idea was preposterous. He just stared at her, giving her the same long, slow blink she liked to use so much on other. She rolled her eyes and couldn't help but smile.
"How much did you drink last night?" she asked him, walking closer to the mattress and looking Sofia over. Then she looked back at him. "You look like shit took a shit on you." Jeremy gave her his lazy smile which was probably even more lazy now that he actually did feel like shit had taken a shit on him.
"Thank you. And you look beautiful, as always."
He gulped down the water, walking back to the mattress and sitting. Between them, Sofia moaned a little. Her eyes were still closed but she was facing him. She definitely was drooling but he was too hungover to be either amused or a bit grossed out. He sat next to her and pulled her dress back down.
"You didn't even stay that long," Isabel was complaining without sounding like she was complaining. He'd completely missed the rest of what she'd been saying.
"You guys didn't seem to mind," he told her. One of the things he did remember from the party was catching a glimpse of Cole and Isabel really going at it on the couch. Isabel shrugged at that. She was about to respond when Sofia opened her large, light brown eyes, which were looking right into Jeremy's. She then turned and looked at Isabel, who looked annoyed beyond reasoning.
"Please don't tell me you came in here to hide," was the first thing she said. He was sure that she hadn't yelled it but for all he could really tell, she might as well have been screaming. Jeremy was momentarily sure he'd felt his brain smashing itself against the sides of his skull.
"God, Isabel, please," he managed to groan.
"You do realize that I brought you to the party to, you know… party?" she continued, ignoring him altogether.
"I partied," Sofia answered in what would have been a defensive way were her voice not so soft, for which Jeremy was eternally grateful. He couldn't handle too much noise right now.
"I think I'm dying," he mumbled, lying face down.
"Did you even drink?" Isabel demanded, ignoring him.
Jeremy snorted. "Her not drinking is probably not something you should be upset about," he mumbled but of course Isabel caught that. Sofia looked at him like he'd hurt her feelings.
"I drank," she said though Jeremy was sure she was talking about water but he didn't say anything.
"What, water?" Isabel asked. There was no answer and she rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm taking you home. Your mother probably thinks I let you drown in the pool or something."
Sofia yawned, getting up out of bed slowly. Jeremy had laid back down. He'd thought they'd left but then he could have sworn her heard something and turned his head to find Sofia standing before him. She had nice, long legs. She had a dancer's body even though she didn't look like the kind of girl that would dance.
"What?" he asked.
"Do you want me to make you some soup?" she asked again.
"Seriously?" Isabel asked, exasperated.
Jeremy looked at her carefully.
There was something childish about Sofia, the insecurity of someone who hadn't quite figured out how to stand in their own skin. There was a need to please everyone, a need for perfection; but there was something else there, also; something that only someone who'd seen it for most of their lives would be able to discern. Where Cole and Victor's loneliness had led them into a world of confusion and chaos, Sofia's loneliness was disguised in a much more dangerous way: it hid under a veil of perfection and order, making it so much easier for it to be overlooked.
"I like soup," Jeremy answered. Isabel rolled her eyes behind Sofia. She groaned loudly.
"Fine. Make your soup but at least call your mom first so she won't think we drowned you in the pool or something," she said as she walked away.
"All you had to do was make soup. You know that, right?" Isabel was saying but Sofia ignored her.
"All you have is pizza and pasta," Sofia commented as she added some of the groceries Cole had just bought to their pasta-filled fridge. They didn't have one thing in their fridge that offered any real nutrition.
"We like to change up our empty calories," Cole responded as he made his way over to Isabel and kissed her deeply, to which Isabel smiled.
Sofia looked away, staring intently into the fridge. The soup was almost done and she and a very annoyed and reluctant Isabel had finished saving the house from the mess last night's party had left behind. "You don't have to clean, you're not our maid!" Isabel had attempted to argue but had ultimately ended up helping her.
Sofia spared a glance at Isabel and Cole. Neither of them understood that she had to be doing something. She just wanted to be busy; it kept her safe from her own mind. That was what she couldn't explain to Isabel because what was the point of explaining insignificant problems? There were people that had worse things going on than a mom who expected too much and a father who was off somewhere building a different family to replace the previous one. She sighed deeply, finally being able to turn to look at Isabel and Cole, who were making out a little less playfully now. The world could be falling apart around them and they wouldn't notice it.
She went to stand before the pot, her back to them. She began to stir the soup, her mind wandering back to last night's party. She felt out of place often but she'd never felt as out of place as she had last night, surrounded by people dressed in black and wearing heels and women that were so beautiful Sofia was surprised they weren't photoshopped. She'd just stood there, lost and awkward and wearing a stupid flower-print dress because she didn't own anything black or sexy and no one ever expected her to be sexy anyway. Everyone had been drunk or high, which Sofia couldn't understand. The only thing she disliked more than being around too many people was feeling like she was loosing control and absolutely nothing had been under control last night. Then had come the most terrifying part, more terrifying than having her butt squeezed by someone whose face she hadn't even seen, more terrifying than the mess of bodies jumping and grinding and screaming and falling.
It was the feeling that, despite being surrounded by people, she'd felt completely alone, like there was a wall there that just wouldn't let her reach out to touch anyone else. It kept her protected, it had for years; but now no one could reach out to touch her either.
Except for the guy who'd grabbed her butt. He'd reached out.
She screamed, jumping back, away from the stove. "What did you do?" Isabel demanded, already walking over and taking her hand. "Jesus Christ, Sofia," she frowned as she reprimanded her like she was a kid. Then she took off upstairs.
"S-sorry," she said to no one but Isabel heard her.
"Stop apologizing!" she yelled back. Cole walked over, grabbing her hand gently and examining it. To her embarrassment, he opened her palm toward his face and kissed it. Then he winked and a huge grin spread across his face and Sofia couldn't help but smile. She liked Cole and she liked Isabel with Cole. They worked well together; they made each other happy. Being with Cole had made Isabel more caring in her own blunt way.
Her hand was throbbing even more painfully by the time Isabel came down with a white bottle that she slathered onto Sofia's palm. "It's not that bad," she was trying to tell Isabel but Isabel just looked progressively more annoyed so she kept her mouth shut. She wanted to say the soup was done but she didn't want to make Isabel angry so she didn't. "Ow," she hissed when Isabel started wrapping her hand too tightly.
"I'll do that," a very groggy voice spoke up. Sofia turned to find Jeremy standing there, scratching his head.
He was beautiful.
She'd thought so the first time she'd seen him. It was probably the first time that she'd accidentally blurted anything out but she didn't think Isabel had caught it— she'd been too busy looking at Cole.
She'd forgotten Jeremy, though, and she was sure he'd forgotten her. She hoped he'd forgotten her. The last time they'd met she'd had a panic attack and made herself look stupid, which wasn't exactly rare when she was around people, when there was silence, when she wasn't doing anything.
"You're gonna cut off her circulation," Jeremy commented in a way that didn't sound like he was accusing her of anything. He walked over, took the gauze from Isabel gently and took her place gently and unwrapped what she'd done gently and then began to wrap it again. He'd taken a bath and smelled like cinnamon or something like it. His hair was loose and Sofia noticed it was longer than her shoulder-length cut. There was stubble growing but it was so light it was difficult to see unless you were close to him. His fingers were long and straight as they held her hand.
"The soup's done," she said stupidly when he was done, looking into his vivid blue eyes made only more vivid because they were still pretty bloodshot. He looked confused at first but then he just smiled his kind smile.
"Thanks," he told her.
"You know what goes great with soup?" Cole asked suddenly.
"He's going to say fort," Jeremy sighed heavily.
"Fort!" Cole yelled.
"Now we can't eat until we help him build a fort."
"We won't eat until we have built the best fort mankind has ever seen!" Cole exclaimed dramatically.
It didn't take long for him to go upstairs. He stood at the railing upstairs and began throwing down all of the pillows and covers they owned. Sofia was exempt from helping only because her and was burned but Jeremy and Isabel were rearranging the furniture. It took them a while but they figured it out and, before she knew it, Sofia was standing in front of a fort that resembled the room where Jeremy was sleeping.
"I don't think we should eat in here. What if the sheets get dirty?" Sofia asked. If that had been done in her house, her mom would have evacuated them from it.
"Who cares?" Isabel asked, throwing herself on the cushions. Jeremy was lying comfortably beside her and she wrapped her arms around him comfortably. Sofia didn't know how she did it, Cole came back with two bowls of soup, which he handed over to them after they'd sat up. Jeremy moved aside to let Cole sit between him and Isabel.
"Thanks, babe," Jeremy told him.
"Anything for you, my beautiful sunflower," Cole answered, dramatically batting his eyelashes before he left. He came back with two more bowls and stood beside her. "I mean… you gonna get in or are you that scared of getting the covers dirty?"
Cole brushed past her, sitting beside Isabel. Sofia felt like she'd stood there forever, watching the comfortable way in which they sat together, arms and legs touching. She wasn't sure how she would fit into it. "Are you gonna make me hold this forever?" Cole asked, holding up her bowl. She walked forward and sat down awkwardly next to Jeremy. She made sure no part of her touched anyone and that no one was touching her. They were talking about things that she wasn't actually paying any attention to when she heard her name then a long finger gently poked the white gauze wrapped around her hand, which hadn't stopped stinging. She jumped a little and the smallest amount of soup spilled right onto the sheets.
"Oh no!" Isabel, Cole, and Jeremy were all staring at her. She was sure they were. Her face suddenly felt warm, her heart was beating a little bit faster. "I'm sorry."
"Is your hand OK?" Jeremy asked as though no one had even noticed. She looked up, her hand shaking a little bit. She blinked at him. Cole and Isabel had begun wrapping themselves into each other. She could feel herself breathing a little bit more evenly.
"I just spilled—"
Jeremy shrugged. "It's not a big deal. And you're the one who made it for us. Is your hand feeling any better?"
She shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah. It's better now."
"Put it on the stove?"
He'd put his plate back down and had laid back but as he'd done so, he'd moved closer to her and his head lay against her crossed leg. His hair was dry now and it was soft and this was really awkward. Was she supposed to… do something?
"I spaced out," she answered softly enough that he might not have heard her. She hoped he hadn't heard her but the look on his face told her otherwise.
"What'd you put in this?" Jeremy asked with a pleased smile on his lips. He'd closed his eyes and Sofia took the time to look him over.
"Just vegetables."
"It's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted," Jeremy said and just like that he fell asleep with his head resting against her leg.
Within an hour, the only thing asleep about Sofia was her leg, which Jeremy was holding on to as though it was a stuffed animal. Not wanting to wake him, she took out her phone and began working on one of her four blogs. Near by, Cole and Isabel were wrapped up together comfortably, breathing deeply and evenly. There was something odd about watching Cole and Isabel as they slept; it was almost like watching them change skins. Cole, who when awake was so happy and energetic, looked troubled as he slept. Isabel, who always tried her best to look as unapproachable as possible, looked childish and peaceful as she slept. She glanced back down at Jeremy but there was nothing different about him when he slept than when he was awake. He looked just as peaceful and calm, like a blank canvas that couldn't be drawn on.
She was startled when his eyes opened. It took him a while to focus on her then, slowly, he let go, moaning. "Sorry," he told her. She nodded, moving away her leg as he sat up. He looked over at Cole and Isabel as he stretched then he turned back to her.
"What are you writing?"
She stared at him because at first she wasn't sure that he was actually talking to her but he wasn't looking anywhere else. "Just… my blog…" she finished quietly.
"Mmm? What's it about?" he asked.
She put her phone on her lap. No one had actually ever asked her about any of her blogs. Even her mom knew she had one but had no idea or interest in what it was about. It kept her busy and that was all her mother needed to know. "It's just my food blog."
"Food blog?"
He wasn't asking it like he was making fun of her but she still felt her face beginning to get warm. "Yeah. I just put recipes and stuff. I like food and I'm always experimenting with recipes so…" she trailed off, realizing she was babbling. When she looked at Jeremy, he was still paying attention to her. "I have other blogs, too, though. I don't jus write about food. I do other things." She meant she did other things other than sit behind her computer writing blogs. She was babbling. She wanted to stop babbling but then she looked at him and he was kind of smiling at her. "I have an erhu blog."
His eyes lit up; he looked amused. "Erhu?" he asked.
"It's an instrument," she nodded.
"You play it?" he asked. She nodded. "Play any other instruments?"
"Uh… yeah. The flute and when I was little my mom forced me to take piano and then I learned to play guitar and ukulele. I tried drums once but I was really bad. Like, really bad." She hadn't realized she was smiling until she stopped talking. Jeremy was grinning at her, his blue eyes lighting up as he looked her over.
"That was the best nap I've ever had," Cole yawned loudly. Isabel sat beside him, resting her head on Cole's shoulder. He kissed her head, running a hand down her arm until it found her hand which he also kissed.
"I think I should really take you home now," Isabel yawned. Even her yawn was pretty, Sofia thought, looking down at her feet.
"OK," she agreed.
There were a lot of places where Sofia didn't belong and surrounded by rockstars and people that looked like models was probably one of those places.