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Hour 43

"Would you think any less of me if I told you I'm hungry again?" I ask sheepishly.

"Not really, no. Although, if I didn't know better, I'd suspect you were pregnant!"

"Well, I blame you for my hungriness, just as I'd blame you if I were hungry as a result of me being pregnant."

"I can't wait for that to happen!"

"Down boy! We've been over this already. First moving in, then engagement, then wedding, then kids. No jumping ahead of schedule!"

"But I can still fantasize with you carrying my child?"

"Really? The idea of me fat, walking around like the ugly duck, with my ankles swollen is a turn on?"

"No, the idea of you carrying a little human being that is part you, part me and a part that belongs entirely to him is one of my dearest fantasies…"

"Him? Would you mind if our first child was a girl?"

"I'd take whatever we get Kate, but I refuse to call a possible child of mine an 'it'. And truth be told? I'd love to have a little boy running around to level the field you know? Between you, my mother and Alexis I'm pretty sure I'm doomed. Add another little girl, to have me all wrapped around her little finger and I might as well just accept defeat…"

"And what if our first three kids are girls?"

"Then we'd have to keep trying until we got a boy. I'm not stopping until we get a little Castle running around!"

"Oh, I can see how that'd turn out! I can definitely picture a little you running around the house half naked, smiling mercilessly, trying to avoid your potty training!"

"Hey! I did just fine with Alexis!"

"Yeah Castle! But I bet potty training a girl is much easier than potty training a boy!"

"Maybe… but then again, why would it be only my problem? I thought you were going to be a full time mum!"

"No. I said I wasn't going to be a full time homicide detective. I never said I was going to turn into a kept woman, interested in shopping and spa days while her husband potty trained their kids." I can't keep my poker face on: his pout is just too much. "Oh, really Castle! Do you really see me turning into a Real House Wife! After all we've been through together?"

"Yeah, no, I know." He's looking all wounded puppy like at me so I do what I recently found works best for distracting him: I lean in and kiss him. But it seems it's not enough. It's the first time he's not in it. Ok, if the passion is over after two days, regardless of the promise of lots of sex to come, then we're in trouble.

"Castle, what's wrong? It's not like you to not kiss me back…Should I be worried about the lack of passion from your side? Did the image of me being fat and walking like a duck scare you that much?"

"What? No! God no, Kate! There's no such thing as an image of you that could possibly turn me off!"

"Then what is it Castle? Did you ever have that feeling that the person you're sharing your time isn't really there with you? 'Cause I'm getting that vibe from you right now. Talk Castle! What's going on that beautiful mind of yours?"

"It's nothing Beckett, really. Don't worry about it."

"If it has you all worked up it has to be something!"

"Please Kate, it's nothing."

"That's not fair Castle! I've done nothing but open up to you these past few days, and I think I deserve the same from you! This whole silent treatment is not acceptable. Something has you all worked up, Rick, and I want to know what it is. Tit for tat, remember?" But he's not convinced. I' m not liking it. Not at all…"Was it the Real House Wife comment? Because really, I'm not that shallow! You know that, you must know that…"

"No, Kate! I know you're not that shallow! Even if you were, I'd still love you…Really, it's not important. I don't even know why it got me all worked up."

"Whatever the reason, if it's important enough to keep your mind away from here – here being you and me in your bed, hair tousled and lips reddened from all the kissing – it must be something important…"

"Can you promise not to freak out until I'm done explaining?"

"Yeah, I can do that…"

After a sigh he relents. "I'm afraid I'm going to fuck this up!"

"What? How? Why? What did you do?"

"No, it's not something I did, it's just… my track record with long term relationships isn't the best one…"

"And as far as I'm concerned, that's a good thing… I'm no home wrecker Castle…"

"No, I know, it's just that the whole House Wife comment got me thinking. I had two of those, and all the money in the world wasn't enough for them. And since you're not after my money, how do I know I'm good enough for you Beckett? Gina and Meredith had really low standards as to what I was supposed to give them, and I wasn't able to keep them happy enough."

"And that's the main difference between them and me Castle. I have really high standards of what I expect from you…I will constantly expect for you to keep me happy without using your money, because you see, I'm not a Stepford Wife. I'm looking for a charming man, who's willing to stand by my side no matter what, with or without money. I want someone who challenges me, who makes me want to be a better person, who MAKES me a better person. I need a sweet guy, who's smart enough to know when I need a five year old on a sugar rush to make me laugh and when I need the brilliant, bestselling author to say something clever to get me out of trouble. I need a man strong enough to keep me out of trouble but tender enough to just hold me after the storm." I use all my womanly powers to get his attention. I lean over him and move around until I'm straddling him and look right into his eyes and say: "Can you be that man Castle? Can you be the rock I need you to be so I can lean on you? And more importantly, can you let me be yours?"

"I'd like to be. Yeah." When I kiss him this time he's definitely more focused. He uses both his hands to roam freely around my back and pulls his legs up to bring me closer. This is getting really dangerous really soon. It's really good to know we're so in tune with each other that he actually senses my need to stop. And I love him all the more for that. "Ok, I'm bringing you some pain medication, and then I want you to choose a place in this loft you find comfortable to waste your time while I get dinner ready. There's no way in hell I'm not ravishing your body tomorrow night, after the boys leave. So you better rest and get all that soreness behind you because I really need to make love to you Kate…"

"And trust me Castle, I really need that too…"

"You'll let me lead?"

"I will. But that's not to say I won't lead the second time, or the third, or the time after that…"

"You'll keep score? Some partners in crime, partners in bed kind of score?"

"I think bed is actually the one place I'd love to let you lead, most of the time at least. Do you think you're man enough to handle that kind of power Castle? Do you think you'll be able to keep me satisfied if I allow you to lead, writer boy?"

"Man, Beckett, definitely writer man! And I'd prove it to you right know if I knew I could do that without hurting you…I can be gentle, believe me, but I really don't want to hold back during our first time together, and I'm not really sure I'll know what I'd be doing once we start, you know? A blinded by passion kind of thing…"

"Oh trust me Castle, I truly know what you mean! Now… how about some pills and a good book? If it's OK with you, I'd love to hang around in one of those sinfully comfortable couches of yours…"

"And to think that a few hours ago you were scolding me for sleeping out there instead of here…"

"Yeah, well, beds were made for sleeping, couches were made to sit on to read and watch TV…"

"That's not the only thing the bed was created for…"

"Yeah, hot news, neither the couches. Or any other surface for that matter. Now, would you get me a pill and a book already!"

"What do you feel like reading?"

"Surprise me. You have a billion books out there, pick one you think I'd like." And with that, he's off to get what I asked for. I take advantage of it to use the restroom. I've been fighting the urge to pee for the past hour at least!