Previously on Living a Little:
She took a leisurely path towards the butler, not wanting his countenance to change on account of her approach. She slowly crept behind him, trying to see whatever it was that possibly caused his unreadable expression that looked as if he was simultaneously pleased and anxious.
"Has something struck your fancy, Carson?"
Lady Mary had caught him completely off-guard with her stealth-like approach. Alarms went off in his head with abandon.
But, blessedly, the band was concluding their boisterous tune with voluminous flourish. In the din of departing couples, he had motioned to the dance floor. It was an easy set of cards to play. He knew Lady Mary had always enjoyed a turn, ever since he taught her dance all those years ago.
Lady Mary Crawley led the way, allowing Carson to marshal a completely neutral façade, or so he hoped. He even managed to avoid glancing in the direction of the Scottish doctor and housekeeper leaving the dance floor.
The first strains established a waltz time, and they began their well-practiced progress. Charles Carson counted down the steps until she continued her inquiry. He didn't have to wait long.
"Something seemed to be pleasantly preoccupying you, Carson."
He gave away nothing, now, despite his detection of a peal of laughter that was unmistakably from Mrs. Elsie Hughes. Despite the reliable beat to which he now moved, the sound of her mirth was the only melody he fancied hearing in that moment.
But Lady Mary was determined. She continued with sincerity. "You can tell me. Goodness knows how much I've shared with you," she remarked warmly.
His head bowed slightly, humbled by the thought. "And I have been most privileged, milady."
"It's all in the strictest of confidences, Carson," she assured brightly.
"And I thank you for that, milady. You merely caught me while I was thinking about the passage of the year."
"It's well past New Year's, Carson," she goaded good-naturedly.
"Indeed it is, milady. But the Servant's Ball also provides a time of reflection for me, as well. Many years ago on this occasion, your grandfather gave me the tiepin I'm wearing soon after deciding I was suitable to become his butler."
She smiled at that, thinking back to the very first Servant's Ball she had danced with him. He had been a giant of a man to her, but his lead had been gentle, capable. It seemed some things never changed.
"From the looks of things, it looked like you had a successful year."
"In a way, I did. It didn't always seem that way, but it was quite a good year, in the end." And at that, Charles Carson couldn't help the way his features brightened at the thought of a certain Christmas Eve when his life became filled with purpose.
But Lady Mary missed this, entangled as she was in her own recollections. Her eyes clouded as she admitted, "I wish I had your good fortune, Carson." She tucked her chin slightly – eyes focused on the slight slope of his broad shoulders.
He regarded her critically for a moment before a thought dawned. Venturing a glance to the couples around them, all of his concentration soon focused on her.
His voice was earnest - quiet, as quiet as it could be with the music playing. "It's not impossible, milady – to usher Downton into a new age for the good of Master George and to be an individual free to find love again."
Her head lifted immediately to appraise him. "Goodness, am I that transparent?"
His eyes turned soft then. "Not to everyone," he remarked sincerely with a slight tilt to his head.
She held her breath for a moment, letting the words and emotion build up before she finally admitted her misgivings.
"I'm not who I thought I was, Carson. I find myself embracing the modern world far more than I thought I would."
His brows stitched with the empathy that comes with paternal regard. "And you're afraid of how his lordship will handle it now that Mr. Branson is no longer the estate agent?"
Her smile was grim as she responded, "I can already foresee any number of disagreements – about my life, about the decisions we make for the estate."
He pursed his lips, jutting out his chin slightly as his eyelids opened and closed languidly. The words he sought were momentarily fleeting. As much as a father-figure he knew he was to her, there were certain lines he would never cross.
"If I may say so, milady, his lordship was quite understandable about building the cottages. He is embracing the modern age, on his own terms granted, but embracing it nevertheless."
She sounded less than convinced as she responded, "I suppose."
They turned about in silence for a time and he could already see her resolve rebuilding slightly. She never was down for very long, he thought.
She regarded the dancing pair of Lady Rose and Mr. Atticus. Their youth and modern sensibilities were well-received, for the time being. Perhaps there was hope, after all.
Soon, Lady Mary's secretive smile returned before she asked, "And what about you, Carson? Is there any hope of you 'embracing the modern age'?"
Oh, she could be flippant, even with him. But she needed to know the truth that staid Charles Carson was capable of more than most realized.
"In my own way, milady, I believe that I can."
"Oh? Now you must share."
He bristled slightly, trying to find the precise words to say just enough.
"I'll concede that I wasn't pleased with the situation initially, but being a part of the War Memorial committee demonstrated something to me. As much as I am honored to serve the Crawley's as your butler, I did enjoy acting on my own accord during the enterprise. It reaffirmed the simple fact that I am individual – something more than my post."
Lady Mary's eyebrows rose notably at the modern thought of the butler. Years ago, when she almost left Downton for the financial security of Richard Carlisle, Mary Crawley remembered how reluctant Carson was to leave his post – leave this house. He seemed intent on being butler of Downton Abbey – a physical embodiment of her home.
But times were changing. While shocking, it somewhat comforted her to know he was capable of understanding part of the world she found herself embracing with abandon.
Their dance began to wind down, and Mary Crawley came to a realization of her own.
"Well, if you can manage standing alone in this modern age, Carson, I certainly can try."
He paused then, knowing his partial admission was leading her down an unhelpful path. He concentrated on the strong pillar next to Elsie Hughes as he spun Lady Mary around of what remained of the waltz. "Just remember that no man is an island, milady," he uttered mysteriously.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"You have your loved ones, milady – on this earth and beyond. If I may suggest – never discount the role they play in keeping you on your feet."
He sounded so sure, and it plainly intrigued her. She considered him family, of course, a permanent fixture of her life.
But Lady Rose had made an off-hand remark months ago that had stuck with her ever since. And in that moment, Lady Mary could hardly place Charles Carson.
A thought began to dawn, but she was incredulous to where else it might lead. "I'm sure you don't need help staying on your feet, Carson," she asserted with charm as the music finally concluded.
With a slight bow, he smoothly placed distance between them as they walked towards the tables dotting the edge of the hall. He wanted nothing but to return to his duties, to be away from this treacherous conversation. In the periphery, he could see Lady Rose and Mr. Atticus fast approaching.
But one pearl of wisdom remained and it was time to impart it.
"Even a butler needs steadying from time to time, milady, especially when he moves with the times."
To be continued.
A/N: I'm SO sorry this took an age to post. It gave me new respect for Julian as I tried to find the right words to serve as Carson's bit(s) of wisdom for Lady Mary.
A/N: For the next chapter, which shouldn't be too long in posting, it will be a mostly Lady Mary-free zone. Mrs. Elsie Hughes will very much be in charge, so look forward to that when/if you leave a review.
Thanks for reading!