Thanks for reading, for the alerts, the reviews and the favs. And thanks to caskett. Vs .stanathan for her amazing beta.

OHM! I just realized… this characters aren't mine! Please don't sue…

Hour 44

"Kate! We had a deal! You'd stop reading as soon as I said so!" He tries to get the page I'm currently reading from me but I'll have none of that. I've been wondering how he was going to write the make-up scene between Nikki and Rook after our own summer fall out and so far he's not disappointed. I had assumed it was going to be good, but as always, Rick Castle's latest book has me enthralled. Which leads to our current discussion.

"And I have every intention to follow that rule! I just need to finish the paragraph! Why don't you refill my glass and I promise to be done as soon as you get there."

"You don't need to get your glass refilled when you have a perfectly full one outside, on the table."

Ok, so the whole outside thing gets my attention even more than our alter ego's reconciliation, so I need to ask: "Outside? What do you mean by that? I thought you were making us something."

"And I was. Do you remember the surprise I didn't reveal this morning?" I nod with my head. "Well, it's waiting for us at our balcony."

"Our balcony? We share a few hours there and suddenly it's 'ours'? What about your bed Castle? Is your bed 'ours' too?"

"First of all, it's our balcony because I've never ever shared it with anyone else, not even Alexis. It's always been my 'clear my mind' space. But knowing that you've been there, that you opened yourself to me there, that you shared so many things with me there, makes it our balcony. And truth be told, I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep in that bed without you by my side, so yes, as far as I'm concerned, the bed is ours, and if you have a problem with that, then it's completely yours. I don't want a bed that smells, feels and reminds me of you unless you're there to share it with me."

"Ok, I don't know if that's the sweetest or corniest thing you've told me so far…" I really don't. That doesn't necessarily mean I don't appreciate it though right? "Either way, you got me. Both things can now be called ours, as long as you accept that, IF we ever go back, the good chair and the desk we sit at in the precinct are still mine."

"Does that mean your bed will eventually be ours too?"

"As far as I'm concerned, I can't picture myself falling into REM sleep unless you're there with me, so for all I know every bed I sleep on from now on will be ours, because we'll be sharing it. And hopefully, we won't only sleep on them…" I can't really stop teasing him you know? Our banter is one of the reasons I finally caved to admitting my feelings for him, third after his relationship with Alexis and his mother and he's ability to make me smile, no matter the circumstance.

"Ok, that's it. Our 72 hour clothes optional festival has now been extended to every second you and I share together alone."

"If that's your way of stating that from now on you'll be naked whenever we share a car, then let me tell you mister that we'll never share a car alone again. I know there's an exhibitionist right under your designer clothes, but there's no way Jose I'll be willing to share your ruggedly handsome body with the rest of the city! And we're not turning what I can only assume is your private beach at the Hamptons into a nudist one either." I want to kiss his pout away. But all this verbal banter got me on fire… "Though if I were you, I wouldn't be surprised if the next time I open the door to my house I'm wearing a robe. With nothing underneath."

"Beckett! That's so not fair! Suddenly I have the urge to send you home so I can follow you like a lost puppy and knock on your door, but I made all this risotto and we better dig into it because if we don't it'll be ruined and I spent hours preparing it!"

"Even if it wasn't for the risotto waiting for us, I still wouldn't allow you to send me home. I'm way too comfortable here, and truth be told, your robes are fluffier than mine but I'm afraid they won't fit on my bag so I can surreptitiously take one of them home with me…"

"No need to hide it. Anything you want to surprise me by being naked underneath is yours to take." And I kiss him. Fully. My hands go to his head and run my fingers through his hair, messing with it while his hands frame my face. I know he wants to push this further when he too runs them through my hair but we can't. For the umpteenth time in two days I force us apart. "Trust me, stopping this before we actually do something is once too many for me too Rick. So please, can we get the food and head out to our balcony?" I put special stress on the word 'our' and that seems to keep him happy. The best thing about dating a nine year old? He has the attention span of a cocker spaniel. Cocker. Humph. Wrong choice of words. Good thing I didn't voice them…But you get the idea right? It's amazingly easy to take him from disappointed to happy. And despite previous reservations, I do plan on keeping him happy.

"Hey where did you go?"

"What?"

"I went to get our dishes and you're in the exact same spot I left you in, with dreamy looking eyes. Hence the question, where did you go?"

"No place, I was still here, loving the fact that the idea of us, having dinner on our balcony seems to be enough to keep your disappointment on our lack of release at bay."

By silent agreement, we both head to the balcony. It seems everything but the dishes are already there, for he doesn't ask me to grab anything. He'll make such a good stay at home wife someday…

"I'm not going to lie to you, I want it as much as a kid wants to go to the toy store with a 'Get all for free card' but I do agree on our waiting. For you it's about giving all you have, for me it's about being able to not restrain myself with thoughts of hurting you."

"I think it's a safe bet to guess I'd be too high on the adrenaline to even notice it, but you're right, I'd for sure be sorer than I am right now. And it won't be the good kind of soreness."

When we get to 'our' balcony, I can't help the sudden rush of love I feel creeping inside of me. Realizing that you're truly loved does that to you, and seeing the care he put in this simple dinner is just more proof of how foolish I've been for fighting this. "I know we promised not to stay stuck in the past, but seeing all of this, I can't really help feeling like a fool. To know that I've denied myself the opportunity to be as loved as you make me feel is kind of frustrating right now."

"Can I get that signed? Because I know I'll fuck up, I'll smother you and my neediness might eventually push you away, but I need for you to always remember that any mistake I might make, will be in some twisted way explained and justified in the deepness of my feelings towards you. I won't be able to help my need to protect you, to foolishly put myself at risk in any way if that helps me keep you safe. Then again, I've been doing that for the past 4 years, so, nothing new there…"

"I don't need to sign anything; I know where you stand because it's where I stand too. And about your need to put yourself at harm's way in order to protect me is not only foolish but selfish. What makes you think I could stand the idea of you being hurt any more than you could stand seeing me hurt? After years of fighting it, we've finally admitted to each other that we're in love and more than willing to give us a chance. I get your need to protect me Castle. And I expect you to do it when it means sheltering me form the rain, taking care of me if I'm sick and making sure I eat regularly. But as homicide detective and your girlfriend, I can't allow you to act recklessly out of a need to keep me safe. I just can't." Trying to dispel some of the frustration I feel, I sit down, grab a fork and take a mouthful of the amazingly tempting risotto. I don't even try to hide the moan that leaves my mouth. "Castle, this is way too good." I look at him and I know what he's thinking, and being Castle, he doesn't disappoint.

"Kate you know I have to try…"

"I do Castle, and I accept that need. But I need for you to understand that I can't lose you anymore than you're willing to lose me!"

"How about this: we both make a commitment to try to avoid extremely stupid situations."

"Like jumping in front of a bullet completely un protected?"

"Had you been in my situation you would have done the same!"

"Maybe. But you wouldn't have been able to forgive me, just as I wouldn't have been able to forgive you if anything had happened to you in that moment. Knowing that the love we share was ultimately what tore us apart would simply be too much."

"What about your mother's murder?"

"What about it?"

"How is you chasing a trained assassin to a building's roof any less idiotic than trying to jump in front of a bullet?"

"I told you I'm done with it!"

"What about new cases?"

"Castle! First of all, I haven't decided I'll go back to the force, and even if I did, you know my job is a dangerous one, but you've known that all along Rick! You can't ask me to be any less-cop than I am. I don't know how to care less about the victims or how to not put myself in a dangerous situation if that means saving someone's life! I can promise I'll think things through, but I am what I am. Please, don't ask me to change that!"

"I won't! I guess, it's just that now we have so much more to lose! The idea of you chasing a suspect makes me tear up!"

"Then it's something we'll have to work through together. But I mean it Castle, you can't ask me to be any less of a cop any more than I can ask you to actually stay in the car, Rick."

"I know. I guess you're right. Thinking things trough would have to be enough."

After his final words, each of us gets lost in a word of our own. I guess the 'I knows' aren't as easy to believe as they are to voice them. The whole playing-with-fire-on-a-daily-basis is just another mile stone we'll have to overcome…