Hey guys! Guess what day it is? TUESDAY!
Well, read and enjoy! This is a pretty long chapter.
Professor Snape stood frozen as he watched her retreating form. Even from the staff table he could see her bloodshot eyes, not to mention the dark circles present beneath her eyes – a clear sign of lack of sleep. He certainly hoped she hadn't spent the night crying. Realizing how awkward he must have looked, Severus quickly took his seat and lowered his eyes to his plate. Snatching up the Daily Prophet, he stared at the front page. The page consisted of a single large photo, and a bold headline. The picture was of a house, and above the house was the Dark Mark.
Severus raised his eyes and glanced around the room at the students. He could tell which had already seen the paper and which hadn't. No doubt that's all anyone would talk about that day. Sure enough, as he stormed into his class, many of the students quickly stuffed their newspapers in books and bags while some went as far as to hide the papers in their robes. Severus conducted his class with more gusto to prevent any questions or gossip.
The period had finally come where Miss Granger and her foolish friends would be arriving. She walked in with hunched shoulders looking as if she could barely lift her feet to walk. Granger took a seat in the back of the class, deliberately avoiding his eyes. Sitting at his desk, he watched as Mr. Weasley handed Potter the Daily Prophet and then Potter handed it over to Granger, whose glassy eyes hardly recognized what was on the page. Finally, her eyes adjusted and widened as her drawn face paled. The petrified look on her face quickly vanished and was replaced by a sudden anger. Slowly she lowered the paper to her desk, whispering words quickly to her friends. Then she raised her eyes to his. There was no doubt she was furious, and if he wasn't a teacher, he knew she would have hexed him on the spot. The bell rang, and her eyes quickly shot down to her desk as she shoved the paper into her bag, the crinkle loud in the mostly quiet room.
Severus strolled around the classroom giving a lecture on counter-curses. When he passed Miss Granger's desk, he noticed her fists were balled up on the desktop. Her knuckles were white with strain and that she hadn't copied a single note, which for her was abnormal. As class progressed, her eyes never once strayed upward to his. Severus was under the impression she were pretending he wasn't even there. When the bell rang, everyone began quickly stuffing their belongings back into bags.
"Ten inches of parchment on how counter-curses can save your life!" he bellowed before the first student could escape into the corridor.
Miss Granger followed her two friends towards the door, but he stopped her from slinking away.
"Miss Granger, stay behind. I'd like a word." Severus demanded.
The three froze. The boys turned to stare and Granger kept her eyes fixed on the floor.
"That does not include you, Potter and Weasley. Get out."
The two left the room but not before Potter shot a look of pure hatred over his shoulder. Granger sunk into her chair and resumed staring at the desk pretending the wood had fascinating information scrawled across the surface. Severus waited for a moment, allowing the sound of people in the hallway to die down before speaking.
"Is there something bothering you, Miss Granger?" he asked allowing no emotion to seep into his voice.
He studied the part of her face that he could see through her busy hair which she had purposely allowed to fall in front of her. The struggle on her face clearly meant that something was bothering her, but she wouldn't say what.
"Miss Granger?" he prompted.
"I-I wanted to know if-well-no, sir. Nothing's bothering me." she muttered.
He hoped she didn't believe that he bought that for a second. Granger refused to raise her eyes and he nearly demanded her attention. He was becoming frustrated. Why wouldn't she look at him?
"Very well, go." he dismissed her with a sneer, standing and climbing the stairs to his office, slamming the door behind him.
He heard what he knew was the unmistakable sound of a strangled sob before the door of his classroom slammed shut. Severus sat at his desk, not moving an inch. What had he done that made her cry? Why wouldn't she look him in the eye? He waited another twenty minutes before heading to the Great Hall for lunch.
When he entered the room Severus made a point of keeping his eyes turned away from the House tables. He almost felt ashamed of himself for making her cry. His thoughts drifted to last night and how polite they had been to one another. Automatically, he recalled her face as she watched the birds fly around the courtyard. The small smile, the twinkling eyes. Her awkward thank you to him on the stairs making him embarrassed to the point he couldn't look the seventeen year old girl in the face. Impulsively he lifted his eyes to look for her. He found her exactly where he knew she would be: between Weasley and Potter. She'd obviously wept a great deal when she left his classroom because her nose was red and her eyes were puffy. Quickly he lowered his eyes to his own plate, his appetite nearly gone. He couldn't tell whether he was looking forward to this evening's lesson or dreading the meeting. Severus didn't know if he could look into her eyes after this.
"Ah, Severus, I've been meaning to speak with you." Dumbledore suddenly appeared on his left.
"Headmaster." Severus greeted, happy for the distraction.
"How have your lessons been going with Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley?" Dumbledore asked with no more care than he would if he was asking about the weather, but Severus knew better.
"Things are going just as I predicted they would. Weasley has opted not to continue, while Granger…well, we are aware of her tenaciousness." Severus struggled to inject the same casual air into his own voice.
"And how is she doing with the lessons?" Dumbledore questioned.
"Fine. She's marginally better than I thought she'd be."
"Go on." Dumbledore urged, sensing that information was being withheld.
"She asked me to teach her Legilimency." Severus admitted quietly.
"And your response?"
"Of course not! Isn't it enough to learn Occlumency? What purpose could she have in learning such a thing?" he hissed, hunched over his own lunch wondering if feeling guilty about Granger's tears was better than this conversation.
"She's a smart young woman who craves new information. There's only one other person I've come across who hungers for knowledge like she does." Dumbledore gave Severus a pointed look.
"I never asked you to teach me-"
"No, but I knew that you wanted to learn, so I taught you." Dumbledore interrupted his tirade. "I would never deny someone when they have such a desire to learn, then again," his voice softened, suddenly becoming thoughtful. "Miss Granger may do better focusing her attention on trying to prevent her mind from being invaded than trying to split her focus between the two. For now, Severus, make sure she is learning to shut her mind. It is imperative she masters the skill as soon as possible."
Severus explained to Dumbledore about Granger's shield and the wave she made. Dumbledore nodded, apparently pleased.
"Miss Granger always had strong mental discipline, just look at the way she studies. Severus, you will teach her how to use her shield well, I am sure." Dumbledore announced giving him a smile before leaving the table to talk to Minerva.
Severus wasn't so sure about anymore.
The day dragged on and Severus sat in his office, refusing to attend dinner. He wasn't sure if he was avoiding Granger or Dumbledore. He needed a moment alone to sort through his chaotic thoughts. Why was he so concerned for her feelings? Because he'd have to feel them at some point during their lessons, he lied to himself. Deep in his mind, Severus knew that a part of him understood her struggles. They experienced a similar rejection of their magic during their childhoods and they'd built Hogwarts up in their minds as a safe haven where they could explore this thrilling new world. They hadn't expected to feel just as alone with people of their own kind as they did at home.
Severus had just pulled out a stack of homework assignments when his office door was thrown open, rebounding off of the wall with a crack. Miss Granger stood there, bushy hair flying and eyes bloodshot. He sat back in his chair, careful to keep his face straight and emotions in check.
"We need to talk." Granger growled.
Severus paused for a moment studying her wild eyes before gesturing to a chair that was positioned in front of his desk. She slammed the door shut and took a seat. Before he could question her, she was digging through her bag. Granger pulled out a ratty copy of the morning paper before flinging it on his desk with a flick of her wrist. Severus didn't need to look at the paper to know what she was about to ask.
"Did you do that?" she demanded glaring at him, though he noticed how she was careful not to keep constant eye contact, but made sure her eyes were flickering around his face.
The silence hung in the air as he stared at her. Severus was trying to decipher her actions. Was this the reason she'd been so determined to avoid his gaze all day? His answer would be important to her. Severus couldn't blame her. He was wreaking havoc in her mind; it was only natural to wonder about the person you'd given permission to. If their roles were reversed, he'd make damn sure that what she saw wasn't going directly to the enemy.
"Did you do that?" Granger repeated, the words hissing through her teeth.
"No." he answered clearly.
"Were you there?"
"No."
"Did you know anything about this?" she continued her interrogation. Her agitation was rising.
"No."
"What do you mean, 'no'?" she practically yelled. "You're a Death Eater, aren't you? You should know these things!"
"Miss Granger, you fail to remember that I spent most of the night in your company." he commented smoothly.
"No you didn't! You had a good five hours to yourself, maybe more!"
She was close to hysterics. Severus knew he had to diffuse the situation. He sat back in his chair taking a deep breath.
"Miss Granger, I was not summoned by the Dark Lord last night. You can check with Professor Dumbledore. I tell him each time I'm called and then relay the information to him. I had no previous knowledge of this event, and I had no control over it."
There was a moment of silence and he saw her lip quiver. He didn't deal with crying people – men or women.
"You-you didn't do that?" she questioned while studying the newspaper.
"No, Miss Granger, I did not." Severus reassured her.
And with that, she buried her face in her hands and he watched horrified as her body shook with silent sobs. With nothing else to do, he pulled out his own handkerchief and handed it to her across the desk. She blindly reached for the material, making sure to hide her face from him at all times. Quickly she wiped her eyes and took calming breaths.
"Whose…" she sniffed. "Whose side are you really on?"
He noticed her frame suddenly looking frailer than he could ever remember. He couldn't bring himself to be vague with her.
"I am with Dumbledore."
"Are you lying?"
"No."
Holding out her hand, she offered his handkerchief back but he held up his hands.
"Keep it. You need it more than I do." he replied gruffly.
Granger took a deep breath and turned her eyes toward the ceiling allowing him to see her face clearly. Her face which had been so pale all day was blotchy and her eyes were swollen. She still didn't meet his eyes.
"Did you eat yet, Miss Granger?" he inquired.
"No, I haven't." she responded softly.
"Would it bother you much to eat here?"
"No." she replied quietly, smiling slightly.
With a snap of his fingers, a house elf appeared. Severus ordered two plates of whatever they were serving in the Great Hall. An awkward silence fell over them. After such an emotional scene, neither knew where to go from here.
"I'm sorry for coming in here like this." she eventually apologized.
"Has this been what's been bothering you since this morning?" he asked still carefully gauging her reactions.
"Well, not exactly. When Ron showed me the paper when we came into class…I remember seeing the mark on your arm and I just thought that…"
Granger finally raised her eyes to his.
"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."
All at once Severus saw the large dark circles under her eyes and how her shoulders were hunched forward.
"How much sleep did you get last night?" he blurted out, ignoring her teary-eyed apologies.
Immediately her eyes dropped again and she began stumbling over her answers, none of them making much sense.
"Granger." Severus warned sternly.
"I-I didn't." she finally muttered.
"You mean you didn't sleep at all?" he growled.
"I was afraid!" she cried ringing her hands together. "You-you said that my defenses were practically gone, and I knew that if he decided to look into my head, he'd see you and how you were giving me lessons to block him from my thoughts! He would have seen that you were preventing him from getting information that he wanted, so I kept myself awake so he couldn't see you."
He paused for a moment as she clenched her hands together in her lap. Severus knew he should yell at her, admonish her until she was afraid to commit such a transgression again, but he was terrified of having a crying girl on his hands again. Nevertheless, it was an extremely foolish thing to do, regardless if she had done it to protect him.
"You are not to do so again, do I make myself clear?" Severus commanded.
Her eyes snapped up to his face.
"But-I-I was trying to help you."
"I'm well aware of the fact, Miss Granger, but it is not your job to make sure I am safe."
Her mouth opened and closed a few times but the house elf reappeared with their plates consisting of chicken and potatoes.
"Anything else, sir?" the elf squeaked.
"No, that will be all."
With a crack the elf disappeared. The two ate in silence, not bothering to look up at one another or attempt any conversation. She finished before him, sitting with her head lowered.
"Why do you do it?" she asked.
"Do what?" he responded while pushing his plate away.
"Why do you spy for Dumbledore?"
"I owe him." Severus vaguely explained, absolutely refusing to go into details of his personal shame.
"But you could die!" Granger exclaimed.
"I'm well aware of the consequences of my actions." Severus informed her calmly.
"You-you-"
"Spit it out, Miss Granger." Severus sighed.
"You are incredibly frustrating!" she snapped standing up.
"Thank you so much for the kind words." he answered sarcastically, piling up some paperwork on his desk.
"I'm trying to help you!"
"Well you can't." he barked becoming angry with her meddling.
"I could if you'd let me." Granger shot back confidently.
"How do you propose to 'help me', Miss Granger?" Severus questioned dramatically, thrilling as he watched her wither beneath his glare.
"Well, I-I don't know."
"Miss Granger, you can't always be the hero."
"Oh, don't start with this hero stuff again."
He didn't reply because the moment the words left his mouth, the Dark Mark began to burn. Severus drew in a quick breath through his clenched teeth. His eyes lifted to her face, and as if he had transferred his thoughts to her, her face drained of color.
"He's calling you, isn't he?" Granger barely whispered.
Severus hopped up, cleared his desk, and ordered her from the room. His heart was beating quickly and he felt some perspiration form on his forehead.
"Go." he demanded, pushing her from his office.
"But-" Granger protested.
"Get out! Now!" Severus bellowed.
He slammed the door in her face and immediately headed to the fireplace. Stumbling into the ashes Severus called in a clear voice: "Malfoy Manor!"
The meeting was of the usual variety: choosing who the next people were to die, who'd have the most impact on the wizarding world and so on. Of course, after three hours, the conversation turned to Harry Potter.
"I cannot continually attempt to breach their minds every day, it take far too much energy and the distance is too great. The boy's mind is worthless. The Mudblood's, though…there is something there that's intriguing, but I have yet to discover what that is."
Severus swallowed as his hands became clammy. The group hissed at the mention of the girl and Severus kept his head lowered pretending he was deeply pondering the Dark Lord's words.
"But what does our dear Severus have to say?" the Dark Lord suddenly asked.
Severus raised his eyes and found everyone in the room staring at him. Clearing his throat and behaving like he could care less about what he was being asked, he began to feed the Dark Lord false information. He told him anything that wouldn't directly condemn him or Granger. He found himself treading lightly where she was concerned. If he gave the Dark Lord any hint that Granger could be useful in anyway, Severus would be giving her a death sentence. If he spoke about her too much, the Dark Lord's interest would be peaked. If he was deliberately vague about her, the Dark Lord would wonder why he seemed to intentionally avoid the subject. Severus made sure to keep his mental barriers strong so the Dark Lord wouldn't know he was lying through his teeth.
Once the information was passed along, Severus was chosen to participate in the regular torture that went on at the meetings. The Dark Lord stood above him, casting numerous spells, just to remind the others of what could potentially happen if they were to disobey him. Severus hadn't disobeyed the Dark Lord (he valued his life too much to be openly disobedient), but the Dark Lord knew that many at the meeting feared Severus and his cold demeanor. To cow Severus would add greatly to the Dark Lord's image. When people saw the fear-inducing Snape writhing around the floor, they were reminded of how their Lord reigned supreme.
After the nightly games were over, Severus climbed unsteadily to his feet as the others began climbing into the fireplace to return home. Never more had he wanted the comfort of his classroom. In a whirl he was flying and the minute his feet hit solid ground, he toppled forward into his office, feeling the overwhelming pain wash over him. What he certainly didn't expect was to hear a girl cry out.
"Professor! What-what happened to you?"
He felt her hands on his arm, trying to turn him over, and he complied with her wishes. He wasn't surprised at Miss Granger's gasp of horror; he could only imagine what he looked like. She went to touch his chest where his robes were burned along with his skin, but he instantly stopped her by snatching her wrists.
"Don't touch." he gritted out from between his teeth.
"You need to see Madame Pomfrey." she insisted still staring at him.
"No." he groaned in pain.
"But sir-"
Before she could finish her sentence, the fireplace erupted with green flames and Dumbledore stepped into the room. Severus allowed his head to touch the floor as he finally relaxed and released her wrists. Dumbledore would have everything taken care of.
"Professor! I don't know what-"
"I know Miss Granger; everything is fine, just be sure not to touch the burns. It's a particularly violent curse, one created by Voldemort. Once it touches an object, it continually burns. A very painful way of dying." Dumbledore lectured as he looked Severus over for any more injuries.
"He's-he's dying?" Granger squeaked out.
"No, I'll be able to stop the curse as soon as we remove him from the room."
Severus sat up, careful not to touch the burns but his skin was tight and blistered. Both Dumbledore and Granger pulled him to his feet. Dumbledore held most of his weight.
"Wouldn't it be easier to put him on a stretcher?"
"Severus doesn't like to be helped. Rather proud of himself, I dare say."
Granger went to take his other arm, but he gently pushed her away. She looked up into his eyes and he shook his head, silently communicating to her not to touch him. He didn't want her to accidently touch the curse. Instead she began ringing her hands together nervously.
"Miss Granger, if you will be so kind as to get the door." Dumbledore requested brightly, ignoring the fact he was lugging an injured man around.
She immediately ran down an aisle in the classroom and threw opened the door. He gritted his teeth as Dumbledore pulled his arm over his shoulder and placed a supporting arm around his waist. Dumbledore usually helped him down into his chambers when things like this happened. He was curious as to why Miss Granger was in his classroom at such an hour, but the pain quickly pushed the thought from his mind. They finally reached the hallway and Miss Granger had lit her wand, becoming the only source of light they had.
"Where are we going, Professor?" she asked Dumbledore but her eyes kept flickering to Severus.
"To the dungeons." Dumbledore directed.
She directly set off ahead as the burning spread on his torso causing him to groan. He watched the light at the tip of her wand bobbing with her motions as her damp hair hung down her back. Steadily she made her way down to the dungeons as the temperature became chillier with each step. The cool air felt good against his burns which were steadily becoming worse. When they reached the dungeons, she stopped, not knowing where to go from here.
"Keep straight ahead, Miss Granger, until you see the portrait of the knight."
She did as she was told. If only she'd listen to him as well as she did Dumbledore. When they reached the portrait, Severus gave a deep sigh. They were so close. He could finally crawl into bed. Dumbledore waved his wand and nothing visible happened.
"Miss Granger, reach behind the frame and tap the nail three times."
She looked at him oddly for a moment before reaching behind the frame, sliding her hand up and down in search for the nail. There was a small moment of fumbling before the door clicked open. Granger climbed in and held the door open for them as they stepped through. The room was pitch-black and the moment they entered, the torches sprang to life. Severus saw her take a quick glance around and he realized that this was the first time a student has ever been in his chambers. Dumbledore walked past her and straight into the bedroom. Severus instantly grappled for the bed and threw himself down on his back with a groan of pain. Dumbledore only lit one torch in the room, and for that Severus was grateful. Dumbledore's face was deathly serious, but instead of focusing on him, Severus turned his eyes to the scared young woman standing with her back against the wall. With his wand, Dumbledore peeled his robes away and then vanished them all together.
"There was no mending them." Dumbledore informed him noticing his frown.
He continued working on the shirt which was painfully sticking to his burnt skin. Severus growled in pain, but Dumbledore took no notice, instead turning to focus on Granger.
"Hermione, cast a silencing charm on the room, please."
She did as she was told with a shaking hand and quiet mutterings with a quavering voice. Dumbledore patiently waited until she turned back around.
"If you want, you can leave if it's too much for you." he offered gently to her.
"No, I'll stay." she whispered as her eyes flickered to Severus.
Her face had no color left in it and he didn't think her eyes could get any wider. Dumbledore returned to his task and began once again peeling his shirt away and all he could think about was the blistering pain streaking through his muscles. Finally, when he thought the pain couldn't get any worse, it stopped. He was left breathing heavily with a light sheen of sweat over his body. Severus avoided looking at his burns, knowing they were ugly and atrocious, not to mention the horrified look on Granger's face as she stared at his bare chest. Dumbledore began the healing process and Granger watched unobtrusively. She pulled out her wand again and walked around to the other side of his bed before pointing it at his face. Severus eyed her warily.
"You-you've got blood on your face." she explained as Dumbledore continued his healing.
He gave a short nod.
"Scourgify." she whispered and he instantly felt the dried blood vanish from his face.
Her hand dropped limply to her side, and he turned his face away from her. He didn't want her pity. He didn't want to see her quiet horror as she came face-to-face with what he had to do. It was bad enough that he was half undressed in front of her. Dumbledore finished his healing with a sigh.
"A good night's rest and you should be good as new tomorrow."
Severus didn't need to be told twice as his eyes slipped closed and his body gave itself over to the deep sleep he'd been refusing to succumb to. Something was placed over him, and Severus allowed his eyes to open and see Miss Granger conjuring a blanket. He didn't say anything, but permitted sleep to pull him under.
Hermione stood for a second longer, staring down at her Defense teacher, a myriad of emotions flitting through her. How could one person be horrified, frightened, livid, and sad all at once? His face was paler than she'd ever seen and his eyes seemed to sink into his face that was drawn with stress.
"Come, we'll leave him be." Dumbledore murmured quietly.
The two left the room and began heading out of the dungeons. Hermione's thoughts were racing and she had so many questions to ask, but she didn't know how to begin asking them. They continued walking until they reached the stairs.
"Miss Granger, I must ask you to refrain from speaking to anyone about this." he cautioned looking at her firmly, indicating that she shouldn't tell Harry and Ron.
"I won't say anything sir, but-"
"This is Professor Snape's business, Miss Granger." Dumbledore reminded her.
"But he's getting hurt!"
"Professor Snape has his reasons and I am sure he'd like you to respect them." Dumbledore answered in a tone that suggested the subject was at a close.
"But…"
"Good night, Miss Granger, get some rest." he departed, giving her a smile before vanishing into the dark.
Hermione made her way up the stairs and to her bed but she was far from tired. Every time she closed her eyes the image of Snape's raw and burnt chest flickered behind her eyelids. She may have been staring at his injuries but she wasn't distracted enough to ignore the dozens of pale scars zipping across his skin. Hermione blushed as she thought about how she so blatantly eyed him. He was surprisingly fit beneath the menacing black robes he always wore. Quickly she shoved the thought to the back of her mind because worry was the more potent emotion. Even though she was upset about what had happened, the sleepless night and the stressful evening she had quickly overpowered her. She was sound asleep in minutes.
Thankfully it was the weekend seeing as Hermione slept through breakfast the next day and managed just to make it to lunch. She spent Saturday at a table in the corner of the Common Room making up work and trying to get a head start on other assignments so things wouldn't build up.
"Hey, Hermione." Harry greeted taking the seat next to her with a pile of books.
"Hello." she replied as Ron sat down beside Harry.
"You've been doing work all day, Hermione, surely you can't be that far behind." Ron mentioned as she noticed he didn't glance once at the work he'd dropped on the table.
"I've been busy." she deflected, avoiding their eyes.
"How are those lessons with Snape going?" Harry asked with a hint of bitterness.
"Excellent, actually." she brightly responded while blatantly ignoring his tone.
"I bet he's been bloody horrible." Ron muttered flipping a textbook open though Hermione knew he'd barely read a word.
"No, Ronald, he hasn't been 'bloody horrible' to me." Hermione shot back, trying to read the small words printed in the large book she'd been perusing the last hour.
"You're not actually saying he was nice." Harry sputtered.
"Why do you have to say it like that?" she hissed raising her eyes to his face.
"Snape is a greasy git whose job is to make our lives miserable." Harry answered without flinching.
"For your information, he's been very helpful, and hasn't been all that nasty to me." Hermione responded loftily.
"You've got to be joking, Hermione! We are talking about Snape, aren't we? How can you even say that?" Ron leaned forward dramatically.
"I've learned loads, thank you very much, and maybe if you applied yourself, you'd learn something too!" Hermione hissed at Ron conscious that they weren't the only ones in the room.
"How can you spend so much time with him? Don't you get sick of looking at him?" Harry asked.
"Occlumency isn't a one-time deal, Harry. There needs to be constant practice and concentration, even a few hours a night isn't enough."
"You mean you'd want to spend more time with him?" Ron questioned with wide eyes.
"Ron, this is about keeping Voldemort out of our minds. The least you can do is deal with a teacher you don't like." Hermione ignored the wince Ron gave.
"I don't like him in my head. It was creepy." Ron muttered.
"You get used to it after a while."
The two boys remained silent. Hermione huffed and buried herself in school work. If they only joined her to copy her work, they wouldn't get a scrap of parchment from her. She couldn't believe their cavalier manner when it came to Voldemort. She'd rather have Snape in her head any day of the week than Voldemort. It was vital that they protect themselves and Hermione couldn't understand how relaxed her friends appeared.
A sharp tap at the large window drew their attention away from homework. There was a black owl hovering outside the window waiting to be allowed in. Harry moved across the room to open the window. The owl swooped in dramatically (a little too dramatically) and landed on Hermione's stack of books before sticking a thin leg out. She pulled the scroll free and the owl darted to the window, landing on the sill with a fluttering. Unrolling the small scrap of paper, neat cursive met her eyes.
Miss Granger,
I am writing to inform you that our lessons will stop for the time being. I will notify you when they will resume.
Severus Snape
Hermione read the note over several times to make sure she had read correctly. She instantly knew that the cause of his cancelation was because of last night. Either he was too weak to teach her, or he was simply avoiding her. Clearly they had overstepped bounds. Well, she did. She kept pushing and pushing for lessons and was witness to him at his weakest because she couldn't leave well enough alone. Regardless, he needed help. He was being thrown around like a chess piece.
Hermione had spent the better part of the day wondering what Snape's motives were. She'd tried to ask Dumbledore but he'd brushed her off and then promptly vanished. The look in Snape's eyes during his ordeal struck her. There was a deep resignation, a feeling he was clearly accustomed to. If Hermione didn't know better, she'd say that he was punishing himself. Well, she'd not be brushed off with a hasty note.
Hermione whipped out a fresh bit of parchment, ignoring the watchful eyes of her friends.
Professor Snape,
I received your note. I am sorry for the intrusion last night, but I don't regret it. I told you I would help, and I did. If I can be of any more help, send an owl.
Hermione Granger
Hermione moved with gusto towards the window and attached the note to the owl's leg who patiently stood still for her. Hermione watched the owl soar away before turning back to her work.
"Well, are you going to explain what that was all about?" Ron asked.
She looked up at the two who were anxiously staring at her awaiting an answer. Hermione hated more than anything in the world having to lie to her best friends and withhold information.
"I'm not allowed to say." she muttered.
"Come on, Hermione." Ron begged.
"I can't, I promised Dumbledore I wouldn't say anything."
When Ron kept bugging her, she scooped up her things and went to the library to work in silence. But when she got there, she couldn't focus on her assignments. Hermione stared at the books around her and finally shoved her own work aside before browsing the shelves. Could Snape have entered into an agreement with Dumbledore? Something he couldn't get out of? She pulled all of the books she could on magical agreements. For hours she poured over books and came up with nothing that could help her. Hermione's mind then drifted to Legilimency. Switching gears, Hermione pulled every book on Legilimency she could possibly find. She wasn't surprised when she learned close to nothing on the subject. It was clear the library had removed all relevant information from the regular shelves. Hermione wondered briefly if they would allow such material in the Restricted Section. Snape seemed to think Legilimency was unfit, so she wouldn't be surprised if even the Restricted Section was sparse. By the end of the day, she had completed her homework and other assignments but gleaned nothing new in her research.
A week went by and Snape didn't show to lessons or meals. Hermione anxiously waited for a response to her note, but did not receive one. He was very clearly ignoring her and as the days went by, she became more frustrated. The more he ignored her the harder she pushed herself in the library, though she wasn't making any progress.
A Quidditch match was set for Saturday morning, and the school was buzzing with excitement. She'd never cared for the sport and only went to the game to support Harry and even if he wasn't playing it was a chance to spent time outdoors with her friends, but today Hermione had no intention of watching the match. As she made her way down to the field with a book in hand she carefully repeated her plan she'd constructed last night. Student clambered noisily into their seats as Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff strolled across the field in their bright uniforms. As the game started, she buried her head in her book, ignoring the cheers and groans. She was interrupted constantly by Ron and Harry's lingo and commentary on the game. Lifting her eyes, she located Professor McGonagall easily, but her mouth fell open as she viewed black robes and a sinister scowl beside her. Hermione had not bargained for this. For a brief moment she considered abandoning her research before her fury welled up inside her. No, she was not going to be stopped. If Snape and Dumbledore couldn't be bothered to explain, Hermione would just handle things herself. She'd figured out the creature in the Chamber of Secrets when she was only in her second year – Hermione was certain she could figure this out. Taking a deep breath, she snapped her book shut and stood.
"Alright?" Harry asked.
"Yes, I'm not feeling well; I think I'll go back inside after talking to Professor McGonagall for a moment."
Before they could question her again, she made her way through the wave of students and down the stairs. She ran to the teacher's stand and up the stairs before skidding to a halt beside Professor McGonagall.
"Professor McGonagall, I was hoping to talk to you about something." Hermione gasped, thinking she should have taken a moment to regain her composure before jumping into her lie.
"Miss Granger, what are you doing here and why are you so out of breath?" McGonagall looked over her small glasses.
"Well, I'm not feeling well, and I was wondering if you could perhaps write me a note for the Restricted Section in the library?"
"Why on Earth would you need a note?"
"I thought I'd look up some advanced Transfiguration. I was reading in our textbook about turning large animals into furniture, and I wanted to learn more, but the books I need are in the Restricted Section."
"If you're not feeling well, then I advise you go to the Hospital Wing." The severe woman suggested with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, it's nothing, really, I'd just like to read for a little while."
McGonagall studied her with a harsh scowl and Hermione's nerves began to fray.
"Please, Professor?" she finally pleaded, allowing her eagerness to shine through.
"Oh, alright, but I'm only allowing it because you've mastered everything we've been doing in class already." she consented.
Hermione smiled gratefully at her and pulled out the piece of parchment she had folded in her book solely for this reason. McGonagall conjured a quill out of thin air and quickly scribbled down a few sentences. Hermione glanced up and found Professor Snape's eyes intently focused on her, but she calmly looked down as McGonagall handed her the piece of paper.
"Thank you, Professor." Hermione gave her a wide smile before darting back to the stairs.
The minute she touched the grass, she sprinted back to the school as fast as she could. Hermione ran loudly into the library which earned her a deep glare from Madame Pince. Hermione, with a sweet smile that was meant to soften the woman, handed her the note. Madame Pince read the note carefully before giving Hermione a suspicious glare. Without a word she pulled out her wand and ran the tip across the parchment. Hermione almost gasped at the insult – she thought she'd forged the note and was checking to see if the signature was authentic! Hermione carefully schooled her features as Madame Pince marked the note so the pass couldn't be used again.
"Just make sure you put everything back exactly as you found it." she grumbled, handing the note back.
Hermione nodded and made her way to the Restricted Section. In minutes she had stacks of books in front of her making sure Madame Pince wasn't walking around. If Hermione didn't have Transfiguration books in front of her, she'd be in big trouble. She'd started by pulling Transfiguration texts from the shelves and leaving them spread across the table so she could quickly cover her true purpose if Madame Pince decided to spy on her. As for her next task, Hermione wasn't sure where to begin. Making her selections by guesswork, Hermione began marking passages she needed and left them opened so she could go back and reread them. Hermione hadn't even bothered to take a seat because she was so anxious. Twisting her hair around her finger, Hermione began reading up on magical bondage, coming across the Unbreakable Vow. The more she read, the more fearful she became. Once she reached the part where a person would die if the vow was broken, she tossed the book aside with disgust. Hermione only hoped that Snape hadn't made a Vow with Dumbledore.
Deciding that she didn't want to read about various forms of magical slavery anymore, Hermione grabbed the books on Legilimency. She carefully read each passage, determined to have a fairly good idea of how to perform the task before she left the library. Picking up the book, she began pacing around the floor while mumbling out loud to herself. From the looks of things, focus would be the key to performing the magic successfully. As she turned around, she unexpectedly crashed into something solid. Looking up quickly, she found two dark eyes studying her.
"Oh, er, hello, Professor." Hermione mumbled as she darted towards the table in an attempt to cover the books before he had a chance to scrutinize her work.
The effort was futile as three of the books went sailing straight into his hands. She made a half-hearted attempt to snatch them from the air but she was too late.
"Let's see what you're so keen on learning, shall we?" he sarcastically declared, clearly knowing she wasn't looking at Transfiguration books.
As his eyes ghosted over the titles, his face became hard as stone. Hermione gathered up the rest of the books and poured them into her bag. She wanted to make a run for it, but his eyes were suddenly pinning her in place.
"What are you doing with these?" he hissed taking a step forward.
"Personal research." She met his eyes calmly, determined to hold her ground.
Snape tossed the books onto the table with a crack that echoed through the library, causing Hermione to jump.
"You are not to practice Legilimency." He snarled.
"I can practice whatever I please."
"It is too dangerous without the proper teachings!"
"No one will teach me! I need to learn this, for Harry and Ron." she insisted, needing him to understand.
"And what of the magical bonds?"
"I-I just heard of them in passing and was interested in them." Hermione hoped her light tone would help distract him.
"Oh, yes, perhaps in your Transfiguration textbook?" His scornful voice made her hackles rise.
"Well I couldn't ask you for a note or ask you any questions because you've spent the whole week trying to avoid me as much as humanly possible!" she cried grabbing the books and darting towards the gates that separated the Restricted Section from the rest of the library.
Snape's thin fingers were swiftly wrapped around her forearm pulling her to an abrupt stop. Hermione clutched the books tightly to her chest as if she were trying to prevent some sort of blow to her person.
"I was instructed by Professor Dumbledore to stop our lessons." Snape admitted in a low voice.
"Why?" she asked raising her eyes to his face.
"He suggested that I needed to take a break because certain…acquaintances were…getting out of hand." The words were drawn reluctantly out of him in uneven bursts.
Hermione lowered her eyes as her face started to heat up knowing without a doubt he was speaking of her. Gathering her remaining courage, Hermione lifted her eyes so she could study his face.
"Well you don't look as bad as you did before." she mentioned, shifting the focus of the conversation.
His lip lifted slightly as he released her arm.
"You certainly have a way with words." Snape retorted with a hint of scorn in his voice, though it was tempered and Hermione knew he wasn't put off.
"Has…has he called you this week?" Hermione dared to ask.
Snape's face became strained as his eyes darted around inspecting the area for wandering students.
"No, he hasn't."
"Well…that's a good thing." she murmured squeezing the books a little tighter as she made her way back toward the exit.
Hermione was startled as Snape fell into step beside her. Together they left the library wandering throughout the halls until she finally pulled to a stop.
"Why aren't you watching the game?" Hermione questioned.
"I knew you were up to something that you shouldn't have been doing, and-" Snape cut himself off looking suddenly uncomfortable.
"You were interested." she finished for him.
"Yes, and it's a good thing I did show up." he accused, glaring down at her.
"What I do on my own time is no one else's business." she bit out, walking again.
"Miss Granger, it does concern me as it is my subject." he fell back into step with her.
"No, it does not because you won't teach me." Hermione protested, her anger rising.
"Professor Dumbledore suggested that you only learn Occlumency." he reminded her.
"Probably because you told him I couldn't handle it!" she snapped as the magic in the air began to crackle.
"I never a word to him about it!"
"Then why won't you teach me!?" she yelled turning on him.
"These things never have a good purpose! Never has Occlumency or Legilimency been used for anything good!"
A stone statue that was near them suddenly exploded, but neither took notice of the chunks of stone that rolled passed them.
"I want to use it for something good! I want to help protect my friends!"
"You are putting yourself in danger!" he roared. "You are being reckless!"
"I don't care!" she yelled as a forceful wind began to stir due to her anger, the hair rising on her arms from the magic swirling in the air. "I don't care," she repeated, all the force suddenly dissolving. "I need to teach Harry how to protect himself, he's the one that can stop this all and save us. He's the important one here, and if I have to put myself in danger to make sure he is safe, I am more than willing to do that. Sneer at me for being such a Gryffindor, but if I have to teach myself, if I have to nearly kill myself while doing it, I'll do it. As long as my friends are safe, nothing else matters."
She lowered her eyes to the ground as tears began to fill her eyes. Not knowing what else to do, Hermione turned on her heel and stormed away. She'd teach herself if it was the last things she did. Hermione hadn't meant to lose her temper, but she'd been keeping herself in check for so long and he'd given her the perfect opportunity to vent. He wasn't refusing to teach her out of spite. Professor Snape had seen the techniques she wanted to learn in action, and by the haunted look in his eyes, he'd never seen anything less than horror.
The rest of the day she spent pouring over the books she had taken out from the library, and after three hours, she was no farther in understanding anything. Hermione's thoughts wouldn't stop bouncing around in her mind.
At seven, after skipping dinner, Hermione left her room and went down into the common room where she found Harry and Ron sitting by the fire. Taking a seat, Ron turned to her with a scowl.
"This came for you." he snapped.
She took the small piece of parchment from his hands and quickly read over the words written in a familiar hand.
Be in my office at eight o' clock.
Ron made a scoffing noise and Hermione raised her eyes from the paper.
"What, Ron?" she finally asked.
"Every time he calls you, you go running off like a dog."
"He's busy, Ron, if you haven't remembered that he's involved in the Order," she whispered under her breath. "So he tells me what time he's free."
"Whatever." Ron muttered sinking down in his chair.
"Why does it bother you so much?" she asked.
"You spend way too much time with him locked up in that room. What about us, Hermione? You barely even look at us!" he cried.
When Ron said 'us', it sounded more like he was worried about the fact that Hermione wasn't spending time with him. She lowered her eyes to avoid to subject of her and him.
"Hermione, you better get going or you're going to be late." Harry said shooting Ron a look before giving her a smile.
"Ok, I'll…I'll see you guys later then." she said before leaving the common room.
The hallways were fairly deserted so she could bury herself in her thoughts. She didn't want to go through this with Ron, she didn't want to even start to broach the subject. They were great friends, but anything more…Hermione couldn't see it. She had liked him once. Hermione was suddenly aware of an undertone in their friendship that hadn't been there before. She understood what she was feeling, but Ron hadn't. When Lavender Brown threw herself on Ron and he eagerly responded, Hermione was crushed. She'd been as polite as she could be with them mooning over one another constantly, and she couldn't help but remember how rude Ron was when Viktor had shown an interest in her. His jealousy was out of hand sometimes. Hermione reached the classroom early, but she didn't care – she was ready to be distracted by her thoughts. Hermione entered the dark room and quietly approached the office door. Taking a deep breath, she knocked and waited for a reply.
"Enter."
She pushed opened the door and found Professor Snape hunched over a tattered book with his glasses perched on his nose. Hermione closed the door softly and turned to face him.
"You're nearly a half hour early." he stated without looking up from his book.
"I had nothing else to do." she replied taking a seat.
"The famous Miss Granger had nothing to do?" he questioned with feigned disbelif, finally sitting up. "I find that hard to believe."
Hermione glared at him before turning her eyes away to avoid his probing eyes. She instead studied objects that were placed around the room; most of them she had never seen before.
"I believe we should have a small discussion before we start."
Hermione turned her eyes to his face and instantly saw that he had taken his glasses off and was suddenly extremely serious.
"Miss Granger, I was specifically asked by Professor Dumbledore to not give you lessons anymore because he seemed to think that things were becoming inappropriate."
"How could he?" she asked.
"Perhaps your theatrics the other night were a bit much for him." he answered, staring at her.
"What, so I'm not allowed to be worried?"
"No, not for a teacher the rest of the school hates."
"That's not the point." she mumbled before looking away, hoping she wasn't blushing.
"And you defending me every chance you get does not help the matter." Snape added.
"You shouldn't be endangering yourself to repay something that happened in your past, it's not right."
"What I do is none of your business."
"Well, I-I…" she cut herself off, feeling the heat steal into her face.
"Do continue, Miss Granger."
She shook her head.
"Would you rather show me?"
Lifting her eyes to his, she studied him for a few moments before nodding her head. He slowly pulled out his wand and wordlessly cast the spell. Hermione could instantly feel him in her head, but he wasn't as violent as he usually was. He was simply sitting there, waiting patiently and calmly for her memories. Taking a deep breath, she began pulling the memories and emotions forward.
First, she pulled the memories of his pale and strained face. Then, followed with an image of herself, forcing herself to stay awake, thinking of how dangerous it would be if the Dark Lord found out about Snape giving her lessons. Then she pulled forward the image of herself crying in his office when she learned that he had not killed those people in the paper, making sure to let him feel the relief, the bone numbing relief, she felt that day. Then she flashed him images of how he looked the night after his meeting with the Dark Lord, the skin peeling from his chest and him growling in pain. For a moment, she projected the emotions that were flooding through her at that moment. Fear, anger, and worry beyond anything she had every felt before. Finally, she showed him the image of her pouring over books and she saw his eyes widen in realization. When he finally pulled slowly, almost regretfully, out of her mind, she lowered her eyes to her lap.
"I-I dream about that night, after the meeting, almost every night." she admitted, still seeing his ruined skin.
"This is why Professor Dumbledore forbids me to teach you any longer." his voice was hoarse.
"Why, because I care?" she snapped harshly.
"That's exactly why!" he hissed breathlessly.
"Well, I can't exactly decide to stop caring." Hermione responded with a note of finality.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Snape's face looked pale, and she felt nervous.
"I cannot teach you Legilimency."
"Why not?"
"Do not ask questions!" he barked.
"It's because I worry about you, isn't it? Well, who wouldn't? You're practically throwing yourself at Voldemort and no one seems to see the problem with this!"
"There is not a problem with this, I owe Albus my life, and I am prepared to repay him any way I can." he explained still not looking at her.
"Doesn't he value your life?" Hermione questioned quietly.
"No," he answered with a sardonic smile. "No one values my life."
"Well, I do," she answered squaring her shoulders and staring him full in the face. "You may not like it, Professor Dumbledore may not like it, but that's just too bad."
He stared at her for a long moment, and not a sound could be heard in the room. Hermione hoped that he couldn't hear her heart pounding against her ribs.
"The last person who cared for my life was killed." His voice was even and emotionless, but Hermione could see in his eyes how much it cost him to admit such a thing.
"I'll take my chances." Hermione replied knowing full well he was talking about Harry's mother.
"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" Snape inquired, the fight long gone from him.
"Must be a Gryffindor thing." she muttered automatically.
"Must be." he murmured absently, gazing into space, captivated in a memory.
She waited patiently for him to pull out of his thoughts. Finally, his eyes refocused and his gaze was abruptly intense.
"No one is to know that you come to this room, not even those friends of yours, do you understand? No one can know that we are in here, especially Professor Dumbledore. He cannot know that I am giving you Legilimency lessons."
She nodded, keeping her expression solemn.
"There can be serious repercussions if Dumbledore should find out about these lessons."
"I won't breathe a word."
"Good, go out into the classroom and get ready." he ordered putting some papers away.
She did as she was told. He joined her a few minutes later pulling off his teaching robes and firmly standing in front of his desk with a cold glare. It was amazing that the man she sat across from moments before had been stripped away and the cold professor stood in his stead. Snape began to explain to her the basics of Legilimency and she listened intently, drinking in every word.
"Now, attempt to breach my mind." Snape tensed his body slightly in preparation.
"Now?" she asked startled.
"Can you understand English? I believe that's the language we speak."
She gave a nervous smile in return and pointed her wand at him. Taking a deep breath, she muttered the incantation. The moment she was in his mind, she felt the oppressiveness which threatened to smother her. Hermione tried to move around, looking for anything, but she found nothing but walls surrounding her. Immediately she began to attack them, repeatedly slamming into them trying to find a weak spot, but he did not flinch. A few more minutes of her pointless attacks passed before he finally broke eye contact.
"That was pitiful." Snape replied appearing unaffected by her attack.
"Well you have a damn fortress in there!" Hermione gasped, her temples pounding.
"I have to; the Dark Lord's abilities far outweigh my own."
"How do I get by them?"
"That is something you need to figure out on your own."
They spent nearly two hours together with Hermione bashing into the walls that never so much as dislodged half an inch. She finally gave up seeing as both were exhausted from her constant attacks.
"Be here at the same time tomorrow." he demanded before dismissing her.
Hermione left the room and headed to bed, anxious to finally get a good night's rest. When Hermione finally climbed into bed, she couldn't be happier. Crookshanks joined her on the bed, where his tail gently brushed over the back of her hand, barely touching. The touch was almost tender. An idea suddenly sprung into her head, and Hermione was anxious to try Legilimency again tomorrow.