Thanks for reading and sorry for the wait!

Hour 61

When Castle leaves me at the sink to go get the dirty button ups, I get lost inside my head. I always knew his ex-wives weren't good enough for him. The real Rick, the father, the friend, the partner, the son, deserves someone so much better than Meredith and Gina. And I have to ask myself, am I better than them? Can I be the open, mindful, honest companion he needs me to be? For the first time in years I think I can. I mean, I think I can be good enough to deserve such an amazing man. Before my mother's murder I used to day-dream for hours about whom I would marry, and about how good we'd be together. But when my life went down the hill, so did my dreams of a perfect family, with 2.3 kids, a dog and a picket fence. Until Castle came along. Well, until I admitted to myself that Castle could be the man in that picture. It took me a while to see it, he was after all a playboy when we first met. But when I finally found the courage to admit that he was here to stay and mine to claim whenever I was ready, I spent hours daydreaming about us. Even more so after Kevin's wedding and at least once a day after I told Lanie the whole truth.

So, am I better than his ex-wives? Yes. Am I the best for him? I don't know. I've been asking myself that question for the past 60 hours but the truth is? It's not for me to decide. And I'm forever thankful for that little fact. It's Castle's choice, and I'm too selfish to make him question that. Because, you see… even if I'm not good enough for him, I know he's all I need. Being in his arms gives me a peacefulness I hadn't felt in years. To know that I can finally reach for him and just kiss him, or hug him or hold his hand is all I want right know. I don't care about work, I don't care about the press finding out nor do I care about people at the precinct collecting their earnings for the long time running bet. I'm not even worried about the fact that in less than 24 hours I'll be starting my first summer with his daughter and mother. I've actually considered inviting my dad and the guys out there to spend the fourth of July or even a weekend there. It's like there's a whole new me and it's all because of Castle, so why would I ever give him the idea to question my worthiness?

"Stop thinking so loudly, it's making me lose my focus."

"And what were you focusing in Castle?"

"Uhm, that's for me to know and for you to find out."

"Then I shall go back to my deep thinking."

"Your ass."

"What?"

"Your ass. I was focusing on it."

"Hump, don't sugar coat it for my benefit…"

"Didn't know I had the need to do so… Thought I was finally allowed to ogle you."

"Yeah, well, there's no need for you to be so overt about it…"

"I was using my best jedi powers, memorizing it for, you know, future reference in case my imagination is needed for it's recollection… but your thoughts were kind of distracting."

"Ok, first and foremost, you're a perv. Secondly, why would you need to remember how it looks like when you'll eventually have a free pass to access it whenever you want to. And thirdly, your forwardness doesn't mean I'm sharing them with you!"

"So I get a free pass to your ass but not to your mind? So not cool Beckett! And to answer your first question, I might need the image while on a boring meeting with Black Pawns, or during a book signing tour or whenever I get too much into you that you need to run away and hide at your apartment, leaving my lonely and bored and cold without you."

"And your corniness won't give you a free pass to my mind either. Though I must admit I don't particularly appreciate the fact that you take for granted the fact that I won't be joining you during your book tours."

"Will you?"

"I might do so if you play your cards right. I won't always be able to do so, for as I might eventually have a real job once again, but I'd like to keep that possibility open you know…"

"That's more than good enough for me. Now, what were you thinking about?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Hey! You're supposed to show me yours after I show you mine!"

"Only if we agree to that…"

"Oh, please Beckett! What were you thinking about?!"

"Do you remember how your chuckle woke me yesterday, and you told me the reason behind it was not important?"

"Yes. And you convinced me into telling you and once I did you told me I should have tried harder."

"There's your answer to why I won't share my thought with you. They're really not important." He seems doubtful, but luckily, lets it go. "So… how long until the machine's done?"

"An hour or so with the drier."

"Do we need to be here to change them from one machine to the other?"

"Nop, it's an all in one kind of thing."

"Good. So we can go to the grocery store a few blocks down, get some food for tonight, do the ironing, lunch and the do some cooking?"

"Sound like a plan, but since we're out, we should also consider buying some extra things. We're out of almost everything and I hate coming back from the Hamptons to an empty pantry…"

"Yeah, I know what you mean…"

"Kate, you've never had a full one!"

"That doesn't mean I don't hate having an empty one!"

"Can I have a free pass that allows me to make sure you always have the basics available? If only to make sure we always have breakfast food and popcorn."

"Really? You want a pass to stock my pantry and you call popcorn a basic?"

"Yeah, for all the nights in, enjoying a movie and a cuddle in that comfortable couch of yours."

"Really? You, Richard Castle, playboy extraordinaire, are planning on sharing a lot of nights in spent just cuddling in my couch?"

"First of all, I'm not as much of a playboy as you might think. I learned the lesson of how expensive that image can be after Meredith and Gina. Secondly, I can't really picture you allowing me to wine and dine you every single night, and even if you agree to it, you'd probably expect me to let you to pay for half. And trust me, there's no way José I'm gonna be known around town as the man who doesn't pay for the food while on a date. And thirdly, I assumed you'd like for us to spend some time at your place instead of always being here, surrounded by my mother and teenager kid…"

"Ok, point made. You're allowed to stock my pantry. Oh, and Castle? Pancakes ingredients are basics. So is the wiped cream."

"Duly noted. Now, are you done with the unrequited task of cleaning my kitchen?"

"If you're allowed to buy me food, I'm allowed to wash some dishes. Besides, I like a clean working space if I'm planning a nice dinner with friends. Now, what should we buy? Do we need to make a list of things to get?"

"I was thinking homemade pizza. I figured we know their favorites, so that should be fun enough to make and also to share over a not so funny conversation…"

"I like the way your mind works. Now, let's go to the store."

I make sure I have my cell and my wallet with me, wait for him to get his and, once we're outside the loft door, I grab his hand in mine. I won't always allow PDA, even less around the precinct, but I'm feeling lighthearted and the feeling of our fingers interlocked makes me lighthearted. If his smile is any indication, he seems to be enjoying it too. I can so get used to this!