"Oh Tyrion," a thin voice sing-songed. Tyrion flinched; he had no desire to see Penny at the moment. He didn't want to hear her whine about not having anything to do, about the men saying awful things to her, about her damned dead animals. He'd successfully avoided her for nearly a fortnight; he supposed he should have expected the peace to be broken sooner.

"You just won't believe what that mean old witch said to me today."

He sighed. "What did the ol' cunny rag say this time, Penny? Did she tell you you fell short of your duties?" He grinned at the pun, knowing she'd miss it.

"She said I was so clumsy that I would knock my own head off if it weren't attached!"

Tyrion couldn't help but snort a laugh. He enjoyed hearing the quips Penny's lady threw at her, hag that she was. He hadn't seen many women in the camp, and he often wondered which of the grizzled she-warriors he could thank for so many entertaining moments.

Penny, however, was less amused.

"You are terrible to me! I don't know why I even put up with you," she harumphed. He let out an exaggeratedly loud laugh as she stomped out of his tent. Grinning to himself, he continued his end-of-the-day ritual: a steaming tub of water with a great mug of mead.

As Tyrion undressed himself, he began thinking about the stormy woman he had encountered earlier in the day. She was tall, but he hadn't noticed it at the time. He slid into the water. Although he found her inexplicably attractive, he wasn't sure that a functional and literal union between the two would work. After all, he was just three feet tall; she must have been closer to six. He pondered how they would arrange themselves. Certainly she'd be below him. Anything else would be laughable. He imagined himself between her thick thighs, stroking her sex as she mewled. He realized that he was, in fact stroking something, but it certainly wasn't her cunt.

"May as well finish the job," he mused to himself.

He briefly wondered her name before deciding he didn't care. He didn't need it to fuck her. He pictured her laying across a pile of pillows and silken sheets, her bare breasts full and beckoning. Fuller, perhaps, in his imaginings than in reality. He would tease her, he decided, truly make her beg. He would caress her pussy, finding that lovely hidden nub that caused women to scream his name oh, so well. Yes, he'd make her beg; he'd break that unyielding woman with desire. His grip tightened on his cock as he imagined the exquisite orgasm he'd make her have. After she was good and limbered, he would climb atop her and fondle her breasts as he placed himself at her entrance, just barely inside. He would make her grovel for his magnificent cock. He'd make her say filthy, disgusting things that would make a finer woman blush. And finally, he'd bury himself in her, letting her feel him fill her. He knew he was endowed, and he liked the wenches he'd conquered to fully understand how thoroughly they were stretched. He could almost hear her crying out in pleasure. He planned to make her wail. As his hand stroked his swollen prick faster, so did he pump into her in his mind. Faster, deeper, with more force. Until, ultimately, she'd release, squeezing the seed from his cock.

Tyrion leaned against the tub, panting. The last time he'd come that hard he'd lost his virginity.

A/N: Shorter than the last but longer than the first. Barely. How do we feel about the first sexy scene? I swear to God I googled "other words for vagina" and spent about fifteen minutes sifting through the results before I settled on "pussy." Yeah. Original. It's better than the alternatives, though. If you can think of another term that would fit better and be a little less... teenage boy-ey, let me know.