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Chapter Sixteen: Shame

"Don't even say it," I grunted, shoving the bag of garbage roughly into the can. I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes in frustration as I straightened back up. "It's all your fault, anyway!"

Paul held out his hands innocently, raising his eyebrows. It was the end of his shift, and I'd been hoping that my avoidance of him would hold out long enough until he went home, and Quil was due to take over. Evidently, I'd had no such luck.

"Hey, I wasn't going to bring it up, but now that you mention it..." he said, barely hiding the laugh threatening his butter-wouldn't-melt tone.

Rolling my eyes as I turned back towards the house, I heaved out a sigh when I caught sight of the night-shift emerging from the trees. These damn wolves were everywhere, and any hopes of wallowing in my embarrassment in private were proving futile.

It had been two days since Embry crashed unceremoniously through my bedroom window, and he clearly wasn't as adept at hiding his thoughts as I'd hoped. Brady had eyed my window quizzically the next morning, clearly expecting an answer I wasn't willing to supply, and Jared had barely had the chance to shoot me a knowing smile before I'd stomped into my truck and left for work. Those were the only wolves I'd actually interacted with, until now that was – but none of it had been as uncomfortable as Charlie's attempt at stern parenting the following evening.

After a silent dinner, he'd hesitantly asked me to join him on the couch, under the pretence of discussing my – non-existent – plans for college. I'd put all of that on hold, since my senior year had been a blur of depression, planning on giving a relationship with Jacob a real shot by staying around Forks , and then more depression (with a hint of crazy and a dash of I-hate-everyone angst). The discussion with Charlie had been short-lived after I'd assured him I was hoping to continue working at Newtons for the year, putting aside a little money for college, and reapplying when the time came. Hoping that was the end of the conversation, I rose to leave, but he'd stopped me.

"Bells, if you're going to be sticking around for a while... there's something you're probably going to have to remember about small towns – rumours spread faster than the flu."

I sighed, sinking back into the couch and raising my eyes to the ceiling. "I know what this is about, Dad. I thought you of all people would know better than to believe the gossip floating around about me."

Charlie looked admonished for a beat before replying. "Sure, Bells... it's just, I know this past year has been pretty rough on you. I don't know all the details, and I'm not real sure I'd care to, but a broken heart can change you. Hell knows I wasn't the same after-" he stopped abruptly, no doubt realising how inappropriate it would be to start divulging the details of his break-up with my mother. "Well, let's just say there are several ways to end a broken heart and I tried 'em all."

I frowned in confusion at him, before it slowly dawned on me what he was inferring. "Dad... I know you think you're helping, but believe me, hearing about your uh... busy love life isn't doing that!" I stood up again, hoping like hell this really was the end of the conversation, when he shrugged.

"Well, I just know how tempting it can be to find comfort in someone new, but... it's different for girls. Especially in a place like Forks. News travels and before you know it, you've got a reputation, and people are making assumptions about you without caring to learn otherwise. I just want you to be careful."

"Dad, the only one making wrong assumptions right now is you. There's nothing going on between me and Paul... he was kidding around. Trying to get me back for messing with him last week."

"So it wasn't this Paul guy you were talking to last night? I don't know what on earth you'd have to talk to him about at that time, but I gotta tell you, Bells... I don't like it."

My mouth hung open dumbly as I processed his question, and suddenly the couch was under me again. My first instinct was simple. Lie.

"I don't- what are you? There was no-one here last night, Dad... the tree...my window broke... maybe you were sleep-deprived." The nervous chuckle that left me was so out-of-character, I thought it was probably doing more harm than good.

Charlie studied me closely as he leaned back into the cushions. "I didn't say anyone was here, Bella. Why? Was someone here?"

Holy crap, when did he go into cop-mode?

At that moment, it felt like every drop of moisture left my mouth. It was a good thing Charlie didn't have heightened senses, because the perspiration on my brow and the pounding of my pulse would have given me away instantly.

"No! You just said... wait, what did you hear?"

"I heard you talking to someone. I assumed it was on your cellphone, but now.."

"Cellphone!" I cut in, relieved for the explanation that had evaded me. "I was on my cellphone. I thought you meant..." I sighed, willing my panic to subside long enough to give a convincing answer. "I didn't want you to think I'd snuck someone into my room, because I didn't, and with all the rumours you were just talking about..." I slumped back into the couch cushions. "I'm really tired, Dad."

He scrutinised me for what seemed like an endless minute before nodding. "Alright Bells, as long as you know where I stand on this. Go on to bed. And try not to give me a heart attack tonight, will ya?"

"Sure, Dad," I sighed. "I'm going straight to sleep, I swear."

"Okay. And tell whatever boy's hanging around outside your window to come back when it's daylight, and use the front door."

I thought I was going to faint until I caught the mischievous twinkle in his eye. I didn't really find it funny.

Even less funny though, was the knowing smirk on Quil's face as he approached me.

"Not you too, Quil?" I groaned. All I'd wanted was to take out the damn trash.

"What's the matter, Bella? Did I foil your plans for retribution, too?" he chuckled, and I fought the blush staining my cheeks by staring at the ground.

"Yeah, yeah... laugh it up. If it had worked, it would have been beautiful."

Paul snorted from behind me and I turned to face him, folding my arms. "It's not my fault you guys don't tell me anything... if you'd just been where you were supposed to be, it would have all worked out fine. I was sure you were on patrol, but couldn't tell properly with the storm."

"Man, I had no idea you were such a racist, Swan," Quil said in mock offense. My jaw slackened as i looked between them, wide-eyed. "All us Quileutes look the same, right? Jeez... and I thought you were different.."

They both shook their heads disapprovingly while I struggled to explain myself. "That's not-! I didn't mean it like that! He was in wolf-form... you're both grey, and it was dark-"

"Oh wait, so it's not racism, it's prejudice against werewolves?" Paul interjected, and I palmed my face in frustration.

"Nice to know we mean so little to you, Bella," Quil tittered. "Next you'll be mixing me up with Mrs Ableman's Yorkie..."

"Maybe you could start wearing one of those pansy-assed little bows, just to confuse her," Paul suggested.

They both descended into laughter at that. I took it as my cue to retreat into the house, away from those mean boys, crawl into my bed, and weather out the shame in peace.

The relief I felt at the sight of Leah exiting the tree-line the next morning floored me – which just showed how different our relationship had become lately. Who would have ever predicted I'd prefer her cutting sarcasm over Paul and Quil?

She surveyed my broken window with a snort as she flopped down on my bed. "So it's true? Spiderman busted out the carnage. Who knew Call had it in him?"

"It was my fault... kind of a stupid idea now, looking back," I muttered, staring at the tarp fastened over the frame.

"You can say that again. Still, at least the Pack are talking about something other than their imprints or what Emily's making for lunch, for a change."

"Glad I could help," I huffed, moving to my ipod to scroll through the playlist.

"So what's the deal with you and Paul, anyway?" she asked my back, and I stiffened at the accusation in her tone. I guessed this was as good an opening as ever to make good on my promise to Paul. Besides, if I had a little information as leverage, he might be a little less likely to spend the next year making me feel like an idiot.

"What's it to you?" I asked nonchalantly, and half-turned towards her.

She sat up on my pillows and threw out a shrug. "It's not that I care, I just didn't think your standards were so low."

I couldn't help laughing lightly at her jibe. "Yeah, he has yet to get me drunk, so no... there isn't anything going on. Besides, I think he's got his sights set on someone else."

Leah's intense gaze met mine as she cocked her head to one side. "Oh yeah? Who's the lucky girl? Please tell me she's at least of age."

"He wouldn't say," I lied. "Why, does that bother you?"

"Why the twenty questions, Swan? I thought I was the one interrogating you."

"No reason," I shrugged, taking a seat on the rocking-chair by the window. "I just thought since you were together once..."

He held up a warning finger. "I was never with Lahote. That was a booty-call. Make no mistake there, Swan."

I held up my hands in a placating gesture. "Alright, keep your panties on. It was just a question. I just have trouble separating my feeling with the uh... more intimate side of things. Just curious, is all."

She raised an eyebrow at me as she leaned back on the bed. "Well, we don't all live in a Disney animation. It was sex. That's it."

"But you had to have felt something... I mean, for him to get that far in the first place." She seemed to ponder this seriously for a moment, avoiding eye-contact.

"I was pretty wasted... but yeah, I guess. He was there, at the right time, saying all the right things. It was what I needed. But I know what he's like now. It was just a line, one that he probably feeds to every bimbo who comes within a ten-foot radius. I'm not going to feel ashamed for falling for it, because I used him, too."

"So you're saying that you saw a different side to him that night?"

"Kind of, but it wasn't reall..." she huffed out a sigh. "Look, Paul and I were a one-time thing, and it's not worth thinking about. I don't even know why I told you."

"Maybe you were still thinking about him," I hedged, aware that i was swiftly approaching the end of Leah's extremely short fuse.

"We share a brain, it's hard not to think about any of them. It doesn't mean I'm gonna go looking to bang Quil now, does it?" She wrinkled her nose at that and gave an exaggerated shudder, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, can't see that happening."

"Paul was a good lay, but beyond that... I think he'd need a personality transplant before I ever considered going there again. And it would probably avoid copious amounts of Rez Moonshine. We're talking enough to knock out an elephant, a rhino, and a whole herd of buffalo here."

"Alright, point taken," I laughed.

I thought about the conversation with Leah throughout the next day at work. I wondered if, in some ways, handling things the way she did would hurt less. Leah was the only one who knew heartbreak the way I did, and as Charlie had put it – there were several ways of dealing with it, and we had once been at opposite ends of the spectrum. This time around – the Jacob time, I'd come around to her line of thinking, that if I cut myself off, and protected my heart with a hardened shell, there was less chance of getting it shattered again. If my failure of a date with Mike had proven anything, it was that I just wasn't cut out to numb my pain with other people. Embry had told me that it wasn't something I could force, and I was inclined to agree with him – but did that make him right? I didn't think Embry had ever really been in love, never mind had his heart broken, so should I be putting stock in the opinion of someone who was, for all intents and purposes, just theorising?

There was something about the conviction with which he spoke that made me want to believe him. Embry seemed to truly believe in the heart's ability to heal – it was a romantic thought, sure, but what was the point if someone else was just going to come along to stomp all over it again? I was pretty sure I didn't want Jacob anymore. He was no longer the guy I fell in love with, and I guessed what hurt the most was his inability to see things from my point of view. Should I really still be hung-up on someone who had such little consideration for me?

No, I shouldn't. If one thing was certain, Jacob wasn't putting me first so I sure as hell should be doing it for him.

At least, that's the resolution I'd made just before I stopped off at the book store on my way home from work, and caught sight of Melanie, browsing the aisles without a care in the world.

My breath hitched when I laid eyes on her, such was the shock I felt. She was dressed in jeans and a simple grey shirt – an outfit that looked like it could have been plucked right out of my own wardrobe – and was wandering aimlessly with a soft smile on her lips and trailing a hand lovingly over the spines of the second-hand books section. It had been exactly where I was headed.

I found myself ducking behind a display of cut-price romance novels, not wanting to be seen, but unable to tear myself away. I was curious. What exactly was it about this girl that made her so special? What did she have that I didn't? The feelings of inadequacy that had plagued me during my time with Edward resurfaced, and all I wanted was an answer. Was she more fun than me? More loving? Did she deserve him more than I did somehow? I was certain that, given the chance, I could have loved Jacob just as much as she did. I wanted to be a source of strength in his life, and to make him feel as special, every day, as he had made me feel.

I circled around her in a wide arc, looking for more clues about the person she was. What did she like to read? Was she into the classics, like I was? Or did she read trash and just label herself as a bookworm? I found myself edging closer to her, needing to get a better look at the title she'd picked up when the shrill tone of her cell startled me out of my mission. A wide grin spread over her delicate features when she looked at the screen, and she held the phone to her ear.

"I know, baby... I've been here forever, but you know what I'm like. They just put out a new display of used books, and I couldn't resist."

She was talking to Jacob, and the fondness in her tone had me reeling backwards, crushed under the weight of her feelings for him. It was evident in the way her entire posture perked up at the sound of his voice, and the way she cradled the phone to her face, as if willing his presence to be closer to her.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe some of the gems I've found. I picked up a little something for you, too," she informed, readjusting a large hardback that was nestled under her arm. My eyes stung – I'd never been able to get Jake to read anything that wasn't an auto manual, and she was buying books for him especially.

I stumbled backwards, finally realising the torture I was inflicting on myself, only to knock right into a stand of teen fiction. I cringed and turned in slow motion, hoping the noise wouldn't be enough to alert her to my presence, but knew instinctively it was too late. She was going to turn around, see me standing over a knocked –over shelving, either laugh or feel sorry for me, and I'd have to help the poor, unfortunate cashier clean up books I wouldn't admit to reading under oath. There was no positive outcome.

I waited for the inevitable crash of the display, but it never came. It was only when I felt a warm hand grab onto my own that I opened my eyes.

Embry stood, propping the stand up with one shoulder, and tugging me behind him in one fluid motion. He stood then with his back to Melanie, but I could tell from a cursory look beyond him that she was oblivious to the entire scene. He shot her a quick look before pulling me towards the door, saving me from embarrassment without a word.

I made it all the way outside before my tears actually began to fall. His hand released mine, and he placed it tentatively on my shoulder, attempting to comfort me but clearly at a loss as to what to do. He wasn't the only one.

Covering my eyes with my hand, I turned away, attempting to gather the last of my dignity before the inevitable questions began. They didn't.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I guess i just – I don't know what I was doing."

"You were watching her," he said from behind me. It wasn't a question.

I nodded, sniffling slightly while turning to face him. "It's stupid, I know... but I just-"

"Wanted to see what the big deal was? Why he picked her over you?" My eyes found his and I nodded again. "Did you figure it out?"

I shook my head. "No, but I didn't expect to... and now I'm crying, and Jesus. This is so embarrassing!"

He gave me a plaintive smile and shrugged. "Hey, you're only human. At this point, I'd say that's a plus."

I found myself smiling at the insinuation, despite myself. He had no idea how true that was.

"I know it was a stupid idea, so don't bother telling me."

"Not stupid.. Understandable, I'd say. Sometimes it feels like if we knew why we weren't good enough, it'd make everything easier to accept," he said, jerking his head down the street and turning. I fell into step beside him and nodded, agreeing.

"You sound like you know how it feels," I observed, and he half-smirked as he surveyed our surroundings.

"You could say that," he said cryptically. A few moments of silence followed, and I instinctively knew that it was all he was going to volunteer. Not for the first time, I thought that there was a lot more to Embry than most people got to see. Maybe, with time, I'd get to find some of that out. I'd always been a sucker for a mystery, after all.

"So, how did you know I was there?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Seth needed to get home early to help out Sue, I said I'd take over and followed your trail from Newtons."

"And... her? Did you know she'd be there?" I asked. It wasn't meant to be accusatory, but I was still feeling the effects of eavesdropping on her. It felt like when it came to her, all thoughts of my welfare went out the window. I could have done with a heads-up.

He looked slightly guilty before he replied. "Jake did ask me to keep an eye on her while she was here, but I didn't realise you'd be at the same place."

I instantly felt bad for feeling annoyed at him, and shook my head. "it's fine – it's a small town, and anyone else wouldn't have the luxury of having bodyguards to save me from embarrassment. You're two-for-two now, Em. This is getting to be a habit."

The smile I got in reply was genuine. "Maybe you should stop putting yourself in situations where you need to be 'saved'." I laughed softly, agreeing with him. "Come on, I'll walk you to your truck."

"Don't you need to look out for her?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

"Don't tell Jake I said this, but she's kinda boring. I mean, she's really nice, but she's kind of a nerd. And that's coming from someone who collects Doctor Who memorabilia," he said conspiratorially. I giggled behind my hand, surprised to hear the first negative thing about Melanie... well, ever.

"Besides, he was about to come meet her here anyway, as a surprise. I think he was calling from the car."

He looked at me pointedly, waiting for me to catch on. It didn't take long. "Which is an even better reason for me to get the hell out of here...?" I surmised. He nodded sympathetically, but I was grateful for his consideration. I linked my arm with his, and he looked at me, a slight trace of shock in his expression. "Alright, Spiderman, take me home."

"Spiderman?" he asked curiously.

"Private joke," I laughed, letting him lead me across the street.

A/N: Alright guys, a little filler for you here but I hope it wasn't too boring. These two need to develop things a little, and we wouldn't want to scare Bella off with the knowledge that another wolf is desperately in love with her, right?

Let me know what you think.