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Suggested Listening: Do What You Do by Noah And The Whale

Chapter Twenty: Muffin-Licking

I'd almost forgotten about the bake sale until Angela's text on Saturday afternoon, telling me how excited she was for it and to have another helping of my infamous peanut butter cookies. It was the only thing distracting enough to take away the replay of Paul's 'advice', and the flashbacks of last night which made it impossible to go back to sleep. Needless to say, a hasty supply run was made in which I prayed that it wouldn't be a repeat of every other time I'd decided to go to a store in Forks lately, and Melanie had had the same idea. I just couldn't be sure I wouldn't end up stalking her and needing some kind of intervention. I really hated it inside my head sometimes.

In fact, despite Angela's excitement, I really wasn't looking forward to the bake sale either. It felt strange to realise it, but I found myself wondering what Leah and Embry were up to – I would have preferred spending the day in their company, than around the small-minded people of Forks, and the infamous rumour mill. I wasn't even sure if Jess and Mike would be there, but it was another thing adding to my dread. Even though I'd been shown that I could be perfectly fine as Bella Swan, Single Gal, I still didn't welcome any opportunity for that self doubt I'd kicked into the back of my mental closet and covered with junk to come crawling back out. I could already feel it scratching at the door.

This was why, although I'd never admit it aloud, I envied Paul – how could he be so sure of himself all the time, when it took all the guts I had to just keep leaving the house and hope I didn't find another way to have my heart crushed, or make an ass of myself, further tainting my reputation. I'm surprised that no-one had accused me of being a damn alcoholic, what with the falling over and poor life choices. Paul just seemed to have it all figured out – he was going for this, for Leah, body and soul - but the one thing I couldn't account for, was how he'd take it if the whole thing backfired. Leah wasn't exactly predictable. I just wished I had his strength of faith.

Then there was Embry's take on the whole healed-heart scenario. He too, seemed to be of the opinion that these things are never sure, and it's only a true defeat if we stop trying. They didn't know how life had really come and kicked me in the ass, though. Should I actually be considering their ideas when they thought the whole reason for my fear was just because of Jacob? I honestly didn't know.

So I did what I always did, any time I was having a philosophical crisis – I baked. Any recipe I could possibly think of, and a few new ones I'd found online were whipped up in the kitchen. I hoped that by measuring out the adequate amount of flour for the first batch of cupcakes I'd forget the fear I felt on Paul's behalf for putting all his efforts into being with someone he couldn't even be sure wanted him. Maybe he saw something I didn't.

I hoped that by whisking the eggs thoroughly enough that I'd stop being surprised by how quietly-assured Embry sounded when he talked about love and healing and resilience. It was possible that Embry knew more about it than I suspected – he was still a mystery to me, after all.

I willed it to be possible that by using five different colours of frosting, I'd forget about how utterly and completely alone I felt, because not a single person on this Earth knew the things that I did.

It took four trips out to the truck the next morning to put all my spoils in the cab. Charlie watched them go with a sense of longing, as he all but pawed the rain-soaked window, watching me leave. We really needed to have a talk about his sweet tooth. I'd saved him from one fate, and there was no way I was watching him meet another at the hands of middle-age spread and chest pains.

"Bella! Sweetie!"

Dana Weber was all about hugs and terms of endearment. If it was anyone else's mother, I'd cringe at the falseness of it all, but behind her intelligent eyes and warm, genuine smiles, I knew where Angela had inherited the traits I admired in her so much. Instantly, I began to actually feel good about what I was doing.

"Hey, Dana... this is just the start of what I've brought, the rest is in the truck, but it might take me a few trips to get it all in here," I said distractedly, trying to scope out a space in the large church hall which could actually contain everything I'd baked. It only took a cursory glance to know that I'd kind of overstepped the brief on this one. Maybe having a life-crisis while handling cookie-dough wasn't the best idea.

"Wow, Bella, you really went to town on this! We can't thank you enough, really. Sounds like you baked enough for a pack of ravenous wolves!" she replied, taking the three Tupperware containers off my hands.

Or there was that. Autopilot went to default setting. Baking for Werewolves. I should write a damn cookbook.

I laughed nervously. "Yeah, something like that."

"Well, why don't we get you some help? Angela was talking to some nice boys just a second ago, they looked like lifting a few boxes wouldn't hurt 'em too much, if you know what I mean..." she said conspiratorially. "I think they were over by Mrs Fenkel's Key Lime Pie."

I followed her gesture and couldn't stop the elated smile that split my face. I should have known.

"Quil?" I laughed, approaching the large, hulking figure licking a plastic fork clean. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He raised an eyebrow as he sucked the fork into his mouth and released it with a pop.

"Are you kidding me? Leah said you were going to a bake sale! Have you met me?" he studied the fork and the paper plate he was holding for crumbs, before frowning and holding it back out to a shocked-looking Mrs Fenkel. Clearly she'd never seen a werewolf eat pie before. "And the smell... Man, it's like they just slapped a sign above the door saying 'Yo, Quil, come lick our muffins and finger our frosting.'" He raised an eyebrow mischievously and I pressed my lips together, hoping like hell our audience had bad hearing.

From the look she gave him as she handed him his second slice of pie, I guessed not. He returned her glare with a beaming smile before digging right back in again with the too-small fork, not a care in the world. There was a second of awkward silence before he looked admonished, his gaze glancing back to the rotund, elderly member of the church committee who placed a disapproving hand on her hip. He swallowed thickly. "Oh, and I love Jesus. He's my homeboy."

He turned to me wide-eyed and walked swiftly away from the stand, the Key Lime Pie still being stabbed savagely with the plastic fork. I giggled softly over my shoulder, watching Mrs Fenkel shake her head and mutter inaudibly to herself.

"Jesus is your homeboy?" I asked when we got out of earshot. He was already finished the pie and scrunching up the paper plate to throw in the trash.

"What, you wanted me to say I'm your guard-dog for the day so the crazy bitch trying to kill you doesn't get through the defensive line?" He shook his head exasperatedly. "Jeez, Bella, you're kinda dense sometimes."

I nodded, feigning beration. "Of course, how could I be so stupid?" I smirked. "So who else is here?" I asked, surprised at the flutter of anticipation forming in my stomach and throwing a fruitless glance around the hall.

Quil stopped in front of a large pecan pie and a slightly smaller gateaux, thoroughly distracted as he tried to decide between one or the other. "Who do you think? It's not like Peter Parker ever missed out on a chance to see Mary Jane..." he said, crouching down to compare each treat on diameter, girth, and level of frosting.

"What?" I asked, frowning confusedly.

"What?" he countered disingenuously, head whipping round to face me as his lips gaped for air. "Oh, I just mean... Don't listen to me Bella, how can I think straight with some much cake? Embry's here, he went to get soda with your friend."

I stared at him for a few beats longer before giving up. Even if Quil was hinting at something, I knew better than to listen to him – he'd once tried to convince me that he had a sex-tape, and that Kim Kardashian stole his idea. The guy was a compulsive liar.

"Friend? You mean Angela?"

He nodded, pointing to the pecan pie and holding up two fingers to the seller. "Yeah, the cute, shy one. She single yet?" he asked curiously.

"No, she's pretty loved-up, I'm afraid."

"Is he an asshole? I feel like every guy who goes to your school is an asshole," he said, picking up this double-helping of pie with more reverence than he would a newborn child. I shook my head, trying not to laugh. He was at least fifty percent right.

"No, he's a sweet guy, so don't even think about trying to put the moves on her, okay?" I said warningly. I didn't actually think Angela could be swayed away from Ben, but that didn't mean I wanted any discomfort between one set of friends and the other.

"What? I'm allowed to ask questions, it's part of my inquisitive nature." His expression was a picture of innocence, but I didn't buy it for a second. "Plus, I kinda thought I'd see more talent around here, but I forgot only old fat chicks attend bake sales. The hot young ones do the baking, and then leave so they don't overdose on cupcakes and then feel guilty about it."

He grimaced petulantly and took a large bite of pie, not even bothering with the fork this time. I blew out a breath, wondering how anyone could listen to his musings all the time. Quil was hard work.

"You know you're supposed to pay for all this stuff, right?"

He nodded as he gulped down most of the plate's contents. "Just handed over thirty bucks at the door, straight off the bat. Let's not waste precious sampling time with mere monetary transactions, huh?"

I threw up my hands helplessly. "Of course," I said, half-laughing. "Of course you did that."

"I'm nothing if not honest, Bella," he shrugged, before scanning the room. "Hey, where's your haul? I don't smell peanut butter."

"Oh, crap, that's actually why I came to get you. Most of my stuff's outside. Think you can help me carry it in?"

"Do squirrels fuck in the woods?" he asked.

I furrowed a brow. "I don't think they really have a preference," I retorted, moving to step in front of him and lead him towards the exit, but he froze.

"Well shit, did Bella Swan just refer to sex without so much as a blush? Jeez, maybe Leah isn't such a bad influence after all."

"Actually, it's probably Paul's doing more than Leah's. That guy's like a walking HBO original series."

He snorted. "That's what he thinks. The legendary player's been on the bench a lot lately." He fell into step beside me, pausing at the door to hold it open, allowing me through.

I pushed down the knowing smile "Maybe he's finally been tamed."

"Or he lost his game," he muttered, following me. He really had no idea. "Oh and Bella, FYI, squirrels do fuck in the woods. Seth and I saw two going at it, Reverse Cowgirl, behind my house last week."

I closed my eyes, covering my mouth and willing the giggle away– laughing would only encourage him to keep talking like this around church people. I didn't know where he'd learned a term like that, but was willing to bet it was in the murky depths of the Pack mind;They all seemed to be that little bit more worldly since sharing headspace.

"Quil?" I said. "Please, do the world a favour and get high-speed internet, like a normal perv."

He shrugged, clearly not insulted. "Fine, if you want to get all cliché about it."

"Cliche about what?" came a familiar voice from behind me. I turned as Embry strode towards the main hall carrying a crate of soda, and a teddy bear with a strange brown hood on its head sitting forlornly on top of it. The smile that spread across my face upon seeing him was completely contented, and something hit me.

What had I been so depressed about? Damnit, I did have good friends, still. Lots of them. It was ridiculous to feel so lonely and isolated, when any one of them would be willing to listen if I needed it. It was just nice to know the option was there, though I'd never act on it.

"Porn," Quil supplied matter-of-factly.

"Porn..." Embry replied, eyeing me around the bear's head disbelievingly. "Right."

"Seriously," his best friend pressed. "Bella was giving me advice about where I should be getting my jollies. Pretty insightful, actually."

"Never knew you were such a connoisseur, Bella," he jibed coyly, rearranging the soda effortlessly in his grasp so the bear's nose flopped onto his shoulder, and this time, I did blush. I did not want someone like Embry associating me with porn.

"It was a passing comment!" I defended shrilly, feeling the tell-tale heat extend to my collarbone and chest.

"She likes the girl-on-girl stuff," Quil called in a stage whisper, as I flailed fruitlessly to shut him up. Embry pressed his mouth closed politely, but even I could see the beginnings of a laugh taunt his throat. "But only the white ones."

Quil then pointed at me, stabbing the air by my head and mouthing the word 'racist'.

Of course, that would be the moment three more elderly church-goers chose to filter through the porch into the main hall. I buried my head in my hands until they left and hoping they didn't get a good look at me. Embry cleared his throat in an exaggerated way, so I looked back, only to see him bury the bear's nose in his shoulder with his free hand, and cover the ears.

"Wicket is much too pure of heart to hear this kinda stuff," he said in mock disapproval. "You guys are disgusting."

"Where the hell did you get the bear?" I laughed, watching as he turned its head slowly to face me like a puppet. Embry looked outraged.

"They're having a rummage sale in the yard out back, so I snagged it from this kid selling his toys for a dollar." He frowned then, as if realising what exactly it was I'd asked. "Also, it's not a bear, Bella, it's an Ewok," he scolded, and I my lips turned down in admonishment as I held up a palm. "From Return of the Jedi?"

"Oh!" I said, suddenly clarified, "The Star Wars bears?"

He gaped at me incredulously and looked at Quil. "Is she fucking with me?" He turned his wide-eyed stare back on me. "Bella, they're Ewoks, native to the forest moon of Endor? Responsible for helping the Rebel Alliance take down the second Death Star? Definitely not bears, which makes it totally okay for me to own one."

"... I know the little green guy's called Yoda?" I said sheepishly, but the chuckle from Quil and the pitying look Embry gave me said it all.

"Bella, have you even seen Star Wars?"

"A whole movie, start to finish? Um, no, I haven't."

Embry shook his head mournfully, "My poor, deprived Bella. What have you been doing with your life?"

I laughed and started towards the outer door again. "Learning useful skills, like baking," I called over my shoulder. "Which reminds me, I've got eight plastic boxes in my truck which aren't gonna walk in here themselves!"

"You're not getting out of this, Swan," Embry called after me. "Tomorrow, we're coming over to your house, and you're sitting through the entire original trilogy."

"Oh Gee, I can hardly wait," I deadpanned, before pushing the door open in front of me.

"You know, I'm saying it right now. Totally on-the-record: No matter what the chick I end up with looks like, she has to be able to cook. And bake." Quil held the Ziploc bag above his head and shook the remaining crumbs into his gaping maw. "Man, I am going to be one fat old dude."

It was four hours later, and he was sitting haphazardly in the passenger seat of my truck with his legs resting on the pavement. I'd offloaded everything I'd brought to a pretty decent crowd, and along with Embry and I who were sitting on the truck's bed, we were enjoying the last few treats I'd stashed before they were snapped up but the ravenous masses.

The presence of several freshmen – and female representatives from every other class group in Forks High at the fund-raiser was an indication that maybe it was the potential eye-candy, and not the actual candy, which was the biggest draw. Quil and Embry had camped out by my stand the entire afternoon, russet giants in a sea of short, scrawny townsfolk. Quil was revelling in the attention, but Embry was oblivious, doing his best to be my little helper-elf, in between giving a long and convoluted history of the Rebel Alliance and quoting Han Solo when he wasn't making lightsaber noises.

It was getting easier and easier to believe his comments about being a skinny little geek who got beat on all the time before he phased. I'd only known him for a few weeks when that happened - but if anything, it was endearing as hell.

"At least you've acknowledged that your current buffness isn't just the result of sheer testosterone," Embry shot back, without looking up from his own cupcake. "Once you stop phasing, it's going to be like-" he snapped his fingers- "Two seats on the airplane and male-pattern-baldness for you."

A balled-up wad of plastic bounced off Embry's head in response, and we both looked to where Quil was aiming his pointer-finger right at him. "I'll still be a stud. Make no mistake, nerd."

Embry focused his attention back to my last remaining cupcake and raised a brow. "Alright, man, whatever you say." He dipped a finger in the red, strawberry frosting, tracing lettering over the top before sucking it into his mouth and releasing it with a pop. I watched him with rapt interest. It was clear he was savouring it.

"You gonna eat that or buy it a new dress?" Quil asked, voicing my own thoughts. Embry's concentration was broken and he looked up guiltily, first at my curious scrutiny and then to Quil.

"It's Bella's last cupcake, I'm not gonna inhale it. Who knows when I'll get another one?" he said plainly, moving to gather another taste of frosting.

"It's not that big a deal, Em, I can make more," I said in confusion. It seemed like an awful lot of thought put into a cupcake. Quil sighed exaggeratedly from the cab door.

"He's been like this since we were kids, Bella. Every time my Grandpa gave us a dollar for candy, Em would buy like, one tiny thing, then save the rest and show up a month later with a buttload of cash. It annoyed the crap out of all of us."

"It's called patience, dude. Everything's better when you have to work for it or wait for it," he replied, and his eyes fell on me with a cocky smile. I could tell already that this was one of Quil's pet-peeves, and Embry enjoyed rubbing it in his face. This playful side of them was the one I'd gotten to know first, and getting glimpses of it every now and then brought back the comfort of knowing that after everything had happened, I was still friends with these guys.

Quil scoffed. "You're such an old man. Whatever happened to carpe diem?"

"It's just a personal preference, we can't all run around like excited pups all the time." He broke off a piece of the cupcake and it disappeared between his lips slowly, as they quirked in another sure smile.

"Whatever, I just don't waste time getting to the point, so sue me?" The topic of conversation brought up a point I'd been curious to discuss, but wasn't sure how to approach.

"But what if you had to, Quil?" I said without preamble. They both looked to me curiously, no doubt grabbed by the urgency in my voice. "Wait, I mean?"

Quil gave a half-shrug, "I have patience. I always keep one present to open on Christmas morning – now that's self-control. Last year it was an ipod." His eyes widened with awe – for himself – and I smiled.

Embry scoffed. "You're such a liar. You had that thing synced with crappy hair-metal and re-wrapped while your mom was at work."

Quil gave him a look of betrayal, clearly forgetting that they had few secrets from each other anymore.

"That's not exactly what I meant..." I laughed, shaking my head. Embry frowned at me and shifted in his position on the truck.

"What did you mean, then?" his gaze was curious, and I was aware that I was suddenly veering off into crazy question territory.

"Just, like-" I sighed, folding up my own cupcake case."You guys are meant to have imprints, right? Soulmates." I didn't miss the uncomfortable look which passed between them, and I knew they were convinced this was something to do with Jacob and Melanie.

"Not all of us," Embry interjected. "I mean, yeah, some of us do, but it's meant to be rare. I mean, only three out of a Pack of ten."

"That's less than a third, hardly common," Quil weighed in.

"I know that," I nodded, "but my point is, who's to say that your soulmate is the same age as you are?"

"You mean like a cougar?" Quil asked, raising a mischievous brow. "That could be pretty hot."

"Yeah, like that," I smiled, "But it could go the other way. What if your soulmate was a kid?"

A genuine balk of disgust was heard from the both of them before I clarified. "Wait a second – I was told that you'll be whatever your imprint needs, so theoretically, couldn't a little kid need a big brother to take care of them? In a completely fraternal way. No weird stuff."

They seemed to mull this over before Embry piped up. "I guess that could happen, but I don't see why – it's meant to be about genetics and creating stronger wolves. Are you saying that the wolf would have to wait around for this kid to grow up, and then suddenly they're lovers?" Now they both looked green.

"That's the most fucked-up thing I've ever heard, Bella, and that's coming from me..." Quil groaned.

"So you'd never want something like that to happen? Even if you loved this kid more than anything in the whole world, and never had anything but sweet, innocent thoughts until they grew up?" I asked him.

"Fuck no," he said adamantly.

"What if it taught you patience?"

"It's not like that's a life-or-death virtue, Bella," Embry supplied, and I nodded, agreeing. Quil was fully immersed in the 'theory'.

"Maybe I would be all patient and shit, but come on, what am I supposed to do for like, ten years – and that's just if she's, like, an eight-year-old?" He shook his head with a frown. "So I'd be like, mentally castrated, obsessed with this kid's well-being, and I can't even look at another girl because I don't see them anymore. And worst of all, I'd be happy about it?"

I nodded, surprised at how close to the truth he was getting.

"That sounds like a complete and total nightmare," he said, and Embry made a noise of agreement.

"So you guys are pretty against the idea?" I asked. Only Jacob had ever come out and openly expressed his discomfort with the Quil and Claire situation. Quil, obviously, hadn't been opposed to it at all.

"I was anyway – before you started all the weird kiddie questions," Quil said. "Like, maybe back when I found out about Jared's, I didn't think it could be too bad, if it happened the right way... but since-" he didn't say it, but I knew whose imprint he was referring to. "- the last one, I just don't see the appeal, not when it changes your fundamental opinions about stuff."

I nodded. "Jake always was pretty against the idea," I mused aloud, and the look of discomfort between them was back. "it's kinda like brainwashing, huh?"

"Try being inside one of their heads," Embry grumbled. "It's ridiculous. And they go from being a certain way one day, to completely different the next. It's pretty frightening."

"And that's when they're not even around each other," Quil supplied, "it's like some stupid love-spell that everyone just accepts because it's 'mystical' and 'destined'."

I smiled thoughtfully, satisfied with their answers, and with renewed confidence that my actions had done something positive for Quil, even if he'd never know.

"Okay, guys. If either of you ever imprints, I'll remind you of this conversation," I teased.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Quil said, and Embry held back a shudder.

Leah was waiting for me when I got back home, and she was pissed.

"What the fuck have you been saying to Paul?" she fumed, and I decided that maybe it was best to have this conversation away from curious ears, and where I could at least put a door between us if I needed to. Leah was about as far from docile as you could get on her best days. Right now, she was just frightening.

I held the front door open and ushered her inside. Playing innocent probably wasn't going to work in this situation, and I was going to murder Paul for landing me in it. "Don't get mad..." I pleaded, moving to get out two mugs. Maybe chamomile tea would help reign in her temper.

"Oh, I'm way past mad, Swan," she said, taking a seat at the table. "The guy's been all over me today, asking if I wanted to talk and complimenting me about shit. It's weird." Her eyes shot to mine again. "Did you tell him I was lonely or something? He's being so fucking strange, and he refuses to think about you when he's phased."

I sighed, setting her mug down in front of her. "Paul asked me about you, and I told him I'd try to feel out what you thought about him, that's all."

She took a sip of the tea, thoughtfully, clearly not expecting my answer. "Why?"

"Why do you think?" I said, wondering how someone as confident and brazen as Leah could be so clueless.

She shook her head. "No, the dude doesn't have feelings for me. He's confusing good sex with emotions."

I held out my hands helplessly. "Doesn't seem that way to me. Leah, you're all he seems to think about. Seriously." I frowned at her. "Are you telling me you really had no idea, not even with the whole Pack-mind thing?"

She looked off thoughtfully before speaking. "We pretty much ignore him – it's never a good time listening to his thoughts, so why would I want to pay attention while he replays the last one-night-stand he had?"

Something bitter in her voice was intriguing. "Maybe there's another reason you don't want to re-live that stuff with him?" I took another sip of my tea and smirked.

"Oh, aren't we the cocky little shit today?" she said, fighting a smile. "So I don't like seeing him fuck other people. It's a wolf thing, it's not like I can help it..."

I sat back on my chair triumphantly. "So, you're saying seeing him with other girls makes you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous," she snapped, much too eagarly but without anger. "Stop trying to psychoanalyse, Swan. That's my job."

"But you are jealous..." I prodded, studying her reaction.

"I'm not exactly doing a victory dance when he hooks up with someone. Sue me. The guy's hot, and I'd be lying of I said he was forgettable," she sighed then under the weight of her confession. "I guess I just didn't let myself feel anything because I was sure it wouldn't be returned." She avoided my gaze as she studied the contents of her mug.

"Fuck you for making me talk like a fucking girl." Her face was irritated, but I knew under all the bravado was someone who, like me, had been bruised far too much to be excited about love in a conventional way.

"Just calling things as I see them," I shrugged. "Seems like you two have a lot in common."

"How so?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Well, he couldn't seem to help asking if you were with someone at the club the other night, and he said he wasn't jealous, but he's not a very good liar."

She smiled curiously, clearly flattered. "He asked you about that?"

I nodded. "He was here at like nine-am yesterday to find out. Couldn't keep away."

She mulled this over for a few moments before shrugging. "Still think it's a sex thing," she said, but I wasn't convinced.

"Leah, if it was a sex thing, don't you think he'd just come out with it, or put the moves on you? He wants to get inside your head." I leaned forward again. "I think he has genuine feelings for you."

"You and your damn feelings," she huffed. "Alright, so what if I was interested. Well, more like intrigued. How would I go about letting him know? Hypothetically, I mean." She looked decidedly uncomfortable revealing such vulnerability to me, and I smiled confidently.

"Well, I know one thing," I said, getting up to top-up my mug. "I'm not the one you should be talking to right now, and I think from the way my phone's been vibrating since you got here... he's pretty much climbing the walls."

She looked towards my bag where message-after-message was sounding off. He was the only person it could possibly have been.

"Okay, so I might – hypothetically – go see him," she said, draining the rest of her tea. "But be warned, Swan, if this blows up in my face I'm going to have to hypothetically kick your ass."

A/N: Thanks for your patience waiting for this update, guys!

Please let me know what you thought. :)