Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended
A/N: Suggested listening: The Ballad of Barry Allen by Jim's Big Ego, Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men, Libra by The Narrative, Secrets by One Republic, 'Mountains' and 'Machines' by Biffy Clyro
Chapter Twenty-Three: Secrets
Embry POV
Bella cried herself out. After about an hour, she was so exhausted that she cried herself to sleep in my arms, soft shudders of breath, the remnants of sobs following her into unconsciousness. It was all I could do to stay silent, though parts of me wished I had the courage to refuse to leave, refuse to offer any more comfort until she told me what was going on. I'd pushed Bella into admitting her own truths before, but now was not the time.
I knew when she needed to just let go.
I hoped with everything I had, as her damp lashes fanned over her cheekbones and her breaths fell even, that the crying had somehow made things better. I prayed when I stole a single kiss from her forehead and laid her on the couch, that tonight, the dreams would leave her alone. Even her scent on my skin or how I could still feel her body in my arms couldn't keep the worries away.
She was never far from my mind over the next few days, even though actually talking to her became more difficult than it had ever been. She stopped replying to my messages and calls, and she never came outside when a wolf was patrolling if she wasn't forced to. On Monday, as the rain came down in thick sheets outside her house, I caught a glimpse of her at the window, searching me out, just before she shut the drapes and her light went out.
Even Leah couldn't get through to her, which was probably more worrying than anything else. Of course, the blame fell at my feet.
"What the fuck did you do, Call?" she accused from her place on the porch of my house. She was waiting for me when I got back from researching colleges I'd never probably get into at the Rez Centre. "Bella's regressed back to Broody Swan in all the time it took for you to grind your boner up against her leg."
"I haven't done anything – why do you assume it's got something to do with me?" I couldn't keep the look of indignation from my face as my shoulders stiffened. For all we knew, it didn't have anything to do with any of us – but I'd be an idiot to rule it out. "I'm not the only one she's shutting out."
Leah toed the ground, a distracted furrow on her brow. I realised that for once, she wasn't just getting into other people's business just because she could. She was hurt, because Bella had earned her trust – something not many people had been able to do.
"Look, you said after that night in the club that I was playing with fire, and that if I dared put pressure on her, that you'd feed me my own dick... not that I needed to be told."
She met my gaze again, a look of smugness in her eyes. "Damn right I did, which is exactly why I'm assuming that you didn't listen to a word I said." I shot her a confused look, and she blew out a puff of air, the short tufts of her bangs billowing upwards. "Because you're a guy."
She'd been pretty clear about the whole thing. After she'd locked me in the car with a 'we need to talk',I'd been told, in no uncertain terms, that I – Embry – met her complete approval for Bella, but Embry - the werewolf - did not.
"'Jacob all but kicked the shit out of her and asked why she didn't hang around for more. You're not going to do that to her. No-one's going to get away with that shit on my watch.'
'Then why'd you let it happen the first time?'
'Why did you? Sometimes a warning isn't enough. Sometimes you have to learn that it's smarter not to shove your hand in the fire by getting burned.'"
"Leah, I'm just as clueless about this as you are," I lied. I knew the dreams had something to do with it, but if Bella hadn't told Leah herself, then it wasn't my place to either. "Are you sure you haven't done anything?"
The look she gave me was withering, and I would have retracted the idea if it hadn't been for the unsure flicker in her eyes.
"What's that?" I said, taking a step onto the porch.
"What?" she replied guardedly.
"That look – you're feeling guilty about something, or at least wondering if you should be."
Her eyes narrowed, and she hopped down from her perch, straightening out the bottom of her dress as she did.
"You don't get to pull the mind-fuck thing on me, Call. It's nothing."
"Then how come you've stopped blaming me for Bella's shut-out?"
She was quiet for a long moment, deliberating what to say. Her eyes flitted from me, to the ground and back again and with a grunt, she crossed her arms and her gaze became harsh. "You still able to put your thoughts on lockdown?" she said, raising a brow.
My head jerked back in confusion, and I shrugged. "I guess, yeah. If I concentrate hard enough."
"You better be a whole lot more sure than that," she warned, moving to walk past me in dismissal.
"Yes!" I called after her, stepping to keep up as I grasped her elbow. "Yes, I can do it, alright? Don't forget, you only found out about my thing for Bella when we were all human."
"Which was shocking, because you're so good at hiding the lost puppy looks you're always throwing her way..." she muttered sarcastically. Her lips disappeared into a thin line as she studied me, and she leaned into the post at the top of the steps. "I'm with Paul."
I wrinkled my nose, cocking my head to the side. I understood the words, it was their meaning that was unfathomable. "With? Like..."
"I'm with him, we're together, doing...it... or whatever the kids are calling it these days."
I held up a halting hand and shook my head, stomach roiling at the images that revelation brought to mind. "You can't be serious."
Her face became bitter, lip curling up in a snarl. "What's that supposed to mean?"
I backpedalled, suddenly realising that making judgements on Leah's life was not for the faint of heart. "It's not... It's just that-" I sighed, "You're really going there, with another one of us?"I couldn't believe that, after everything she'd been though, Leah would actually consider something like this.
Her jaw clenched minutely, and the unsure look in her eye flashed to me, but she shrugged it off. "Relax, Mom, we're not getting fucking married."
"But you're still-"
"Sleeping with him. Jeez, doesn't anyone around here know what casual sex is?" she huffed, directing her question towards the sky. I couldn't help but notice she was no longer looking at me.
"Is that all it is?"
We were so intertwined with each others lives, so bonded on a primal level that I couldn't believe that they could manage to enter into something like this without at least some feelings getting in the way. From the moment each of us burst out of our skin, and this whole fucked-up thing opened up before us, every seed of anger, every thread of disappointment, and every glimmer of happiness was intensified. Sometimes, our capacity to bear the burden of all those coursing emotions still floored me, and I couldn't imaging it not being a factor when there were two wolves in the equation. Leah may have thought I was playing with fire, but she was on a path to get burned.
"Yes, that's all. We're both young, hot, and disease-free, and I don't have to worry that I'll break him in half with one wrong move." The sentence stopped abruptly, like she'd revealed more than was intended.
She leaned heavily on the railing again with a sigh, her dress billowing out behind her in the breeze. Apart from the permanent scowl and cutting humour, Leah could be pretty beautiful, underneath everything. In fact, she was beautiful, in her own way. She just didn't see it anymore.
Paul was a logical attraction for her, I surmised. Leah's femininity was a sore subject, we all knew it, and getting to feel like the girl in a relationship again had to have been a deciding factor. But it still didn't take away from the fact that it was the worst idea ever.
"And Paul? He's aware of all of this?"
She nodded minutely. "Sure".
"You don't seem too convinced." The bitter look was back and the full force of that fiery gaze was back on me.
"He gets it now... we discussed it, okay?"
"Fine, just checking if I need to prepare for a shit-storm," I placated, before throwing her a sidelong glance. I was leaning on the wood beside her now. "So what does this have to do with Bella?"
Leah's gaze was far-off, and it was a long moment before she shrugged. "I don't know, but it can't be a complete coincidence that she becomes a hermit the same week I tell her that Paul and I are seeing each other." She turned to me then. "I stopped believing in coincidences when Sam kicked me to the curb once Emily came to visit."
Nodding silently, I weaved a hand through my hair. It didn't give me the same sense of wholeness as when someone else did it. Leah moved to leave, making her way down the steps without a word.
"Leah?" She turned expectantly, not quite stopping. "Are you sure it's just Bella who couldn't handle going through it all again?"
She didn't answer me as she disappeared between the trees.
It was a whole nine days since I'd had any contact with Bella, when a familiar engine was heard rattling towards the beach. There was no mistaking that sound, and I jerked to attention upon hearing it. The only thing I couldn't figure out was why she was here of all places. I knew better than to assume it was to see me, even if it was the last day of summer.
Despite my best efforts, I found myself drawn to the shore, just seeking some reassurance that it was really her, or that she'd somehow broken out of the spiral of – whatever it was – she was going through.
Sure enough, her scent hit me before I even caught sight of her, standing by her truck, alone and silent.
I didn't approach, and I didn't make a sound. Her stuttered breaths and the racing of her heart was enough of a giveaway, but my own heart sank at the sight of her, and what brought her attention.
She'd come here for some sort of release or reflection. Maybe she'd wanted to walk barefoot - hell, she probably wanted to curse into the wind - but she couldn't. Jake and Melanie sat side-by-side on a blanket laid out over the sand, his arm curled protectively around her as they talked and laughed, facing the sunset and enjoying the last remnants of our poor-excuse for a summer.
Bella cowered into the side of her truck and just watched, as I watched her. I pushed down the overwhelming weight of dread, of futility, that came with the idea that maybe, the scene playing out in front of her is what she'd wanted to see all along. Jake always spent the last day of freedom here.
I couldn't talk to her because I didn't want confirmation that it was true. It was too late, though, as she turned to get into the truck again, she caught sight of me and froze, her gaze falling guiltily to the ground. Instead of opening it up and shutting me out, she slumped against the driver-side door, exhaling long and hard as she did.
"Hey."
I had to clear my throat before I was sure my voice would work. She looked so broken and beat-down that my feet were moving before I'd actually told them to, and I was almost at the tail-light.
"I heard the truck," I said, by way of explanation, even if she hadn't asked. My hands buried in my pockets in nervous energy, fully sure she didn't want me here any more than she wanted to be here herself.
She nodded, staring at the keys in her hands, a small frown emblazoned across her brow. "I thought one of you might."
"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but not for the first time in Bella Swan's presence, words failed me.
"Considering."
I took a step closer, encouraged by the actual answer for once, not a lie. "Care to elaborate?"
She didn't reply, instead meeting my gaze with a self-deprecating smirk. It was those kind of enigmatic answers that had my wolf snarling. We'd both long ago pledged to protect and care for the girl standing before us – in any capacity – and she wasn't making it easy.
"I'll take that as my cue to leave," I said with more acid than I'd intended, but it'd been nine days – nine fucking days – since I'd been close enough to pick out the micro-expressions on her face, or have her scent surround me like a cocoon. Bella was comfort. When I wasn't around her, I felt wrong.
"Wait."
She may as well have tied a rope around my middle and tugged. I turned to face her again, and her eyes were welling up. I instantly hated myself for being angry with her, and for letting the wolf dictate my emotions. I was above that. I was above him.
"Can you drive?" She held out one small, delicate hand with her keys nestled in the palm. I looked at it and then to her, thoughtfully. "Please?"
The silence spanned between us as I drove, knowing the journey back to Forks was too short for everything I wanted to say. Every so often, the shrill tone of her cell cut through the cadence of the ancient engine, message after message coming through as the reception improved. After the third or fourth time, it began to ring, and Bella reached out abruptly, shutting it off and dropping it back on to the dashboard where it had been. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, raising a brow.
"Leah," she sighed in explanation. I nodded wordlessly, needing her to talk, but more afraid that if I engaged, she'd freeze up again. "I... can't speak to her right now."
Clenching my jaw, I signalled the turn on to the main road and trained my gaze ahead of me, just as she was doing. Her breath came out in a shudder, and she pressed her head back into the head rest, bringing her knees up to press against the dashboard.
"I fucked up, Em," she said, turning to watch the passing trees through her window. "No matter what I do, it's all... fucked up."
I didn't dare look at her, knowing she'd feel my gaze on her. "So? If it fucks up, we fix it. It's not over 'til it's over."
She shook her head in disagreement, but I didn't miss the faint shadow of a smile gracing her lips. "I wish I had your faith."
"It's not hard. All you have to do is tell me what's wrong, what's been going on, and we'll fix it. Together."
She clenched her eyes shut, tight, and I could smell the first traces of salt on the air, her tears threatening to break free. "It's fixing things that's messed it all up, and I'm... I'm so... tired." I felt the weight of that one word carry through her voice, as if she said it from some place so deep inside, she'd never let anyone see.
I saw a turn up ahead to a dirt trail, leading deep into the forest. I couldn't bring her home yet, not when she'd spoken more to me during this journey than in the entire week before it. Making the turn sharply, Bella gripped her seat.
"What are you doing?" she said, eyes darting between me and the scenery surrounding the truck.
"Taking control of the problem," I said simply. "We're going to drive as far as we can up this trail, we're going to park, and you're going to spill exactly what it is that's been eating you. And then, we're going to figure it out." Her mouth opened to argue, but I stopped her. "No arguments. I'm not going to stand by and watch you tear yourself apart."
That softness in her eyes was back, and she smiled weakly at me, before frowning, somehow berating herself for allowing it.
"I can't do this, Em. Not with you."
I took my eyes off the road to look at her. "And why not?"
"Because."
"You know, for someone so verbose as you, Bella, these one-word-answers are pretty fucking infuriating," I said gruffly, gripping tighter on the steering wheel. "Why not?"
"Because it's confusing, and it's complicated, and I'm not-" she sighed, running out of protests as she propped her forehead on her hand, avoiding my full-on stare.
"What's confusing?" I asked, refusing to let it go. She clenched her jaw shut, not letting the words escape. "Bella," I emphasised, letting my voice betray my determination, "What's confusing?"
Her lips pressed together as her brows gathered in the middle, still fighting with herself. I was reaching the end of the trail, and was half afraid she'd bolt as soon as I pulled to a stop.
"Bell-"
"You!" she bellowed to the windshield, cutting into my prod, taking my breath right along with it.
"You're confusing. Being around you is confusing.. and I'm feeling things, and I'm needing you, and it's not fair, because it's too fucking familiar," she shook her head, the first tear spilling over and meandering down her flushed cheek.
"I don't know how this happened, and I don't know if I can do this again, and all I can think of is, 'what's the point?' Because you're just being there for me... and even if you weren't, you're going to hurt me or I'm going to hurt you or we'll get caught in the middle of something else... and I'm just... confused..." her voice trailed off into a whisper as I sat in stunned silence. Her cheeks blazed with the revelation, and still she couldn't look at me.
Did she just? No. There is no way in this lifetime that things are actually turning out this way, not for me, and not with her.
The silence was involuntary this time, as Bella caught her breath, and I tried my fucking hardest to figure out if I was dreaming, and if she'd really just told me she needed me, that she felt something for me.
"You don't have to say anything," she croaked. "It's all me, it's this stupid damsel-complex I have, because everything's been spinning off out of control, and I found myself needing you around, and wanting to tell you everything, but it's just-" she gulped heavily, freeing her voice once again. "It's what I do, I get to this place where I pin all my hopes on someone else, and I let them take the burden that I'm supposed to face... I'm just messed up."
I shook my head, finding my voice again for the first time. "It's not all you," I said quietly, as her chest hiccupped in a stressed sob. She turned to me, wiping her moist cheek with her sleeve and sniffed.
"What?"
"It's not all you."
I had to look her in the eye now. How could she not know? "I've been," I sighed, "It's not right, and I knew it, but I couldn't not see you... I had to, because I've felt this way about you for so long, I don't know how to stop." I unbuckled the seatbelt so I could turn fully in the seat, staring at my hands as I talked.
"I should never have pretended to be just your friend, because it's something that just got harder and harder... and these last few weeks- " I shook my head, unable to hold in the ghost of a smile. "It's been the best time of my life, because I got to be around you, and I got to be the one to talk to you and be next to you and tell you things only my closest friends know."
She was silent then, letting my confession settle over her as she stared silently at my mouth, as if hardly believing the words coming out of it. She seemed just as shocked as I had been, and all I wanted was to kiss her, but it was all so new, and I was so nervous I felt like I needed to phase and run it off, my muscles clenching and unclenching rhythmically while I fought for control.
I settled for taking her hand, holding it up so we were palm-to-palm, and laced our fingers together. The faint vibrations of the impending phase just faded away, soothed by the cool contact of her touch.
"So you can't feel bad for needing me, because I need you too." I squeezed her hand that bit tighter, adding weight to my words as I spoke them.
"You make me grounded, you give me this, this purpose I never had before."
She looked at our hands, her mouth gaping open softly as she watched the contrast of our skin, how we fit together almost seamlessly; so similar, but so fundamentally different.
"So you're going to let me do this for you, let me take half your burden; I can be your friend, if that's how you want it... it's up to you." Our hands were on her lap now, as I gently unclasped them. "But we're going get out of this truck and get some air, and you're going to talk, and we're going to figure this thing out. Together." I looked into her eyes. "Okay?"
She stared back into mine, tears still pooling at the edges, and blinked at me. Then, she nodded.
"Okay. But you're not going to believe me."
I shot her a smirk as I opened the door, stepping outside. Seth's playful yips rang out over the trees, signalling to Brady that he was ready to finish patrolling, Brady was probably late or something, but there was no danger. Both our heads turned in its direction, Bella's shoulders jerking in fright. She looked to me for reassurance that nothing was wrong, all nerves frayed under the weight of whatever she was going through.
Giving her my best smile, I turned towards the bed of her truck, wanting to sit somewhere that allowed us to be close without the confusion getting in the way. I'd just heard my friend barking from a distance. Did she really think there would be something I wouldn't believe?
"Oh yeah?" I said, opening each catch and hopping back to take a seat on the metal. Bella followed me with an unsure expression, watching my movements like a nervous child. "Try me."
Bella POV
It was quiet for a long time. That was one thing about him that took some getting used to. All my life, I'd been the listener, the quiet observer while everyone around me filled the world with noise and comment and assumptions. He was never one to speak his mind. When he did, it always surprised me how astute he was, how the simplest gesture was confirmation of a quiet theory. Embry's theories were always spot on, and there was a hesitant itch forming in my bones now – now that I'd given everything away; that there were no more secrets to share. What was he thinking?
I'd woken up this morning so weighed down by everything I was carrying, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up when everything messed up in my life was a distant memory, or to find out it was all happening to someone else – but I couldn't wish this on anyone, and sleep was anything but an escape.
The dreams had continued. Every night, as I slept, vivid images and situations of a life I no longer had played out before me, chronologically. After night five, I realised what they were – glimpses. Each dream was a window into the life I'd given up; an hour, a day of another Bella who was still bonded to Edward, still dancing the edge between insane and stupid.
Some nights were harder than others. I'd finally stopped being able to staunch the flow of tears on Embry's shirt after I saw myself break Jacob's heart as he laid prone on his bed, and watched Billy's face as he explained that his sixteen-year-old son had gone missing, but nobody was looking for him anymore.
Worst of all, was Leah. We'd become so close, such pillars for each other that it was the hardest thing to see her look at me with blame and contempt, to hear the venom in her voice as she told me exactly how she felt about me. It was almost impossible to believe I'd been giving her relationship advice, and in the waking world, I watched her slowly let her barriers down, and I found the new lightness in Paul's expression – his trademark sneer a genuine smile now, all because Leah had given him a chance.
She'd told him it was casual; that she didn't 'do' relationships, but any fool could see that he was getting under her skin. It had been one of the few respites in my waking life, knowing that things were so much better for them both here, and knowing that without my help, they'd both be dancing around each other still. Until the night I'd woken up in a cold sweat, the image of Paul in a loving embrace with Rachel Black still burned into my psyche.
I'd retreated after that, pulling myself back into my own world where I couldn't interfere, and I couldn't lure my friends into a false sense of security when I didn't know one way or the other if I was setting them up for devastation. Quil's imprint had failed here. Could I be sure Paul's would too? Or did I have to pre-emptively break apart two of my friends, and destroy the one piece of happiness they'd both found since an ancient curse ripped everything good and whole from their lives?
In the midst of it all, was Embry. He was there in happiness and depression, allowing me to lean on him when I felt like it was too hard to stand on my own anymore, all the while never pushing and never forcing answers out of me. I didn't think I had any for him, anyway.
It had hit me full force, waking up on my couch, covered in a soft blanket and with a hand-written note, torn from his own book of secrets, laid on the arm rest beside me.
You fell asleep, so I let myself out. I hope your dreams are better tonight.
Sleep well.
Em.
Even without knowing anything, it was like he knew it all, everything that was going on with me and all the problems I had, and I wanted nothing more than to find him, have him hold me and spill each last detail out for him to piece together and make sense of it. That was when I realised how much a part of my life he'd become.
Embry, who'd decided I was worth hanging around even when I was turning into someone I no longer recognised. Embry, who listened to my disillusioned babble about love and monsters and magic. Embry, who'd become my best friend, in every sense of the word.
And I needed him. I realised that, without him, I could no longer tell which was the better reality. Each world had its positives – Charlie's life, my friendship with Leah and Embry and living out my existence as a human versus still having Jacob around me, knowing where I was going to end up and spending eternity with someone who would never leave me again. Here, Embry was the beacon, the marker to which I adhered myself. When he was around, I knew where I belonged.
It scared the crap out of me.
Not only was I having feelings for someone again, that someone was intricately carved into my life with someone else. There was no Jacob without Embry, no Embry without Jacob, and I didn't know who I would be without either of them. On top of that, there I was, once more, putting all my faith in a hero, waiting to be rescued when I'd spent so many months realising that that was no longer who I wanted to be.
But with every careful touch, each smile and knowing look, every time I pressed my body against his for the comfort of his warmth and the familiarity of his scent, I found myself falling deeper under his spell. I'd been seeing him this way for weeks, but only when I realised how far it had come, how much I truly craved his presence, did the panic set in.
So I did what I thought I needed to – I pushed him away.
It was easy, at first, which surprised me. The less I saw of him, the more I could convince myself that the feelings could be pressed down and ignored. I immersed myself in work, pulled away from the Pack, and focused on what I had, here, and now. But the dreams didn't stop, and the feelings roared back into the forefront each time I woke up and wanted nothing more than to call him and just hear his care-free voice.
It had reached breaking point after I'd broken down in the middle of wedding planning, realising Charlie wouldn't be there to walk me down the aisle, and knowing how cruel it would be to ask my second choice - my best friend - instead. He looked like I'd stabbed him in the chest. I'd gone through my work day in a haze, barely functioning, knowing where I needed to go, just to give myself that final reassurance that things were better for him here. I'd gone to La Push, seeking out Jacob, but wishing for Embry.
His presence was there before I ever set eyes on him, and the betraying relief that he'd found me only made everything more difficult. I couldn't stand to watch him leave, and to end up with a confession, something I'd never planned on doing, but he'd managed to free it from me still had me reeling. It was still sinking in that he'd told me he felt the same. Maybe our heroes find those in need of rescue all by themselves.
It found us here, sitting on the bed of my truck, music from a far-off bonfire playing softly in the background as I told him my story. I couldn't watch his reactions, and I couldn't wait for his replies, because I knew how it all sounded – starting from the account of racing to Italy to save Edward, to being at the centre of a tug-o'-war between the wolves and the vampires, to the discovery of my abilities and the death of my own father. It was straight out of a Science Fiction movie; but then again, Embry was somewhat of an expert on those.
I told him about going back, each time-jump and the consequences I'd managed to determine. I spoke aloud for the first time about changing my past to save Charlie, and how I'd been so sure that my choices were linear, and that I knew where life would take me. It sounded incredible, and that's what I feared. When I told him about the dreams, explaining what had happened to me over the last few weeks, I was sure he'd put me back in the truck and figure out the easiest way to tell Charlie that his daughter was a lunatic, but he sat quietly as the first stars came out, and as the moon made its entrance into the sky, and I talked until I was hoarse from the effort. I let the explanation of why he'd found me by the beach hang in the air for long moments, the rustle of leaves and far-off wildlife the only thing louder than my heartbeat.
I tried to study his face in the moonlight – fiercely intelligent eyes focused on some far off mental image, his lips gathered on one side while he pondered everything I'd said. Did he even believe in karma? Did he believe me? I knew how crazy it all sounded, and save for the fact he had some impossible talents of his own, I had no doubt he'd have me swiftly checked into a psych ward and waving goodbye by morning.
He would never do that to you.
I knew my inner voice was right. Despite everything telling him to run for the hills, he had never shied away from danger, and he had never abandoned me. Even when I'd tried pretty damn hard to make him.
His expression relaxed then, and a gentle smile formed on his face as he broke his contemplation. It strained me to hear the soft chuckle that left his lips before he swallowed hard.
"I remember the day I started falling for you," he said, his voice sounding impossibly loud against the silent forest. It was almost a harsh contrast to the silence we'd been enveloped in. I didn't answer; this was a musing, a quiet confession and he wanted me to listen. "The time after I phased – Jake and I still weren't talking." He turned towards me slightly, fixing his half-smiling gaze on me and taking in the expression on my face. I'm sure it was probably one of confusion. Had it really been that long; all that time?
"I was in the Rez store, waiting by the counter. You came in and I froze up; I was so sure you hated me for what you thought I did to Jake. I was prepared for a stern talking-to," he said chuckling again. "You were so protective of him, back then."
I looked away guiltily. So much of our history was interspersed with mine and Jacob's, and I'd been completely oblivious to his feelings because I was too wrapped up in being the victim, and wallowing in the could-have-beens with Jacob; here and in a lost life I'd never actually realise. Could we ever get away from the self-inflicted stigma of having Jacob as our link? I knew I would never have known Embry's name had it not been for that day in the garage when he'd introduced us. He wouldn't have known who I was if my father hadn't been friends with Billy. Things had changed, though, he'd slowly but surely carved out his own place in my life, so carefully I hadn't even realised until after it happened.
His hand hovered over mine for a moment, a slight hesitation spanning endlessly before I felt the warmth of his grasp cover my knuckles, his fingers lacing through my own reassuringly. He didn't want me to feel guilty. He was telling me without saying a word.
I turned back to him. Studying how our hands fit together. I could barely see my own – his shielded it fully from view, protectively yet gently and without pressure. Just like Embry.
"You didn't tear me a new one like I thought. Instead, you told me that everything would be okay, do you remember that?"
I nodded silently. He'd told me how much he needed to hear that after Jake finally phased. It had helped him when he was alone and frustrated, and felt like everyone important in the world hated him through no fault of his own. I never realised how much it really meant until right now.
"It was like you knew my secret, when there was no way you could have. You cut me some slack right at the point I felt like I was going to snap."
"It was a time-jump," I croaked, finding my voice for the very first time. "In the moment, I didn't know your secret, but I knew to have faith in you, because I had this... feeling." I let out a breath, wondering if a sane person would shut up and let the cute boy fall in love with her. "The feeling came from the version of me who knew who you were, what you where. It wasn't blind faith, Em."
Saying it sent a chill through me. Would it change his perception of me now, knowing that I'd done it not on belief in his goodness, but on the basis that I had insider knowledge?
He nodded almost imperceptibly. "I just realised that," he said evenly, before straightening up again and looking me straight-on, a picture of resolve. "Doesn't change anything, though. You didn't have to tell me that. You could have blanked me, you could have talked about the weather, but you didn't. You told me exactly what I needed to hear because you knew I needed to hear it."
I shrugged, looking away. "You looked like you could use a little comfort. Why wouldn't I do it? It's not the point, though."
I turned back to him and he raised an eyebrow. "Well what is, then?" His eyes looked straight into me, daring me to take the moment away from him in that challenging way he was so adept at. I hated myself for it, but I had to be honest.
"The point is... in the original sequence of events, that never happened. I was never meant to run into you that day, Em. You were never meant to fall for me."
His lips thinned as he thought about that, jaw clenching as he frowned at nothing but my words. After several beats. He shook his head. "No."
"No? What is that supposed to mean?" I replied, jerking my head back in confusion. His hand was still covering mine, and I didn't want to move.
"It means no, you're wrong." He sounded almost patronising, as if he couldn't fathom how I didn't get how obvious it all was.
"It's the way it happened, Em," I said sorrowfully. "This was all a big mistake that these... powers let me make."
He shook his head again, gripping my hand tighter. "This is not a mistake, we are not -" there was a sigh, "You don't get it. You talked about fate, right?"
I shrugged a shoulder. "So?"
"So, don't you think fate just gave you another signpost, an eraser on your pencil so you can go and do the right thing?"
"You think it was meant to happen?" I said, unable to keep the relief from my voice at the smile on his expression inside. I noticed he was closer now, leaning in enthusiastically and willing me to believe him. The warmth of his breath was making the flyways framing my face twirl in the air.
"I think you went the wrong way the first time," he replied. "I think you retraced your steps, got to the last place that looked familiar, and then you picked the right path... the one that was waiting for you the whole time. It was a little bumpy, and it looked kind of dark sometimes, but it led you right..." his breath was on my lips now, and my head felt dizzy and alive and I surrendered to the moment. Maybe he was right. Maybe this was fate. Maybe it was always supposed to lead to this. He caught my gaze again, just as I gasped softly, needing him closer, wanting him right were he was, right at that moment.
"...here."
And Embry kissed me.
A/N: I don't think I have anything to say about this one. I hope you liked it. Any questions, please ask, and let me know what you think. :)