Dolphin-san: Hey there, everyone. I know I didn't update yesterday when I said I would, but I'm hoping that this chapter will make up for it.

Chapter 35

'You've been invited to James Thompson's wedding?'

Adrian stared at Hiro in disbelief.

'Sshh, keep your voice down,' Hiro hissed, thought the pub was almost deserted. He tried not to smirk with pride, but it was impossible. Just as it had been impossible to keep the news to himself. Still, it wasn't as if he was blabbing it all around town. Ade was his best friend. He knew he could trust him. That was the whole point of best friends.

Adrian whistled, impressed.

'You're going up in the world, lucky sod. Who else'll be there?'

Triumphantly, Hiro reeled off the list of names Ray had given him. Ade gulped them down like lager after a lamb vindaloo.

'Shit! You'll be in Hello! magazine.'

'I told you, no press.'

'What, you mean nobody knows it's going to happen? That could be worth something,' Ade exclaimed. 'A tip-off to one of the tabloids . . . they pay good money for that kind of info. Who's Buzz Baxter working for now?' he went on abruptly. 'The Sun, the Mirror – one of the tabloids – a scoop like that'd be right up his street.'

Buzz Baxter was an old schoolfriend they still bumped into from time to time. Hiro's forehead creased with doubt.

'But they don't want any publicity, do they?'

'Come on! One photographer, how terrible would that be? Give Buzz a ring,' Adrian urged. 'Earn yourself a few easy grand.'

Regretfully, Hiro tilted his chair back on its hind legs.

'Ray would go berserk.'

'Sometimes I wonder about you. Buzz wouldn't reveal his sources, would he? And Ray doesn't know that you know Buzz. Simple,' said Adrian, spreading his hands. 'Home and dry. I'm telling you, mate, you're mad if you don't.'

They had another drink. Slowly, Hiro allowed Adrian to overcome his reluctance.

'He'd ask me. I'd have to lie to him.'

'Oh, and that would never do, would it?' Adrian jeered. 'Keeping the truth from Ray.'

Hiro's smile was rueful. He didn't mention that he already had Buzz Baxter's phone number tucked away in his wallet. Tipping Buzz off had, naturally, occurred to him as soon as Ray had stressed – rather insultingly, he felt – the secrecy of the occasion. But this way, his conscious was clear. It had been Adrian's idea, not his own. He was being conned, pressured, practically forced into going along with it.

Anyway, as Ade kept reminding him, nobody would ever know.

Thousands of pounds, in exchange for a simple phone call.

In all honesty, who could resist that?

Ray, ringing him on Sunday morning, sounded breathless and distracted.

'Darling, I'll have to meet you there. I'm helping with the hairstyling. You can make your own way to the hotel, can't you?'

The Salinger, in Kensington, was one of London's classiest and most discreet hotels.

'As long as they let me in,' said Hiro. It was all right for celebrities, with their instantly recognisable faces, but he would be turning up alone, without so much as a printed invitation. So, for that matter, would Buzz.

'Don't panic. Security will ask for the password,' Ray explained. 'You have to tell them you're here to see Mr O'Hare.'

'O'Hare.' Hiro acknowledged the feeble pun with a grimace.

'Then you have to sing "Here Comes the Bride".'

'What!'

'It's a two-part password,' Ray told him. 'You don't have to sing the whole song, just the first two lines. Then they'll let you through.'

'God.' Hiro pulled a face; he wasn't much of a singer at the best of times.

'Have you missed me?'

'Of course I've missed you. Are you sure you're feeling better?'

'Oh, tons. Face all back to normal.' Ray certainly sounded cheerful enough. 'Don't worry, I won't let you down.'

Hiro smiled. He really had missed him.

'What are you wearing?'

'Boxers, grey T-shirt with a picture of Screaming Lord Sutch on the front –'

'I meant to the wedding.'

'Oh, a new suit. You'll love it!'

'So long as it doesn't have a picture of Screaming Lord Sutch on the front.'

'Hiro, I have to go, we're going to be rushed off our feet for the next couple of hours. See you at the Salinger, okay?'

'Twelve o'clock. I won't be late.'

'Blimey, better not be!'

'I love you,' Hiro blurted out.

There was a brief pause.

'I love you too.'

'When security stop you, you tell them you're there to see Mr O'Hare,' Hiro explained importantly.

'Right.'

'Then you have to sing the first two lines of "Here Comes the Bride".'

'Is this a wind up?'

'No.'

'Can't I just hum it?'

'No!'

'Fucking celebrities,' sighed Buzz.

'There he is,' Max squealed delightedly, peeping through the curtains down to the street below. 'Buzz Baxter, lovely, lovely chap. Danced with me at our wedding reception, tried to unzip my trousers on the dance floor and asked if I'd like to have sex with him in the back of his Austin Montego.'

Ray peered over Max's shoulder as Buzz, glimpsing the camera under his baggy jacket as he fished out his wallet to pay off the cab. Moments later, Buzz smoothed the jacket back into place. The camera, like a concealed weapon, was undetectable. As he turned to mount the white marble steps, another gleaming black cab drew up behind him.

'How did you know Hiro would tip him off?'

Max, drily, said, 'I know Hiro.'

At that moment the door of the cab swung open and Ray's head began to swim. Oh God, this was actually going to happen, it was really really about to happen. Just for a second, Ray was choked with sorrow. So much for happy-ever-after. How could he have made such a monumental mistake?

No, no I mustn't feel sorry for myself, there's no time for that now. Be brave, be strong.

'New suit,' Max observed with satisfaction. 'Let's hope it cost a bomb.' He took a deep breath, adjusted the padding beneath his uniform and spun Ray round do fast he almost fell. 'Right, the weasel has landed.' Firmly, he propelled Ray in the direction of the blue ballroom's double doors. 'Go, go, go!'

The security man stepped forward, blocking Hiro's path through the foyer. Hiro knew he was security because he was wearing Blues Brothers dark glasses and an ill-fitting black suit.

'May I help you sir?'

'I'm here to see Mr O'Hare,' said Hiro.

The Blues Brother nodded impassively.

And waited.

'Um . . . "Here comes the bride,"' Hiro sang in a quavering voice. He felt simultaneously foolish and important. '"All . . . all dressed in whi-ite . . ."'

White came out horribly off-key, which was embarrassing.

The Blues Brother didn't smile. He nodded again, grimly, and stepped to one side.

His black suit was too tight for him. Hiro, squaring his shoulders and instinctively straightening his own jacket, wondered if the man had any idea how it felt to wear a suit that had cost eight hundred quid.

He checked his cuffs, then his watch. Five to twelve.

Mustn't be late.

When Hiro was out of sight, Tony Vale removed his Blues Brothers glasses – Camden Market, £1.50 – before turning and switching off the video camera concealed within the pedestal flower arrangement behind him. Then he headed for the staircase. Wouldn't want to miss out on all the fun.

The double doors were closed. Takao Kinomiya was pacing up and down outside like a nervous father-to-be.

'Hi. Hiro Granger.' As he held out his perspiring-with-excitement hand, Hiro wondered how much Takao's suit had cost. 'Congratulations.'

'Ray's fiancé. Nice to meet you at last.' Takao nodded and smiled, shaking the outstretched hand. 'I have to congratulate you too.'

'Is everyone in there?' Hiro jerked his head in the direction of the double doors.

'Oh yes, all ready and waiting. Right,' said Takao, taking a deep breath. 'We'd better go through.'

For the first few moments, as the heavy doors swung shut behind them and he found himself being led up the central isle by Takao, Hiro thought he must be in the wrong room.

He knew he couldn't be, because he was with Takao. But where, in that case, were all the celebrities?

No Kylie, no Daisy Schofield, no stars of stage and screen . . . and what was more, not a Mick in sight.

Bewildered, Hiro wondered why Takao hadn't seemed to notice that something was seriously amiss. His confusion increased as he recognised James Thompson sitting two rows from the front. He was wearing jeans and a shirt, and Doc Marten's.

And over there, in her wheelchair, was that old witch, Florence . . .

Hiro's neck muscles had by this time assumed a life of their own; his head swivelled from side to side as he spotted first Bev, in a hat the size of a kitchen table, then Buzz, looking as bemused as himself. Towards the back of the room he recognised Kai Hiwatari, but the dozen or so other guests were all total strangers.

For Christ's sake, where's Ray?

'Over here, please.' The vicar indicated to Takao and Hiro where he wished them to stand.

'You don't mind do you?' murmured Takao.

In a daze, Hiro shook his head. The Micks had evidently let Takao down. He needed a best man. Jesus, what was James Thompson thinking of, getting married in Doc Marten's?

Music flooded the room, making Hiro jump. From hidden speakers poured the opening bars of the Wedding March. Next to him, a muscle twitched in Takao's jaw as he turned in response to the sound of the double doors swishing open.

Hiro turned too.

Ray, all in white, stood framed in the doorway.

Ray's golden eyes shone. Grinning broadly, he moved up the makeshift isle towards Hiro.

The music stopped.

Flinging out his arms, throwing them around Hiro before he could react, Ray cried, 'Surprise!'

The icy trickle of anti-freeze seeped through Hiro's veins. Around him, the room erupted with laughter and applause. He felt his heart thudding like a tom-tom in his chest. It was the nightmare to end all nightmares and he could barely breath.

'I don't . . . I don't understand.'

Hiro stammered the words out at last, understanding only too well but playing desperately for time.

'I love you. You love me.' Ray's cheeks were flushed with elation. 'It's what we both want, so why wait? I've never seen the point of long engagements. Oh darling, we're getting married . . . today! Right here, right now!'

Hiro couldn't bear to look at him. Whichever way he turned, he saw someone else he didn't want to see . . . the vicar's benign, smiling face . . . Kai Hiwatari with a video camera, capturing every moment on film . . . Takao Kinomiya searching his pocket and pulling out two wedding rings . . .

Could there be an experience more excruciating than this?

Ray, reaching for his hands, laughed and said, 'Darling, you're shaking like a leaf. Don't worry, I've thought of everything.' Leaning closer, he added triumphantly, 'I smuggled you birth certificate out of your flat last week.'

The ironic thing was, Hiro would have married Ray. Like a shot. But what was the average sentence for bigamy? He might love Ray, but he couldn't face going to jail.

'Could we have some quiet, please?' The vicar raised his hands to the boisterous congregation and nodded genially at Hiro. 'If you're ready, maybe we can proceed.'

Hiro's mouth opened and closed like a cod's. No words came out. He wondered about slumping to the ground and feigning unconsciousness.

'You are happy, I take it, for the ceremony to go ahead?' The vicar lifted bushy, enquiring eyebrows at him.

Hiro stared back in horror.

'Darling?' Anxiety creased Ray's forehead. 'Please say something. You're not about to turn me down, are you?'

Oh God, how could this be happening to him? How could he tell him?

Ray's bottom lip began to tremble.

'Hiro? What's wrong? Don't you want to marry me?'

Ray would never forgive him. Never. Oh, shit, why did this have to happen to him?

'Well,' declared Florence, her throaty voice carrying effortlessly across the room, 'this is in danger of becoming embarrassing. Come on, Hiro, let's get this show on the road! The sooner we start, the sooner it's over with, then we can all have a drink.'

A drink, God, what he wouldn't give for a drink right now. For that matter, what he wouldn't give for a bolt of lightning to crash through the ceiling and knock Florence – interfering old buzzard – out of her wheelchair.

Better still, Hiro thought in desperation, one to flatten me.

Kai Hiwatari was still filming. Turning to look at him, Hiro forced himself to speak.

'Switch it off,' he croaked. 'Please.'

'I can't do that.' Kai sounded surprised. 'This is the happiest day of Ray's life.'

Ray, no longer smiling, said, 'I'm beginning to wonder. Is this the happiest day of my life, Hiro?' Ray's eyes bored into him. 'Is it?'

All heads swivelled in unison towards the double doors as they swung open. Desperately praying for some form – any form – of reprieve, Hiro's head swivelled too.

A waiter in a black uniform and a white apron backed through the doors carrying a tray of glasses. He turned, balancing the tray against his heavily pregnant stomach, and surveyed the assembled guests.

'Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you'd have finished by now. I was told –'

Max's voice broke off as he saw Hiro.

Paralysed, Hiro stared back at him. He was having an out-of-body experience. This couldn't be happening to him.

'What's going on here?' Max's incredulous gaze flickered from the vicar to Ray to Hiro. 'You can't marry him.'

Ray's eyes were like saucers. Hotly he demanded, 'Why can't I?'

Max put the tray down carefully on the side table beside him. He smoothed his apron over his swollen stomach – Jesus, Hiro wondered wildly, how had he gotten that big so soon? – and clamly shrugged.

'Because I'm his husband.'

Dolphin-san: Well there you go, bet you weren't expecting that! I hope that this has somewhat made up for the lack of updates and can keep you interested in this story till the next one. Don't worry, I still have plenty of ideas, just little time to type them up.

Ja ne.