Jack tried to focus on the lights of the Hub above them, it was late. Their waifs were tucked up in strange beds, struggling to make sense of a world gone mad. Torn from lives they knew and a world they had called home. Tossed by a spacial anomaly, a door in time, into a different world and they were barely starting to scratch the surface.

He saw the reflection of his own fears in their eyes, fears he had spent lifetimes ignoring. Hiding behind a smile he no longer felt. His only warmth the sweet, gentle, innocent man sleeping next to him. And he hated knowing that he poisoned every life he touched. Outliving ever lover he'd ever had or would have. He asked himself the very unflattering question, how many had he actually loved and how many were simply convenient. He suspected the latter list was the longer of the two. Which, along with the paradox of his not ageing at any normal rate had driven the occasional lover mad. Not staying dead had also wrecked more than just his life. And now it was going to wreck Ianto's life too.

How could it not when the young Welshman with his beautiful vowels gave so freely of himself. If he gave Jack everything he would have nothing left. He wasn't sure he was worthy of Ianto. He also knew that while he would give Ianto anything he asked of him, he couldn't give him his heart or his freedom.

Jack wanted to scream to the heavens at the contradiction he had painted himself into. He was no longer capable of love and he was never giving Ianto up. It ate away at him, what if he was stopping Ianto from living a life filled with love, a family and beautiful blue eyed children. He wished bitterly that he could give Ianto the life and love he deserved, that he could let him go.

Was he some sort of parasite? Absorbing the purity and innocence of the man, until youth spent Ianto would be left a shell. All the promise inherent in the life he could have lived consumed by the lusts of an immortal con man who had lost his soul a long time ago. Was there no one who could grant him absolution in the darkness.

He felt Ianto stir against him in his sleep, soft breaths as his chest rose and fell. What dreams he dreamt, Jack wondered, what lives did he live in the freedom of sleep. Did Ianto explore worlds in his dreams, did he dream in colour? Or like Jack, was he afraid to dream, afraid that in dreams the ghosts of his past could haunt him once more. Haunted by the faces of those whose deaths he had ordered, lives he had taken because someone had to.

Someone always had to make those decisions and it had been his job for too long. He no longer wanted to hold it all together but there was no one else he could give it to. He was tired and he wanted the oblivion that came from the sleep of the innocent. Something he hadn't had in a very long time. Thoughts of innocence brought him back to Ianto. How long before the younger man gave himself so completely to him that Ianto Jones no longer existed. How long before Ianto fell in love.

Jack gently brushed Ianto's hair back before lightly kissing him. His voice a whisper in the darkness. 'Don't fall in love with me.' He felt Ianto stir next to him and he just held him close as sleep crept over him, until he joined Ianto in dreams.

Jack woke with a start, his dream still too real as he reached for Ianto, to make sure he was still there sharing his bed. His heart racing, adrenalin flooding his body as Ianto opened a sleepy eye.

'What is it?'

'It was just a dream.' Jack felt relief flood him and warmth returned to his body as he felt Ianto lying next to him in the darkness.

'What sort of dream Jack?' Ianto mumbled, his words edged with sleep.

'One where the world ended Ianto.'

'The world's always ending Jack.'

'I know.' Jack touched Ianto, the dream was too real, a dream where Ianto was dead. He needed to connect with Ianto to banish the gut wrenching feeling of being alone again. Holding Ianto he kissed his eyelids and held him close.

'Jack.' Ianto muttered. 'It's ridiculous o'clock in the morning.'

'I know, I just need to know your still here.'

'It's three am Jack, where else would I be?' Ianto curled up with Jack and yawned. 'Go back to sleep.'

Jack stifled a yawn of his own and wrapped Ianto in his arms as he tried to find sleep that was free of dreams. Absent of any more dreams where Ianto wasn't in them. He usually dreamt of his past, he didn't want to imagine a future without Ianto, without the beautiful Welshman next to him. He also didn't want to examine that too closely either as he drifted into sleep. The unwanted thought and all it hinted at drifting further away until it too was forgotten.

Jack watched Ianto, when he stayed with him in the Hub their morning routine was the same. After they finally got out of bed they would shower, dress and Ianto made the bed. Usually while Jack watched, he frowned, something was different. 'Ianto, what's that?'

Ianto straightened up. 'This Jack?' Indicating the object of Jack's apparent scrutiny that he was holding.

'Yes, what is it?'

'I believe it's called, a pillow, Sir.'

'I see.' Jack was tempted to roll his eyes but he decided to play along, recognising Ianto's tone. 'But it isn't my pillow.'

'No Sir, it's mine.'

'Well I figured that.'

'If you already knew, why did you ask?'

Jack had to concede, Ianto had a point. 'When did you sneak it in here?'

'I didn't sneak anything in. Sir.'

Jack recognised the icy tone that replaced the playful one as he shook his head. 'No, you probably didn't.'

'Jack.' Ianto tossed his pillow onto the bed next to Jack's. 'You didn't sleep well last night did you. I remember being woken at some point.'

Jack ran a hand though his hair. 'Oh, I didn't imagine that then, I wasn't sure.'

Ianto stepped closer to Jack. 'Do you remember what you were dreaming about?'

Jack shook his head, he was surrounded by a feeling of unease but with no memory of why. He pulled Ianto into his arms. 'I don't usually remember my dreams Ianto. I've got ghosts following me as it is without seeing them in my dreams too.' He sighed softly. 'Come on, I'll buy you breakfast before the others get here. And you can tell me why you want to work on Christmas day.'

'Ah.'

They sat in their usual café, breakfast dishes pushed towards the centre of the table between them as Jack drank his coffee and Ianto sipped his tea.

'So you have to cook dinner and that's why you want me to fabricate an emergency?'

'Not an emergency, exactly.'

Jack finished his coffee, it wasn't as good as Ianto's of course. 'When did you last see your family?'

Ianto frowned. 'My mother's birthday I think, June.'

'Where do they live, outer Mongolia?'

'Cardiff.'

'You Welsh.'

'And what's that supposed to mean Sir.' Ianto smiled, he had gotten used to Jack's 'Welsh' comments.

Jack just grinned. 'I don't really celebrate Christmas myself, it usually just slips past unremarked.'

'You don't want an invite to dinner then Sir.'

Jack smiled as he shook his head. 'No Ianto, thank you but no. And if you have finished, we have three lost souls to look after.'

Ianto nodded, he wasn't sure if he was relieved Jack hadn't wanted to join him for Christmas dinner, or if he was disappointed. Had Jack said that because he didn't want to meet his family. Or because he just didn't celebrate Christmas. Ianto walked beside Jack and tried to focus on their latest problem instead of thinking himself in circles. Introducing three people from the nineteen fifties to modern day Cardiff, in the days before Christmas. Not one of their easier assignments. Second guessing Jack would have to wait. Although it did raise another question and he wasn't able to stop himself asking. 'Does that mean you don't want a Christmas present?'

Jack stopped walking and looked at Ianto. 'I hadn't really thought about that, if I'm honest I wasn't even aware it was this close to Christmas until you mentioned it. Do you want a Christmas present?'

Ianto considered that. 'I don't know.' He wanted to say yes, he did want a gift, if Jack wanted to get him one. Not because he should, because he could. Ianto just wasn't sure he wanted to have that conversation with Jack, even if he had started it.

Jack looked at Ianto, he was standing there, hands in his pockets while he tried to look nonchalant. Jack sighed softly, he knew what that meant. He flashed Ianto a grin and started walking again. 'How about we finish this conversation after we get though the day without you killing Owen.'

'I never said I wanted to kill him Jack, just shoot him.'

They were standing at the door to the tourist office. 'Come on, lets see if the waifs are here yet.'

Jack thought about all the times he had died, alone and afraid. Knowing that after the darkness came nothing. Until the pain, with the fear still there along with the loneliness. He wondered if he would have made the same choice John Ellis had made, if there had been a way he could have stayed dead. He also wasn't quite sure what he was going to tell Ianto as he sat in his Audi next to a dead man. He was tired, tired of being out of his own time, tired of watching the people around him die. He had seen John faced with the spectre of his own mortality in the form of his son, old and addled, the son he had known stolen by time. His only connection to his past a handful of photos, a life already lived and a single suitcase.

How many times, Jack wondered, had he himself picked his life up and started again, and how many more lives lay ahead of him. Burying lovers and friends along the way. Memories in a tin tucked into a draw of people he had watched age and die while he did not. And now there was Ianto. He didn't want to think of Ianto joining the collection of photos, becoming the half forgotten face of another lover when he lived on. He heard Ianto's voice in his ear, over his comms line.

'Jack?'

He exhaled slowly before he responded. 'I found your car, and John. I need you to come here, but,' He sighed. 'I need you Ianto.'

'I'll get a cab Sir.'

Ianto paid the cab driver and moved towards Jack, waiting for him outside the garage door. 'John?'

Jack shook his head. 'I couldn't stop him, well, I could have stopped him but he would have tried again.' He felt the tears in his eyes and just breathed Ianto in when the younger man wrapped his arms around him. 'I couldn't let him die alone Ianto.'

Ianto could smell exhaust fumes mixed in with Jack's natural pheromones, he didn't understand what Jack was saying, but he gathered John was dead. In his car. He sighed, he couldn't drive his car now someone had killed himself in it. And he wasn't sure if he was supposed to advise any prospective buyers of the fact. But even more important was Jack needed him. He sighed softly, he was still second guessing everything Jack said and did. He'd get his car towed back to the Hub and sort it out from there.

He just wasn't sure what they were gong to do with John's body. But that was usually Tosh's department, he just made sure the SUV had a full tank of gas and they all got their paperwork done on time and had coffee to drink. If this was going to be added to his job description he was going to need a pay rise. He'd only just finished paying the car off and he'd loved that car. He sighed softly, it was just a car. John was a person. Hopes and fears and unrealised dreams gone, torn from him just as he had been torn from his own place in the world, from his own time. With no one to morn him, to stand at his grave and curse the god that had taken him from the world. So Ianto let go of the idea that John had killed himself in his car, and held on to the man in his arms instead. It was going to be another long day. They seemed to be having a lot of them lately.

Jack sat at his desk in the Hub and accepted the whiskey Ianto handed him. 'He was a man outside of his own time and it destroyed him Ianto. Even Diane's gone, trying to get back to her time, so god knows where she will end up.'

'And Emma has moved to London Sir.'

They were alone in the Hub, Ianto had tried to talk Jack into going back to his flat with him, but Jack had insisted on staying at the Hub. Since he no longer had a car Ianto decided it was just easier to stay with Jack, not wanting to leave him alone. Owen had been thankfully silent on the matter. He was looking at Jack from his seat on the couch, whiskey of his own in hand. Jack spun his chair around and moved to sit next to Ianto.

Ianto finished his whiskey and set the glass down, spinning around to face Jack. 'I don't think I'll ever get used to this part of the job.'

Jack shook his head. 'You don't. I've lost count of how many people I've put into the morgue. I wasn't joking when Suzie died, we are going to run out of room down there.'

'And what about here Jack.' Ianto laid his hand on Jack's head. 'Will you run out of room here?'

Jack nodded. 'Eventually.' He reached out to Ianto and pulled him closer. 'Right now I want to get lost in you.' He kissed Ianto and tried to let it all fade away. 'It's been a while since we tried the furniture in my office.'

'I'm still getting over the last time.' Ianto muttered darkly as he kissed Jack back.