Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Suggested Listening: Be Mine (Featuring Erik Hassle), Your Biggest Mistake, Are You Happy Now? - all by Ellie Goulding (She kinda 'gets' Bella in this story), Addicted to Love (Cover), Hardest of Hearts, You've Got The Love (Cover) – all by Florence + The Machine, My Fight For You by Greg Laswell, Tautou, The Quiet Things... and Okay I Believe You... - all by Brand New
Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Part That Loved You Died
"Oh for fuck's sake, are you seriously calling me about this?"
I switched the phone from one hand to the other, pulling another drawer out to set on the bed.
"Hey, you're the one who insisted I go. You get to deal with what that entails."
A grunt. "Call's the one slipping you the salami, why doesn't he get all the stupid downsides of your overactive brain?"
"Oh Jesus, would you stop with the innuendos? And I can't talk to Embry. He's been murdering Sugar Hill Gang all week, and he just starts rapping louder if I start talking about tonight."
"That was him? Man, I thought I was going nuts!" she said, and I could hear the distinct sound of palm hitting forehead. "The kid only phases really late or really early these days, and always skulks off when there's company. You try randomly hearing 'Rapper's Delight' at four in the morning on three hour's sleep. You'd think you were going crazy too."
"He's got this... nervous habit, I don't think he can help it."
"He's got a crappy taste in music, is what he has. Maybe he should try helping that?"
"Leah..."
"I'm serious, does he take requests?"
I smiled, despite the joke being at Embry's expense. "He's convinced Jake's gonna find out tonight, and shit will hit the fan." I chewed on my lip, my hand freezing before pulling out the next sweater from the drawer. "Do you think he's right?"
There was a pause, in which she sighed and I heard her close a door for privacy. "Honestly? I don't know what's gonna happen. Sam's usually too wrapped up in Emily to really give me much thought – but Jake hasn't seen you in weeks. He's obviously going to notice you're there."
"But I'll be there with you..."
"Yeah, and so far he seems to think we're forming some Bitter Jilted Exes club. He still thinks you're not going to show."
Rolling my eyes, I gritted my teeth through the flare of anger his assumption caused. Sure, I hadn't exactly been a ray of sunshine the last time we saw each other, but he was pretty full of himself to assume I hadn't moved on at all.
I sat on the edge of the bed, looking into the mirror of my dresser. I wasn't the same person anymore – I was better. Embry made me stronger and it wasn't up to anyone else to judge whether that was right or wrong, For now, though, the cause of that improvement in my life was precious. When something feels precious, you want to protect it; you want to shelter it from every threat because you're not ready to see it torn apart.
That's what I was afraid of. Would the opinions of everyone else, everyone who couldn't appreciate what we'd been through turn it sour? I wasn't ready to find out, and that was why the clench of anxiety I'd felt upon agreeing to go to La Push became steadily more pronounced as the days dragged on.
Emily had called, hesitant but full of apologies that she hadn't been in touch. She explained her thought that I'd need some space – from her and Kim. Strangely, despite the hurt her arrival in La Push had caused Leah, I couldn't find it in me to resent her. Emily was as sweet and genuine as people came, and I knew deep in my heart that had she had a choice, she would never have caused everyone such anguish. Obliquely, I wondered if, had I been an impartial observer, I would feel the same way about Melanie. I'd spent so long blaming her for everything wrong in my life, and dealing with my own inferiority complex, that I hadn't let myself see it from her side.
It still felt too raw to try.
Emily didn't do well hiding her surprise when I agreed to come, quickly covering it with a rushed explanation of the time and place, set-up of the party and who would be there, glossing over the specifics with 'the usual crowd'. I wondered if she'd have a similar flustered reaction when she found out where I'd garnered the strength it took to attend from.
Even Paul, who fought adamantly against opinions about himself and Leah, had given me a look of disbelief when he put the pieces of Embry and I together. It was quickly followed by a slow realisation as to why I'd put so much stock into his ability to fight his imprint – the imprint that never happened. For once, the ever-outspoken pain-in-the-ass stayed quiet. He had his guarantees, and although he'd given me some good-natured ribbing in private about working his temper up to the point of explosion, he knew better than to voice his real concerns. He knew we weren't stupid. Embry and I had no guarantees, just theories we put our faith in – theories Paul wasn't even aware of - and I wished more than anything that I could forget about that.
Later, I remembered a conversation we'd had a while ago – and I realised that Paul's failure to comment wasn't out of judgement, but rather respect for my decision. If there was one person who could appreciate a daring gesture to achieve your goals, Paul was him.
"...it's nothing to be ashamed of, going after what you want – even if you don't think it's the best thing for you."
Maybe Leah wasn't the only one rubbing off on me these days? Maybe my backbone was a combination of every positive influence in my life. Maybe if I kept thinking the way they did, I'd gain the courage to fight for my own happiness.
Back in the present, I was still seething.
"Oh, because the world revolves around Jacob Black," I said caustically.
"Not the whole world, just yours."
"Not anymore," I shot back obstinately.
"Yeah, well, do Em a favour? Keep it that way."
I frowned, offended that she'd assume I was that fickle; that I would take one look at Jacob and I'd be back baying at his feet like a pathetic doormat.
"I'm gonna go ahead and pretend you didn't just say that..."
"Swan, you're talking to the one person who knows what you've been through. Even now there are certain – rare – times that it stings a little to see Sam so happy, especially when it wasn't even something he decided for himself."
My anger ebbed at her confession, realising that it came from a place of sympathy, not condemnation.
"Don't lie to yourself, or me. It's gonna suck, most of all because you're not used to it. If you go into this assuming that it won't, then you're setting yourself up for a nasty surprise."
I let her words sink in, nodding in resignation before realising she couldn't see me. "Okay, I hear you. At least I'm not gonna be doing this alone, right?"
"Sure. Tonight's gonna be a suck-fest for both of us," she agreed. "And to answer your question, I'm going semi-casual. You don't want to show up there looking like you're trying to win someone back... but you don't want to look like your life has spiralled into a circle of Ben 'N' Jerry's and Katherine Heigl movies either."
I smiled - my hunch that she'd have the perfect advice was confirmed.
"Noted. Pick you up at eight?"
"I'll be on my porch, waiting for my corsage, Gorgeous! Don't be late."
Hanging up the phone with a laugh, I surveyed the bomb-site that I called a room. Every item of clothing I owned was on display, and a sea of dark colours covered every inch of my bed. It was times like this that I almost wished Alice was still around, just so I could turn over control to someone who actually liked this kind of thing.
Semi-casual. Did I even know what that meant? So... casual, but not quite. I sorted through the various hangers, finding an assortment of jeans, and really wishing I'd had the wherewithal to go shopping. Maybe I could have bought a dress.
That's not casual, Swan!
My inner-voice was sounding a lot like Leah these days.
Maybe I could go in between... a skirt? I was sure I'd bought some back when I was going through my Bitch-Bella stage. I rolled my eyes as every single one seemed way too daring than I'd be comfortable with. What the hell had I been trying to prove? No matter how expensive these were, to me they just seemed 'cheap' and 'easy' – and not in the way Leah would approve of, either. On the off-chance that everything did come out tonight, I didn't want to give anyone a reason to think what was happening with Embry was any less special than what it was.
Embry was no rebound.
Finally, I landed on a black pencil-skirt, one I remembered buying for a job interview I'd had back in Phoenix with Barnes & Noble – which I didn't get. That would work, right? If I put it with that lace, sleeveless blouse I'd found, maybe it wouldn't be so obvious that I spent months pining after Jacob and was now fucking his best friend.
Whoa!
Jesus, I had to think about shoes before those thoughts drowned everything out. I was the innocent party here. I wasn't going to get my disloyal brain get the better of me. I was allowed to move on, I didn't care what any of them thought.
Yeah, stop kidding yourself – they're gonna see right through you.
Alright, that one sounded like Leah, but it was all me. I tugged the clothes and a pair of flats to my chest angrily, mentally berating myself for succumbing to the psych-out as I stormed to the bathroom. No-one knew anything, and it was going to stay that way.
The drive to Leah's was too short. I glanced at the empty space in the dashboard where the radio had been, wishing that I had something to dull the pounding of my heart and the screams of 'For the love of all that is holy, turn back!' that looped like a broken record in my head. I felt uncomfortable, too dressed-up, overheated, and full of adrenaline. I'd made a commitment, but I had the distinct feeling that if it wasn't for Leah, I would have chickened out when Emily called me.
She was sitting on the top step of her porch, smoking a cigarette when I pulled up. At the wrinkle of my nose, she stood up, flicking the butt into the bushes and rolled her eyes. She was wearing a blue, ethnic-looking tunic dress and boots that made her look like she'd stepped off a runway, but somehow didn't care. Totally Leah.
"Stop judging me – I quit. Just still need to take the edge off, every now and then," she said, rounding the truck and opening the driver-side door. Her eyes cast over my outfit curiously as I stepped out, and she gave an approving nod. "Not too shabby, Swan. Aubergine's a big colour this season. We'll make a decent dresser out of you yet."
"Aubergine?"
"Your blouse," she said disdainfully.
"Oh.. thanks, it's not as if I didn't go through every piece of clothing I had," I grumbled, and a snort of laughter was my reply.
"Yeah, let's pretend I didn't buy this dress today, will we?"
"Deal."
A few moments of contemplative silence passed as we walked. Leah's face was pinched-looking, a thousand thoughts passing behind her eyes in the dim lights of the houses we passed.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, my eyes darting to the darkened path momentarily. I reshuffled Sam and Emily's engagement present in my grasp, opting to put it out of her sight and into the only purse I owned. It didn't really go with the outfit, but then neither did I.
She shrugged. "Same as always. I knew it was coming, I guess I kinda thought I'd be out of here before it happened."
"Before they got engaged? You wanted to leave?" I clarified.
"Yeah. I mean... that part of me? The part that loved Sam isn't here anymore. I buried her deep - and I guess I want him to be happy. I just don't want to have to sit around here wondering why it wasn't with me." She turned her head to look out into the trees, her fingers delicately tracing a silver bracelet on her wrist I hadn't seen before. "I hadn't counted on finding reasons to stay."
"I know how you feel," I said softly, swallowing past the pain for her – and for the part of myself that still wondered why - as quick as it surfaced. I was getting past this. Embry didn't need a twist of fate to tell him what he wanted. He knew, even before I did.
Leah smiled. "Yeah. You actually do," she said, a trace of amusement underlying her tone. "Sorry about that."
I barked out a laugh, her joke cutting into the sincerity of the moment like butter. "It's all good. At least some good came out of it."
"What's that? The hot werewolf sex?" she asked, a twinkle of mischief in her eye. My lips down-turned, and my eyebrows raised as I cocked my head in acknowledgement.
"That, yeah..." I nodded, smirking. "Also the Bitter Jilted Exes club."
Leah laughed, loud and filthy. "Oh man, you're gonna make a sweet date, Swan."
Her shoulders rose and fell deeply when we reached the porch. The house looked just the same as when I'd last seen it, save for a few repairs here and there, and the door had been touched up – I could still smell the paint. I squeezed Leah's shoulder, attempting comfort when I didn't think I actually had any of my own. After shooting a wink back at me - a silent show of solidarity - she knocked. The sound of people already inside permeated the walls, and my stomach roiled at the thought of who that could include. Was Jacob here already? Was she? What if one of them answered the door? Where was Embry? Wouldn't he have texted me if he was already here - even to warn me if he was going to be late? I thought about retrieving my phone, just to check I hadn't missed any messages when the sound of footsteps approached from within.
The door swung open almost roughly and we were greeted by Quil, half-eaten sandwich in one hand, dressed in pressed pants and a tailored, green shirt. His eyebrows rose once he saw us, and I wasn't sure if it was out of surprise that we'd actually come or our appearance, until he whistled long and low.
"Man, no-one told me the Pussycat Dolls were coming!" he exclaimed over the bustle of people already in the kitchen beyond. My nerves momentarily broke, allowing me to laugh, loud and gratefully at him while Leah rolled her eyes.
"Thing is, he thinks that's a compliment," she muttered dryly before re-training her glare on him. "You know they used to be strippers, right?"
He shrugged, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Your point?"
Crumbs flew from his lips with the velocity of hailstones.
"That Swan and I are not strippers?" she said, stepping forward to move past him. He wrinkled his nose, grimacing innocently.
"Whatever, objective achieved," he said, before giving me a sly smile. I frowned back at him, and he leaned closer. "Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" he crooned at me, before leaning back with a wink.
"Whatever you say, Quil," I replied, rolling my eyes.
"Everyone's in the kitchen, c'mon," he said, turning around and plodding back the way he'd evidently come. "Leah and Bella are here!" he called, while I cringed. Did he have to make a big deal of it?
"We know," Paul grunted, turning his head minutely from where he was leaning on the door frame to look at us. "Because you said 'I bet that's Leah and Bella!' before you answered the damn door."
His gaze stopped on Leah, eyes darkening infinitesimally as he took in the sight of her, all long legs, exposed thighs, and blue silk over caramel. That trademark smirk twitched his mouth ever so slightly, and he took a long swig of the beer in his hands.
"What's up, ladies?" he said, with the air of a predator.
"Hey, Paul," I said meekly, grateful that the first faces I was seeing were those I'd become accustomed to.
"Lookin' good, Bella," he winked, clicking his tongue and making a show of checking me out. I folded my arms, raising an eyebrow at him in a silent communication of 'Really?'
"You too, Paul. I didn't realise you owned a shirt," I chirped back, gesturing to the charcoal, fitted one he was practically sewn into. He laughed heartily and pushed off the door frame.
"I always liked a kitty with claws," he said, moving to stand in front of us before a voice from the kitchen – and the person it belonged to – occupied his space in the doorway.
"Bella?"
Kim smiled warmly at me, her once shy demeanour giving way to a new confidence that I suspected was all down to Jared. She was wearing a simple, black shift dress, but it was more grown-up than I'd ever seen her.
"Kim, wow... you look great!" I said, truly stunned at the difference in her. I'd started to feel a certain kinship with her before our budding friendship had been interrupted – two, shy introverts among a throng of strong personalities.
"So do you, Bella, Jeez! Are you wearing make-up?" she said, her eyebrows rising as she stepped forward, gesturing towards me and shaking her head. "It's great to see you." She wrapped me in a gentle hug before pulling back, revealing Jared not far behind.
"Nice to see you in something other than cupcake pyjamas, Bella," he said, moving to loop an arm around Kim's shoulder.
"Thanks... I think."
Kim smiled up at him lovingly, a look I'd seen many times before on the very face which appeared in the doorway next.
"Bella, Leah... So glad you could make it! Come have a drink?" Emily, ever the perfect hostess chirped.
Leah made a move to lead the way into the kitchen. "You guys better have something with alcohol in," she said, moving to the makeshift bar. I declined her offer of vodka, rum, beer – or some combination of the three that would likely kill me, citing the drive home as my excuse even though the roiling of my stomach screamed that I needed a little Dutch Courage. A cursory glance of my surroundings told me we were still early – there was no sign of Embry... and no sign of Jacob.
The kitchen opened out into the back yard, where several cloth-covered tables were pulled together and beautifully set with white votive candles, illuminating the enormous buffet I knew must have taken hours to prepare. Dotted around on the decking was a mis-match furniture; lawn chairs and tables evidently borrowed from various houses on the Rez in an informal pattern that didn't exclude, and rather invited conversation. The relaxed atmosphere was set off with lilting music from a sound system propped up on a crate by the door.
I followed the scent of cooking meat to Sam, hunkered over a large grill on the far end of the deck, with a look of fierce concentration on his face. He straightened up upon seeing me, offering me a curt nod and a wave of his spatula. I pressed my lips together when I noticed he was wearing an apron to protect the light blue shirt underneath.
Emily came to a stop next to me, the beginnings of a proud smile teasing at her lips as she handed me soda in a wine glass.
"This place looks amazing, Emily. It must have taken forever," I gushed, taking in the array of casseroles, pasta bakes, salads, quiches and finger-food that covered almost every inch of the table.
She nodded, sipping her own drink contemplatively. "I wanted the deck built specifically for things like this. We started preparing the buffet last weekend, most of it was frozen until today. I had a lot of help, though," she explained, before a minute crease appeared between her brows, and her eyes darted from mine. I suddenly realised where her help had come from. Seems like Melanie had replaced me in all facets of Pack life.
I smiled back brightly, feigning ignorance. "Well, your hard work paid off. I hope you got a picture of this before it gets destroyed," I said, jerking my head back to the gathered wolves in the kitchen.
She laughed lightly. "Actually, I hadn't thought of that, but you make a good point. The only reason they're being so well-behaved is because Sam held dessert hostage, like he's their dad or something."
The feeling of heat behind us drew my attention back, where Leah stepped outside holding a glass of I-have-no-idea. It smelled like gasoline mixed with paint-thinner. Her eyes fell on Sam, and something indiscernible passed between them as he caught sight of her.
"Careful he doesn't burn the house down," she sneered good-naturedly, but even a clueless person could tell it was masking something going on beneath the surface. "Kudos for making him cook outside, Emily."
Emily smiled softly over her shoulder at her. "Thanks. And thanks for coming tonight, really," she said, sincerity lacing her tone. Leah averted her gaze uncomfortably.
"Bella made me."
My mouth gaped. "I did not-"
"You kinda did," Quil supplied, passing us by to skulk around the buffet and scope out what he was going to make a beeline for once everyone arrived. Emily and I took his cue and followed him further outside, choosing the nearest chairs to sit on while I tried to explain myself. Leah hung back a moment, and I noticed Paul making his way towards her nonchalantly. They gravitated towards each other without even realising it, completely in sync – like he knew she needed a distraction.
"I didn't make her," I said to Emily, hanging my purse on the back of the chair. "We kind of made a deal that we showed up together or not at all."
"Did it really have to come to that?" she said, a flicker of sorrow in her eyes. I glanced at Quil, who was still immersed in trying to look innocent as he popped a vol-au-vent in his mouth, eyes shifting around guiltily.
"You knew this wasn't going to be easy for her," I said, dropping my voice low so the subject of our conversation would have trouble hearing. "And I... well, let's say I've done a lot of growing in the past few months, but this is the biggest test for me. I want to get past distancing myself because... I missed you guys. I missed coming here, and I think I've lost enough in my life without adding some of my best friends to it, too."
I licked my lips, as more voices added to the throng inside, those I identified as Collin and Brady's. My heart stuttered in fear that they weren't alone, but I couldn't determine any other names in their greetings. I focused my attention back on Emily, hoping the explanation was coming out the way I intended. I did want to get past this – if I was going to be a part of Embry's life, I was going to have to suck it up and get through my issues. For both of us.
Emily closed her eyes, nodding in quiet understanding at my words. When she opened them again, she flashed me a kind smile, the gesture of it not negated by the scarring on one side of her face. "I get it. We missed you to, Bella."
I returned the smile, giving a half-shrug. "Besides, there's no way I was going to miss your wedding. Sam in a suit and actual shoes? Come on."
Emily laughed, holding a hand up to her mouth self-consciously as she put her drink down on the table. Before I could react, she leaned forward in her seat, wrapping her arms around me in a tender hug.
"It's amazing to see you so... you..." she breathed, squeezing me a little tighter before pulling back and holding me at arms length. She narrowed her eyes. "What's your secret?"
I swallowed thickly, plastering on a smile that held in the chorus of 'Embry. Embry's your secret. Your amazing, intelligent, witty, inspiring, solid, dependable dirty little secret.'
I raised my eyebrows innocently, settling for "Great friends. It's been kind of a gift."
My own words triggered a reminder of what I still had in my purse, and I twisted in my seat to unhook the strap from the chair. "Which reminds me.. I brought you and Sam something..."
I pulled out the present, wrapped in the obligatory 'Congratulations on your Engagement' paper, and held it out, smirking. Emily's eyes lit up.
"Bella! You didn't have to-"
"Oh shut up, I did. You guys are engaged... if you weren't already bonded for life, that'd be a pretty huge deal," I said, waving a dismissive hand towards her. "Anyway, it's nothing fancy, just something I saw and it made me laugh."
Emily accepted the gift with a 'thank-you', before holding it up and turning to look behind her. "Sam! Bella brought us an engagement present! Come help me open it!"
Her call caught the attention of not just Sam, but a couple of the others milling around the house.
"I bet it's handcuffs. Bella's got an in with the cops, remember?" Quil stage-whispered, clinking the neck of his beer with a giggling Brady.
"It's not handcuffs," I snapped back, rolling my eyes.
"Sure it isn't. Don't think I've forgotten about your porn addiction," he retorted challengingly.
"Oh yeah, the S'n'M stuff really gets me going," I deadpanned, and Quil threw his head back in laughter. "Wouldn't handcuffs be kind of a waste on Sam...?"
A chorus of 'oh shit!' and whoops was my reply, before Sam diffused it with one single glare to his frat-boy brothers. He shook his head wearily in my direction, sighing good-naturedly that I'd even engaged Quil.
"Snow White's got a freaky-side, alert the media," Paul declared, and another bout of laughter rose up as Leah jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.
"Oh my god, can you just open the gift already?" Kim whined, and I smiled at the tinge of red flooding her cheeks. We were definitely cut from the same cloth.
Sam held out his hands to Emily. "Go ahead... I get the feeling this is more for you than it is for me," he smiled, catching my eye.
"Actually you'd be right," I laughed, picking up my drink again.
Emily gave me an excited look and dove in, ripping the paper off in an uncharacteristically messy way. She frowned when she read the cover, before letting out a loud giggle that piqued everyone's curiosity.
"What is it?" Collin enquired.
"Yeah, let us in on the joke, come on!" Quil said, straining his neck to see. Emily laughed again, holding up the book – the cover of which had a picture of a small terrier peeing on a fire hydrant, below the title:
'Way to Go! How to Housetrain a Dog of Any Age'
Sam's stoicism broke as he fought back a smile, rolling his eyes as the pack descended around him, patting his back and reaching up to ruffle his hair. Even Leah let out a loud laugh, throwing her head backwards on Paul's chest – the intimacy of their body language completely missed in the moment.
I smirked proudly that it had been such a hit – Emily was still giggling so hard that she had tears in her eyes.
"Oh man, this is hilarious!" she said, flicking through the book and reading aloud. "OOPS! Handling Accidents and Clean-ups...Training Your Dog to Ring A Bell..."
The guffaws started again, teasing taunts made at Sam's expense cutting in and setting everyone off again.
"What'd I miss?" a voice from the doorway said. Instantly, everyone around me stiffened, and I froze involuntarily. I didn't have to look to know who it was. I'd heard that voice – the one I'd dreaded hearing all day – far too many times for there to be any confusion. The last time I'd seen him was in the aisle of my local grocery store, when I tore verbal strips off of him. The last time I'd heard that voice speaking to me was when I told him to stay out of my life. Once upon a time, that voice set my heart alight with nervous flutters, and now it was doing the same thing for completely different reasons.
Jacob.
"...Guys?" he asked, confusion lacing his tone. "Jeez, now I'm getting kinda paranoid. What's up?"
A few of the wolves cleared their throats uncomfortably, before Jared turned around. "Uh, nothing... we were just laughing at Sam and Emily's latest engagement present," he said innocently, off in the direction of the house.
I dropped my head, looking at my hands on my lap, as if trying to make my body smaller.
Maybe he won't notice that I'm here...
"Oh yeah?" A smile in his tone. "Lemme see.."
The group parted on his barely-spoken command, and Emily bit her lip before turning in her seat, in doing so fully revealing me to him. I stared at my fingernails.
OhFuckOhFuckOhFuck...
I could feel the moment his eyes landed on me.
It felt like everything stilled; the wind stopped blowing, the music faded out into the background and all I heard was the sharp intake of breath passing Jacob's lips.
Slowly, I dragged my eyes upwards, past Emily and behind her to his torso - encased in a dark, maroon dress-shirt. The top buttons were undone, revealing a small smattering of light chest hair. His clavicle dipped in the centre, below the nervous bob of his Adam's apple. Stubble dusted his chin and jaw. His mouth formed a soundless whisper of my name. And finally, I chanced a look at his eyes. They stared, wide with disbelief as he blinked twice, three times, as if I was an apparition, and he didn't fully believe I was there.
I licked my lips nervously, summoning the courage to speak first.
"Hi Jacob," I said, lifting my hand in a small wave. My voice came out high-pitched and foreign, and the sound of it seemed to jerk him physically. Apparitions usually didn't speak.
He offered me a detached nod, closing his mouth at last. "Bella. Good to see you."
"Thanks," I said, deciding not to lie with a 'You too'. I felt pretty fucking far from good in that moment. Blinking, I finally dragged my eyes away to look around. Everyone stood silently as if poised for an explosion, much like the last time I'd been here to see Jacob, but no part of me wanted that now. I needed to be able to do this. The worst part was over.
Or so I thought.
A laugh cut into the silence from the doorway, and Jacob's head jerked up, as if remembering something important. One look behind him and I amended my observations. Not something. Someone.
Melanie stepped over the threshold, head turned slightly in conversation to someone following behind her. She looked gorgeous – dressed in a deep red silk top and skinny-fit black pants. She was wearing heels. I could never wear heels.
Stop it.
I sucked in a calming breath and and looked to Leah, her eyes darting between Jacob and I unsurely. After a silent communication, her lip quirked reluctantly on one side and she squared her shoulders. "So Quil what do you know about handcuffs anyway?"
As if pressing 'Play' on a remote control, everyone suddenly came back to life, ribbing on Quil for his exaggerated sexploits and milling further away from us and around the back yard. Sam took hold of Emily's hand, excusing them to check on the forgotten food he'd left on the grill.
Jacob half-turned, clearing his throat and looked back to the doorway, where Melanie was still embroiled in conversation with another girl. I looked closely. That girl was familiar.
She was slender, older than I was, and had long, dark hair, cut into bangs which framed an expressive face. She smiled in conversation, and the penny dropped. That smile. I'd know it anywhere – it once decorated the features of the guy standing nervously in front of me, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and scratching the back of his head. Jacob's smile.
Rachel.
I cast a glance toward Paul, who had his hands in his pockets, and was standing much closer to Leah than a friend would. He met my gaze, eyebrows raising as his lips turned downward innocently to accent a shrug. He smiled, assuring me of his feelings towards the person I'd once feared would rip my best friend's life apart. He was indifferent. I smiled back, giving him a nod of understanding; my face relaxing for the first time since I'd heard Jacob's voice.
I still felt tense, like a coiled spring waiting for something to set me off, but this was a reason to be happy. Paul and Leah were a reason to be thankful.
I panned my gaze back over the scene, stopping at Jacob. His eyes bore into mine, a look of confusion at the exchange between Paul and I flickering in his gaze. I averted my eyes, letting them fall on my near-empty glass on the table. "Well, I need a top-up," I said to no-one in particular, moving to stand and trying to pretend that my legs didn't feel like rubber.
My steps faltered as I realised the flaw in my perfect plan – I'd have to pass Melanie to get into the house. I looked up, and panic flared in my chest. Jacob was still looking at me intently- like he had something to say. Heart pounding, I moved to take a step past him, and he turned along with me, holding out one hand to garner my attention. I slowed down, letting my gaze roam a wide arc up to his face.
His lips began to form a word, and I raised my brows, acknowledging that I was listening.
Just get it over with, and you won't have to talk to him for the rest of the night.
Without a sound, his mouth closed once again, and I saw the tell-tale dance of muscles in his cheek as his jaw clenched shut. Words were failing him, and his shoulders rose and fell as if it caused him great exertion. He couldn't speak to me, but I didn't know whether to be relieved or not.
After an awkward pause, he pulled the outstretched hand up and scraped it over the stubble on his jaw. It caused a rustling sound as contact was made with the callouses on his fingers, their rough feel still tangible in my memory. I remembered everything about him; from the moment we'd locked eyes, it was like each and every facet of Jacob's being that I'd blocked out in the past months came rushing back, causing pain in my chest and an all too familiar sense of exclusion that I definitely hadn't missed. I had to get some space; even my hearing was attuned to every single thing about him.
He let out a frustrated breath, and his hand dropped to his side. As if giving up, he turned away, shoving it roughly into his pocket as he toed the ground. The shake of his head at the sky was the last gesture I saw before I renewed my trajectory back to the kitchen.
I watched my feet as I walked, hoping against hope that Melanie wouldn't notice me until she was far enough away not to have to acknowledge me. I hadn't accounted for Rachel.
"Holy crap, Bella Swan?" she said, dipping her head to get a better look at me. I stopped in place, cursing at my shoes before plastering on a smile and looking up. It wasn't Rachel's fault she didn't know how fundamentally fucked up my evening was going.
"Wow, Rachel! Sorry, I was in a total other place for a moment." Or wishing I was.
She smiled kindly and stepped towards me, openly surveying my appearance. "Jesus, I think you were, what, ten the last time I saw you? Time has been good to you girl, damn!"
I blushed, registering obliquely that sparring with Quil over porn hadn't elicited the same response as Rachel's compliment.
"Jake never mentioned that he invited you," she said curiously, laying an accusing fist on her hip-bone.
"Uh, he didn't. I'm a friend of Sam and Emily's... and Leah Clearwater's too," I explained, wondering if this really was the longest conversation in history, or I was just imagining things.
"Ah, I see," she smiled. "Well it's great to see you." She turned to Melanie. "My brother had such a crush on this girl growing up. It was always Bella this or Bella that or is Bella coming back this summer?So cute."
I felt all colour drain from my face. Melanie looked at me, a strange pinch to her expression before she trained it into a smile in front of her would-be sister-in-law.
"So I've heard," she said, brushing it off as if it was nothing. I let out a breath, internally thanking her for keeping things neutral. I wasn't sure I would have been as strong after the way I'd treated her.
"I think my Dad was fully convinced you guys were gonna get married!" Rachel continued, laughing like it wasn't the most painfully awkward conversation I'd had all year. "Are you seeing anyone, Bella?"
Her question caught me off-guard, and my mouth formed an 'O', mind racing to say something that didn't betray the truth, yet didn't make me sound pathetic. I opted for the sarcastic route.
"I'm between suitors, at the moment," I said, mocking a conceited nod.
Rachel laughed heartily – her smile wasn't the only thing she shared with her brother - and shrugged.
"Aren't we all?"
I smiled politely and looked down at my glass. "Well, uh, I'm on a mission," I said, holding it up as evidence. "I'll talk to you later."
At her nod, I made my way inside, breathing a sigh of relief to find that the kitchen was empty – save for one forgotten soul.
"Seth?" I said.
He looked up from his phone, the frown on his face dissolving into an easy smile when his eyes landed on me.
"Bells! Hey!" he said, rounding the counter to wrap me in a bone-crushing hug. My feet actually lifted off the ground and I let out an excited squeak, eliciting a chuckle from the source of the vice-grip. Well, wasn't this reminiscent of someone I'd rather not think about? The momentary wince subsided, and I smiled into his chest.
"Jeez, everyone's acting like they don't see me every week!" I said as he set me back down, and his nose wrinkled.
"Yeah, but it's not the same."
I nodded in agreement."Yeah, you're kinda right. I missed coming up here."
"No-one stopped you, you know," he replied, eyebrows raising convincingly.
"I know... it's just," I sighed, "I kinda needed to stop me. The last time wasn't exactly marshmallows round the bonfire."
He laughed, nodding.
"Yeah, that was kinda Jerry Springer alright." A flash of myself yelling at Melanie's tear-streaked face came uninvited to my minds eye. I had to shake my head to dismiss it.
I frowned at Seth. "Aw Jeez, really? The closest comparison is redneck transexual strippers?"
He threw his head back, practically howling. "Oh, so you're a fan?"
"Oh totally, they're my kinda people," I deadpanned, and he laughed again.
"Totally called it," he said. I popped out my hip and scowled, making him laugh harder. "I did!" The resulting laughter was interrupted abruptly as Seth cleared his throat. I crinkled my forehead, looking behind me for the source of the intrusion. Melanie stood at the door, a look of surprise on her face. I nodded in greeting, the giggle dying on my lips. Turning back around, Seth's saccharine smile had melted off his face at the sight of her. Truthfully, it was kind of chilling.
"Just.. uh, going to the bathroom," she said awkwardly.
"You know where it is," he replied with a curt jerk of his head, turning away dismissively. She looked at her feet and nodded before continuing on her watching her go, I turned back to him, frowning in confusion. "What's that about?"He shrugged, his face closed. "What?"
"The cold shoulder?"
"Nothing."
"Seth..."
"Didn't you want a drink or something?" I sighed, taking his cue that I wasn't going to get anything out of him. "Sure. Maybe I'll mix it up a little and take a Red Bull," I joked, widening my eyes with smiled indulgently. "Crazy."
His phone was back in his hand and he tapped the keypad enthusiastically. "Ice-cream girl?" I asked, pointing my pinky to the phone as I lifted my now-filled glass. He smiled secretively.
"Maybe."
"Why didn't you invite her tonight?" I queried.
"Because I actually like her. Ten minutes around this circus and I'd probably never see her again."
"It's not that bad," I said, thrown off by his uncharacteristically pessimistic statement.
"Says she who can leave whenever she wants..."
I narrowed my eyes, giving him a side-long look of suspicion. "You're not the same Seth I'm used to," I mused aloud. He blew out a sigh, his eyes looking beyond the glass doors at who, I wasn't sure.
"Not everyone turns out to be who you thought they were," he said, and that closed-off expression was back on his face. Before I could question further, the easy smile returned, and he straightened up, grabbing a beer from the counter and unscrewed the cap with an effortless twist. I guess having the body of a twenty-one year old negated being fifteen and underage around here.
"Well, I should go make sure Leah isn't spitting in the potato salad, or something. Later, Bells." And with that, he was gone.
I frowned at my hands. Something was seriously up with him, and it was putting me on edge. In fact, everything about tonight pulled me taut, like the slightest thing would break me apart. I gulped down more of my drink, closing my eyes and fighting for calming breaths. I just had to stay here another ninety minutes. That was the deal.
"New meditation technique?"
I hadn't even heard him come in, but just like that, the sound of his voice relaxed every muscle in my body. I'd wondered that maybe the strength I'd gathered to go through with tonight had been an illusion; a cocktail of denial and wishful thinking which had fooled me into believing that I could do this.
Opening my eyes, a smile already formed on my lips as I turned to regard him. He was freshly-showered, hair tousled lazily and dressed in a crisp white shirt which made his skin look edible. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, exposing the forearms he'd once shown off to me as having an 'all natural tan, Baby'. His hands were resting in the pockets of grey suit pants over black converse sneakers, and I was abandoning my drink and stumbling towards him before I could even speak. It would have been futile anyway – one look at him and my mouth went dry.
I threw my arms around his neck, and everything daunting or uncomfortable just floated away as I smiled into his chest, inhaling the combination of soap and seaside and warmth that visited every good dream I'd had in the last week.
"Where have you been?" I breathed, as his arms hooked around my waist and he held me close, his nose lowering to my clavicle in an automatic quest for comfort.
"I'm sorry. Jake made me run to Forks. He really didn't think you were coming. Kinda set my beauty schedule back," he whispered, and I felt the smile on my skin where he was still buried.
"Thank god you're here," I sighed, squeezing him a little tighter before pulling back. He looked down at me properly, a concerned crease appearing between his brows, as his gaze switched between my eyes.
"Everything okay?" He was still whispering. "Your scent, it's kinda... agitated."
My mouth quirked on one side, and I stared into his chest. "I'm fine, things have just been a little awkward, y'know?"
I felt him nod, and his lips descended on my forehead. "Thought they might. I haven't been able to keep calm all day. Until now." He kissed my hairline again. "I missed you."
Before I could answer, his embrace dropped from around me and he stepped backwards, leaning against the counter with folded arms. I was left standing helplessly in the centre of the kitchen, my body instantly chilled from the absence of him.
My lips parted to question his sudden withdrawal - he just chewed his cheek nonchalantly and stared at his crossed feet, but a voice cut into the silence of the kitchen.
"Oh Embry! Good, you're here!" Emily crooned. "Now we can get started."
He smiled back innocently at her, shooting her a greeting while my brain tried to catch up with the situation. The sound of an unlocking door and heels on the stairs signalled the return of Melanie, and I finally my thoughts kicked back into gear.
Precious. Protect it.
"Sure, Emily, where's everyone sitting?" I asked, feigning interest. The sooner we ate, the sooner I would have something distracting me and I could act natural.
Embry was at my back, the presence of his heat sending comfort through my spine, around my ribcage and into my lungs. My breathing became normal, and I was actually able to smile.
After being led to one of the tables, I turned to motion for Embry to sit by my side – but he was gone. Searching out the group, I noticed him on the other side of the buffet, being yanked into a sitting position by Paul. How the hell did they do that so fast? Paul shook his head at me, smirking, and mouthed the word "amateurs" under the cover of the disorder. A hand on my own shoulder drew my attention away, to look up at Leah, all eye-rolls and scoffing.
"Anyone would think this was your first covert operation, Swan," she whispered, eyes darting around to the various faces who weren't privy to the existence of either of our relationships.
Ah.
"Sorry."
She shrugged. "It's fine. Good thing I'm here to steer you right. Anywho, leave your purse, and lets fight our way to this food before it's famine season," she said, rubbing her hands together.
Jacob was standing at the head of the buffet table. "Okay guys, a lot of work's been put into this, and it's Sam and Emily's night – don't leave this place like a dump when you're done, alright? So form a line, or so help me I will send your ass home hungry," he said authoritatively.
"Who died and made you President?" Rachel called, to the laughs of those around him.
Oh Rachel, if only you knew.
He smiled back at her. "You'd thank me if you saw this crowd at Sunday breakfast," he said.
Leah pulled us to the table, handing me a plate in front of Jared and Kim, and behind Melanie and Rachel. The rest of the Pack dutifully let the girls go first before anarchy descended.
"Jeez, is that little Seth Clearwater?" Rachel asked, unaware that Leah was in earshot. "He grew up fast... just like everyone else, I guess."
Melanie snorted. "Pity his attitude didn't mature along with him."
I turned, wide-eyed to Leah, my hand hovering in the air, holding a spoon of coleslaw. I waited for her protective streak to make an appearance – I didn't think anyone got to speak ill of her baby brother – but to my surprise, all she did was roll her eyes in their general direction.
"Explain later," was all she said, and the gap in front of me propelled my feet forward.
Evidently, the guys had gotten sick of chivalry, and chaotic queue was forming on the other side of the table. I reached for the salad tongs, and a large, warm, russet hand snaked over mine, startling me. I looked up. Embry stood, smirking at the cheesy, straight-from-a-romantic-comedy moment.
"After you, M'Lady," he said, bowing his head. I snickered softly.
"Sure, what a gentleman," I said semi-sarcastically. I narrowed my eyes, trying hard to remember how the hell I'd acted around him – in public – before we'd, well... you know.
"Not always," he replied. He smiled devilishly off to his left, like he knew exactly what was going through my head as he pulled his hand back and gestured to the bowl. I averted my face as the tell-tale blush bloomed over my chest and neck. Leah jabbed me in the back with her finger.
"Remind me never to hire either of you as an under-cover P.I.," she hissed, throwing Embry a look across the table.
He swallowed his smile as he popped a mini-quiche in his mouth, chewing it with one of those cat-that-got-the-cream expressions. I shook my head and continued onwards, and he matched my step each time. I could feel his eyes on me, but each instance that I looked up, he managed to look completely unaware of my presence. It was... frustrating.
Quil was standing by a plate of Sam's grilled sausages with a proud smile on his face, waiting for the opportunity to say what came next.
"Yo, Bella, Embry's plate's getting pretty full, think you could hold his weiner for him?" he asked, looking between us. I almost choked on my tongue.
Embry smacked him on the back of the head. "You're not funny, and your jokes haven't changed since eighth grade," he said. He looked down at the table again, picking up another helping to add to the ever-growing mound on his plate. "And Bella can hold whatever she likes." Quil threw his head back in laughter, already adding to the din that a full pack of wolves and various other halves caused. Embry didn't join him, but that time, he really did smile at me. Jerk.
We reached the end of the table and broke apart; some of the wolves going right back to the end of the line and starting over. Embry didn't. He just took a step backwards, raised his eyebrows at me once, looking me over, and turned away, seeking out his seat.
I returned to mine, feeling overheated and off-balance, where Leah was already making a dent in her haul. It still surprised me how she hadn't forgotten her table manners like the rest of them – retaining ladylike qualities seemed to be pretty far up on her list of priorities. My chair was angled so that I could easily see Embry with a slight turn of my head. Paul was bending his ear about something or other, but he didn't look interested – there was only one thing his eyes were focused on, and it was not his food.
I smiled bashfully at my plate, stabbing the fork through a few leaves of salad and lost in the feeling of his heated stare. I'd never felt so... desired. I couldn't keep the contented look from my face or calm the excited stutter of my heart every time I looked up and he'd catch my eye, and we'd both go back to pretending we were interested in the conversations around us.
Kim was talking colleges, and Jared was doing the dutiful 'you could get in wherever you want' routine. While they were pre-occupied, Leah leaned in.
"I thought you two were about to go at it on the fucking buffet table," she whispered. "Imagine Emily's face if you did."
The unexpected mental image made me shriek, loud, with laughter, and I pulled my hand up to my mouth, trying to get control of the shaking in my shoulders. "Jesus Christ, Leah, a little warning," I wheezed, getting my breath back and she just shrugged as if to say 'it's true'.
I shook my head, smiling and looked around, but eyes on me caught my attention. Jacob sat two tables away, Melanie beside him, while she chatted with Rachel. The look he was giving me was half-confusion, half-hurt; like he was trying to figure out how I was okay – and why he didn't get the memo. But it wasn't welcome. I was actually starting to have fun here, and he didn't have any right to bring me down. I frowned, looking back at my food until the moment passed.
When I looked back up, he had an arm around Melanie's shoulders, inhaling her scent.
That's right. It's her you should be focused on. Remind yourself why things are like this.
A vibration against my foot drew my attention back to my purse, and I looked around, wondering if it would be rude to take a look. Judging by how some of the guys were eating, I didn't think a little cell-phone misdemeanour would rub anyone up the wrong way.
It was a text. From Embry.
E: Don't like it when you're not smiling. Just one, for me?
I smiled at the screen, raised my eyes and turned my face in his general direction, not quite looking at him since there was a chance we had an audience. My phone vibrated again.
E: Much better. Forgot to tell you... you look fucking beautiful.
My smile widened, and I held the phone on my lap, texting beneath the table.
B:Thank you. Skirts are still kind of weird for me.
E: I'm a fan.
B: I bet you are.
E: Hey, is it a crime to want to look at my girlfriend's legs?
I looked up, raising an eyebrow. He had one hand under the table, obviously on his cell, but otherwise no-one would ever know we were talking. His eyes flickered towards mine, and he cocked a brow, one dimple creasing his left cheek with a smirk.
B: Girlfriend, huh?
B: Was there another title you were thinking of?
I smiled. Girlfriend's fine. How do you feel about being a boyfriend?
E: Yours? No problem.
A warm feeling started in my stomach, feathering out through my body and bringing a soft laugh to my lips.
"What are you smirking about?" Leah asked, eyeing me suspiciously. I shook my head.
"Nothing. Just happy." I put the phone into the pocket of my skirt, going back to finishing off my food.
She nodded, chancing a look back to Embry and Paul's table. "Wonder why."
I made small-talk with the table, as people filtered in and out of the house, topping up drinks and using the bathroom. I started to forget why I'd been so tightly wound in the first place – all I'd needed was Embry.
Sam and Emily thanked everyone for coming, and when they started plating up the ridiculous selection of desserts, the Pack descended once again like vultures. I took it as my cue to use the bathroom, finding another text on my cell as I closed the door behind me.
E: So... you and this skirt... any chance we could get better acquainted?
B: Maybe somewhere where most of the people couldn't hear a butterfly sneeze...
E: Hah! We could always duck out early. I don't see anything here I want for dessert anyway.
B: Do I sense a cheesy line about dessert coming on?
E: Me? Never. Although now that you mention it..
A delicious shiver ran down my spine, and I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror – my eyes bright, cheeks pink and a permanent smile on my lips. Embry didn't even know the effect he was having on me, and the anticipation was starting to send my pulse into overdrive. I bit my lip, feeling my posture straighten and the beginnings of new confidence form inside myself.
I felt sexy, desired, wanted, and I couldn't believe he was making me feel this good with just words on a screen.
B: Let me see what I can do.
I took care of business and made my way downstairs, trying to think of a plausible – not rude – excuse to leave. I'd done well over my two hours, and Leah was scot-free too, if she wanted to be.
I reached my abandoned table and my purse when a shadow was cast over me. I smiled, turning around into the now-familiar heat, before the expression fell right off my mouth.
"Hey," Jacob said, all earnest eyes and chewed lips. I frowned, noticing he was holding a plate with a wedge of cake and a fork on it. "I thought I better save you some cake, before the rest got to it," he explained, jerking his head back to the crowd around Emily's creations. "It's chocolate... still your favourite?"
I eyed him speculatively. Was this a peace offering? Something to open up conversation? Either way, I didn't have time – Embry was watching with a curious look from where he stood with Sam and Quil, unconsciously taking a step forward.
And Jacob wasn't giving me butterflies.
Something in his expression got to me, though, and I took the plate, offering a smile as I did. "Uh, yeah. Thanks." I sat down at the table and started playing with the cake, as he took my lead. He appeared to breathe a sigh of relief and looked away as he sat. I followed his line of vision to Melanie, who nodded once in encouragement.
"She make you come over here?" I joked, jerking my fork towards her, and really trying not to sound bitter – because I wasn't. Jacob hadn't taken root in my mind for a while now, and it took seeing him here, tonight, to realise it.
He looked back at me, evidently caught-out. "It's cute... really," I said, smiling again as I popped the fork in my mouth. Was I overdoing the smiling? My heart was racing - I just wanted to be able to come here and for it to not be so... weird around him, but it was too much. This whole situation felt uncomfortable.
"She knew I wanted to talk to you," he said, watching me with trepidation. So she was encouraging us to be friends? I could see why she was so good for him – I wouldn't have had the strength, even with an imprint.
"Look, Bella, I just want us to be- "
"Well, I think it's about time we called it a night, Swan's got a hard day of selling hiking boots to fat tourists tomorrow, Don't you, Bella?" Leah said, cutting in to stand by Jacob and put a demanding hand on her hip. I looked up at her and smiled – this was my opening to leave.
I nodded, moving to stand. "Yeah, I was just coming to find you," I said, breathing a sigh of relief. I picked my purse off the chair and started to walk, but even after everything, I couldn't stand that look on Jacob's face.
I half-turned, laying a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk about this some other time, 'kay?"
He studied me for a long second, obviously weighing up whether he would indeed get another chance. I still didn't know myself. His jaw clenched, and he nodded. "Yeah," he croaked.
"Bye, Jake."
"See ya, Bells."
There was one more text on my phone.
E: Changed your mind?
I said my hasty goodbyes to Emily and Sam, and whoever else I could find before making a beeline to the door. Leah was silent on the walk back to her house, just the retreating sounds of the party fading into the rustle of the nearby forest.
"You okay?" I asked, trying to keep my mind from racing. Where the hell had Embry gone? Was he mad?
"Yeah. Lots to think about." Her steps slowed as we approached her house, and she turned to me, wrapping me in a short hug. "Thanks for coming with me." She pulled back and smiled. "I think there's a present waiting in your truck, though, so I'll call you tomorrow."
I frowned, looking off into the direction of where I was parked and squinted. Embry was waiting for me in the passenger seat, and before I even realised, I was walking towards him with barely a 'goodbye' in Leah's direction.
"Go easy on him, Swan," she called, laughing, before shutting the door behind her. I opened up the truck and looked in.
"You alright," he asked tentatively. I took the step up and gave him a genuine smile as I sat.
"I am now."
Without warning, he leaned across the seat, cradling my head in his warm grasp as he kissed me, urgently and without restraint, before it faded into tenderness. He nipped at my mouth softly, and laid his forehead against mine, sighing.
"Too long," was all he said.
I kissed him again, this time taking the opportunity to weave my hands into his hair and tug, eliciting a sharp intake of breath between kisses. He pulled away, burying his face in my hair, catching his breath. I felt like I was burning up from just one kiss.
"Drive," he said.
"Where?"
"Anywhere. Just... somewhere we can be alone."
I nodded into his shoulder before pulling away, my mind racing to think of some place I could just be with him, enjoy him completely and without curious ears or roving eyes. I plucked the truck's keys from my purse, feeling the others on the chain and it came to me.
I looked at him. "I have an idea."
I had barely switched off the alarm before his hands were on me, turning my body to face him, back meeting the wall with unintentional force which knocked the air from my lungs. His mouth was everywhere, marking my neck temporarily like he wanted everyone to see.
The drive to Forks had been torture, Embry stiffly sat beside me, not daring to touch because we both knew if he did, we wouldn't be able to stop. I was pretty sure I'd shattered the speed limit, but couldn't find it in me to care when he kept looking at me like an oasis in a desert.
Licking my lips, the air felt sticky, hot, full of promise.
"My..." I swallowed; breathing was starting to feel like an unnecessary chore when he was doing that and and I couldn't speak and it made my stomach do somersaults. "My ass is toast if we get caught in here."
He didn't reply, instead finding his way through the dark store on instinct, pulling my blouse up from where it had been tucked into the skirt in a quest for skin. His hands simultaneously warmed me and sent chills of pleasure through my flesh.
We found the door into the stock-room, not bothering to switch on the light once we entered. Just a dim glow from the street-lamp through the window was our guide as he weaved past the shelving, losing shoes and shirts in the process. I was grateful that Newtons were yet to join the twenty-first century and install security cameras, because someone would have gotten a hell of a show.
I gasped at the contact of his lips on my skin when we stopped, eyes opening and for the first time since we'd left La Push, actually realising what we were about to do.
"Em," I breathed. "We should think about this... what if we get caught?"
He spoke into the space between my breasts, his nose tracing a cross there, punctuated with tiny licks, tasting the cocktail of need my body emitted unknowingly. He smirked, like he approved of what he found.
"So?"
His breath was like the warm kiss of a summer breeze, scented with lemon and lighting up my skin with jolts of electricity I was almost sure were visible, so palpable they felt. I couldn't remember why I was bothering to protest.
"So," I breathed, becoming every clichéd romantic heroine, bursting from her bodice with wanton need which I never understood, until Embry's damn fingertips started tracing a path, starting at my knee and further up my thigh. "So I... I mean, so you... you can't-" I gasped – I was gasping now, "We need to stop."
That damn eyebrow cocked with confidence, and he smiled into the curve of my breast. Fucking smiled. His teeth dragged the fabric of my bra downwards, freeing the flesh for tastes and kisses and soft bites.
"I would, if you really wanted me to." My skirt started inching further up my leg.
His eyes found mine, looking up at me all innocence and new-puppy; like he wasn't talking me into having sex in the store room at my job in the dead of night, my butt propped on a shelf to match his height, hiding behind a roof-high display of tents.
"Do you... want me to stop?"
His fingers inched ever-higher, and my stomach clenched in anticipation. His eyes darted downwards momentarily, following the movements of his hand as it disappeared under the fabric, his entire hand grasping my thigh as his thumb made contact with my underwear, deftly pushing it aside. He circled and caressed, feeling and experiencing my want for him first-hand. My reward for biting back the resulting moan was Embry smiling into my neck, kissing his way up until he teased my ear-lobe with his full, bottom lip. "Really want me to stop, Bella? After tonight, all that time around each other, but not...?"
I shook my head, hands digging into his shoulders as I gulped in the air that felt like it was in short supply. I pressed my eyes shut. "Oh... God..."
He swallowed my moans with a kiss, teasing and nipping at my lips with an urgency that just made everything seem more exciting, full of risk, and utterly addictive. As he continued to touch me, I felt the heat building in the base of my stomach, making my breaths accelerate and warmth bloom over my cheeks, down my glistening chest and tingle throughout my body. Embry pulled away to watch me, a sense of awe on his face as he witnessed me fall apart by his actions – and his alone.
I laid my head sideways on the metal pole supporting the shelf, attempting to catch my breath and cool my skin all at once. He smirked proudly, dipping his head to plant soft kisses at the base of my neck, across my clavicle, and on the joint of my shoulder; all the while my shoulders heaved with exertion, barely able to fathom the effects he had on my body.
This wasn't enough. I needed to see him crumble; to watch the fire in his eyes as he surrendered to pleasure and weightlessness and the tingle of complete bliss. I wanted to be that for him – the catalyst for devastation. I could still feel his hardness on my thigh, and I hooked a finger into the waistband of his pants, tugging him towards me.
Misunderstanding my intentions, he wrapped he arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder, only stiffening when I made the move to open his button.
"Bella, you don't have to-"
His words were cut short as I touched him experimentally, gauging his reaction for the right cues. He lost a breath into my hair, a curse mixed up somewhere between surprise and kisses. His mouth melded to mine, hips moving minutely with my exploration. Before long, he took over, moving my position and ripping the seam of my skirt, manoeuvring us to his own wants.
He was inside me before I could think, filling my desires and satiating a hunger to feel his body in mine so strong that I hadn't even known it could exist. I held on for dear life, placing all my trust in those strong shoulders and leaning all my weight on that sturdy back, feeling each muscle ripple and contract, his movements bringing intense pleasure over and over with each iron thrust.
I was so turned on, I forgot where we were, I forgot who we were and what day it was, everything but the feeling of his skin on mine, his body within me, and the sound of his breath in my ear.
Soon, we were imploding, hurtling towards an edge that seemed endless yet too close all at once. Every muscle in my being clenched up and then released, waves of pleasure only matched by the satisfaction that he'd found his own release inside me training my face into a stunned, contented smile.
My head went light, and it lolled heavily on to his shoulder, still heaving with the last breaths of pleasure. I started to shake, the adrenaline of the moment and the cold air at my back, putting my body into spasm. He kissed my slick forehead, mumbling a 'hang on' before he disappeared from me, only to return with his shirt, which he pulled around my trembling shoulders.
"That," he said, kissing me once more, "Was worth the wait."
A/N: My GOSH this was a monster of a chapter. Longest one I've ever written, for any of my stories. I had a lot to tell you, and I hope you enjoyed this.
Let me know what you think!