Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Suggested Listening: Cherry Red by The Narrative, Explosions by Ellie Goulding, Landscape by Florence + The Machine, Through The Dark by Alexi Murdoch, Elephant by Damien Rice

Chapter Thirty-Two: Explosions

And as the floods move in,
And your body starts to sink,
I was the last thing on your mind,
I know you better than you think.
'Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning.
Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces.
So watch them fall with you, in slow motion.
I pray that you will find peace of mind,
And I'll find you another time.
I'll love you, another time.

-Explosions by Ellie Goulding

He didn't move for a long moment, his eyes boring into me, trailing down my body in a way that made me feel exposed, cut open, and raw; like a nerve, prone and defenseless to the coming pain. He blinked at last, finally stepping away from the Rabbit and letting his hand drop to his side. It was then that I noticed he was holding something - an envelope.

Oh, no.

I licked my lips, attempting a smile. "That for me?" I asked, half-heartedly pointing to it with a quiver in my voice. I hoped I was wrong - that Jacob hadn't come here with a birthday card for me, attempting to rebuild our friendship and instead found something that could forever destroy it. His eyes tore from me to the card, and he held it with both hands like he'd just remembered he had it. He looked back at me, a long shudder bursting over his shoulders as he grimaced; jaw clenching and cords of tension appearing on his neck. I stayed rooted to the spot, realising that Jacob - patient, together, beacon-of-control Jacob Black was hanging by a thread, and trying desperately to hold off a phase.

He had never been this angry with me before.

I let out a breath, knowing that playing the innocence card was probably doing more harm than good. I ambled towards him, down the steps until I was standing in the grass. The proximity didn't help - he looked so much more intimidating up close. When he let his gaze drop to the ground, I finally felt brave enough to speak again.

"Jacob..."

But I didn't know how to finish that. 'Jacob, I'm sorry'? 'Jacob, it's not what it looks like'?

None of those were right. I wasn'tsorry. I was sorry he found out like this, but apologising for the day I'd had, apologising for being with Embry felt wrong. And it waswhat it looked like - two people who had found each other. Two people who found solace in the storm surrounding them.

The sound of my voice seemed to cut him; real, physical pain which caused him to double over, clawing at his stomach. He looked almost nauseous, and I realised my speculations were right when his back heaved in a dry wretch. There was a wheezing sound as he gulped in air, and my guts tensed at the dejectedness of it. Before I could ask if he was okay, his head snapped up, and he narrowed his eyes at me,

"Him?" he said finally, interrupting my thoughts. His voice was like gravel, scraping through my being, clawing my insides as my stomach leapt into my ribs. He snorted, straightening back up to look at me with one hand still pressed to his abdominals, and it was a sharp, ugly sound.

"You're fucking him?"

My mouth gaped, focus darting to his eyes as I tried to gauge what was going through his mind. Pressing my lips together, I shook my head.

"We're not-"

Pawing through his hair, he snorted again, and moved to pace as the card in his hand was crumpled, falling to the ground like trash. "Oh this is fucking brilliant," he said, energy radiating off of him. His head turned to look at my feet, too riddled with rage to regard me properly. "I smelled it on you at the party, you know - the hormones. All those endorphins. I knewyou were seeing someone... but I thought, 'nah'. If she was, somebody would have told me. Embrywould have told me."

His gaze flicked to mine again, and he raised his brows in sarcasm. "Here I am, trying to get a goddamn grip on mypack, and you're destroying it, from the inside out, right under my nose."

My own brow furrowed. Was that really what this looked like? "You can't possibly think that-"

"Leah and Paul.. you were there, playing your little 'matchmaker' games, when anyone with half a fucking braincan see what a stupid idea that was."

He was speaking to the ground and I realised that he wasn't talking to me, not really. He was thinking aloud, because actively acknowledging my presence was making it too difficult to keep a handle on his temper. My blood ran cold, and for the first time, Jacob frightened me.

"So now you're 'spreading it' for my best friend because, hey, what's an alpha without a pack? What's a leader without allies?" His expression was bitter, and it twisted his face into something I hadn't seen in a long time - not since the days of Edward, when, in that other life, the person standing before me tried everything he could to make me see sense. To save my life. He'd cared about me that much, once. It felt so foreign right now. Now Iwas the enemy.

"So, now he's so blinded by ass that he starts lying to my face, keeping secrets for the first time since I phased." He shook his head, muttering. "I should have seen this coming." He stopped and looked at me again. "You're a piece of work, Bella."

"Jacob, I swear to God, none of this happened the way you think it did."

Barely acknowledging that I spoke, he tilted his face to the sky, a huff of humourless laughter escaping into the breeze. "I guess I should feel partially responsible," he mused, and looked at me again, his stare was cutting, and I involuntarily wound my hands around my middle, brow dipping in hurt. "Because maybe it's my fault you're like this. Or maybe not. Maybe something else happened to you, I don't know. Something in you died, and all that's left is-" he threw out a hand, gesturing to me with a disgusted sneer to his lip, "-this. This person I don't even know anymore."

I leaned my head to the side, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes at the harshness of his words. My nose burned, and a lump formed in my throat as I tried to hold back the tears which weren't co-operating. I could feel the first sob clawing free as I tried to speak. My lips quivered.

"...Jacob-"

"This cheap... cheap-" the word was unsaid as he shook his head harshly, but it wasn't hard to figure out what he meant. "Using sex as a weapon, Bella? Really?"

I reeled back, as if slapped, blinking as it sank in that he really did just say that to me. My stomach roiled, and my hand snapped to my mouth as another sob choked free. He wasn't deterred; if anything, he was revelling in the impact of his words on me. One brow furrowed as a wrinkle snaked across his nose. "I can smell him on you -in you- from here. Jesus, did you ask him to piss on your fucking leg?"

I shook my head, taking a step back from him with wide, moist eyes. "I don't have to- " I said, but corrected myself, "I can'tlisten to this."

He gave a disinterested shrug. "Of course, creep back into the little Bella bubble," he spat, the words sounding acidic and corrosive coming from a voice so used to teasing jibes and laughter. "Don't worry, I was just leaving."

He turned around and stalked back to the car, almost tearing the door off the hinges. Just before he got in, he turned one last time, smirking darkly. "Happy Birthday."

My entire body shook as the engine started, my feet frozen in place so that all I could do was watch as he pulled out from the sidewalk and closed the distance to where Embry had left from the opposite side. Had that really only been moments ago?

My legs collapsed beneath me, and the last of the strength in my muscles drained into the grass. Bowing my head, I let it free. Bone-shattering gasps burned my lungs as I struggled for air, the tears leaving my cheeks raw and burning. Why did it have to happen like this?

I felt broken and bruised, and I could hardly fathom that the words coming out of his mouth had been from someone I once loved - who once loved me. Jacob and I were so far past that. We were strangers in each other's lives and I was being punished for trying to be happy.

The thought pulled a frown on to my face. I was trying to be happy. Jacob had, in finding his own way in life, selfishly and callously left me in the dust while he lived out his very own happily-ever-after. All I'd done was find comfort in someone - find hopein Embry, and I shouldn't have to apologise for it. Sure, it had been kept from him, but only to avoid this fallout. He had no right to assume that what Embry and I had was any less than what it was. Pure, genuine feelings for each other. My head snapped up, and I felt a stubborn set form on my jaw.

Fuck Jacob. Fuck him for talking to me that way, and for not hearing me out. Our friendship had been stronger than assumptions and cutting words. Fuck him for inferring that I had an ulterior motive in all of this. Fuck him for forgetting that he knew me better than that.

I unfolded my legs and stood, knowing what needed to be done. He wasn't getting away with this, and I wasn't going to just sit back and let him run me into the ground. I wasn't the same Bella who crumbled when hurt, and Jacob needed to remember that.

With an eerie calm, I turned and made for the door of my house. It was time to let him have a piece of my mind, and if he didn't like what he heard, well, that was his problem.

My foot was leaden on the way to La Push. Re-dressed in my own clothes, I pushed the truck to breaking point as I attempted to close the distance that his head-start had given him. Biting into my palm was the small totem, the one object I hoped would shake Jacob - and remind me - that what we'd once had was special, that it meant something. The wolf charm. Maybe by seeing it, it'd hit home for him that no matter how much he hurt me, I could never set out to do what he was accusing me of. I still cared about him - about them all - too much to do something like that.

Embry wasn't picking up, and the whole drive to the Reservation was filled with my mantra of prayer that Jacob didn't find him first. I wasn't sure what he'd do to him.

My relief for Embry's safety was only short-lived when I pulled into the drive of the little red house - once my second home, though I hadn't darkened the doorway for months - and the Rabbit was parked haphazardly outside. The driver-side door was still open, evidence that he'd left it in such a hurry that he wasn't even thinking. I exited the truck, hopping on to the balls of my feet and scrubbed my free palm on my jeans. I was slick with nerves, and I knew that no amount of bravery or anger was going to get me through this unscathed. I didn't feel so courageous right now.

Before the betraying thoughts of flight could fully form, the doors of the garage were flung open, rattling the hinges and wood with such force I thought the entire structure would collapse. Jacob's eyes found me instantly, that same burning anger in them, chilling my body beyond the standard September temperatures.

He ignored me.

That was the one reaction I hadn't anticipated, and I could do nothing but watch on dumbly as he walked steadily to the Rabbit and leaned inside, releasing the parking brake. There was a soft grunt as he began to push the car towards the open doors, hardly any exertion required on his part. I stood in silence and frowned. He was going into fix-it-mode. It was bad.

Unconsciously, I followed him, my feet being drawn to my fate without any real decision on my part. As I reached the door, I was greeted with a scene of chaos, and a gasp left my lips without intention. Jacob's 'Taj Mahal' was a mess of tools and parts, and he was bent over the hood of his pride and joy, tugging disjointed pieces from the engine out and flinging them across the room. Each landed with a deafening crash and a spray of grease across the concrete floor.

The rest of the garage was achingly familiar, the same taste on the air as the last time I'd been here. I could still see the stack of dog-eared car magazine's I'd teased were "Jacob's Porn", empty soda cans over-flowed from the plastic box which doubled as a trash can which was always half-filled. A grease-stained cloth which had once started life as a t-shirt hung on a nail above the notebook he kept track of his casual clientele in, and his paint-splattered stereo - shut off - stood abandoned under a sheen of dust.

"Jacob," I grimaced as another clang cut into the silence, "What the hell are you doing?"

No response.

"Look, I get that you're angry, but I came to set you straight. You've got everything all wrong, and I don't deserve to be treated like this."

He stiffened slightly and a twitch pulled at his features, but he just went back to work. A flare of anger coiled in my stomach and I stepped inside the door even further.

"After how you spoke to me just now, the least you can do is fucking lookat me!" I growled, finding the tension, the fear of unknown getting the better of me. If he wouldn't respond to apology, maybe conflict would work. Still, he didn't acknowledge me.

"You don't wanna talk? Fine. I'lltalk. You've said enough already." I kicked at an upturned crate by his work bench, waiting until it skittered against the wall. For a short pause, I contemplated sitting on it, but the cocktail of adrenaline permeating my blood wouldn't allow for that. I had to stand, because my legs felt like they'd tremble to nothing if I didn't just keep moving.

"I didn't do this to hurt you. None of us did," I began, and his movements halted. The last of the engine parts simply tumbled from his grasp, and he braced himself on the edge of the hood, shoulders heaving with each ragged breath. He wouldn't look.

"This just happened between us. I spent a lot of time hurt and trying to get over you, and I built my own support system. It just happened to be that they were your friends too," I said, hating how my voice almost sounded apologetic. I licked my lips, trying to clear my throat so I came across more sure of myself. "Leah showed me what it felt like to be strong. She showed that you canput yourself back together independently, and the best headspace to be in is your own."

My brow creased as I thought about her, and I wondered if Leah was simply following her own advice right now - spending time in her own head so that she could rebuild who she was as a person. I just wanted it to be enough, even though there was someone here more than willing to be her crutch.

"Paul - well, he was just a consequence of that. He's had feelings for Leah for a while now. All I did was help him figure out if it was worth pursuing," I gulped, "Paul knows what he wants, and he fights for it - and that's the one lesson I took away from him. Maybe they're making a mistake - or maybe the mistake's been made - but I think it's up to them to figure out if it's ever gonna work out or not."

His chest was still heaving with barely-contained disgust, but while he was here and silent, I wasn't going to forgo the chance to tell him everything, while he actually was in a position to listen. I owed it to Embry to diffuse this before Jacob's anger became physical.

Because I wasn't sure Embry would come out of it in one piece, and the thought of what that would do to him - to the pack - and ultimately to Jacob, once he'd come back to his senses, scared the hell out of me.

"And Embry," I said, my lips curling upwards in some masquerade of a smile, but my eyes were downcast and my forehead pinched. "It just... grew between us. We spent time together. We got to know one another, and before I even realised it, I was thinking about him all the time..."

Jacob's eyes closed and he turned his head, almost like a wince.

"...and I was leaning on him, and though Leah taught me what it is to be strong, Embry showed me that it's okay to be weak, too. It's alright if you don't have it all figured out because it's not over until it's over."

I licked my lips as the speech ended, not sure if any of it had come out the way I'd intended it to. This was all just a horrible misunderstanding, and maybe if he knew that none of it was a ploy to hurt him in some way, he'd be more amenable.

"Well isn't that fucking heartwarming," he grunted, taking me by surprise as he broke the silence. "Tell me, did you read that in one of your novels or is it your own brand of bullshit that you came up with by yourself?"

All traces of remorse ebbed out of me at the venom in his tone. I shook my head. "Fuck you. You don't get to tell me what I do or don't feel. You left me, Jacob. You just dropped me like I didn't matter and expected me to be okay with it. I'm not going to apologise for building a life out of the ashes that you left."

His eyes rose to meet mine at that, and my blood chilled at the dark chuckle that left his mouth as he stood up to full height. "That's what it was, wasn't it?" he said. My brow dipped, and I came to a stop a few feet away from where he stood. "Just trying to make the best of it."

"What the hell are you saying?" I spat, feeling my heart pound as I braced myself for whatever caused that silent confidence to lace his tone.

"That you, Miss 'I'm-So-Over-You'..." he shook his head, "You know what this is really about, and you're just trying to fool yourself." He took a step closer. Another - and another, and soon, my back was against the wall, his form leaning over me as he studied my face for any break in composure. "You settled for second best - because what's the next best thing to me?"

My head jerked back and I gaped at him, not fully comprehending how much of a cocky, arrogant asshole he was being.

"Excuse me?" I glared, my blood beginning to boil. He can't possibly mean..

"Tell me, Bells. When you're kissing him, do you find yourself leaning up a little more, because his height isn't the same as what you're imagining in your head?" He weaved a palm out from his hairline into thin air. His other hand came up to join the first, stopping around three inches below.

Embry's height.

Jacob looked down at me and raised a brow innocently, like it was a genuine question.

I was speechless, my hands pressed by my sides in balled fists. The tiny wolf cut into my palm, and I was almost sure it was biting through the skin, just like who it represented was eating away at my resolve. He braced his own hands on the wall either side of my head, until his heat became suffocating. There was that same energy rolling off his body and I found myself stuck in place, the feeling of danger freezing my movements. He leaned into me, voice dropping to a growling whisper.

"Do you close your eyes sometimes and pretend that it's me... hmm... 'inside' you?"

My stomach lurched, and my fists came up to a fruitless assault on his chest. I pushed and grunted, trying desperately to reign back my personal space that he was so effortlessly encroaching on.

"How dare you! How dare you say something like that to me! You're a complete and utter piece of shit, Jacob!" I screeched, finally getting free.

He stepped back slowly, letting me know that he only let me go on his terms. My face flushed, every muscle in my body tensing with frustration. I couldn't believe I'd actually come here in the hope of reasoning with him. This wasn't my friend anymore. I missed Jake more than anything, and looking at this person now, it was fully clear to me that that version of him was gone.

He gave a nonchalant shrug, a strange satisfaction on his face that the words had had their desired effect. I was left shaking with outrage because - once again, Jacob had reduced me to angry tears.

"Didn't you consider him in all of this? Huh?" He fluttered a hand outwards, a throwaway, dismissive gesture. "Your little schemes are gonna end up hurting someone, and it's not fair to lead him on. He's my best friend. I just can't believe you're so cold that you'd use him to get back at me." He stepped back further, kicking at the ground with a frustrated grunt as small pieces of shrapnel hit the walls.

My lips formed a thin line as I sucked in a breath through my nose, knowing now that he was trying to get to me in his own messed-up way - by further cheapening my relationship with Embry into an immature game that was all about us. I knew deep down that a part of him really was worried about his friend - his protective instinct was to blame for that - but he still didn't know. He hadn't been there when this was all new and frightening for us. He hadn't seen how much we struggled with letting go and giving in to what we couldn't control.

"I got over you, Jacob," I snapped, my voice turning into a frustrated, cloying sound. "I didn't handle it well at first, but I worked at it every day and finally I got to that place where I could start to think of someone other than you!" I set my brown into a furrow, gulping in air to try and form my point with some coherence. "And it scared the shit out of me! So you don't get to stand there and tell me that what I feel for him is just misplaced, that I'm still pining for you because I'm not."

"Then why'd you hide it, then?" he growled, whirling around so suddenly I winced.

"Because we didn't want to hurt anyone! But I see now how stupid that was! Because the only people getting hurt here is us." I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Do you love him?" he asked, demandingly. My eyes snapped open again, caught off-guard at the sudden probe. I wasn't going to answer that - I hadn't even said it to Embry, and there was no way the first time admitting it aloud was going to be in response to Jacob, to prove some point.

"That's none of your business."

"It's a simple question. Either you do or you don't. It's not as if you don't know either way."

"I'm not going to tell you, even if I do - because it's between us, and whether I say it or not is of no consequence to you. I don't care what you think anymore, Jacob. All I care about is him right now."

I spat the last words over my shoulder, turning towards the door. I was done - I had to leave, because I was sick of crumbling in front of him. The wolf charm tumbled from my grasp and went skittering across the floor, and I had no desire to retrieve it. Jacob held too many of my tears and owned too many of the scars on my heart. He had no right to make me feel like shit for putting myself back together, or who I chose to share the new version of myself with.

There was a moment of contemplative silence as the charm halted, and I could almost see it catching his attention without turning. Jacob missed nothing.

"Sure," he scoffed bitterly, returning to his tirade. "Keep telling yourself that." I shook my head, still not bothering to turn around. "But ask yourself this. What happens if he imprints? If you're so strong, so sure about being with him, what then?"

I froze, my heart stuttering at the stab of fear piercing through me. Taking a steadying breath, I urged one foot in front of the other - but he wasn't done.

"Because, though you seem hell-bent on being with him by any means necessary, you know the truth - it's not going to work out for you." I heard him take a step closer, encouraged by the impact his words were having on me. "If you were really meant to be, fate would have already decided that. You'd be his imprint... but even the spirits know that you're not right for him. You weren't enough for me - for any of us. It's just a matter of time before he figures it out too."

My face crumpled through the sudden, burning onslaught of tears, and I forced my way forward, through the door, and tried to out-run the crippling doubt that was making my breaths come in short pants and my stomach heave. That was the one thing I didn't have guarantees about. In one single conversation, Jacob had managed to lay out every single thing that worried me about being with Embry and lit it up, until brushing it under the rug, and faking my new self-confidence wasn't going to work anymore. I cursed myself for not having a comeback ready - for not being strong enough to defend us, because those fears were real. They were tangible and I couldn't dismiss them, because those fears were my own.

How could Embry still want me when one of his best friends in the entire world presented the truth I feared he'd one day realise? That I wasn't enough for him?

Stupid, human girls - who fate knew didn't quite qualify to be the soulmate of sweet, heroic boys who don't care that you're broken – don't get to keep those boys to ourselves. Maybe I was just being selfish by letting him think I could.

I pushed at the half-open door until it bounced back against the outer wall of the building, leaving a cold, unfamiliar Jacob in my wake. Each blink as I tried to regain my vision released another tear snaking down my cheek, and I stumbled, keeping my vision trained on my shoes in my quest for distance.

A pair of unfamiliar sneakers in my line of sight halted my steps, and I stopped short, sniffling as my eyes snapped up to meet a pair of wide, blue ones, radiating shock and confusion.

Melanie.

I squeezed my lids shut, shaking my head at her unasked questions and pushed past her, forcing my legs beyond my truck and on to the dirt path that led away from Jacob, and hopefully, away from the unwelcome truths he'd spewed on me. A resounding crash rippled through the air, and a loud, roaring curse accompanied it, echoing through the wind and shuddering through my core with aftershocks of dull pain.

I walked for long minutes, not quite deciding on a destination until the scent of sea air and thundering winds garnered my attention. I looked up, realising I'd walked all the way to the beach without conscious thought. I heaved in a breath, welcoming the taste of sea-salt on my tongue. It reminded me of everything good I'd gained in my life. The scent of Embry's skin, the taste of him, the comforting warmth of his embrace - but a sob hiccupped through me, because it was tainted now. Because the echoes of Jacob's voice played on a loop in the back of my mind.

You're not right for him. It's just a matter of time before he figures it out, too.

I found my way to the sand, not bothering to pull off my shoes and spare them. I just wanted to collapse into the waves, and let it wash everything I lacked from me. I'd adamantly reasoned with Embry that imprinting wasn't a factor for us - because hewas what I'd needed in my life. Hewas it for me, and I'd spent so much time convincing him of that that I'd managed to ignore the gnawing self-doubt in my own heart. He was enough for me, but was I enough for him?

That was the ultimate question.

Embry had made it clear to me that he saw me a certain way; that I'd become this impossible figure in his eyes who could overcome adversity and save people, and that I had an inherent strength inside me that only he could see. Thinking back, every single time he'd made that clear to me, I'd bitten my tongue and swallowed up the protests that I was weak and indecisive and that I was none of those things. I was just a girl, and I'd selfishly let him believe I was more because the reflection of myself in his eyes was so much better than the reality.

I collapsed on to the sand with a huff, my butt making a small indent as I pulled my knees up to my chin and encircled them with my arms. I watched the sea, and I wondered how the hell I could have faked being strong for so long.

There was an intermission of thought-filled silence before I heard the sound of soft approaching footsteps. My heart leapt and sank simultaneously as I realised it was a girl - probably Leah - come to check up on me. But Leah would have nothing but I-told-you-so's, and she wasn't here.

The sneakers I'd seen before appeared by my side, and without a word, Melanie collapsed beside me, a soft grunt passing her lips as the impact forced air from her lungs. I gave her a sidelong look, but said nothing, too uncomfortable that she knew what was going on, that she could smugly sit back and watch while my life crashed around my ears.

She didn't speak for a long moment, just content to watch the waves like I was. Sneaking glances, I took in the tortured crease between her brows, and the grim set of her lips which looked anything but smug. She really was beautiful, and I knew that even without the dreaded imprint, if she had been someone in Jacob's life, I would have been jealous beyond reason. She had a grace about her that I could only dream of, and everything in her life was figured out. I envied that.

I tore my gaze away, knowing that her presence was only bringing out further inadequacies that I didn't need right now. She drew in a breath to speak, but let it out, further contemplating what the hell to say. I knew the feeling.

On her second attempt, she finally broke the silence. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed thickly, just giving a half-hearted shrug. Why was she here?

"I mean..." she scoffed self-deprecatingly, "Stupid question. I heard..."

I turned to her at last, surprised by the familiarity of her tone. She met my gaze, and licked her lips, apology reigning in her eyes. "I'm sorry he was so horrible to you."

My brow creased, and I stared at her, waiting for the catch. "Excuse me?"

"I only heard the end... but he was really," she shook her head, blowing a breath out through her lips, "I've never heard him talk to anyone that way before."

I eyed her suspiciously, not quite ready to believe she was being genuine. I stiffened. "Why are you here?"

He gaze fell to the ground with guilt, and she rolled her lips between her teeth. "I guess I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Well, I'm fine. You can go report back to him now."

She shook her head. "He didn't send me."

I sniffed dryly. "Course not. Why would he?"

"He wanted me to go, though."

My eyes met hers again. "Yeah? He didn't seem too cut up when I left. What makes you think he cares?"

She laid a hand over her stomach carefully, like it was too painful to receive much pressure. "I just know - I can feel it."

I turned my face away. "Oh. Of course. Bound for eternity." I saw her head dip out of my peripheral vision, and felt a stab of remorse. She didn't have to be here, and all I seemed to do was treat her with disdain.

"Look, Melanie, I'm sorry, but I should really be alone right now."

She nodded. "And I'm probably the last person you want to see."

I grimaced into my knees, feeling drained, shameful, and so past all of this. I just wanted to curl under my blankets and shut the world out. I sighed heavily. "I'm sorry I've been so mean to you... I wasn't always like this."

She gave a soft smile and nodded. "I know."

My head turned to her again, confused. "You 'know'?"

Another nod. "He talks about you a lot." My lips snapped shut, and I watched her silently, not sure how to continue. "I feel like I know you, even if I don't. Well, not really."

A flash of her face as I'd screamed at her came to my mind's eye, and I cringed. "Sorry, for, you know... yelling at you."

She held up a hand. "Don't...there's no need to apologise. I can't imagine how you-" she choked, biting her lip and taking another breath. "I got off light, is what I'm trying to say."

I cast my eyes down, not quite ready to believe I was being forgiven so easily. She faced the sea again and continued.

"I know what they all thought of me - he tried to shield me from it, but I could tell." She let out a sigh, her eyes glazing over in recollection. "I tried reallyhard to win them over; being friendly, taking an interest in them all. Bribing them with food... Emily was my ally for a while. I guess she knew how it felt. They were all so pleasant to my face, but I'm not stupid."

I listened with rapt attention, curious about the time after everything went to hell, and I'd wrapped myself up in a cocoon of hatred and bitterness. I'd always just assumed everything clicked into place seamlessly for her - for the both of them.

"After you gave me a piece of your mind," she said, a small quirk to her lips, "They kind of warmed to me a bit. I guess they thought since you'd had your moment, they could feel a little less guilty."

I rolled my lips, wetting them from the dryness of the salted air. "I didn't think any of them really cared," I mused.

She turned to me, a fierce conviction in her eyes. "Oh they did. Believe that. It took a long time for me to feel any kind of acceptance."

"But it wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not, but it's not like I did myself any favours. I'm sure Seth would tell you that."

I let out a breath, recalling the bitterness in his tone when he spoke about what happened. It was all wrong - Seth Clearwater was never one for grudges, and it took the death of an ideal to change him into that person. "Seth's just... angry. I think it's at Jacob more than anyone."

She nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. I guess the two of us are never going to gel. Any time I've tried with him, I just get shut down, so I stopped trying."

I rested my chin on my forearms, watching the waves silently.

"I'm sorry I didn't try harder," she continued, causing me to lift my face to her again. "To give him a chance to break it."

My mouth fell open scarcely believing that I was getting the apology I'd never dared to imagine. "I..."

"It's just... I was so alone, when he found me. That night? In front of the movie theatre - I was just standing there." Her expression became tortured, one I recognised from reliving painful memories. "I had no friends to call, because I'd just moved to Port Ange. I was reading the showing times just so I could watch three back-to-back. The only other option was sitting alone in my one-bedroom apartment and trying not to cry."

My brow furrowed. "What happened?"

"I got dumped," she said, a rueful smile gracing her features, like she knew how pathetic it sounded. Things were too fragile between us for me to give an opinion. "My high school sweetheart. Guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with brought me out to dinner. I thought he was going to propose - he brought me there to end it. Told me he'd never had real feelings for me, and didn't see the point in delaying the inevitable. Tragic, huh?"

Flashbacks of a walk into the forest, and golden eyes telling me that I'd become a distraction - that this was the last time I'd ever see him - played on a fragmented loop in my mind.

"I know the feeling."

She looked at me pointedly, and the realisation that I did, in fact, know, dawned over her face. I knew then that she knew my story. She cleared her throat, still wanting to give me an explanation I'd never before heard.

"So there I was. Lost. Alone. Depressed. I left my family behind and deferred college because I just got so sick of the pity in everyone's eyes... and then this guy comes up behind me." She started to smile. "He puts his hands over my eyes, and he's so warm. And even though I knew that he had the wrong girl, the moment I turned around, it's like everything just made sense in my life."

I winced, trying not to dredge up the dull, barely-there pangs of jealousy in my chest because it had happened for her and not for me.

"And not only was he the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, he was kind. There was a gentleness in those strong hands. A power in his convictions. He had a laugh that felt like I was being held in warm arms, and a smile that chased the clouds away."

"His own personal sun," I murmured, teases of a sad smile forming on my lips.

She gave a nod, mirroring my expression with sympathy. Her eyes slid shut, like the next part was painful. "And then I got to know his story," she said, and a tear snaked down her delicate cheekbone, barely daring to break free. "And I found out about you... what had happened to you." Her eyes opened again and she looked at me, broken, full of shame. "I felt like the worst person, but even though everyone clearly resented me, they all said it was unavoidable. Jacob said it was fate, and we can't apologise for that. After that, I think we both managed to kid ourselves into thinking that we shouldn't feel bad."

Her hand wove into her hair, and she pushed it back from her face, scrubbing a palm down her cheeks. "Deep down, I knewI should have done something... but... it's Jacob, you know?"

I tore my gaze away from her eyes nodding into my lap. "Yeah. I know."

Why would anyone willingly give him up?

"So I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I took him away from you and I'm sorry that you're going through this today, but if anything you should take this as proof."

"Proof? Of what?"

"That you're his choice. The love of his life. Not once did he stop caring about you or worrying. He may be bound to me, we may be stitched together by fate and magic and all that crap - but Bella, if he had any say in it, any at all... he'd be with you."

I shook my head, reeling back from her. "Melanie, it's not like that.."

She smiled again, that same sympathy adorning her features. "But it is. Don't you see? You being with Embry... you taking this risk again... it's scaring the crap out of him. All those horrible things he said, the way he was looking at you - it's a front. He's in part denial that you really feel anything for Em, and the other part of him is trying to scare you off." She laced her hands together on her knees, and there was a resigned set to her mouth. "Because he knows he's not going to be there to put you back together if it all goes wrong - and it kills him that someone else did the last time."

"You think he's just worried?" I said, disbelievingly.

"Incredibly. And it's eating him up because we all know he has no right to burden you with it. Embry gave you back something that we took away. Your happiness." She clutched on to my arm and gave me a pleading look. "Please... if it's right for you, don't let Jacob's frustration with himself sour what you could have. Embry's an amazing guy - he's never made me feel unwelcome, even though I'm sure he wanted to, deep down. He deserves to find his own happy ending, and if that's with you, who is anyone else to argue with it?"

I blinked at her, and I realised my own tears had re-formed as she spoke. My voice came out as a croak, crushed under the weight of emotions I had no idea what to do with. "But what if it all gets taken away again? What if I'm not enough?"

The smile she gave was pained. "Does he think you are?"

I nodded.

"Then you owe it to him to believe it."

I frowned, letting a sob escape as I shook my head. "I... can't."

She pushed out a breath, like she remembered exactly what that was like - to feel unworthy. Less than you could be. I knew now, that she knew exactly how that felt. "Maybe... maybe not. Just do him a favour. Take some time. And try."

Unnerved by the whole situation, my tears flowed freely as shuddering sobs shook my shoulders. Melanie wiped at her own face as she tried to reign back her emotions. Silence stretched out between us, and finally I felt like any words I spoke wouldn't come out as spluttering nonsense.

"Melanie-"

A howl pierced the air in the distance, mournful and urgent, and chilling the blood in my veins.

We both looked to each other, all colour draining from her face as I'm sure matched my own. We struggled to our feet, instantly breaking into a run towards the sound and kicking sand up in our wake. I knew instinctively that it came from Jacob's house, and the single, heartbreaking fear for the safety of those most important in my life barrelled through me.

We closed the distance in short time, adrenaline propelling our very human feet faster than I'm sure we both were normally. My heart pounded in my chest, and a leaden weight crushed the air from my lungs as I tried to get there on time. This was all my fault. I had to fix this.

Up ahead, Jared's broad back neared the edge of the Blacks' lawn in as he ran, and Melanie called out. He spun in place, not quite breaking his stride, eyes wide and full of terror.

"Jared! What is it?!" she yelled, both our feet not quite working fast enough.

"Is it Embry?" I demanded breathlessly, feeling like my guts were trying to claw their way up my throat. No. Not like this. How could we have been so stupid? So naive?

Jared shook his head, eyes still glazed over in shock and pure, blind panic.

"No!" he said. "It's Leah!"

A/N: Hey guys, just a little heads up that the Fandom Choice awards are now accepting nominations, so if you're enjoying the story it'd be super nice to get a nod. ;)
Even if you're not - there are plenty of other Wolfgirls out there who deserve the recognition (and I'm sure vamp authors too, but I don't tend to stray to that side of the fandom!) Just hit up Tricky Raven for the details.

I hope you liked this chapter. It took a lot out of me. Let me know what you think?