Chapter 45

Bryan dropped Ray back at Tredegar Gardens at midnight. Switching off the ignition, he turned in his seat to face him.

'I've decided I'm going to convince you I'm serious.'

'Really?' Ray looked interested. 'How? More snogging and smutty talk? Chapter Eleven: When All Else Fails, Beg?'

Bryan calmly ignored this.

'I know what your problem is.'

'Let me guess,' said Ray. 'Chapter Twelve: Tell Her She's Frigid.'

Bryan took Ray's perspiring hands in his before he had a chance to wipe them on his jeans.

'You're problem is Daisy.' He paused. 'You think I only want you as my bit on the side.'

'I d-don't think that at all,' squeaked Ray.

I do, I do!

'So if I finish with Daisy, will that convince you that I'm serious?'

Oh, good grief, steady on a minute. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

'You're panting,' Bryan observed. 'Wouldn't be with lust, by any chance?'

'You don't mean this.' Ray was floundering, hopelessly out of his depth. Bryan couldn't mean it, surely. It was just another ploy, like married men promising their mistresses they'd leave their wives.

'I don't mean it?' Bryan met the challenge with a teasing smile. 'Just watch me.'

'You should be a poker player. Bluff, bluff and bluff again.'

'Okay, let's get this straight. Would you like me better if Daisy was off the scene? Would you relax a bit more and stop being so suspicious of everything Ii do and everything I say?'

Oh, handy, thought Ray, that's me, the world's greatest expert when it comes to figuring out men and their motives.

But since he couldn't think of a single sensible reply, he shrugged and said carelessly, 'Yes thanks, that'd be great.'

'I'll do it tomorrow night.' Bryan slid his fingers through Ray's feathery fringe, tinged aubergine by the orange glow of the street lamp above them.

'I'll tell her, and I'll ring you on Saturday morning to let you know it's sorted.'

'Fine,' said Ray. Since it wasn't going to happen, why not play along for the hell of it? 'So when will I see you, on Saturday afternoon?'

Bryan, he noticed, was trying not to smile at this. From the look of things Ray had made a bit of a faux pas.

'You're not a Grand Prix groupie, are you?' Bryan said sympathetically. 'I'd love to see you then, but I'm going to be pretty much tied up for the next three days, what with Silverstone. . .practice sessions. . .qualifying laps on Saturday, the big race on Sunday. . .I'm sorry.' He shook his head. 'I know it's a bore, but it pays the rent.'

'Honestly,' Ray sighed, 'talk about inconvenient. Couldn't you have a word with them, get them to postpone the Grand Prix?'

'Ah, you see, you can't wait to seduce me now, can you?' Bryan broke into a grin. 'Have to, I'm afraid.'

'You're no fun,' said Ray.

'I am, actually. Lots of fun.' Leaning closer, Bryan murmured in Ray's ear, 'As you'll have the chance to find out on Monday night.'

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Feeling like a secret agent trapped in enemy territory, Ray didn't breath a word to anyone about Bryan on Friday, though inwardly it was hard to think of anything but him. Ray's brain buzzed with all the old unanswerable questions. . .does he mean it? . . .is he really going to finish with Daisy Schofield? . . .will he really phone up tomorrow or is this all some big awful joke?

It was hopeless. There was nothing he could do but wait.

'What are you doing this Sunday?' Bev asked the question in loose-end fashion as they were cleaning up.

Ray thought fast, keen to come up with something in which Bev had no interest whatsoever.

'Digging up Florence's garden,' he said with enthusiasm. 'Replanting shrubs, dismantling the rockery, putting in a lily pond. . .feel like giving me a hand?'

Bev shuddered. Earth, compost, worms and those awful scuttly things that shot out from under stones when you were least expecting it. Not, of course, that she's ever done any gardening herself, but she'd once accidentally watched a programme on the subject and it had happened to Alan Titchmarsh.

'Ugh, no thanks.'

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By seven thirty that evening, Ray had the house to himself. Like a well-organised bigamist, Takao had dropped him home from work and promptly ushered Max on to the still-warm passenger seat he had just vacated.

'I'll be back before eleven,' Max promised. He eyed Ray's pallor and fidgeting fingers with concern. 'Are you okay?'

Max wouldn't lecture, but he might tell Takao. Ray said brightly, 'Fine. Brilliant. Just going to have a bath.'

Out of the bath and dressed for comfort in his old blue brushed cotton pyjama bottoms and matching top with the spaced-out baby elephant on the front, Ray found Florence about to leave the house as well.

'We're off to the theatre.' She gave Ray a saucy wink and patted Tom's hand as he manoeuvred her chair towards the front door. 'Don't wait up.'

Not even a gripping episode of Coronation Street could hold Ray's attention. He hated not being able to do anything but sit there helplessly and wait. And why was he even bothering, for heaven's sake? Nothing was going to happen. He'd probably never hear from Bryan Kutsenov again.

Oh God, it still felt like waiting seventy-two hours for a kettle to boil.

Eight o'clock. Daisy's plane would be landing at Heathrow now. Daisy, all glossy and groomed and ready for the photographers – flash – would throw herself into Bryan's arms – flash flash flash – and Bryan would remember that this was who he's with, not that funny little blue-haired creature he'd been amusing himself with for the past few days, the one who swept up hair for a living and had the gall to sneer at his fridge.

His stomach in knots, Ray picked up his almost-empty bottle of Coke. In mid-swig when the doorbell rang, he spluttered and clunked his teeth painfully against the thick glass.

No.

Not Bryan, surely?

It couldn't be.

It wasn't, of course. Having stumbled off the sofa, banged his hip on the edge of the bookcase and hurtled through to the hall, Ray could have wept with disappointment when he yanked open the front door.

Oh great, perfect, this was all he needed. Kai Thanks-but-no-thanks Hiwatari, what an absolute treat.

'Ray.' As Kai's gaze travelled swiftly over Ray's pyjamas Ray could tell Kai was dying to make some smart remark about it. 'Time we were friends again, don't you think?'

Kai was smiling at him. In that okay-you-made-a-prat-of-yourself-but-I-forgive-you kind of way that was so infuriating it made you want to spit. Ray, who had found himself on the receiving end of this kind of smile quite often over the years, said stiffly, 'I don't know what you mean. I'm fine.'

Unable to resist – surprise surprise – Kai nodded at the chubby animal slumped across Ray's chest.

'Unlike your elephant. I'd give the RSPCA a ring if I were you.'

His expression bland, Ray said, 'I'd forgotten how funny you are.'

'Can I come in?'

Ray tried to hide one furry slipper behind the other. 'Actually, I was just on my way out.'

'When I phoned earlier, Florence said you weren't doing anything this evening.'

Exasperated, Ray recalled hearing the phone ring while he'd been wallowing upstairs in the bath. When he'd asked Florence who it was – in case by some miracle it had been Bryan – Florence had said 'Some poor fellow with a stammer trying to sell me a c-c-c-c-conservatory.'

'Don't be like this.' When he didn't speak, Kai shook his head. 'There's really no need to be embarrassed about what had happened the other week. Can't we just forget it and start again?'

Great idea, except some things were harder to forget than others. Particularly when they'd been tattooed on to your brain by what felt like a road-drill.

'Look, I'm not embarrassed about that,' Ray lied. 'But I'm not actually in the mood for socialising tonight. It's been a long day, I'm tired, I –'

'You're tired because you're depressed. I spoke to Florence last week as well,' Kai announced matter-of-factly. 'And she told me everything. So now I'm here and we're going to get this sorted out.' As he spoke, he prised Ray's hand from the door frame and took it firmly in his own. 'No more arguments, okay? I'm in charge now. I'm going to take you out,' Kai shot him a warning look, 'and cheer you up if it kills me.'

Ray went along with it in the end because basically there was nothing decent on TV, an evening out might distract him from thinking nonstop about Bryan and . . . what the hell, it was easier to make up with Kai than spend the rest of his life in an unflattering strop with him.

And really, now that he had the Bryan thing to occupy him – even if the sensible part of his brain told him that nothing would ever come of it – the embarrassing episode with Kai no longer seemed to matter quite so much.

Upstairs, Ray changed out of his pyjamas and slippers into a pale-grey shirt and old black jeans. By making as little effort as possible, he hoped to reassure Kai that he was quite safe, Ray wasn't planning to leap on him crying, 'Take me, take me now!'

No eyeliner, no cologne either. With only a few precious drops left in the bottle, he was saving them for a more enthralling occasion than this.

If Kai noticed the lack of effort Ray had gone to on his behalf, he kept it to himself.

They drove to a pub in Shepherd's Bush and found a free table outside in the garden.

'White wine?' said Kai.

'Orange juice.' Ray let him know that contrary to recent appearances he wasn't a complete lush.

It was a family-oriented pub. While Kai was inside getting the drinks, Ray watched a group of children hurtled one after the other down the slide. When one of them skidded off the end, kicking up dry bark put down to cushion heavy landings, dust flew up into Ray's eyes and he wiped them on the sleeve of his shirt. Just as well he hadn't bothered with the eyeliner.

'Here.' Kai, back from the bar, handed him a clean handkerchief and gave his arm a brief squeeze. 'You think it's never going to happen to you, don't you?'

Puzzled, Ray said, 'What?'

'But it will, you know. One day.' He nodded at the children leaping and yelling around them.

Was he reassuring Ray that one day he would have children?

'I just got dust in my eye,' protested Ray.

Kai nodded, humouring him.

'Okay, but listen to me anyway. The thing with Hiro. . .he was a louse. It's bound to hurt. But one day you'll meet someone else, someone you can trust. You've got a lot going for you, seriously. You're brave and kind-hearted, beautiful, funny. . .'

'Just not beautiful and funny enough for some people.'

Unable to resist the dig, Ray nevertheless regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

Kai gave him a pained look.

'Let me explain about that. When you and I were in the car outside your house, you'd had a hell of a day. You were drunk as a skunk and miserable. That's why I didn't take you up on your. . .er, offer, and that's the one and only reason, I promise you.' He leaned closer, his burgundy eyes serious. 'If the circumstances had been different, if it had been any other time, I'd have been more than happy to go along with it.'

Go along with it?

'Well, thank you, that's really generous of you.' Ray winced. Once again his attempt at sarcasm had failed miserably. Instead he sounded whiny and self-pitying.

Kai said kindly, 'You leapt to the wrong conclusion.'

Oh right, thought Ray, that would be the old I-wouldn't-touch-you-with-a-bargepole-but-don't-take-it-personally conclusion, would it? Well that was a comforting thing to know.

'I mean it,' Kia went on. 'Any other time. You'd been hurt by Hiro. You're still hurt.' He shrugged, to show he understood. 'These things take a while, they're bound to. But, say, in the future, when you're over him. . .well,' this time he smiled, 'if you asked me again then, I wouldn't say no.'

Hey, Mr Romantic! Am I really hearing this?

Ray gazed blankly at Kai, trying to figure out what it was he felt like. Then it came to him. Like a six-year-old endlessly nagging his parents for a puppy and being fobbed off with 'Not now darling, maybe next year.'

His whole body tingled with indignation. This was outrageous. What a nerve. Talk about patronising. Did Kai seriously think he was making him feel better?

A consolation bonk in the future, Ray marvelled. I must make a note in my diary.

Honestly, Kai was lucky there were innocent children about. Otherwise Ray would be tempted to rip his eyebrows off.