Hey! Thank you for all the reviews! Even if most of them were because you guys were upset :D
Anyway, read, and tell me what you think!
Severus tried to cling to his strength, but the peace he could feel awaiting him in the darkness was too much to resist. After twenty years, that's all he wanted.
Her tears made his heart ache. The agony he saw in her eyes made him feel guilty for taking the darkness that was presented to him. She was begging him, allowing him to see her at her most vulnerable state, bearing all to his gaze. He envied her, allowing her feelings to be so easily viewed while he struggled so much behind the walls in his own mind.
Her fingers ghosted across his face while he tried to brush her tears away, losing his energy with each stroke of his thumb.
She mentioned getting him help, but he only smirked at her because they both knew there was no helping him, it was far too late for that.
He could feel the coldness creeping up on him, and he mumbled to her a small thank you.
Now, as he floated through the darkness, he realized how insignificant those two words sounded, but for him, they encompassed everything she had ever done for him. She supported him, and stood by him. She made him care, made him realize that beneath twenty years of an emotionless façade, he did have a soul and still had compassion. Hermione made him realize that he was just as human as anyone else.
Even as he slipped away, he could hear her screaming for him, begging him to come back to her, but the peacefulness that was taking him away was so welcoming and painless that he couldn't resist. He welcomed it with open arms. If he knew that death felt like this, he would have welcomed it so much sooner. Never had he felt more at peace with his life than he did now. He had no regrets, no remorse, he was just fine.
Regrets. He did have one, one that made him cling to the pain and that world as long as he physically could. Severus hadn't told her how much he loved her or how much she had changed him for the better.
She was right there, he could have mumbled the words before he slipped away, but why do that to her? Why tell her that he loved her, and then leave that with her for the rest of her life? He couldn't subject her to that and leave her with the consequences of the statement while he moved on.
He knew, as he stared into her eyes, the last thing he would ever see, that she loved him more than anything. He had never seen such anguish in someone's eyes as he did in hers at that moment. Severus wished he had said something more than a mere 'thank you' as his last words to her.
Letting his mind wander, Severus wondered where he was going next. He was met with a bright white light, and he suddenly felt solidified instead of just floating around.
Severus peeled his eyes open, and found himself staring at a ceiling. Was this it? Was this what everyone assumed would happen when they died?
Sitting up, Severus peered around. Was he in a train station? Where ever he was, he didn't care. He felt fantastic; he couldn't remember feeling this well since before Lily was killed.
Severus climbed to his feet, and peered around again. What was he supposed to do?
"Hello, Severus,"
He spun around and found Albus Dumbledore sitting on a bench.
"Care to join me?"
Severus silently walked over and took a seat beside the man, staring ahead into a misty white distance. Severus tilted his head towards him.
"Where are we?" he asked.
"Hmm…I've been wondering the same thing,"
"It looks like a train station,"
"It does, doesn't it?" Albus said smiling and peering around.
"Why am I here?"
"That, I don't know. I was only to see Harry tonight, but I do enjoy your company, Severus. This is a pleasant surprise,"
Severus scoffed at the old man and sat back in his seat. Dumbledore chuckled for a moment.
"I know you often wonder if I resent you for killing me,"
"I only did what you asked," Severus answered, turning his eyes away.
"I know, and I'll be forever grateful, but I want you to know Severus, that I do not hold it against you. I asked for your assistance, and you did what I asked of you. You were one of the most loyal people I've ever met. You should not let that weigh on your conscious,"
"I didn't do it for you,"
"I know, you did it for Lily. These past twenty years you dedicated to Lily, you love her very much, even after all this time,"
Severus didn't answer. Did he love Lily? Yes, he supposed he did, but not like he did twenty years ago. That, he knew, had changed.
"You love another now; I can see it in your eyes. You have the same desperation on your face as you did the night you showed me your Patronus,"
Severus felt his hands ball into fists, as the memory of that night came flooding back to him.
"I'd like to see your Patronus again, if you don't mind. I like to see the best part of you, that you keep hidden from the rest of the world," Albus said with a smile.
"What would you have liked me to do? Flaunt the fact that I loved a woman who married my enemy? Make clear to the world that after all of this time I'm still in love with a dead woman who I can't get over? No, Albus, I don't want anyone's pity,"
"I never forced you to reveal the best part of your character, Severus. I just think that people would have liked to see the amount of devotion you can show when you truly care about something. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to see your Patronus one last time,"
Severus sighed and pulled his wand out of his robes, which he noticed were pristine. Shaking his head at the old man, Severus cast his Patronus.
"There, are you-" Severus began, but was cut off by what he saw.
There, in front of them, were two otters dancing around one another. Their graceful movements caught Severus' eye, and he could not look away as they floated majestically through the air. As they flickered and disappeared, Severus instantly casted his Patronus again, and was met with the same image. The otters then danced around him, and he looked at Albus with a shocked expression, but was met with a warm smile.
"You truly and honestly love her,"
"How can this happen? What happened to my Patronus?"
"You still love Lily, but in a different way. Whether you have noticed or not, you allegiance has shifted to another woman,"
Severus remained quiet, not about to mutter her name.
"Hermione's Patronus is an otter,"
Severus slouched in his seat. Twenty years and his Patronus changes? No, that can't be right.
"I do believe that the same happened to Nymphadora when she fell in love with Remus,"
"Do not compare me to those two," Severus snapped, jumping up and pacing around.
Albus pulled out a time piece and glanced briefly at it.
"If we don't hurry, we're going to be late," he said standing and walking to a bright light at the end of the platform. "Are you coming?"
"Of course I'm coming, do I really have a choice," Severus snapped.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, you do have a choice,"
Severus paused in his pacing to look at the old man.
"I want to go,"
"Have you thought of the repercussions of you actions on those around you?"
"Does it matter? I've suffered enough,"
"And you are willing to leave Hermione in the middle of a war, and for the remainder of her life?"
Severus didn't reply.
"Severus, I'm afraid you highly underestimate how much Hermione cares for you,"
Albus waved his hand, and a hazy mist appeared. An image began to form, and Severus stepped forward.
"Is that a Pensive?" Severus asked.
"No, but I'd like to show you what's going on with Hermione at this moment,"
The image cleared, and Severus saw himself, bloody and battered, being hung on by a woman with bushy hair. She was silently crying over his body and rocking him back and forth while stroking his face.
"Hermione, come on,"
"Leave me alone," she replied, sounding so broken that Severus took a seat to support himself.
"I do think that Harry's been trying to get her to leave you for at least ten minutes now. She doesn't want to leave you alone, no matter what. Hermione's just about given up on the war now, you were the most important thing to her, and she feels that if she doesn't have that, what does she have?"
"Her bloody friends," Severus snapped out, unable to tear his eyes away from the image in front of him.
He couldn't stop watching how tenderly she held him and stroked his white skin. The image dulled, and disappeared.
"Where did she go?" Severus asked, jumping up.
Another image formed, showing Hermione wrapped up on a grey couch in a large room. Her eyes were glassy and unseeing.
"Where is she?" Severus asked.
"In her childhood home. After your death, she removed herself from the magical community, and destroyed her wand. She never went to retrieve her parents, and avoids contact with anyone she knew from our world,"
"She wouldn't be able to tear herself away from Lupin,"
"He and his wife are killed in battle, leaving their son alone,"
The mist then disappeared altogether.
"What happens after that?" Severus asked.
"Hermione more or less lives like a Muggle. She passes shortly after the war,"
Hermione…dead. The thought made Severus sick to his stomach. She can't die; she is so young and has so much ahead of her. All at once, it hit Severus. To have her so affected over his death, he had to mean something to her. She changed her whole lifestyle because he was gone.
"What if I go back?" Severus asked through the lump in his throat.
"That, I don't know. You will have to see for yourself," Albus replied, heading towards the light. "Are you coming?" he repeated.
Severus rose to his feet and began to follow Albus. The closer he got to the light, the better he felt. He was ready to go; he was ready to move on. But the closer he got to the light, the more guilt filled his chest. Finally, the guilt was so much, his feet stopped moving.
"Wait," Severus said quietly.
Albus turned to look at him over his half-moon glasses. Severus could feel his heart beating in his chest, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as an alarming speed. The decision he was faced with was one of the most important ones he would ever make. The decision of life or death. Swallowing deeply, he raised his eyes to Dumbledore.
"I want to go back,"
"I knew you would," Albus said quietly. "You deserve a good life, Severus,"