!*!*! ATTENTION ... AANDAG ... KUJDES !*!*!

Disclaimer: I didn't write one single word of Harry Potter, this fact is apparent by the fact that the Weasely twins didn't get their own books series or at the very least more page time. Praise their awesomeness. Praise it!

Voldemort watch as Harry raised his voice again. "So, I think it would be best if I demonstrated first. Could I have a volunteer?"

All but two people in the class raised their hands.

"Amy! Will you come up here, please?"

A young woman with curly red hair almost ran to the front of the class. Then, Harry got down on the ground, lying on his back, and motioned for the woman to get on top of him. She blushed furiously, but straddled him, pinning him down.

Harry was still talking to the class. "Now, if someone has you pinned down, and, assuming you want to get up, the first thing you should try to do is buck them off of you." He bucked his hips suddenly, and Amy went off balance. In a flash, Harry had pushed her off, rolled over, and pinned her down, effectively reversing their positions. He looked at the class. "See? It works a lot of the time. Now, it won't work if they know what they're doing, or if they weigh too much, but I've found that it works most of the time."

Next to him, Lucius's eyes were bugging out, and he seemed incapable of either speech or dragging his eyes away from the sight in front of him. And Voldemort could see why. He was a rather stiff, definitely prudish, painfully proper pure blood. This probably seemed raunchy to him.

Draco was simply staring, and Snape had one eyebrow raised but didn't otherwise seem bothered.

Harry stood up and offered a hand to the girl, which she took with a blush before scurrying back to her friends. Harry looked around the room again with a smile. "Okay, now. Pick a partner. I'll show you another example or two after that, and then you guys can practice yourselves."

People roamed around the room, picking partners, and two girls, obviously friends, walked over to where their bags were sitting on the ground near the four wizards in disguise.

Voldemort cleared his throat slightly, gaining their attention.

The two women, one with soft brown hair and the other a very lovely Indian with stunning eyes, flushed slightly upon seeing him.

"Yes?" I brunette asked.

"I was just wondering about this class, since I was thinking about taking it myself. Could you tell me about it?" Apparently, he had hit upon one of her favorite subjects, because her eyes lit up and she was off.

"Yes! This is a great class. Harry's a wonderful teacher! He's patient and gentle and smart and completely hot-"

Her friend cut her off with an elbow to her side and an embarrassed glance at Voldemort. "Rosemary! I'm sorry about her. This really is a good class, though. It's very affordable and there are multiple times when you can attend class, so it works with most schedules. Not only that, but-"

"But, Harry is amazing and cute," Rosemary interrupted. "What Pima means is that she thinks Harry is the cutest thing in this building and a good teacher, and she's trying to hide that opinion under a whole bunch of politeness." From Pima's blush, her words probably weren't far off the truth.

Voldemort couldn't help but shake his head slightly. Even in the muggle world, without people knowing that he was the Chosen One, he still had fans. "So, you think this would be a good class to join?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Absolutely! You'll learn a lot, plus we can always use some more eye candy," Rosemary said with a wink. And then the pair dissolved into very feminine giggles.

Voldemort turned away, slightly disturbed but mostly amused, as everyone moved back to the floor and stood with their partners.

Harry looked at them all. "Okay, so for this example, I need someone quite tiny. How about… Daphne, would you help me?"

Draco's eyes widened and then narrowed. "Me? Why? What do you want me to do?"

Harry gestured for him to come up next to him. "I just need to show how size doesn't necessarily matter. Come on." The blonde didn't move from his seat, and instead continued to stare at Harry suspiciously. Harry rolled his eyes, sighing. "Nothing bad will happen to you, and you get to manhandle me."

The blonde popped up immediately. "I'll do it."

Voldemort laughed at the gleeful look on Draco's face. Sadistic little git.

"Lovely to know that you're so enthusiastic," Harry said dryly. He cleared his throat and addressed both his class and Draco. "You'd all agree that I'd easily be able to restrain her, right? She probably weighs half of what I do. But what if I tell you that with some training, she could fend me off. It's all about using your opponents momentum and mass against them."

He walked away from her to the end of the room, still talking. "Take, for example, if I was running towards her. She could incapacitate me. Now, Daphne. This is what I want you to do, okay? When I get close to you, grab my shirt, where my lapels would be, go down, curling your back as you do so so that you roll, and wedge your foot into my stomach. Then, as my momentum carries me, kick me up and over you, okay? Do you have that?"

Draco stood there, in his blue jumper, looking like an adorable girl, but his face was oddly serious. "I understand."

Harry nodded. "Good, and don't worry. You won't get hurt at all. Now, everyone, watch."

Voldemort, Severus, and Lucius leaned forward simultaneously as Harry broke into a gentle run.

He ran straight at Draco, not stopping, but Voldemort could see him slow slightly as he came up to him. Then, Draco did exactly as he had been instructed, grabbing Harry's shirt with small hands, rolling backwards, and taking Harry down with him. In one fluid movement, and with the slight assistance of Draco's foot, Harry flew over him, through the air, before landing with a loud thump on the ground.

Draco scurried up to his feet and saw Harry on his back on the ground. And then he let out a squeal, which Voldemort was quite sure he would deny making later. "That was… amazing! Are you okay?"

Harry groaned slightly, pushing himself to his feet. "That as not one of my best landings. You're a lot stronger than I thought you were." And that was, although Harry didn't know it, because while Draco had the appearance of a little girl, still had the strength of a young man.

Draco bounced up and down excitedly. "Can I do that again?"

"Haven't you had enough of manhandling me?" Harry asked back.

"Nope."

Harry blinked. "Ookay… As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm, I think that will be enough. You can go sit down now."

A seemingly disappointed Draco pranced back to the bench and sat down on it primly. Voldemort shook his head. As soon as they got back to the ministry, he was turning Draco back into his male-ponce self. It was just too wrong to see him so at home as a little girl. So wrong indeed. And he was the Dark Lord. He knew some things about wrongness.

After the class had finished clapping at the display between Harry and Draco, Harry spoke up again. "One more thing before we start. After the last class, I was asked about a simple way to incapacitate someone who grabs you from behind, and I thought I'd show that as well. Now, I'm going to need one more volunteer, and, since this is something that most likely a woman would use to fend off a male attacker, I'll need someone who's quite a bit bigger than me."

He looked around the room for a volunteer and was just about to pick a tall, rather strapping man who was eying Harry in a way that definitely wasn't platonic, when Voldemort spoke up, smoothing down his shirt. "I could assist you, Harry."

Wide, bright green, and most definitely surprised, orbs turned on him. "You?"

He strolled over to Harry. "Why, of course. You let Daphne help, so why not me? It's not fair to let her have all of the fun." He finished standing right next to Harry, only a few inches away, and perhaps slightly too close to be strictly appropriate.

Harry swallowed and stepped away slightly. "Oh, right. Of course. Are you sure about this? It's going to hurt a bit." Voldemort just gave him a smile, and Harry nodded seemingly flustered. "Umm… Right then."

He turned resolutely back to the class in front of him. "So, this is a really easy way to fend off any undesirable who tries to attack you. Thomas, if you could stand behind me and grab me. Put me in a choke hold or something."

The Dark Lord obliged, wrapping an arm loosely around the smaller man's neck and the other around his torso. He could feel warm, toned muscles under his fingers and unconsciously pressed closer against him.

He felt Harry's adam's apple bob against his arm. "Now, watch me carefully. First, you slam you elbow back as had as you can into your attacker's solar plexus." He accompanied the words with the action, and Voldemort's breath left him in a whoosh. "Next, you stomp on their instep."

Voldemort winced, but it could have been worse, considering that Harry was currently barefoot.

"Then, since their grip on you should be loosened, bring your elbow up and slam it into his or her nose." Harry did this, albeit very gently. "And then, finally, hit them in the groin." Harry mimed this, something that Voldemort was supremely grateful for. "After that, if they aren't on the ground screaming in pain, throw them over your shoulder, like this."

Without warning, Harry grabbed his arm, jack-knifed forward, and flipped Voldemort over his shoulder. He flew through the air and then landed down on the padded mat with a rather painful thwack. Before he could get up or even move, a weight settled on top of him, and something was pressed against his neck.

Harry was straddling him, long, toned legs on either side of him, with his forearm pressed against Voldemort's windpipe. In this position, Harry's face, flushed slightly from exertion, was close to his, so close that he could see every one of his rather long eyelashes and the lighter, almost chartreuse flecks in his emerald eyes.

The brunet was still talking to the class. "At this point, you could either run away or do what I just did." Harry turned his face from the class back to Voldemort. Their faces were only inches apart. Voldemort watched, fascinated, as Harry's pupils dilated slightly and the boy's eyes flickered to his lips and then back to his eyes. The emerald-eyed boy's cheeks seemed to flush even more, and then he leaned back suddenly, getting off of Voldemort with a graceful rolling movement.

Once he was up, Harry offered him a hand, pulling him to his feet before quickly letting go of his hand. He coughed into his hand awkwardly, and said, purposely avoiding looking at Voldemort, "Well. Thank you for helping, Thomas. You can go sit back down now."

"It was a pleasure, Harry," Voldemort practically purred, grinning maniacally inwardly as Harry's cheeks turned even redder. He walked back to the bench with a jaunty step, ignoring the confused glances of Snape and Lucius. His grin broadened when he heard the squeals of some of the women in class.

He could even hear some of their whispered comments. "That was so cute! Did you see Harry's face?"

"Harry? I was more focused on tall, dark, and handsome over there. He's got to join the class."

"I know, right? I want to see more interaction between those two."

"Interaction? Is that what you call what you want to see? Because I'm pretty sure it's called snogging at the very least. At the very least."

The last comment, of course, had been spoken by Rosemary.

The Dark Lord's eyebrows rose until they were almost into his hairline. Were they talking about what he thought that they were talking about? It would be rather hard to misinterpret what they were saying. Him and Harry? Well, the idea really was preposterous, wasn't it? Sure, the man had indeed grown into a stunning young man. And by the fact that Harry blushed, combined with the dilated pupils certainly hinted to the fact that he wasn't unaware of Voldemort's charms. He glanced down at his hands and remembered the feeling of Harry's taut muscles under it. He'd have to think about this. After all, the preposterous may be preposterous, but that didn't mean it was impossible.

He leaned back and watched Harry through half-closed lids. Yes. It was definitely something to think about.

He watched as Harry's blush faded away and he started to teach the class, moving around the room, correcting gently and showing the proper way to throw and pin. He wasn't surprised how good Harry was with people. He was a natural leader, but he was kind and fair as well.

Finally, after another half hour or so, the class ended, and people began to filter out. Several of the girl's stayed behind and flirted, quite obviously, with Harry for a few minutes before giggling and giving him sly little waves as they left.

After a particularly forward blond left, the last person, Harry gave a visible shudder and walked over to them. "So, what did you guys think?"

Lucius seemed to have gotten over his complete disapproval, for the most part, and said in a stiff voice, "I suppose I could see how knowing how to defend yourself like that would come in useful."

Draco looked up. "I think it's awesome. Can I take some classes?" Yes, it was definitely disturbing how Draco seemed to forget that he was in the body of a twelve year old female.

Lucius's head snapped down to stare at his son. "No, you may not. It's undignified and barbaric. No offense meant, Harry."

"Right… Of course," Harry said slowly, turning to Snape. "What about you?"

"As interesting as that was, I believe I prefer the academic arts," came the drawling reply.

Harry turned to Voldemort expectantly, head cocked to the side questioningly.

"I found it fascinating. I think I'd like to take some classes here. You are an excellent teacher, Harry, and I'll look forward to studying under you."

For some reason, Harry's eyes widened and he looked off to the side. Before Voldemort could go back over his last sentence and find out what he had said to make Harry act like that, Harry checked his watch, and said, "I've got to go. I'm teaching yoga in ten minutes."

Voldemort nodded, and then asked, on the spur of the moment, "Any chance you'd feel like doing something after your classes?"

The look of shock on Harry's face was quickly replaced by pleasure and then regret. "I'm sorry, I can't. I have plans with Melissa."

Ah, how could he have forgotten? He felt another wave of dislike run through him. He really didn't like her. No, that was probably an understatement. He shrugged of the slight feeling of disappointment and flashed a charming smile at Harry. "Some other time perhaps then." He stood up and stretched, noticing the way that Harry's eyes followed his movements and feeling inordinately pleased by that fact.

"I'd like that. And maybe you could convince Luke to let Daphne take some classes. It would be good for her to know to defend herself. After all, she's going to grow up to be a beautiful young woman. You'll have to beat the blokes off of her with cricket bat."

Horrifyingly enough, Draco seemed to be preening slightly while everyone else was having a hard time not bursting into laughter.

Barely managing to keep a straight face, Voldemort said, "I'll see if I can convince him. Bye, Harry. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, bye, Thomas. Luke, Sean." He turned to Draco. "Bye, Daphne. Do I get a hug?"

The look on Draco's face seemed to suggest that someone had asked him to eat a mouthful of slugs. "A… hug?"

One of Harry's eyebrows quirked upwards. "Yes, a hug. Have you ever heard of them?"

"Yes, of course I have. But I'm not going to-"

He was cut off abruptly as Harry stooped down and gave him a quick hug before mussing his hair with a huge grin. Then, before Draco could get over his shock, Harry back out of the room, waving. "Bye!" And then he was gone.

Voldemort looked down at Draco, who was stupefied, staring off into thin air and twitching sporadically.

"He… hugged me." The horror in his voice was palpable.

Voldemort chuckled. He wished he had a camera to capture the expression on his face. "Come on. Time to go."

The group of them left Balance, Lucius leading a still stupefied Draco, and the four of them ducked into the closest dark alley. Hands found shoulders and other hands and then they turned suddenly and in harmony, disapparating back to his office.

Without a word, he waved his wand over himself, Lucius, and Draco in turn.

Draco immediately rushed over to the mirror and kissed his reflection repeatedly, muttering things that Voldemort was glad he couldn't hear.

He flicked his hand dismissively towards the door. "Leave me. Gather your thoughts about what you've just seen and then tell me later," he ordered.

Draco and Lucius left immediately, bowing their ways out, but Severus hesitated by the door.

"What is it?" Voldemort asked, looking up from his desk.

"My lord… What exactly do you intend towards Potter?"

He frowned. "What do you mean, Severus?"

"I mean… It was quite obvious that there was an attraction between…" he stopped and pressed his lips firmly together into a line. "Never mind, my lord." Then he gave a jerky bow and swept from the room.

Voldemort stared at the empty entrance of the room. Snape had seemed almost embarrassed. That was a sight he'd never seen before. And what exactly did Snape mean?

He leaned back in his leather chair and pressed his fingers together in the signature evil mastermind pose of villains everywhere. He could think about that later. For now, he had someone else to think about. A certain green eyed boy…

'Ello, my lovelies... Wow. That was creepy even to write. Moving on. It's been a while since I posted the last chapter, but I was out of town, and by out of town I mean at a place with no internet. But, I'm back now! Do you know what that means? More Harry Potter goodness! And random perverted acts, of course. I mean, you can't have a good story without random perverted acts, now can you? No, you can't. And I've come to realize that I'm babbling. So, I just have one more thing to say before I start replying to my wondrous reviews, and that would be this... I BROKE ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS! HELL YES! I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN, BUT IT DID AND IT'S COMPLETELY AWESOME! *cough cough* And, what's more, it's all because of you guys. So, thank you. And special thanks to one very special reviewer who put me into triple digits... Mystia Katsuragi. Thank you.

Ja ne,

Rumer Hasit

olciak123: Yep. Deeper and deeper into Harry's new, non-magical, life. But you say you're still waiting for more? Well, a whole heck of a lot is planned to happen in the very next chapter. And I mean a LOT. If you've been waiting for something big to happen, I think you won't be disappointed. Have I peaked your interest yet?

Izara Sprightly of Redmont: You are... completely awesome. Will you marry me? Just joking... But, all jokes aside, you are awesome. The omakes are wonderful. I don't know the last time that I enjoyed a story so much. It's actually been a while. Thank you for writing the omakes. It made my day when I read them.

krysania: Pure greatness? Well, thank you. I can't say I disagree... Oops. My ego seems to be getting rather large. But I am glad that you enjoyed the chapter so much. Hopefully, it made you laugh. And as for Draco... he is far too at home in a young female's body.

itachisgurl93: Yeah, I love a (mostly) sane Dark Lord as well. I don't think I can call him sane entirely... I'm not sure I can say that about myself. But, I'm getting off topic. I'm very happy to know that you liked the last chapter. Do you like this one, too?

bluetoads: I always wondered why Harry never told the wizarding world to piss off, too. But at least there are fanfictions, where I can make the characters bend to my will... Please ignore the fact I sounded mildly unhinged there. Glad you approve of the whole gym/bookstore thing, too. And, yes, Draco is EVIL! He's my favorite evil git, though.

Fireotaku18: I know. Draco shouldn't be anywhere near that comfortable in women's clothing. It's rather disturbing. But funny. And as for the whole Voldemort and Harry and martial arts... Well, you saw what happened. What did you think?

noelnoel2: Well, I do apologize that this wasn't as quite of an update, but the chapter is quite a bit longer, so it should make up for that fact. And you got to see Voldemort's reactions to the women in Harry's class. As for Draco... I don't even know what to say about him. He did participate in the class, but he seemed to enjoy it. I think he has underlying issues. Or maybe one too many crucios fried part of his brain...

Barranca: Poor, poor Harry. If only he knew that Thomas was Voldemort... I imagine he would be quite disturbed. But, maybe he'll find out shortly. I can only imagine his reaction. And, yes, Draco really is evil. I admire him for it. Thank you for reviewing!

IkutoisSmexy: Thank you very much for the positive review. I only regret that I didn't update sooner. But, I hope the contents of this chapter is enough to make up for it's late arrival.

sasunaru2themax: You love it? Well, thank you. That's very nice to hear. And I shall continue writing this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

LittleCatZ: The first line of your review made me grin like an idiot, I'm afraid. I'm very happy to hear (or would it be read?) that you like how I've portrayed Harry in this story. And as for Ron and his possible git-ness... He's not a complete git. But he has his definite moments of git-ness. I'm afraid I never looked at him the same way after The Goblet of Fire. He was a total tosspot there. And, yes, Neville is completely awesome. I need to get him in the story soon...

Rainbow lesbian lover: Glad to know that you love it. And as for "Daphne"... She/he's a piece of work, isn't she/he?

RRW: Yes, Draco plays the brat to a tee. But is he really playing? I think he might actually be like that. And as for the women joining Harry's self-defense classes... I think you were absolutely right.

The Exorcist Witch Queen: You will indeed see Melissa getting bitchier. That should come up in the next chapter. I'm glad you liked the whole "balance" thing between the books and dojo. I think Hermione might have had an influence in that, though. Quite a few women are there to ogle Harry, but I don't suppose they mind getting pinned down by him, either. And as for Harry's hotness... Erm... I suppose?

Reader-anonymous: I'm not really sure I created Melissa to be liked. I mean, I made Voldemort likable, so someone has to be slightly unlikable, even if you understand why she's like that. I agree with you, though. Snape and Luna are both completely and entirely awesome. They're just... them. And, yes, we both love our internet. It's just sad when I have to leave it. Oh, and when you post up a story of your own, tell me. I'd like to see it. So, did you go into fantasy withdrawal?

Q3APo: It's always funny when the maim character doesn't realize what feelings he may have when every female within a kilometer radius does. Females just seem to have a sixth sense about that sort of thing, though. But, anyways, thank you very much for reading my story. I appreciate it.

hyper active pixie: Shoot! I didn't even think about having Draco whine for someone to carry him. I should have done that. Who would have carried him, though? Not Snape. And I'm fairly certain Draco would rather crucio himself than ask the Dark Lord to carry him. And his father was carrying the books... And that leaves Harry. Uh oh. That wouldn't do.

mountain ash: Ah! Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I wanted Harry to be able to defend himself without the use of a wand, since he disconnected himself from the wizarding world. I don't think Voldemort will take his entourage every time that he goes and visits Harry. They'll have some private time soon enough, I think. Thank you for reviewing!

Nasyki: Parallels between your life and Harry's? Do tell. And as for Harry's defense class, it's not so much a single style type or sport, but an amalgamation of techniques from different styles that would be useful for people who aren't particularly strong to defend themselves. And, no, I don't think it would be UFC style of fighting... no where near that. And, while Harry didn't use kata gatame on Voldemort, he still pinned him down. I should have had him do an O Goshi, though. Maybe he did? I mean, I wasn't that specific. And as for you asking what style I took, do you mean which I have Harry doing in the story, or what I do personally?

sousie: Yes, poor Voldemort indeed. Wait a second. What am I saying? Poor Harry! It's his life that's going to get turned upside down and sideways!

disneypenguin: Great for a laugh? That's exactly what I want to hear. And you love it? Even better. I agree with you about a disguised-as-a-female Draco. It's pretty cool... and disturbing. And as for romance between Harry and Voldemort... It will continue!

Dodgey33: Aww... You love it? Thank you so much for telling me that. It makes me grin like an unstable lunatic. Or do I always look like that? Never mind. Moving on. Yes, Harry is awesome, and Draco is far too comfy as a girl. And it's an even better complement that you think I made Harry better than the original. So, thank you. And I shall most definitely keep writing as long as you keep reading.

Ivy: Well, I am sorry that you don't like the fact that I respond to the wonderful people who review my story, but you don't have to read if it annoys you so much. It's just that they are the reason that I write the story, and I want to thank them and reply to any questions they may have.

Bright-down: Whoooooooooo! What a nice way to start a review. It gives it a certain energy, doesn't it? And thank you very much for saying what you did about the humor and descriptions. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.

Isys Skeeter: I'm glad you liked what Draco did. He was a perfect little brat, wasn't he? And I think he's probably going to get punished by his father. You might be right about Voldemort being more of a politician than manager, though.

Ashlynn LionHart: Umm... Thank you. I did really want to do one from the Dark Lord's point of view, and have him not be insane and killing everything that moved, as you pointed out. And it made me smile to see that you thought the story is a delight. Thank you.

Bookits: Voldemort Vs. Melissa... Yeah. She doesn't stand a chance, does she? And I'm very glad you hear that you like my version of Harry. It seems like a lot of people do. Thank you.

daemonkieran: Delightful? What a nice thing to say. And, yes, Draco as Daphne is wonderfully bratty. I rather like him like that.

Melikalilly: Good? Thank you. I hope it is, and I appreciate that you think so. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.

Shannon the Original: Well, I am sorry that I didn't update sooner, but there were what I think were extenuating circumstances. Thankfully, I can post now, though, and I hope you like it.

Mystia Katsuragi: I love the whole Draco/Daphne and Thomas/Voldemort, too. It's so much fun to write. And you know what? When you went back and reviewed for chapter four, you actually gave me my 100th review. THANK YOU!

SoulMore: You're a fan? Well, that just warms my heart. It always makes me happy to hear that. So, thank you very much.

Magic Dobby: I know. I kept thinking about how if Harry spent all of his time in a bookshop, he might be a little out of shape, plus just being a bookworm didn't seem to mesh with his personality quite right, so he became a martial arts instructor, too. Oh, and one more thing... I really like your username. It's awesome.

crobhdearg: You like it? Good. And I'm glad that you're looking forward to more of Harry and "Thomas", because there will be a lot more of the two of them. Thank you for reviewing.

IchigoRenji: I know. The whole martial arts thing was sort of out of nowhere, but I think it fits with Harry and it works with the whole life in balance thing as well. Plus, it keeps him fit. And I will most definitely keep up the "good work" as you put it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.

gypsydancer529: Loving it? I couldn't ask for a better thing to hear in a review. And that you ranked my story among the few good Harry/Voldemort stories. And my story made you laugh? Even better! I hope this update was soon enough for you and that you laughed more during this chapter.

Shadow Kitsune67: I'm very glad that you like it and think that it's amusing. That is rather what I'm going for when I write it. Thank you for reviewing.