Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

Suggested Listening: Seventy Times Seven by Brand New, Further Away by Ben Howard, Sensible Heart by City and Colour, How Dangerous by the Smoking Popes, End All by The Narrative, The Fire by Ben Howard, A Song For You by Amy Winehouse

Chapter Thirty-Four: How To Burn

For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.

I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.

I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.

I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,

And now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do.

It's kind of hard to have a confrontation, in the middle of a crisis, when you're supposed to be on the same side.

I watched Bella go that night, and in that moment, I hated Jacob. Part of me wanted to slip into denial that he'd really stooped this low, that one of the few people on this earth who knew my deepest secrets and pretty much everything that had happened to me since I was four years old wasn't turning out to be a poor excuse for a friend and a pathetic excuse for an Alpha. No matter what way I twisted it, though, the facts told me that pretending he was still Just Jake wasn't going to do anybody any good, and it wasn't going to stop Bella from telling me she was less than I deserved.

I stalked back to his house to find him, hell bent on ripping his throat out - only to be stopped short at the image of him sitting by Leah, talking to her unconscious form and reminding me that there were things here bigger than us, bigger than him and me and me losing the only girl I'd ever felt this way about because he had pushed her away. I walked past him and into his kitchen, splashed cold water on my face and neck, and I just sat there . I sat there and I hated him. I hated my best friend for the first time in my whole life because even though - despite losing his mom - everything came easy to him, and he was born with the closest thing to privilege here on the Rez, he had never once made me resent him for it. Until now.

The day he imprinted on Melanie, he lost all rights to Bella, in my eyes. He didn't get a say in who she dated or what she did with her life. Silent judgement, sure - when you're friends with someone, and you care about them, you're going to take an interest in the decisions they make, because you're looking out for them. If you don't agree with that decision, you can let them know, but ultimately, it's their choice. Jake clearly didn't approve of Bella being with me, and had used the easiest means necessary to drive a wedge between us - Bella's self worth. He knew better than anyone how fragile it was, and he used his status as former best friend and ex-boyfriend to get inside her head and plant that seed that grew, like a fucking weed, and culminated in Bella walking away from me in tears. Worse than using that, somewhere along the way, he thought his inherited leadership meant that he could do these things and we were all just eventually going to wag our tails and accept it, because his word is law and we'd see the sense of his actions in the end...But he was wrong.

I had other suspicions - suspicions that told me that this wasn't just about keeping order and stopping people from getting hurt. It was like an unwritten rule that we didn't probe too far into each others' heads - it was why keeping secrets had become somewhat easier since Sam had been Alpha; Jacob led by example, and he valued ours and his own privacy since the first time he slept with Melanie and ended up with a headache trying to keep the details to himself. I knew how strongly he still felt for Bella from the wave of protective instinct rolling off him any time she came up when phased, but the reaction, and how he'd acted that day after he found out was a shock - even to me. I couldn't put all of this down to fear, or a sense of betrayal.

I knew him as well as I knew myself, and I knew when he was jealous.

Whether he'd ever actually admit it, though, was a different matter, and by the look in Bella's eyes that day - that look of complete defeat - I knew that he'd said some things I'd find it hard to forgive. It was one thing taking his anger out on me, but to mess with Bella's head, just because he'd regressed into the immature, possessive child I thought he'd grown out of? That was not okay.

I took as many patrols as I could. I needed to blow off steam because - if Bella was right - we were about to go to war, and it wasn't going to help if Jake and I were at each other's throats. The others stayed out of it as much as they were able. I knew Quil felt guilty for keeping secrets from Jake, and that he was sympathetic that it had all blown up in my face, but if I was looking for an ally, he wasn't interested. Jared, Brady and Collin kept their heads on duty, really stepping up to following orders and picking up the slack because Paul and Seth were too messed up with worry about Leah to do anything but show up to meetings and sit in distracted silence. I didn't even know how Seth was reacting to the whole Leah-Paul situation. I guess he'd deal with anything as long as she pulled through.

As for if that would actually happen? We didn't know. The venom had acted like an acid on her flesh, seeping past the area she'd originally removed as she drove home and causing nerve damage that couldn't be reversed, as far as we knew. When her foot stopped working, Leah had careened off the road where Paul had found her. Though it seemed like her body was at least trying to heal, we couldn't tell if it would be enough. All she did was sleep these days.

Bella, well, she needed her space. I knew that without asking, and if I said it didn't kill me to sit outside her house each fucking night and just listen to the sounds of her moving around inside, see the dark circles around her eyes when she came to see Leah and watch her confidence wither away without doing anything about it... I'd be lying. It was torture, but I knew that I needed the facts before I could make a case for 'us'. There was something in her expression when she heard my voice, or when my name was mentioned - when she wasn't aware I could see her - that gave me hope. It wasn't over between us yet, and there was a part of her that didn't want that in the first place. Maybe it was my job to protect Bella, but she was trying to do the same for me by letting me go and find someone she thought I deserved, and letting me focus on being part of the Pack.

It made me want her more, knowing what she was up to, but because of that - her selflessness - her plan was negated. It made me more determined to fix things, if anything, because I knew that girls like her didn't come along very often, and a girl like Bella was a once-in-a-lifetime shot. I had to know what had happened between her and Jacob before I could make her believe that everything he said was bullshit.

I was biding my time - because Jacob and I were in a crisis, on the same side... and he was still my best friend. I wasn't so sure that after I found out all the details of that day I'd still want to think of him that way, and honestly? That scared me. I didn't want to lose him either.

I gave up waiting about six nights after it had all gone to shit. After spending most of the day watching Paul take care of Leah - when she wasn't even conscious enough to know he was there - I'd caught myself actually wishing I could care for Bella that way, and that I could be around her without protest from anyone. It was a fucking joke - the fact that Leah was near death and Paul was simply trying to keep her going made me loathe how desperate I'd become. Their situation wasn't one to envy; I'd rather never speak a word to Bella again than see her like that. Obviously, I was losing it. After a good hour sat on my living-room couch, staring at the phone in my hands, with her number displayed on the screen and wishing like hell I could call her and hear her voice and make everything okay, my fingers itched. She wouldn't pick up, though. I knew without trying.

It was too much, and I couldn't put it off any longer. Before I could talk myself out of it, I was out the door, securing cut-offs to my leg and on four paws before I actually hit the tree line. The anxiety already felt better. As a wolf, all the human crap kind of faded into a dull hum in the back of my mind. I lost myself in the sensations of the forest, the cool of the night air and the quiet of the Rez. I registered three already patrolling: Jared, Quil - and Jake. It was the first time we were phased together since it had happened - we'd made an unspoken point to avoid it because being inside the head of the one person you wanted to tear in two probably wasn't the best decision. I was so fucking past being rational, though. I didn't know how any of this was going to turn out, but I knew if I went to battle without Bella and I being okay, it was going to cost us.

I reached out to him through the link, past the thoughts of the other two feigning nonchalance.

I need to talk to you. Alone.

Quil and Jared stilled instantly, alternating between wanting to get as far away from this as possible, and worrying if we were left alone that there'd be one more wolf needing a bed-side vigil. Of course, it'd be me. I wasn't so arrogant that I thought anger would be all I needed to match him in a fight. He was already about a third bigger than me as a wolf, had authority on his side, and was about as pissed off as I was. Jacob let it stew for a minute before he responded.

I don't have anything to say to you.

I scoffed internally. When had Jacob ever not had something to say?

I'm not so sure about that.

Well, I don't have anything to say that you'll wanna hear. Go home.

I bristled - he was already ordering me around, and I couldn't stand for it. I sucked in a calming breath, knowing that I wouldn't get what I wanted by losing it.

Gonna order me?

No. Just hoping there's at least some sense left in your head.

He sounded... exhausted. Good. I hoped he was kept awake at night, just like I was. I hoped he felt like shit for what he did, and how he treated her. I hoped that, now he'd had some time to reflect, he'd realise that Bella wasn't his anymore, and trying to keep her that way was just going to push us all away. Seemingly, my internal thoughts triggered something - I was getting close to the truth, and he didn't want the others knowing it.

Guys, phase out.

Jared and Quil were on the same page. Not so sure that's a good idea, Chief.

Me either. I don't wanna have to play interference between you guys again, but if it comes to it, I will.

Jake sighed mentally. I'm not gonna fight him. Do we need a referee?

Nope. Said I wanted to talk. So we'll talk, as long as he's reasonable.

Quil's trepidation rose slightly at the acid in my thoughts. Yeah, see that's what I'm afraid of. When it comes to Bella Swan, you two aren't known for your rationality.

I said GO.

There was a shudder through the link as we were two minds short. I broke into a run to deal with the nervous tension manifesting in my paws. Now it was just me and him, I wasn't so brave anymore. There's a difference between thinking about a confrontation and actually doing it.

So you're gonna confront me?

That was the plan.

I'm not fighting you Embry. Though something tells me a thump over the head might actually do you some good.

I scoffed bitterly. Whatever. Someone has to call you out on how you acted.

Someone already did.

A flash in his mind of Melanie, tear-stained and angry, filled the link between us.

"You're lying to yourself, Jake. I know what you're feeling, and it's fine... but you're turning into someone I don't know anymore..."

She looked sympathetic, frustrated and disappointed all at once. The way she regarded him made his stomach churn. He still loved her so damn much, and letting her down was clawing him apart. I could understand that, I never wanted to see Bella look at me that way.

"You love them both - and I know you're worried, but this is not how you deal with this. You're letting your own feelings get in the way of being a leader, and I'm telling you this because no-one else can..."

Didn't know Mel had my back.

She wasn't doing it for you. She's just scared.

Should she be? Cause the guy I saw the other day wasn't the one she moved here for.

Oh, and you know me so well, right?

I thought I did.

Yeah, could say the same about you.

I dug my paws further into the earth, setting my trajectory on him and frustrated that, after everything, he was still pinning this on me. Like I stole Bella from him when he gave her away without a second thought.

You know that's not how it was. And it's not about that, it's about you, lying and keeping secrets from me when I need you to be someone I can trust.

You can. That's what you don't seem to get - this wasn't about you, or Mel, or anyone. It was about me and Bella. That's it.

So this is the part where you tell me that you and Bella are deeply in love and I can't do anything to break it.

I felt a flash of anger, because Bella hadn't looked me in the eyes in six fucking days, and it was all because of him. He snorted.

Thought so.

You got inside her head, with your petty fucking mind games. I don't know what exactly you said to her, but it stuck, and I'm not gonna just sit back and let you ruin the best thing that ever happened to me.

You still don't get it, do you? I'm trying to help you. Make you see what a colossal mistake this is going to end up.

Oh, how big of you. You couldn't have just come out and said it? I know you didn't just leave it there.

A memory came to him then, of him standing over her, in the garage, asking her disgusting questions, and my vision turned red. I passed the last of the trees between us and hurled my body into his, all the while the memories came at me full force.

"You settled for second best - because what's the next best thing to me?"

I dug my claws into his flank, red fur flying as I relentessly tore at his flesh. He was on his side beneath me, twisting around just enough to regain power.

"Tell me, Bells. When you're kissing him, do you find yourself leaning up a little more, because his height isn't the same as what you're imagining in your head?"

A growl roared from his throat, and my body flew backward, slamming into a tree. I felt a rib crack - not enough to slow me down, not when the visions were still coming.

I'm not gonna fight you.

I pulled back onto my paws, feeling the rib set back in place. The adrenaline dulled the pain, and I could already feel the first tingle of healing begin to surround the area as the hormones in my blood sped up the process. Jacob was facing me, crouched with his muzzle low, teeth bared in a menacing snarl. I wasn't afraid of him. All I felt was rage.

You can't help yourself, can you? You can't stand to see her happy. Don't play savior here, Jake. It wasn't me you were thinking of.

"What happens if he imprints? If you're so strong, so sure about being with him, what then?"

We circled each other in the clearing, neither willing to tear vision away from the other.

You piece of shit.

He let a tell-tale slip of satisfaction through the link, and I knew that this wasn't a mission of kindness like he was trying to make it out to be. He'd enjoyed it - enjoyed getting to her and seeing that he still had some meaning in her life.

Whatever you wanna think, Dude.

He wasn't even trying to conceal his thoughts now, instead hurling more and more of that day at me, each flash feeling like a red-hot knife in my gut. I lunged again, tearing into him with my teeth with all the power I had in me. He broke free, but the satisfaction I felt at seeing him favour his other three paws was unparallelled.

I took my chance and swiped at his face, but he ducked to the side at the last second, leaving a trail of crimson matting his fur on the left side of his neck.

Pretty tough when you're mad, huh?

Just because you're my Alpha, doesn't mean I have to respect you, and it doesn't fucking mean I have to bend to your will. I know what this is about. You're jealous.

He came at me then, overpowering me beneath his paws, but didn't strike. His eyes bore down on me, and I knew in that moment, though his mind was a blank of anger, that I had him. He was so caught up in his rage that I got the upper-hand, throwing him back off me and radiating triumph. He shook his head to clear the haze and focused on me again, stalking forward.

Me? Jealous of you? Get a fucking grip. I pity you.

I went for him, clamping my teeth on his shoulder and feeling the fulfilling rip of flesh between my jaws. He shook me free with one powerful swipe, and I felt the ooze through my broken skin where he'd connected. I didn't give a shit when I tasted the iron of his blood on my tongue.

The last of his memories came.

"Didn't you consider him in all of this? Huh? Your little schemes are gonna end up hurting someone, and it's not fair to lead him on. He's my best friend. I just can't believe you're so cold that you'd use him to get back at me."

A sound I didn't think I was even capable of making came out of my throat. I was so angry my entire body shook.

You don't know shit!

You sure about that, Em?

"Do you love him?"

"That's none of your business."

I pounced again, a mass of paws and fur and teeth as trees cracked in our wake.

You can't fuck with me, Jacob. I know what's inside you - you're not fooling anyone.

"Because, though you seem hell-bent on being with him by any means necessary, you know the truth - it's not going to work out for you. If you were really meant to be, fate would have already decided that. You'd be his imprint... but even the spirits know that you're not right for him. You weren't enough for me - for any of us. It's just a matter of time before he figures it out too."

The image of Bella's composure collapsing stabbed at me, and I reared up on my back paws where he rose to meet me. My anger was a crutch, and though he was still not on the attack, the rage in his mind told me that this wasn't as easy for him as he wanted me to think.

I tore at his flesh, knowing that by morning none of this damage would matter - but I needed this. I needed to feel like I was making him pay for what he did; for making Bella doubt me - doubt us - and making her look at me like there was no hope.

He got free, and phased back, no trace of a smile on his features. wiping at his mouth with the back of one hand, chest heaving with exertion and torso coated with a sheen of blood and dirt. I phased back then, coming up to my full height and spitting a mouthful of blood at his feet,

I punched him square in the jaw, and that single action mollified me more than any of the damage I did as a wolf.

"You're pathetic, Jake," I sneered. "You pity me? I pity you. You're believing your own bullshit."

He caught his breath and huffed out a bitter laugh. "Whatever lets you sleep at night, man. You know that what I said was right... she's not yours. She never was and she's never gonna be."

He sounded pained, like the words weren't quite about me anymore - I knew they never would be.I lifted my chin. "That's where you're wrong. Everything she went through? It brought her to me. Two whole realities, Jake, and she still didn't end up with you."

His face darkened. "You seriously believe that? You believe that you're good enough for her? That, after all those years of feeling like a fucking reject and feeling like an outsider in your own home, that you get to be with her, and nothing's gonna take her away?"

"I know it."

"You're a fucking fool. You don't even see what's going to happen - you're going to hurt her, leave her in the dust and there's gonna be nobody there to pick up the pieces. You're so damn blinded by getting what you want that you're letting her walk into this when you know how it's going to end."

I shook my head, a bitter smile pulling at my lips. "That's where you're wrong - you think we're alike, Jake? We're not. The difference between you and me is I'm not stupid enough to let her go." I raised my eyebrows, regarding him with a look of disgust. "You don't believe that imprinting has stopped? Fine. I don't really give a fuck. Just don't assume that if it ever happened to me, I wouldn't fight it. Don't assume that I won't succeed where you failed."

His jaw set, then, and he looked away, all out of snappy retorts and bravado as I tore away the layers and left him raw before me, standing in that forest as just a scared, hurt guy who hated how things had turned out. This is that it was all about - his guilt over what he did, his regret over not trying harder, and his jealousy that I was getting the chance he let slip through his fingers.

He wouldn't admit it - but he was my best friend - I knew him as well as I knew myself.

I turned from him then, cradling my side as the pain radiated in waves. My skin was just beginning to heal, but my mind was stronger than ever. I walked away from him, away from my resentment and I just carried my pity with me. I was armed with the facts, and it all became clear what it was I needed to do.

Bella and I deserved each other, no matter what he said, and all I had to do now was make her see.

Bella POV

I buried my hands in the dishwater and I felt sick. Each day where I had to wake up and remind myself - play the reasons Jacob had given me to let Embry go over in my head - took something from me I wasn't sure I would get back. I was crumbling from the inside out with nothing but my resolve to convince me that I was doing the right thing. Melanie's words had given me pause, started to give me a new perspective on why Jacob had said the things he did, but seeing Leah like that, broken and dying because of me had brought it all screaming back. He deserved better. He needed to move on..

I visited her whenever I could, forced to watch as Paul kept a constant vigil. Each day, Embry was there - silent, never pressuring, but I could see the hope in his eyes each time we were in the same room and he silently willed me to change my mind. I wished more than anything that I could, but one look at my best friend told me I was right. Until today.

In a rare moment of lucidity, Leah had woken up, searching the interior of her bedroom for the presence who had only left when Sue had kicked him out to go home and shower. It was just us.

"He's gone home for a while - he'll be back soon."

She nodded slightly, eyes closing for a beat before focusing on me again. "He shouldn't be here."

I gave a sigh. "You can't ask him to do that, Lee. He loves you and he's not going to be alright until you are."

I hoped that now she would see what leaving had done - that all it had proven was that she and Paul were meant to be together, and he wasn't going to be just pushed away.

"Not sure that's gonna happen," she croaked. I hushed her, tears forming in my eyes because she sounded so dejected, like she was giving up. I couldn't handle that.

"Don't you dare say that, Clearwater," I ordered, training my voice into one of command. "You're gonna pull through this, and they're gonna take out Victoria, and you're gonna get to tell Paul that you're sorry for putting him through all of this."

A ghost of a smile graced her lips and she stared back at me, her eyes strangely focused. "Gonna do the same for Em?"

I pressed my mouth shut at that, taken aback that she was aware what was happening between us when she'd barely been here over the last few days.

She began to explain, encouraged by my lack of response. "He's been looking at you like you're something he can't have - like before. Fucking puppy," she scoffed, accompanied by a hoarse laugh. "What'd you do?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Stop worrying about us and concentrate on getting better. You've done enough. Take a damn break."

She winced slightly as another wave of pain came over her, and I covered her hand, pressing the button on her IV for another shot to ease her suffering. Her breathing evened out and she swallowed, licking her lips. Picking up the glass of water by her bed, I held it to her, easing the thirst that the horse-sized dose brought on.

"Dont..." she breathed, finding her focus again. "Don't be a martyr, Bella. You're wasting time. We aren't immortal."

The fact that the words were coming from someone who had come so near death chilled me, stealing my voice from my throat.

"Look at me - I was so fucked up that I threw away what I could've had. Don't do that."

My tears were back, and I looked out the window, wanting so badly to take her advice, but still the gnawing worry that the moment I accepted Embry for my own would be the one that sealed our fate. "I don't know if I'm strong enough for that, Lee."

I couldn't fathom how she, so small and weak on her bed managed to look at me with sympathy - but she did. "You're so wrong. Told ya I wished I could be like you - that I could just let go and let it happen. I meant it."

I'd thought that conversation was pitying me, but I realised now, that Leah was speaking from the heart - that she really wished that she could quiet her overactive mind and give in to happiness. I was stunned.

"Paul..." she paused, breath fanning over his name, "I make him weak, take the fight out of him. He's not the same as he was-"

"But that's a good thing," I cut in, knowing that once again she was beginning to back-pedal. She shook her head.

"He's our best fighter, and he's here playing nurse. Nobody should do that to him. But Em... you made him stronger. He's better now, 'cause he's got you. Or did."

"I don't know that you're right about that."

Her eyes flashed once more. "Haven't you learned? I'm always right. Stop over-thinking, Swan." Her lids began to grow heavy as the painkillers set in. "Stop denying yourself what you want, before it's too late."

And then she fell asleep.

A thudding knock at the back door broke my reverie. It wasn't Charlie – night shift ensured he'd be out for the next few hours, and he had a key. No, the insistence of the hammering, and the corresponding thud in my chest told me who it was. I'd spent the evening going through the motions, thinking over Leah's words and wondering if I could take the chance and follow her advice. My heart was desperate to give in. My head was a different matter.

I threw the dish rag into the sink and padded over, still barefoot, but less than graceful.

There was a hush over the moonlit landscape of my back yard. Even the ever-present sounds of the nearby forest were absent in the wait for my sight and hearing to adjust. I could feel him.

"Em?" I called into the darkness, shutting the door in my wake. A quiet pacing reached my ears, and a flicker of movement drew my attention left. "What are you-"

The light from the kitchen spilled out through the glass-paneled door, finally enough to illuminate his features as he edged towards me. A flash of an earlier time, before he was ever mine and I was ever his and I was an oblivious, heartbroken girl was cast over my mind's eye. It was when my – my friend - had crashed through a window, desperate to save me.

Now, he was desperate for something else. I worried that this time he wouldn't get it.

A gasp left my lips as the light brought more of his image to me. He was hurt - scars of a fight healing before my eyes, still angry and red. Completely fresh. A bruise was blooming over the left of his torso. His hair was wet, slicked back from his face, and from the lack of blood on his skin I knew he'd washed up for my benefit.

"Oh my god! What happened?"

The flash of anger, that primal golden hue in his eyes was covered with a blink, extended, as he clenched them further shut and buried a hand in his hair. He tugged, like the shock of discomfort would will the words out faster. I was closer to his height, now, still standing on the half-step.

"How do I make you feel, Bella?"

The desperation was there, audible now as his chin met his chest. This time, though, it wasn't evidence of my well-being that he needed. I just didn't know what he wanted to to say..

"What do you mean?" I said, leaning down to try and catch his gaze and giving in to the fact that it had been too damn long since I'd touched him. A muffled curse was the only reply, and I covered his hand with my own, both buried in those damp, ebony-silk strands. "Hey," I prodded, voice soft, as if addressing a caged animal. "Talk to me."

His breath steamed in the night air. Even though it was September, it wasn't close to freezing.

The wolf was near the surface.

Those eyes were back on me again, searching mine, raking over my body, taking in each contour and curve like a map for survival. "You know how much I want you, right?" He was right in front of me now, and something about his fervour caused my back to meet the door. Hand slipping out of his hair, it rested on his chiseled jaw, his heat blooming through my fingers.

"I know, Em." Just from that single look, I did know. It was a feeling I had deep within my own core, bringing me pleasure and torture each time he was near.

"And you'll always be enough for me, no matter what happens?"

A crinkle appeared between his brows when I hesitated. Suddenly, my hand was in his. "Bella, you know that, right?" His thumb traced my knuckles, encouraging, willing. I watched it because I couldn't watch him.

"I .. I want to believe it, as long as you believe it."

It was all I could muster. There was no space in my world for a sure-thing, and although he'd burrowed through the shell, it wasn't completely broken. His head jerked back as if slapped.

"Not good enough." It was as close to a growl as I'd ever get, directed towards me. "You'll always be enough, because I can't get enough. Of you," he pressed my hand to his lips, "Of your scent. The taste of you. The way you think. How you sound. All of it."

My breath hitched, the gravity of his words and the feeling behind them pressing me further into the door. He turned my hand in his, lacing our fingers together like a puzzle. Yin and Yang. Two halves of a whole. He studied and raised them slowly.

My wrist met the door with a dull thud, and suddenly, I could feel the plumes of his breath on my cheek, eyelashes almost brushing the skin there as other sensations faded into a dull blur.

"The day I wake up, and you're not the first thing on my mind, is never going to come."

He punctuated the sentence with a soft nip to my ear lobe, taking my other hand in his. It joined its counterpart, above my head, pinned to the door. His nose traced the line of my cheek to the juncture of my neck.

"I don't even dream of anyone but you. You're always by my side, and I'm always by yours. Nobody else's." His lips met my skin, ghosting and soft – only the heat from his laboured breath the true evidence he was there at all.

Automatically, I leaned into his touch, wanting more, yet desperately needing to hear what he had to say. I didn't dwell on where we were, the fact we could be caught, or that I was half-dressed outside my own house, because it was exactly what I craved, and I wanted so badly to put faith in those words like he'd put faith in me.

"I fell for you before I really knew you, Bella, but I'd do it a thousand times – I'd choose you in a heartbeat, if it meant learning who you are all over again."

His hands left mine, trailing lazily down my forearms, to my ribcage. My breath was coming in pants, only the thinnest cotton of my tank separating my skin from his touch. I wanted it all.

"I know you, Bella," he said, his lips shooting goosebumps over my skin, vibrations from his words. "I know your body, how you think, all those doubts in yourself..."

His fingers flirted with the end of my shirt, and I stood frozen, my hands exactly where he'd put them and not daring to protest. The cotton was inched higher, slowly and tortuously, a blazing trail snaking up each flank until he revealed his prize. He let out a reverent breath as his eyes took me in, a slight shake of his head that seemed to convey disbelief at the sight before him, and in that moment, I felt beautiful.

He leaned in once more and marked my flesh with territorial almost-kisses. My sternum. Ribcage. Nipples pebbling, an ache I'd never before felt for his touch beginning to consume me. I was giving in, because having him here and close was so different to telling myself I'd be okay without him. I was wrong.

"You can never hide how you feel from me," he spoke into my flushed skin. "Just like I'd never hide from you, and I'd never want to."

His nose traced trails, infinity symbols over me, breathing me in and leaving his own impression on my very memory. "No-one gets to tell us how it should be." The hard edge was back in his voice. "And no-one decides whether I'm fucking good enough for you, but you." His hands gripped my hip bones possessively, adding weight to his words. "Fuck anyone for trying to tell me how much I will or won't want you, or that I'll never be able to give you a guarantee."

His features crumpled and he didn't meet my questioning gaze, but the movement of his hands, covering more and more of my flesh as a comfort – for himself – conveyed his anger and the pleading he was too strong to show. Embry was done being told who he was by everyone who knew him. Nobody could stop him from having what he wanted, and I never wanted him to stop having this.

"And Bella," Our eyes met as his lips hovered over my right nipple. My name was a sigh as his temper ebbed away. "I mean it when I say I'll be worth the risk."

I almost cried out at the first real contact, his tongue laving expertly over the puckered skin like a balm, simultaneously exacerbating and soothing the state I was in. He was barely touching me, yet I was on fire. My breath was coming in pants, and my back arched, willing him to stay exactly where he was.

Without conscious thought, my hand found his hair, tugging and pleading silently for more. But this moment wasn't about having to ask, it was about him, and his need to show me all he knew. He led my hand back to where it had been, a wordless command to relinquish control.

His forehead rested on my collarbone, and plumes of hot breath fanned out over my body. I shuddered, from both the sensation and the anticipation of the moment.

"I can make you happy," he whispered dejectedly, the wind rustling the trees still not enough to tear my focus from his words, and the thought behind them. My heart stuttered at the thin mask of assurance slipping away. He knew how he felt, but convincing me was battering at his composure.

"I know how, and all you have to do is let me show you."

His hands took possession of me once again, inching over my hips to the cotton sleep-shorts I'd dressed in only an hour earlier. Had it only been that long?

Deft fingers disappeared beneath the waistband, not close enough to where I wanted them, where the liquid heat was blooming outward and coiling in my stomach. My hips magnetised toward him as I watched him catalogue my reactions. A now-confident brow raised, encouraged by my reactions, and he took in the need in my expression. "See? I know what you want."

His hands were in mine again, and he released me from the invisible shackles above my head. I was sure he was going to kiss me this time.

He didn't.

Arms twisting above where I stood, I was twirled around, facing the door, and that's when he took the liberty of allowing his hands to do what his eyes had done moments before. Each curve was explored, each muscle and sinew territorially visited before he held my hips again, and his chin came to rest on my shoulder.

"What you want is this," he whispered, teasingly enjoying each jump of my heart rate and gasp for breath. One hand dipped inside my shorts, teasing at me and feeling my arousal for himself - an approving plume of breath leaving his lips at what he found. I couldn't even hide the loss of control when he pressed his body against me, chest against back and the evidence of his own need pressing into my flesh, like a prelude to a dance. "To be worshipped, and adored. To know you're good enough for that. I'll do it for you, forever, if you want it."

The brush of cotton over my buttocks and the rush of air at my back, signalling the absence of my shorts was only acknowledged for a second before another sound – of a button being popped, and a zipper being lowered - garnered every piece of my focus. "All you have to do is want it."

My hands were back on the door, bracing for some kind of grip on reality as the head of his hardness teased my skin. His hands found my breasts under my shirt, squeezing and teasing the answer from me. This was going no further until he got it.

"I want-" I clenched my teeth, fighting the need to moan aloud. I tried to rub my thighs together, anything for relief, but he stopped it with one halting grasp. His fingers ghosted downwards, not quite visiting where my need was most pronounced, and unconsciously my legs parted, wordlessly giving in - but he needed me to say it.

"Oh god, I want it."

It was all the encouragement needed before he entered me, the shock and relief causing my head to loll back against his shoulder. He pressed his cheek against mine, absorbing my ecstasy as my body became reacquainted with the addition of his. It was only when I caught my breath that he began to thrust. He began slowly, drawing his entire length out before filling me again, bringing me further from over-thought and apprehension as his heat consumed me, my body pliable and fevered for his touch.

"This is how you make me feel," he told me, his voice husky with exertion. My back began to perspire, overheated from the heat of him and the overdose of hormones and racing heartbeat that his actions caused. Arms wound around me, one holding my waist tight as the other palmed my breast, He tasted the flesh of my shoulder, stopping once again to speak into my skin. Each point in his monologue was met with a long, languid thrust.

"Powerful. Needed. Worthy. No-one on this Earth has ever done that. Or ever will."

I lost the power of speech somewhere in those words, when he rolled his hips, finding the sweet spot inside me and drawing new heights of pleasure from my body. His lips found my shoulder once again, a familiar place - his place - and I could discern a subtle shake of his head before he released my flesh with a pop; no doubt marking the cream of my skin with his own hue.

"Not. Yet."

My breath flowed out of me when he withdrew, finding the ability to stand on my own feet - somewhat shakily - while I fought the need to protest his actions. It wasn't over. I knew it wasn't.

My thoughts were confirmed when his lips met the skin by my ear, distracting my mind with tingling sensation until I was facing him again, my head returning to rest against the door and my eyes hooded.

That lopsided smirk was triumphant as he took in my flushed cheeks and the strands of freshly-showered hair now snaking over my slick cheeks and forehead. "You don't get to finish unless I can see it. Unless I can watch your face when you come apart."

A rock-hard arm snaked beneath my buttocks and I was hoisted higher, my legs wrapping automatically around his waist. He grunted slightly - pain in his side, I think - but I didn't get a chance to dwell on it as once again, I was filled.

I moaned incoherently, this time, digging my hands into the corded muscles at his neck, feeling the soft, tender skin of scar-tissue beneath my fingers. He pressed his forehead to mine again, watching each tremor and twitch of my expression. All self-conscious thoughts left me as he began to move once again and I surrendered to the moment, to him, and let every crest of pleasure play out in my movements.

He was moving faster now, finally relinquishing an ounce of control to instinct and feeling. I buried my fingers in his hair, his own strength leaving my hands free to touch and tug and stroke. I was getting closer, the heat simmering to a boil. I felt his chest heave against me, breaths coming short as he went deeper and deeper beneath the cloud of need. His thrusts lost rhythm and his strokes became frantic, punctuated only by the gasps and groans from my own throat. I held his flesh in my hands, needing him impossibly closer and unable to fathom how.

The knowledge that he was this close to the edge, that it was my body making him feel this way caused the tension in my gut to explode in light and flame. I cried out into the night, announcing in wordless whimpers to anyone who could hear that this was my choice, that Embry was my risk and that he was worth whatever potential came my way – it could be destructive, or it could be amazing, but I wasn't going to sit it out and watch potential pass me by. I'd been a spectator in my own life for too long now.

It was only when he tugged my bottom lip forcefully between his teeth that I was brought back from the stratosphere, and Embry found his own release deep within me. He cried out into my hair, letting himself surrender to the moment and let the control fall away. We caught our breath, bodies finally parting, fevered and gleaming from exertion and a haze of endorphins.

It was only then that he kissed me. It was only then that I fell apart.

"I'm sorry..." I said, voice breaking, my hands cupping his face as my lips nipped at his. He pulled away slightly, but his voice came out soothing and gentle, as the overflow of emotions crashed around me. I shivered in the night air as he swiftly re-dressed, adrenaline leaving me on unsteady legs.

"Shh... it's okay... " he whispered straightening back to encircle me in his arms. "I know what happened."

"It's just- I couldn't let myself believe that you were..." I hiccupped, my tears flowing on to his chest where he held me. "... and I started to realise..."

"It's okay," he soothed, kissing my cheeks, nose, hand weaved soothing circles on my back, letting it out. "I know. I just had to make you see."

"I can't believe I almost... it's because I love you so much that-"

He stilled, his movements stopping as he shifted me in his arms, giving himself the access to look in my eyes. I stared up at him, wide-eyed, just then comprehending what I'd said.

And that I meant it, with every cell of my being.

"You..." he said, brows jerking as a confounded look came over his face, There was a moment of stillness where the forest once again felt impossibly loud. He searched my eyes, a genuine, guarded look flashing in his own, like he thought I'd made a mistake - that the words had come out with no thought behind them. It was impossible.

"You said you... you...said.." his breath left his lungs before the sentence was complete.

I gave him a watery smile, finding the courage to nod and convince him it was true. The words came out like a ramble, like the feelings had been caged for so long that they couldn't come out quick enough.

"I love you. I love you so much that not being yours felt like the biggest mistake I ever made. This past week, everything's been wrong and confused because you give me meaning..." My hands weaved into his hair, and I cast my eyes over his features, memorising that face, that expression, for the rest of my life. "You give me strength...and it's not that I need you - though I do - it's that I want you. I want you in my life so badly that the thought of giving you up makes me feel like I'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me. Like my life will be that much greyer without you in it." I met his eyes again and repeated.

"I love you, Embry." My gaze darted between his. "I really do."

He stared in shock, eyes alternating between my mouth, where the words had left my lips, and my eyes, seeking the confirmation that it was true. He got it - lips crashed towards mine full force, his arms melding my body to his as his mouth took possession of my own, pouring everything I felt and he felt into an earth-shattering kiss.

He pulled away slowly, his hands cupping my cheeks as a smile that rivalled the dawning sun spread over his features. He kissed me again - short, sweet, ecstatic, and shook his head, like it didn't even need saying.

"I love you, too."

A/N: Fun fact - this chapter was half-written months ago. I'm talking before the Bake Sale chapter (Muffin-Licking), and it's been nicknamed the 'Fuck You Jake Lemon' (FYJ) when I've discussed it with my brainstorm buddy/Embry advisor, Meliz875. You think Em pressing Bella up against that door was a good enough 'fuck you' to Jacob?

Let me know!