THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN OF HIDDEN EMOTIONS

My name is Gabrielle at least that is what I remember right now my mind just feels like a scrambled mess. Images, places, faces and none of them really make any sense to me. Everything is dark to me, even what I see which is just misty grey shadows and voices when people speak to me I've been told that I'm in the palace in Corinth. Corinth is a familiar name to me though I can't fathom why that is so, I don't know why I remember so little shouldn't I remember everything in my life? The last thing I do remember is being brought out of the darkness of that pit and I remember the woman's voice speaking in the darkness to me it was the same woman who spoke to me three weeks ago.

I shift my feet painfully forward gods I wish I could see it's like the world is cut off to me. I ease my next foot forward ignoring the slight sting in my muscles I can walk further every day but only with the help off one of the people in the healer's room as well as a stick, which I have to use to find the chair in my room among other things. I've just about mapped it out far corner is the chair central room has the bed and upper right of the room has the wash bowl and the bed pan. I sit painfully down in the chair hearing the head healer's voice hit the air. "Very good Gabrielle I think soon you'll be walking on your own." Despite that his words are filled with joy I have no joy I'm still blind.

I see his grey shadow move forward turning everything in my vision to black I feel him raise my head speaking gently. "Any change in your eyes?" I look in to the darkness. "No." The blackness suddenly turns to a painfully white light which stings my eye. I think he's shining a candle close to my eyes again. The light moves away and everything goes black once more as his voice hits the air. "You know Gabrielle your eyes are a puzzle to me, they still won't dilate when I shine the candle on them, but your pupil size has returned to normal, we can all see those pretty forest green eyes of yours now." My eye colours forest green I don't even remember that let alone what my own face looks like.

His voice comes again as he turns my head no doubt checking the movement of eyes in my skull. "Your eyes look like their healing yet I can't understand why you can't see anything it makes no sense to me. I made sure that in your morning drink that you had something put in to help your eyes heal yet it does not seem to have fixed anything." He sighed aloud. "The inner lens of your eye isn't milky I can't see any damage to your ether iris or pupil it makes no sense at all. I worked with patients with eyes problems before and I can normally do something to help them your ever the Empress's little mystery." Gabrielle felt his hand move away from her face. "Who's the Empress?"

The healer's voice came again. "She's the woman who found you in this pit she's the ruler of this palace and off Greece. I'm sorry for the pet name it's just that everyone likes to call you her little mystery as she found you." Gabrielle looked up slightly in to the darkness. "I wish I wasn't a mystery I wish I could remember my past, yet I don't remember a thing." She felt his hand on his shoulder as his gentle voice hit the air. "I'm sure it will come back to you, you no doubt had a traumatic time in the pit and maybe everything's been blocked from your mind." Phantasos breathed in sadly looking at the short haired blonde woman who was seated in front of him this was very sad as there was nothing much he could say to make this better for her.

He eyed the deep scar on her eye which cut through her eyebrow which had been clearly made by some sort of weapon. Despite being very old and healed it was very prominent. Frankly he wanted her sight to return so she could live a full life she was twenty seven years old and deserved to have a life where she could see. He stroked his short beard watching as Xena appeared in door way he'd heard the news this morning that she had set up a room for this young woman so she could have her own personal space and not be tied down to the healer's room. As she was now well enough to walk around it was the perfect time to move her to a fresh environment.

He had known the Empress for a long time and he knew that she was a woman who had a lot of pride she ruled very justly and fairly. She didn't use violence to make a point unless she had no choice. She was kind hearted and that was what made her so popular with her people but it also meant that some saw this kindness as her weakness and because of this there had been a lot of attempts to kill her. All had failed but now she was in a strange position, she wasn't bitter about these attempts on her life with the exception of her ex husband who she'd had to kill back in Rome. Instead she'd become very sad and melancholy and very distant from everyone even to her closest staff. She was always graceful and kind but she never got close anymore it was like the trust was gone.

She was lonely he could see it in her eyes, and he understood why she had united the whole of Greece and now she no longer had anyone to share it with. Though she'd never admit it she had loved Julius Caesar and before he'd tried to have her killed they had been talking about children and he could see that, that had also devastated her. No doubt she would have wanted the patter of tiny feet mother hood was something that suited her as he'd seen how she was with the servants children who ran around and played in the palace while there parents worked. She was gentle and kind and despite her imposing looks and armour when it came to little kids she'd kneel down in front of them and ask what they were playing.

It was so sad that this kind woman who loved children had no children or partner to love her and she deserved that more than anyone. He turned looking at Gabrielle whose unseeing green eyes saw nothing despite that the curtains were now fully drawn and sun light was pouring in through the window maybe the Empress's loneliness was the reason she kept on dropping in on this young woman. It was true that she felt guilty for all that happened to her and that it happened under her nose and it was true that Gabrielle's past was very much the mystery. The fact that she had been reported as dead at the age of sixteen and had eleven years of being of the records was also strange.

Xena knew now though that Gabrielle was walking and in truth someone else could take over from here on, this was not her problem anymore. Yet she refused to stop checking in on this young woman even though she hadn't spoken to her since she'd given her, her dinner some time back. She'd walk past everyday and have a look in side the healer's room just to see how she was doing. Clearly Xena was drawn in by her for some reason which he didn't understand it was very odd for Xena to be so perplexed by a person. He wasn't the only one to notice it the staff had seen it as well and had been gossiping about it. He breathed in as he shook his head getting rid of his thoughts turning to Xena who was standing quietly opposite. "Good morning Empress."

Xena breathed in deeply as she looked at Gabrielle she was looking much better now she'd really started to pile on the pounds these past few weeks and all the bone that had been showing through on her cheeks was now gone showing a young healthy face. She had been told that her back bone, pelvic bones and collar bone were all no longer showing ether. Although ribs were still showing but only very slightly and the parts of her body that were female were becoming very noticeable like her breasts and curves which was very good. It had taken this young woman almost a month to heal up fully and though she still had some more weight just put on to fill her out fully she was doing very well.

She'd seen her walking she could now walk small distances sadly though her sight had still not returned. She knew she could just walk away now and let nature take its cause but she truly didn't want to. This young woman had suffered because of someone in her palace and she wanted to put that right in what ever way she could. In truth she wasn't being fully honest with herself she'd been perplexed by this young woman ever since she'd found her in the pit. Gabrielle was a mystery and an enigma and she wanted to find out more about her. She wanted to know where she'd come from and what she'd been doing during the last eleven years of her life and she couldn't let it go.

It was true that the young woman remembered nothing but being pulled out of the pit but she still wanted to help her. She breathed in meeting Phantasos's gaze. "Good morning." She watched as Gabrielle turned in the direction of her voice. "How is our patient doing today?" Phantasos smiled putting a hand on Gabrielle's shoulder. "Well as you can see she's walking and she's looking better than ever." Xena stepped forward looking at the young woman more closely this was the first time she'd really seen her in the sun light and what had been said in her birth record was correct. She did have forest green eyes and golden blonde hair though it was now shorter as it had, had to be cut back almost to the roots, but in this past three weeks it had started to grow longer.

She breathed in deeply before speaking. "How do you feel Gabrielle?" Gabrielle stared forward although she couldn't see the woman she recognised the voice. "I'm doing better." She paused before speaking. "I remember your voice you brought me my dinner some time ago, you asked me if I was bored of the barley porridge." Phantasos raised his hand. "Doesn't miss a thing this one, she remembers every voice." Xena smiled stepping closer. "Gabrielle you're going to be moved today to a new room, it's a bigger nicer room which is on the next floor. It'll be much nicer for you it has its own tub and balcony and a large bed there and one of my servants can take care of you."

Gabrielle shifted in the chair she was seated in. "That's very nice but what's wrong with this room?" Xena looked around her it was so sad that this young woman couldn't see or she'd see that this was no more than a simple room to patch up peoples wounds and no place for her to stay in. "This is a room for healing wounds Gabrielle and as your very much on the mend its time you had somewhere better to sleep in." Gabrielle stood up slowly using the stick. "You saved me from the pit?" Xena felt a sad smile form. "Yes I did my name is Xena." Gabrielle looked in the direction of the other woman's voice. "How did you know I was down there?" Xena lowered her gaze. "One of my men told me there was a ghost in the pits, I wanted to look as by law those pits are not too be used to imprison people."

Gabrielle looked up slightly. "Thank you for saving me Xena." Xena blinked she somehow hadn't expected a thank you not since it was her pit that the young woman had been down but then she was looking at someone who couldn't remember her own life. May be if Gabrielle knew any better she wouldn't be so kind and be more resentful. She would in that situation clearly Gabrielle's lack of memory was making her very innocent to that fact. The truth was that no one had any idea what this woman's real personality was like. Some how she hoped when it started to surface if it ever did that it wouldn't hate her for all that had happened as she had tried so hard to right the wrong that had befallen this young woman.

Maybe a part of her was clinging on to the notion that someone she didn't know would like her or a least be friends with her. It was a pathetic thought and she knew it but she couldn't help it. She didn't trust anyone fully in her own palace and as Gabrielle had no links or ties to any of her servants or staff maybe she could talk with her. It was odd to think that one young woman could demand so much of her attention but she wouldn't lie she was so lonely inside these walls. Sometimes she just wanted someone to talk who wasn't on her staff. She breathed in deeply tapping her boot on the floor as she smiled at Phantasos. "I'll let Phantasos show you to your new room."

Gabrielle felt a feeling of confusion take over. "You're not going to show me to my room?" Xena looked down feeling a sense of pain take over if Phantasos had not been here, she might have said yes. She already knew that she looked weak in front of others because she was kind and she couldn't afford any more slip ups, she had to now show the respectable front and go about her duties. "No sadly I have business to attend to." She felt her sad smile widen. "I'll carry on stopping by to see how you're getting on." Phantasos watched her catching the deep pain her eyes as she turned away leaving the room. If only Gabrielle's eyes could see then she would have seen it as well he put his hand on her arm seeing a sad expression form on her face as she spoke. "She sounded sad."

He turned sharply this young woman didn't miss a thing she had exceptionally good hearing and could distinguish tones in the voice. He moved in front of her adjusting her new white robes slightly this would be the first time most of the staff would see her and he wanted her to look her best. He looked up speaking softly. "She's just a very busy she has to run the whole of Greece, I think deep down she'd like to spend more time with you but her duties are getting in the way."

End of part 5

Silvermoonlight