The characters belong to JE. I receive nothing from this, but it sure is fun.
Chapter 4
Ranger's POV
The next morning I woke up abruptly with a pounding headache and a dog licking my face. Why is there a dog in my apartment?
"Stand down!" I ordered causing Bob, Morelli's dog, to back away. My Babe loves this mutt. I, on the other hand, have decided that I'm more of a hamster person. I would never admit this out loud but I've grown quite fond of Babe's little rodent.
I look around and realize that I'm not in my seventh floor apartment. Instead, I'm on the couch in Morelli's living room. How did I end up here? I remember going to sleep in my bed on seven after spending most of the day and evening looking for my Babe. When I went to bed last night I put on those black silk boxers that my Babe loves so much, in case she showed up to my apartment while I was asleep. Now I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans that look a lot like what Morelli was wearing yesterday. So help me God, if this is one of Lester and Bobby's pranks, they will be praying for me to send them to a third world country when I get done with them.
Bob starts scratching at the front door, wanting to be let out. I quietly open the door, letting him out into the front yard to do his business. I don't mind letting the dog out, but there's no way I'm cleaning up after that mutt.
While Bob 'took care of business', curiosity got the best of me. I decided to go upstairs while silently praying that I wouldn't find Babe with him in his bed. I might be the one with the strength, but my Babe is the one with the power. She is the only one with the power to crush my heart.
I quietly open the doors upstairs until I come to what must be Morelli's bedroom. The room is a pig sty. It doesn't look like Morelli's ever cleaned this room. The bed is unmade; clothes and pizza boxes are lying all over the floor. I know that I have Ella to clean my apartment, but I at least know how to clean up after myself. This place is disgusting! At least it doesn't look like Babe's been here is a while.
As I headed back downstairs, I wondered where Morelli is. It's possible that the Trenton P.D. called in during the night and left before Lester and Bobby had a chance to leave me here. I need to find a phone to call Rangeman for a ride. I would consider running back to Rangeman, but it looks like it might rain. Since I got out of the military I try run in the Rangeman gym if it looks like rain. There was also the matter that I had socks but no shoes.
After digging through piles of Pino's sub wrappers and beer bottles I finally found Morelli's cell phone on the coffee table. He must have forgotten to take it with him when he left the house. I looked at the screen and saw that he had twenty four missed calls. I couldn't resist looking to see who had called him so many times. There were ten calls from Terry Gilman (no surprise there), six from Robin Russell (Manny had told me he saw Morelli with Robin at a restaurant in Newark the other day and it looked like more than two friend having dinner together), four calls from someone named Tiffany (isn't that the waitress at Pino's), and the last four was from his mother. None of the calls were from Babe to my relief. I looked through the rest of Morelli's contacts. It looked more like a black book that a contact, including some had one astriek by their name and others had three of four. I used to have something similar, but I deleted it the day I met my Babe at the diner. No woman has ever held my interest after I met Babe.
I decided to call the main Rangeman line instead of Tank directly. Sometimes Tank helps Lester and Bobby with some of their pranks and I didn't want to take a chance that Tank might tip them off that I was on my way back to Rangeman.
"Rangeman, how may I direct your call?" I hear Junior ask.
"Junior, send someone over to Morelli's. I need a ride. Tank, Lester, and Bobby are not to know that I am on my way back." I order. I must be getting a cold because my voice sounds weird.
Click.
I look at the phone in disbelief. No way is Junior dumb enough to hang up on me. He knows that I'll call him to the mats everyday for a month for insubordination. We must have been disconnected. I redial the Rangeman main number. If I found out that Lester and Bobby ordered him to hang up on me when I call, all three will be on latrine duty for the next month. Ella will love the help, I just hope they enjoy cleaning bathrooms with a toothbrush.
Junior answers again. "Rangeman, how may I direct your call?"
"We must have been disconnected. Send someone with a SUV over to Morelli's to…"
Click.
Once is an accident, twice is intentional. I call back a third time. This is his last chance! If he does it again, I'll send him to search the sewers with Lester and Bobby, the next time one of our FTAs decides to hide underground in the Trenton Sewer System.
"Rangeman, how may I direct your call?" Junior answers for a third time.
"Soldier, DO NOT hang up on me! Send an SUV over to Morelli's immediately!" I growl.
"Listen Morelli, I know that it's you. Your name shows up on the caller i.d. every time you call. If you're looking for Bomber stop wasting your time. She's not here." Junior growls and then….Click.
This is ridiculous! By the time Lester and Bobby have to be behind this. By the time I'm done with them, boot camp is going to look like a Sunday after walk in the park.
I'm still plotting all the ways I can get revenge when I hear the kitchen door open and shut, followed by the sound of heels walking across the kitchen floor.
"Joseph! It's your mother! I've been calling you all morning. Is your phone on silent? It must be because you're not answering my calls." I hear a lady, I assume Morelli's mother, call out from the kitchen.
This has to bad dream. There's no other explanation. I walk into the kitchen in time to see Morelli's mother sliding a covered dish into the refrigerator.
"I brought you lasagna to reheat for dinner tonight. I left a note with heating instructions on the fridge. Just follow the directions exactly like I've written. I let Bob in when I came in through the kitchen door. You should be ashamed of yourself, letting that dog use the front yard to relief himself. What would the neighbors say? Make sure that you clean it up before you leave the house." Morelli's mother rambles.
Now I realize that I'm a man of few words, but at the moment I'm completely speechless. If Morelli's mother would just stop talking for one minute she would realize that I am not her son.
"Joseph? Are you listening to me?" She said with her hands on her hips, looking me directly in the eye.
"Uh…?" I stammer. I never stammer.
"I said that I expect you for dinner tomorrow night. I invited Abigail Romano over for dinner. Her divorce was finalized last week. Abigail just moved back in with her parents. She comes from a good Catholic family and Abigail is 100% Italian, unlike that Plum girl that is only half. Well, as I was saying, Abigail has moved back in with her parents and is looking for a job. Maybe the two of you can begin dating. If it works out the two of you can get married and she could stay home and raise your babies. Then she wouldn't need a job. Now give your mother a kiss. I'm late to meet the new priest, Father Micheals." She says leaning up and kissing my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow night for dinner."
Morelli's mom is just as bad as Babe's mom. I'm almost positive that Mrs. Morelli never took a breath the entire time she was in here.
I need to get out of here. I notice Morelli's truck keys on the kitchen countertop. I'll just 'borrow' Morelli's truck and dirve it back to Rangeman. I'm sure Junior won't mind returning the truck to Morelli's for me. Maybe that rain will be here in time for his run back to Rangeman.
I lock up Morelli's house and climb into his truck. I reach up to adjust the rearview mirror. I'm caught off guard by the reflection in the mirror. Instead of my reflection, I see Morell's.
This isn't possible. I must be dreaming. I look up at the mirror and once again see Morelli's reflection. I pinch myself just to make sure I'm not seeing things. Nope, I'm awake.
And if I'm in Morelli's body, then does that mean that Morelli is in mine? How could this happen? Diesel! Strange things always seem to happen every time Diesel shows up in Trenton. This definitely has Diesel's name written all over it. Unfortunately, I can't kill him, my Babe would never forgive me.