Chapter 56

Ray knew something weird was going on when he pulled on his baggy khaki trousers, stood up and promptly fell over.

'You've got both legs in one trouser leg,' Max pointed out. 'You aren't concentrating.'

No, he wasn't. Instead Ray'd been thinking about Kai, who was due to arrive any minute now, listening out for the doorbell and wondering if he had time to quickly wash the gel out of his hair after all and go for the natural look.

Well, as natural as midnight-blue hair with magenta streaks could ever look.

Dragging his left leg out of his right trouser leg, Ray realised with a sinking heart that the thing he most didn't want happening was starting to happen all over again. It had been escalating over the last week, creeping inexorably up on him like a mischievous ghost, and there was no longer any getting away from it.

The Crush was back.

Concentrating this time, Ray put his left leg carefully into his left trouser leg, stood up and fastened the zip.

'Look at you, with a waist.' As Max gave Ray's stomach an envious prod, the doorbell rang. 'Ooh, that'll be Kai. Excited?'

Ray looked at his hectically flushed reflection in the mirror. Dammit, yes he was, but not for the reason Max thought. What was more, Ray really wished he wasn't excited, because a raging crush on someone who doesn't have a crush on you isn't the coolest, most comfortable thing in the world to have.

The Return of the Crush, thought Ray, biting his lip. Oh dear, and he'd been so sure it had gone for good when Bryan had burst into his life. He'd been cured, oh yes, Bryan'd been just what he'd needed to take his mind off Kai Hiwatari.

So it was irritating to say the least, having it make an unscheduled reappearance in his life now. Like an annoying old schoolfriend you'd rather hoped never to see again, popping up over the garden fence calling, 'Coo-ee, we've just bought the house next door!'

KRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKR

Funny how you can walk into a room quiet effortlessly all your life, then all of a sudden it becomes a complicated procedure, fraught with difficulties.

Florence and Tom were in the sitting room, chattering to Kai, who had made himself comfortable at one end of the sofa. Ray, dithering in the doorway, where he should sit in order not to arouse suspicion. On the floor, close to Florence's chair? Or – the double-bluff – on the sofa, right next to Kai?

And shall I glance at him, smile and say hi, or just ignore him? Which would be more casual? Help, I've forgotten what to do, I can't remember how to be normal, oh, this is horrible –

'Quick, sit down, it's starting.' Florence waved the TV flipper at the screen, upping the volume as the continuity announcer began to introduce the next programme. Max, squeezing past Tom and Florence, lowered himself into the last empty armchair. Ray sank cross-legged on to the carpet.

'There's plenty of room next to Kai,' Florence protested.

'I'm fine, I prefer it on the floor.'

The moment the words were out, Ray regretted them. Florence and Tom sniggered like teenagers. Kai raised an eyebrow. Florence said to him, 'Make a note of that in your diary.'

'Sshh,' Ray said crossly. 'I thought we were supposed to be watching this.'

'And now,' purred the continuity announcer, 'a new documentary from the award-winning team of Hiwatari and Vale.'

'I didn't know you'd won awards.' Max was impressed.

'Well,' said Kai, 'mainly my Blue Peter badge.'

'Let's settle down now,' the announcer lowered her voice, 'for an absorbing hour of . . . Streetlife.'

KRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKR

'That was brilliant,' said Tom an hour later. He rewound the videotape to one of the interviews with Florence. 'And she's not bad either.'

'To think I fantasised about being spotted by a Texan oil billionaire.' Florence sighed. 'What did I end up with instead? Some old pervert who gets his kicks dressing up as a vicar.'

Max, sticking up for Tom, said, 'Only once.'

'Ha, that's all you know,' gurgled Florence. 'He hasn't taken that cassock back to the hire shop yet.'

It hadn't escaped Kai's notice that Ray wasn't at all his old self. He was quieter these days, ill at ease in company and lacking his usual exuberance and wit.

Kai cornered Ray in the kitchen after the programme, where he was making coffee.

'Ray, are you okay?'

Ray flinched and shot an anguished glance in the direction of the door. Wouldn't someone please like to rescue him? Please?

'I'm fine.'

'You've been different recently.'

'Oh? I don't think I have.'

Kai felt for him. Ray could barely bring himself to look at him.

'Is it Bryan?'

Ray swallowed. So that's what Kai thought, was it? That he was still torn apart with grief.

He wasn't. It was the end of September, ten weeks since the accident. He was over it now. And if that sounded brutal, Ray had, after all, only known Bryan for a few short days.

Still, Kai didn't need to know any of this, did he?

Ray's skin prickled with shame. It was a terrible thing to do, using Bryan as an excuse for his odd behaviour. Still, not nearly as terrible as the way he'd feel if Kai knew the real reason he was being odd. And Bryan wouldn't mind, would he? If he was watching me now, thought Ray, he'd be roaring with laughter at the mess I'd gone and gotten myself into.

Kai was still waiting for a reply. Ray shrugged and nodded and carefully measured coffee into the jug.

'Yes, it's Bryan, but I don't want to talk about it.' Terrified that Kai was about to be sympathetic, Ray felt himself going hot again; he could sink low, but not that low. Hurriedly, he added, 'Just don't be nice to me, okay? Let's change the subject. How's it going with that blonde girl? Still seeing her?'

Kai leaned against the fridge and folded his arms across his chest. He gazed at Ray thoughtfully for a second, then smiled slightly, his dark eyes softening.

'Oh yes. I had dinner with her last night, as a matter of fact.'

Ah. Bugger. Changing the subject was all very well, but this wasn't the reply he'd been expecting. Subconsciously, Ray realised, he'd been rather pinning his hopes on something more along the lines of, 'Blonde girl? What blonde girl?' Accompanied, preferably, by a puzzled frown.

'Dinner! Terrific!' Ray plastered on a bright smile. 'Anywhere nice?'

'Her place, actually.'

Serves me right for asking, thought Ray. Bravely he said, 'Is she a good cook?'

Kai thought about this.

'Pretty good. Well, she did one of those Cordon Bleu courses a few years ago.'

Oh well, haven't we all?

And how good is she in bed? No, no, mustn't ask that, Ray told himself, breaking into a light sweat. Phew, thank goodness he hadn't actually said the words aloud. Talk about a dead giveaway – there were some questions you only ever asked a man if you were besotted with him, secretly or otherwise, and this was one of them. The other great no-no being, 'So, I suppose you're going to t marry her?'

Uttered, needless to say, through gritted teeth.

Definitely mustn't ask him that.

'Right. Coffee.' Light-headed with relief at having given those two a miss, Ray leaned on the cafetiere's plunger, grabbed a pile of coffee cups and clattered everything onto a tray. He wondered if Kai had inveigled the title of the blonde's favourite childhood book out of her and surprised her with a copy, too. It was probably a standard ploy he used, to win people over and convince them how wonderful he was.

Footprints in the Snow, thought Ray, tuh.

Muggins Rides Again, more like.

'You just wait until tomorrow,' said Kai.

Ray looked up at him, startled. 'Why? What happens tomorrow?'

'You'll be recognised. Everywhere you go, people who saw the programme will come up to you and tell you how wonderful you are.' Kai grinned. 'Trust me, it'll happen.'

Huh, fat lot of use that is, thought Ray. If everyone else thinks I'm so wonderful, why can't you think it too?

Biting his lip, Ray rummaged in the cutlery drawer for teaspoons. 'Just as well, then, that I'm not going out much.'

Five teaspoons. Sugar. What else was missing? Ah, cream . . .

'Look.' Kai hesitated and pushed his hair out of his eyes. 'You've been through a lot and I know these things take time to get over, which is why I'm not pressuring you. But if you ever feel like going out, give me a ring. I mean it. Any time, okay?'

Ray winced. Oh dear, those three little words that were another dead giveaway. Everyone knows that when a man says he means it, he doesn't mean it.

Still, Kai was being polite, Ray had to give him that.

Even if Kai did sound like he was thanking some dotty great-aunt for the gorgeous crocheted tank-top she'd given him for Christmas.

'Right, definitely.' Plonking the cream jug on top of the saucers and picking up the tray, Ray said brightly, 'That's be great.'

Me, you and Ms Cordon Bleu. Oh yes, couldn't get much cosier than that.

KRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKR

Several weeks passed. One Tuesday at the end of October, Max was working in the shop when the bell above the door went ting.

'Hello,' said Hiro.

Even though Max'd been expecting him, his stomach squirmed. So did the baby. Probably wondering who the total stranger was, walking through the door, thought Max. Don't worry, pet, no one important, only your father.

'Hello, Hiro.' Laying down the order slips he'd been filling out, Max glanced first at his watch and then across at Bruce. 'Okay if I take my lunch break now?'

'Take it, take it.' Bruce nodded vigorously, jowls aquiver. As the owner of a gift shop stacked with china and glass, he was all in favour of members of staff holding their marital disputes off the premises.

'I'll be back by one.' Max pulled on his coat, aware of Hiro's gaze on his expectant body.

'Don't be late. I've got an important meeting this afternoon,' said Bruce.

'He means an important round of golf,' Max told Hiro as the door swung shut behind them.

The car was parked on double yellows outside the shop. Hiro unlocked the doors.

'How's Ray?'

'Missing you terribly. Pining for you. Actually, that's a joke,' said Max, arranging the seatbelt around his stomach. 'He's fine and not missing you at all.'

'That was a lousy trick the two of you played.'

'Oh, it took more than the two of us.'

Hiro gave Max the kind of long-suffering look he generally reserved for irritating office juniors who forgot how many sugars he took in his tea.

'I didn't deserve any of it, you know.'

He thought being set up like that had been embarrassing, Max marvelled, and the programme hadn't even gone out yet. Just wait until all his friends saw him on Sweet Revenge.

'Oh well, let's not argue about that,' Max said cheerfully. 'Let's argue about something else instead. I know, how about our divorce?'

'You're in a funny mood,' said Hiro. Warily, he eyed Max's stomach. 'How much longer to go?'

'Another three weeks yet. Don't worry, your car seats are all quite safe.' Max marvelled at how easy t was to be flippant when you genuinely couldn't care less. 'Actually, I'm pretty hungry. Could we go to Sadler's?'

Hiro looked irritated. Sadler's was expensive.

'I thought you rang me because you wanted a divorce.'

'I do. Well,' said Max, 'I assume we both do. But can't I have lunch too?'